All comics by SweetFancyMoses

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by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
Let me guess, you're the last woman on Earth, right?
Yep, check this shit... Ooooh... Baby, you got what I neeeeed. But you say he's just a friend...
No amount of Biz Markee singing will make me want to sleep with you, ya know.
Hmmm... Time to pull out the big guns.
I want yoooou... to show me the way! Everyday! Hey where ya going... Frampton no good?
To hell with this.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
Jesus, Ken, what are you doing!?!?!
Susan wrote me a Dear John letter, Roberto. It's all over. She's met someone else!!!
"Dear Ken, you suck." That's all it says.
I figure she must have met someone else. Why else would she leave "The Ken-ster?"
Hmmm... maybe she left because you call yourself "The Ken-ster" all the time. Hell, you even had that put on your wedding invatations.
No, it couldn't be that. I'm "The Ken-ster" and she accepted me in all my "The Ken-ster-ness." Bitch must be crazy.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
Hello, I'm Father Johnny, the first underwater priest. This here is my "Lil' Buddy," Rocker Bob. Say hi, Rocker Bob!
"Whoa... whoa whoa, whooooa sweet child of miiiiine!!!"
....
What?
I thought we discussed the Guns N Roses issue already.
Sorry. Was feeling the flow. Won't happen again.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
It's time for you to shape up and fly right...
I mean really, look at you...
I've seen some poor excuses for a fancy dinosaur before, but you really take the cake.
I know, I'm not trying.
When I come back, I better be knocked on my ass by your elegant display of dinosaur fanciness.
I'm so sorry, Steve... Man, I don't now how I let myself go like this. Where's my damn cumberbund?

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
Jim. look we gotta have a talk...
I'd love to Carl, but I'm late for an invasion.
No wait... Jim, there is no invasion. Look, we're in my apartment, not a spaceship.
Whaaaa....?
And we're not aliens. We're just two guys who share an apartment. I'm sorry for the prank. It was mean.
I'm so conflicted... I mean, I'm glad I don't have to anal-probe other dudes anymore, but geez... I already miss my ray gun. I need a hug.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
Why, if it isn't the Holy Ghost! What's new, H. G.?
Not a whole lot, actually. Been taking a wok cooking class, but that's about it.
Sooo... any words of advice for our flock...?
What are you talking about, dude?
You know... Christians...
Oh right. Um... okay... Yea though the temptation is great, do not ask the stripper for her home number. Very bad idea.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
Alright dude... I'm here. What did you want?
Um... this is hard. I have something to show you. I'll be right back.
What are you doing in there? Are you shaving?
Uh...yeah... hang on.
Oh God...
How ya like me now, Sailor?

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
Santa and his lover, Nathan, have a fight...
C'mon Nathan, don't go away mad... I really liked your chicken chili. I was just being petty.
No, Santa. You said it tasted like elf poo and you ment it. Just... just let me go home.
Nathan... If you leave, you're going on the naughty list!
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone there.
That's real low, Santa. Real low.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-05-02
But if we are all doomed to a brief life followed by eternal nothingness, what's the point of, say, balancing a check book or bothering to wash your pits?
Just because we all die someday doesn't mean you should completely stop living. Use the time you've got to really make yourself happy. That, my friend, is what it's about.
Should I be freaked out that you just spoke to me?
Nope, but you might want to get the dosage on your meds upped a notch or two.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-08-02
Ahhhh, this cyber-cafe is just the sort of thing I needed to get my mind off of Satan-ing and whatnot...
(beep) YOU HAVE AN INSTANT MESSAGE!
Let's see... what's this say?
Satan- You are the one for me... please, I love you, take me in your arms and we'll be happy for all of eternity, damned or not. Yours, in love and lust... A Secret Friend
(beep) MESSAGE SENT!
Please look up... Please look up...

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-08-02
You understand why we had to arrest you, right sir?
Oh sure... you're a facist and you have to do these kind of things to, you know, stay in the "Facist Club!"
You know about the "Facist Club?"
Uh... yeah man... I'm on to you!
Then you must know what we Facists really are...
This could not be going worse...

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-09-02
Hey. I'm Joe. This is Evil Joe, my satanicly inclined doppleganger from another dimension.
Yo...
You see, I'm good and he's evil.
Evil like a pissed-off headwaiter on a thirty-minute wait.
We met at a book club meeting.
Oddly enough, we're both into Sue Grafton novels.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-09-02
Hey, Joe here again. I'm at my grandparents house for dinner.
Evil Joe comin' at ya'. I'm here at his grandparents house to screw around with their enfeebled minds.
Evil Joe, you bastard, how are you going to do that?
I got powers, man. Check this shit out.
Crap... gonna be a long night.
Got that right, sucka... "Oh Grandmother dear...!!"

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-11-02
Uh... where the frig am I?
Welcome to Hell, sucka!!! I'm your own personal Hell Guide. They call me Scary Larry!
Ah... ooookay... Um, Scary Larry, could you tell me why exactly I've been sent to Hell? I don't rember ever doing anything particularly evil.
Well, my lad, it breaks down like this... you sold arms to Iran, creating what's known as the "Iran-Contra Scandal." For that... one way ticket to Hells-ville!
Not again... Look, my name is Oliver North, yes, but I'm not THAT Oliver North. Geez...
Whoops. Look man, Scary Larry says our bad. You want a snack or something before ya return? We got Ho-Hos. Hell Ho-Hos, actually.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-11-02
Gee mister, I'm so lost... can you help me find my parents?
Uh... sure... step into my non-threatening van.
You're a serial killer, aren't you?
(Sigh) Yeah... fuckin' Ted Bundy ruined clowns for the rest of us. Hang on a sec...
Nope... not buyin' it.
Damn! Alright... let's find your parents.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-12-02
Two beatniks were out a-walkin', or so the story goes...
Hey Cool Cat, let's find some chicks to dig our crazy hep sound!
Sounds right on, my main man! Let's get real lost!
Then, an odd thing happened...
You know, we're really only fooling ourselves. Beatniks haven't been popular or really even thought of in almost fifty years.
Yeah... we're behind the times, and not in a charming way.
Ladies and Gentleman, the death of a retro style...
Let's get some nice khakis and find jobs at a web-based ad firm!
I'm with you brother. But first, to Starbucks with out stopping!

 

by SweetFancyMoses
8-14-02
Shhh... quiet. The baby's about to go to sleep.
Ah geez... sorry, Hon. Wouldn't want to set off "The Cryin' Machine" again.
Oh Lance, isn't he just the most precious baby ever?
Yeah... cute as a button, he is.
Don't get me wrong, we're still going to sell him.
Oh god yes! I mean, the damn thing cries ALL the time.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
9-18-02
Hey Carl! Say, is there something different about you?
I don't think so...
Yeah... I'm pretty sure there's something different.
Maybe it's that I'm Satan now, as opposed to last week when I was just Carl from the mail room.
No... no... Oh I know... you don't smell like a homeless man's butthole anymore!
Oh yeah!!! I found some soap, ironically up a homeless man's butthole.

 

by SweetFancyMoses
9-26-02
Hey Jesus, you alright up there?
Hmmm... am I okay? Well, little Susie, I have a nails through my wrists and ankles and I've been hanging up here for a fortnight...
So that'd be a "no" then?
Nothing gets by you, Susie.
Damn, you're sarcastic when you're crucifed.
Unless you gotta crowbar, you can cram it.

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