i'm depressed. what's keeping me from getting laid?
maybe it's your ugly ass face. try getting a charming smile like mine, man
shit, if that ugly bastard gets laid more than me, what purpose is there in living? at least in hell there will be those fine-ass lady-demons i see in all my comic books
harold, i hope you are enjoying college life. enclosed are some of the cookies that you used to love so much, as well as the newest shit i cooked up in my new meth lab. love. mommy dearest
god damn, i never knew mom's homemade cookies and 1-phenyl-2-methylaminopropane went well together so well...
whoa, what the fuck?
this is your first trip on crystal meth. you can always know that you are on a bad trip when yourself and everyone around you are hostile robots!
hmm....that was fucking wierd. it seems as though i am slowly coming off my drug trip...
So, uh, I just came in to apply for this cashier job I saw an ad for in the paper today. I'm an extremely capable and vibrant young individual who is willing to bend over backwards for your business.
So can I please, PLEASE have this job?
Well, perhaps. I have to ask you a few questions first. Are you a scantily clad teenage girl who will bring patrons to my business in the form of dirty old men?
dude, did you know that microlensing results in an increase in the amount of light received from a distant star, even when the structure of an Einstein ring cannot be resolved?
**HUGZ** You look great! Is that your husband over there at the punch?
**HUGZ** Yep, remember Randy Stillwell? He was the lighting asst. when we did The Crucible jr. year. How about you? Tell me you didn't end up marrying Joan. I always hated her.
Actually, my senior year obsession with Michael J. Fox evolved into the realization that I'm gay. Now Michael's my life partner. He's that guy in the wheelchair underneath the bleachers.