All comics by afpn318

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by afpn318
2-19-02
I have a headache.
So...much...pain...
That's what comes from stealing gay porn.
When I move my head around, it throbs like a grapefruit.
heh. you said "comes."
...
A long, hot, throbbing grapefruit.
I'm gonna go read more porn.
I hope your head explodes.

 

by afpn318
2-19-02
About that porn thing...
I didn't know you could put eggplant there.
And when you're through fucking, it makes a tasty dip!

 

by afpn318
2-19-02
Some sort of motif seems to be developing.
I'm sorry I stole your porn, Jimmy Ray.
Well, sorry just isn't going to cut it, young lady.
Ohh. You want a vaginal apology?
Oral will do.
There could be a dissertation in it.
You sure did have a lot of gay porn under that bed.
Shut up and suck my dick. Do you mind if I call you Timmy?

 

by afpn318
2-19-02
So a friend IMs me saying he's about to do some nutmeg.
Scored me some 'meg, yo!
You don't talk like that.
Like any good friend, I encouraged him to eat his 'meg in moderation, so as to avoid harmful side effects.
Well, I didn't write this stupid comic. Don't yell at me.
And why are your eyes so big? They're like giant albino boobs.
There's not actually a punchline to this anecdote.
Y'all can't see from there, but she's not wearing any pants.
Eat me. With ketchup.

 

by afpn318
2-20-02
I HAVE ANOTHER FUCKING HEADACHE.
M.U.S.T.E.N.D.P.A.I.N.
There are no words to convey the WRONGNESS of this situation.
Watch me. I have the gay.
Foul temptor!
I take relief where I can get it.
The bald guy is TOTALLY into that prettyfaced boy.
You are so correct.

 

by afpn318
2-20-02
I attempt to cure my headache by watching "Smallville." And moving to a quaint town in Provence.
That has GOT to be inappropriate touching.
So bad it's good, baby.
I still hurt.
But aren't you also vaguely tingly?

 

by afpn318
5-27-02
I was hanging out with my skull and I asked him to tell me a story.
something from your crazy days.
well, I used to dance
I thought it was a good story.

 

by afpn318
3-24-03
In a barren post-apocalyptic wasteland...
I like your hoodie.
I find you incredibly attractive.
Everyone I know died violently last week. I was in the basement writing erotic fanfiction.
The green sky vibrates at the frequency of my suicidal ideations.
...love springs from unexpected places.
[heart]
Can I take your shirt off now?

 

by afpn318
3-24-03
I feel a mood swing coming on.
Well, just try to contain yourself around my parents.
God, her ass is pert.
That's them, over by the giant tomb where we locked up all the radioactive lepers.
That explains the oozing sores on your back.
They provide intriguing color contrast to my otherwise pale flesh.

 

by afpn318
3-24-03
Sometimes, in this dark unpleasant world of tragic accidents and thoughtless malice that we are forced to live in...
What's that eerie moaning sound coming from the tomb?
That's just the lepers. Once they finish eating each other, they'll die off pretty quick.
Sometimes sociopaths find each other.
The end of the world doesn't seem to bother you too much.
My whole family died, and all my friends and ex-girlfriends. I'm completely alone in the world.
Sometimes, love wins.
Must not molest by parents' makeshift grave. Must not molest by parents' makeshift grave. Must...not...
Just saying it out loud makes my panties all gooshy.

 

by afpn318
3-24-03
Mom, Dad, this is--what's your name again?
Louise.
This is Louise.
Do they like me?
Mom says I should dump you for someone with bigger tits.
If she thinks my tits are too small, maybe she'd like to suck on my fourteen-inch dick.

 

by afpn318
3-25-03
--Dad? Is that you?
Yes, punkin. The radioactive fallout resurrected me in mutated form.
Well, shit.
You owe me so much allowance.
Can I pay you in frozen rat corpses? Damn looters got no respect for the mutated dead.

 

by afpn318
3-25-03
Louise, my dad wants to meet you.
Does she like rat? I have a lot of rat.
Hi. I've been having sex with your daughter since we met in the post-apocalyptic ruin of your hometown.
Careful of the radiation sores. Those things are surprisingly contagious.
I find a little gauze keeps the infected material from oozing too much.
You should talk to my wife. She says if I get to be green, she gets to ooze a little.

 

by afpn318
3-25-03
Why didn't I get to see your mom?
Dad's keeping her underground. He feeds her rat puree through a three-foot straw.
She doesn't mind?
No, she likes it. When I was a kid, they built a big box in the backyard and told me it was for buried treasure.
Wow. Kinky.
Dad said the straw was an antenna, so the aliens would know where to find us.

 

by afpn318
3-25-03
MEANWHILE...
This Joshtin h/c epic lacks anal lubricant.
All I ask is some heterosexual porn now and then. Just once every few months...just to clear out my cache a little...

 

by afpn318
3-25-03
I promise you--
...and you smell. So that's why I have to dump you, Therese.
'kay.
It'll all make sense tomorrow.
Bye.
Assuming the world doesn't end.
Well there goes my weekend.
Dramatic irony on line one, ma'am.

 

by afpn318
3-26-03
...friggin-fraggin...last time I date a witch...didn't even put out...
Well, shit.
Fuck! A talking pumpkin! Goddamn radiation!

 

by afpn318
3-26-03
My name is Louise. I'm not a pumpkin.
Dude, you are so a fuckin' pumpkin. The nuclear blast might've burned out my pupils, but I still got eyes.
My ex-girlfriend turned me into a pumpkin because I dumped her, and now she's all exploded and I'm stuck.
.....
*sigh*
Lesbian pumpkin!!!

 

by afpn318
3-26-03
Anything yet?
--wha?!? Oh...nah. Just a bunch of, um...recipe sites.
Goddammit. What are you searching for?
Uh..."pumpkin."
--is that a clitoris?
Okay, fine, "lesbian pumpkin." I've got a thing for squash. Fuckin' sue me.

 

by afpn318
9-11-03
........
...................
No one loves me.

 

by afpn318
9-11-03
"For God's sake let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings, how some have been deposed, some slain in war--
"--some haunted by the ghosts they have deposed, some poisoned by their wives, some sleeping killed, all murdered."
--no, it just ends there.
Well shit. Now I'll be up all night.

 

by afpn318
9-11-03
taste steel, ye leather-chapped nancyboy
ph34r {0V/b01 m4j1kz!!!11
arrrrrrr.

 

by afpn318
9-11-03
Hey, weren't you a cow last strip?
ARRRRRRRRRRRRR
What'd you have to go and change back for, man?
To exact my cold vengeance on the cow-molestin' gangrenous lubber who cursed me with udders, ye pasty white fool!
I liked the udders.
I'm goin' t'exact my vengeance in the next room.

 

by afpn318
9-12-03
<3
<3z0rz
you love me so, pablo, but can you love my true form as deeply as you love my false one?
No one loves me.
I need a drink.

 

by afpn318
9-21-03
We meet at last, Senor Bounce Bounce.
Now vengeance is mine, you slippery weasel.
<3
<3
Andthentheyhadsextheend.
...anyone want to play chess?

 

by afpn318
9-26-03
Sometimes the feeling is right--you fall in love for the first time...
.....
Heartbeat, and kisses so sweet, summertime love in the moonlight...
You know, Dad...
Ai-yippee-aieeooo, ai-yippee-aieeeyay!
Crucifixion is one thing...

 

by afpn318
10-08-04
I feel so...pregnable.
As well you should, sir. AS WELL YOU SHOULD.

 

by afpn318
10-08-04
Had we but world enough, and time, this coyness, lady, were no crime.
But life is short, and full of grime...
...so suck my dick and make it rhyme.

 

by afpn318
10-08-04
...so suck my dick and gimme a lime!
...so slap my ass and call me a mime!
I don't feel *romanced,* Bob.
...so stop reading gay porn all the goddamn time!

 

by afpn318
10-08-04
I am here to fight crime!
You mean crime like that OUTFIT?
Seriously, dude, helmets are only acceptable when they're built into your skull.
MY MOTHER MADE THIS OUTFIT

 

by afpn318
10-09-04
The staff of this comic, as represented by Captain Hero Person, would like to share our thoughts on the second presidential debate.
WOOD! HE OFFERED US WOOD!
And don't forget to vote!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, AMERICA! I DON'T WANT THIS MAN'S WOOD!

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