All comics by captain_laserpants

 

You enter the dark forest. The trees seem to be alive, and grab at you with their branches. You can feel the icy fingers of death caress the back of your neck. You hear a sound from the north...
Gee, how cliché... Did you put ANY thought into this? what do we meet up here, a dragon?
I ATTACK THE TREES!!!
Shut up! Anyway, there's a cave to the north. you enter, and see... uhh... a disgruntled cow and an amish farmer.
Damn, I hope he doesn't have a Bull Slaying Knife...
Shouldn't I be building a barn, or something? Who's gonna buy my wife's quilts if I live in a cave???
Your mission is obvious. Using your ninja stealth and super robot intelligence, travel to space to recover the stolen quilts.
Uhh... What the fuck? I thought I was a ranger...
I ATTACK THE STARS!!!

 

OK, This is ALWAYS what happens...
I'm Adam. I played Soul Calibur in the arcade. I know the moves of my character, and I kick ass.
I'm Brette. I'm a girl. I have no idea what I'm doing. I just push buttons.
And then the bitch shoots lasers out of her eyes and turns me into a bran muffin before i burst into flames.
Wow. Is THAT what that button does???
And then my sense of masculinity is reduced to that of a fairy wearing a pink dress.
I'm going home.
What's wrong, Adam? You got a rip in your stockings? I can fix that. I'll even get that nasty stain out of your pretty dress for you.

 

Yeah, I'm an art major...
This all white background represents the purity of essence. A heavenly embrace of benevolence. I am in black, because the artist's mind is constantly suffering from inner tormoil and despair...
Oh, it gets better...
Yeah, what about me, partner?
My conscience. What I strive for. I wish I could go back to a world of simple values, as represented by this altruistic cowboy
And, my inevitable downfall...
You still need to explain me, buddy...
Hey man, i just like a spandex wearing dog balancing on a beach ball.

 

The struggling artsit ponders his existence...
What am I doing here? What is the purpose of this life? No one understands me. No one loves me. I'll never amount to anything
He makes a decision...
What's the use? I should just kill myself. I hate this world, filled with hate and violence. What's my reason for living? I bet no one will even miss me.
...that is beaten out by his short attention span.
HOLY CRAP! IM MISSING FULL HOUSE!!! ... what am I doing with this knife? Did I want a sandwich?

 

i was thinking: if i could fit my gamecube in my carrying case while its all hooked up...
then id save about 30 seconds everytime i take it out, cuz all id have to do is plug it into the TV
i flush the toilet while i'm peeing, so all i have to do is zip and go at the end. i save more time than you, cuz i pee way more than you move your gamecube.
that's gross. what happened to your pants?
peed on 'em.

 

I can never pick up on the subtle hints that they give when they like me.
Wow. So this is your room, eh? Is that your bed? It looks like a good one
Yeah, but it smells kinda funny. I wet the bed till I was 16. Isn't this strip creator thing cool?
I mean, they always send such mixed messages...
Wow. Its so pretty out here. Thanks for taking me. You know, I really like you, Adam. Youre so deep and smart
I want a sandwich.
And when I like a girl, it just never seems to work out
Hey, wanna go to the movies sometime?

 

Before we go out, I think my parents would like to meet you
Ok, Adam. You have to make a good first impression...
Maybe this isn't such a good idea...
BRRAAAAAIIIINNNNSSSS...
THIS IS FOR DR. GRUMBLES, YOU SQUISHY MEAT BAG! NOW GO HOME AND EAT SOME BLEACH! YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!!

 

MEAT BAG! STATE YOUR PRIME OBJECTIVES CONCERNING OUR DAUGHTER! BE CAREFUL, I KNOW YOUR COORDINATES!!!
BRRRAAAAINNNNNSSSSS....
Umm... Maybe I should just go. It was, um, nice meeting you.
YOU WILL TAKE OUT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BED-WETTING NANCY, OR I WILL TURN YOU INTO SCRAP METAL AND SELL YOU TO A JAPANESE AUTO COMPANY!
BRRRAAAAINNNNNSSSSS....
I'll have her home by midnight

 

Man, the date was horrible. We went for a long walk and held hands....errr... i held her tentacle.
Dude, I think I'm gonna score!
This is so romantic
Awww. That's Sweet! What was so bad about that???
You didn't let me finish...
IT IS 12:01! PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS, SO THAT I CAN PUNISH YOU WITH MY METAL TALONS OF DEATH!
crap...

 

It's been a long time since I've used stripcreator, so I decided to take a tutorial
Hi! Looks like you need some help. Making a comic can be a fun way to express yourself! All you have to do is just listen to me!
Okay, so far so good...
All you have to do is pick a background and some characters... and then give up because your comics are crap and you aren't funny!
Damn. I keep forgetting they can do that.

 

Adam, you have neglected stripcreator. Why? What happened to you?
I've just been busy. I've changed schools and I'm really just trying to find my place in life.
I *am* the son of God, you know. Sometimes I ask questions that I already know the answer to.
I don't know what you're talking about, Jesus...
....
Fine. I've been masturbating for a year and a half.

 

Okay, so I'm trying to do this stripcreator thing again. I figure it will be fun... but I have a problem.
What makes something funny? What type of things should I include in my new internet strip?
I definitely don't want to offend anyone with any harsh religious criticisms.
And what I find funny may not be funny to everyone else.
So what do I do? I like to think of myself as an artist, and part of making art is putting serious thought in to your message and audience. I dont want to insult your intelligence or anything.
Hear about that new pirate movie? ITS RATED ARRR!

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