All comics by convient_poppet

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by convient_poppet
8-03-01
Well, it all started one day when I was a wee bunny in a large family. I didn't feel like I got enough attention...
Screwball
So one day I just snapped!!! I killed my family!! I just set them all on fire with a match and a tin of kerosine. Ever since then...I've had a thing for fire...
Oh look at me! I'm a demented bunny! I enjoy sex with fire balls! Weee! Jesus, I wish he would just shut up. Has it been an hour yet?
Oh dear...I did it again.
AAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!! I'm burning!!! BUUUURRRNING!! Oh what a world!!

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
Dig it...yah I can dig it man...coool.
Hey Mister, why ya wearin' that weird hat?
Whooa...a little person....groovy baby.
Well? Why ya wearin that stupid hat, you limey beatnick?
Good job, child. Continue spreading your senseless hate!!! Go forth and kill many.
Brains........

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
Oh...the phone is ringing....perhaps I should answer it....but what if it's Dirty Rowel? Or it could be James..or Jessica...
RING!!!!!!! RING!!!!!!
But then it could also be the traitorous tramp...or the naughty narc...or it could be the hefty whore...or the prissy prep...or the...
RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RING!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh wait...what am I saying? I can't move my goddamn arms to answer it anyway...bastard.
Shunned again! Blast. I thought I had her that time...

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
What? I didn't hear the punch line.
So this midget walks into a bar and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah :::punchline::::
Sorry, I didn't hear it again.
I said blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah :::punchli...::::
Ouch. Have to watch out for that spontaneous combustion. ....I wonder what the punchline of the joke was. Oh well...

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
English dialect
Would you shut up!!!!! That English accent is annoying. And you're not even mocking them that well.
English Dialect
You're saying it in your head, aren't you?
Yah....

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
Oh Cheery-o then! 'Ave a nice day!!
English Doctor Surgery
Would you shut the hell up!! You're not even mocking the english people right!!
I speak it better than you, you blimey bitch!! CHEERYFUCKING-O!!!!!!LALALA I'M THINKING ENGLISH!!!
You're saying it in your head, aren't you?
Yah...

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
Do you think they're falling for it?
I don't know...keep smiling. Try to look pathetic.
Hah. That shouldn't be hard for you, pippi.
shut up ho!! i'll crush your brains like fava beans!!!!
ohhhh i'm sooo scared!!! do you think they've bought it yet?
How should I know? I'm only cursed with being able to read YOUR mind. Maybe you should show them a little leg...

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
Well, honey, whatdoya think? Only $50...
I will not give into temptation...well...do you think...maybe....you could dress up like a little boy?
No problem, Jeebus!
So. Where ya want it first?
My God!! Forgive me! MOOOOOOOOOOAAANNN!!!!!

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
The piercing radiant moon...
The storming of poor June...
All the life running through her head.
Approaching guiding light...
Her shallow years in fright...
Dreams are made winding through her head!!!!

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
Where's Mom?
Well...we had just gotten back from Wal-Mart...and she told me I should get my oil changed at Pads tomorrow...and I asked her where in tarnation Pads was...and she told me to just "fucking forget it"
So then I called her a bitch and she left. Strangest thing...
I hate you.
Why do you think she left? That's funny....She left carrying an ax. Do you think we should be worried? Damn bitch, needs to get home and make my pie.

 

by convient_poppet
8-03-01
Mom, how come whenever you and Dad are fighting the sink suddenly fills up with heinously dirty dishes?
Oh...You noticed that, huh?
Well...yah it's kind of hard to miss the tremulous tower of turd plates.
Oh now honey you know it's not REAL poo. Anyway, I do that to teach your dad a lesson.
Oh yah, the old death by domestic labor. How silly of me to forget that rigorous tactic.
That's not a half-bad idea...Do you know if any of the dogs have gone doody lately?

 

by convient_poppet
8-04-01
Dear Fred, I'm leaving you. I just can't take it anymore...everyday it's the same old routine. I'm sorry. Goodbye. Sincerely, Allison PS I'm taking the computer with me. It's my only true love.
One true love....forgotten computer....one true love....forgotten computer....hmmm....how angry am I?
No! NO! Don't kill me!!! She's coming back for me!! She needs me!!!!
Take that Allison...HAHAHA

 

by convient_poppet
8-04-01
I guess I am the way I am b/c I had an unsatisfying childhood. I never really felt like I quite belonged...gosh this is so hard to admit...Sometimes I just felt like no one really cared about me.
Like no one ever really listened to me.....you know what I mean? Maybe that's why I am the way I am...I'm glad that I told you this. I feel so much better now.
I'm sorry...were you talking to me?

 

by convient_poppet
8-04-01
Do you sometimes wonder the difference between you and I? Do you think it's the clothes? B/c I wear this skinny tie and you wear that pac man shirt...Wait..It's b/c I'm white isn't it!!??
yes...I'm sure that it's it....
Does the jacket make a difference? How does it look?
It makes you look pale.
It is b/c i'm white!! I knew it! I knew it!! It's b/c I'm a white boy!!
Shut up, cracker.

 

by convient_poppet
8-04-01
Little Susie has a plan...
Ok kid, hit me!
Satan, I have a few ideas about some changes that should be made around here.
WHOA!!! I didn't mean to really hit me!! Stupid kid!! I mean't tell me your idea!!! WAIT!! AAAAAAAGGHGGGHGHHH
Fight like a man, sissy boy!!!
Victory!!!
Finally!! All those years of biding my time! I'm the new ruler of the underworld!!
...you'll pay for this...

 

by convient_poppet
8-04-01
Yah! I gotta big butt, Sir Mix-a-lot!! Yah baby!
I like big buts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist round thing in your face you get sprung! wanna pull it up tight...
Uh...hey man, what are you doing?
Yah! I gotta big bu-
Weirdo...
Nothing....

 

by convient_poppet
8-06-01
Well, since I haven't had much inspiration lately, I decided that perhaps it would behoove me to come up with some recuring characters.
Yay! I'm a rekirking character!
That's "recurring," you ass.
That's not a rekirking character...is it?
Yep *BELCH* Sorry, Elvis...looks like you're stuck with me. HAHAHA.
Thanks a lot, Elvis. Now you have to be in a comic with a colored boy. Cracker.
First of all, my name isn't Elvis. And hey, I really don't like this thing. Can't you have another rekirking character?
That's it! I don't have to take this abuse from a pinhead like this! I'm taking my pay for my time and getting the hell out of dodge!

 

by convient_poppet
8-06-01
So...um...how about a costar?
Yah ok.
Clink!!

 

by convient_poppet
8-06-01
Ok! Listen up here, Hairboy. I want the left side of the strip, I want to play the lead roll, I want higher pay than you and I want a company car, parking spot, office, the shebang. GOT IT?
Um. You know, this just isn't working for me....
Yay! I'm still the rekirking star-character!

 

by convient_poppet
8-14-01
It's occured to me that many of these comics aren't very amusing....or even mildly amusing for that matter.
Screw you! I'm adorable...
Unfortunately, I can't delete any of the shtity ones. There are a few knee-slappers in here however.
Huzzah! She's talking about me!
And they're all in the beginning.
But I'm around the end...
Feel the pain, White Boy!!!!

 

by convient_poppet
9-10-01
Do you write on your penis?
Do you write on your tits?
No but I write on my legs, arms and hands.
All girls do that.
The plural of penis is peni. Yoe know..kinda like jesus is jesi?

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