All comics by ela_nichole

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by ela_nichole
5-08-04
Just another day on the job
All right Ms. Cox, do you wish to press charges against the woman who ran you over?
Oh my back!!
Ma'am?
No, just make sure she pays her toll!!
What do you mean I need new glasses? I'm on a tollroad!?
Thank God I have EZ tag.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
I'm so nervous about going on a ship. I'm really scared!!
Well I told you not to watch 'Titanic" before taking this trip!
Hey is that an iceberg? I see something ahead!!
I don't see anything!! You have such a wild imagination!!
An hour later...
I told you I saw an iceberg...
The freakin' jerk is always right!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Leo goes searching for a friend...
Hey Ellen, I'm looking for Nemo.
Sorry, but I'm a liittle busy right now...
Hey!!
Yummy, that bitch was delicious!!
Hey Bruce- where is Nemo?
God I hated that movie! But you can find him in that pile of shit over there.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Leo goes searching for a friend...
Hey Ellen, I'm looking for Nemo.
Sorry, but I'm a liittle busy right now...
Hey!!
Yummy, that bitch was delicious!!
Hey Bruce- where is Nemo?
God I hated that movie! But you can find him in that pile of shit over there.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Leo goes searching for a friend...
Hey Ellen, I'm looking for Nemo.
Sorry, but I'm a liittle busy right now...
Hey!!
Yummy, that bitch was delicious!!
Hey Bruce- where is Nemo?
God I hated that movie! But you can find him in that pile of shit over there.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Leo goes searching for a friend...
Hey Ellen, I'm looking for Nemo.
Sorry, but I'm a liittle busy right now...
Hey!!
Yummy, that bitch was delicious!!
Hey Bruce- where is Nemo?
God I hated that movie! But you can find him in that pile of shit over there.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
All right Dad, my date will be here any minute so please don't embarass me.
Now Sabrina, would I ever do something like that to you?
A few minutes later...
Hi, errr... Mr. Cox, I'm here to pick up Sabrina.
Look here, Buddy-boy, if you even THINK about touching my daughter, well, let's just say that I'm not afraid to go back to prison.
(GULP) Yes sir, ..of course
SABRINA!! Your date is here!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
So Chris, my dad didn't scare you did he? I mean he wouldn't ever purposely hurt you or anything.
I guess he is just looking out for his little girl, huh?
Yeah, he swore to me that my last date's decapitation was comepletely an accident.
I definitely don't want to lose my head over this one...
Back at home, Sabrina cries to big sister Ela...
Am I that ugly or something? Chris didn't even try to kiss me or anything!! Why can't I get a boyfriend!?!
Oh my God!! I have the same exact problem! We should talk to Dad for advice.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Ela approaches Dad for some advice..
Dad, Sabrina is really upset about her date last night...
I'll kill the little shithead!!
She said he didn't show her any interest at all- wouldn't even look at her.
What? He didn't show any interest in her?
Yeah she said he didn't even try to kiss her.
He didn't show her a good time?! I'll kill the little shithead!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Hey Ela, how did it go with Dad? Did he give you some good advice for our situation?
Unfortunately, not really.
Well what did he say about my date last night?
He said for you to deny seeing Chris in the last 48 hours, in case the police ask.
Oh, and I really liked that one.
He also said maybe we shouldn't start dating 'til we're married.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Rogie arrives to his dirty home after a long flight...
Wow!! I just can't wait to go back to the Bahamas!! Did you miss me Rubber Chicken?
Yeah, without you here, I had to choke me myself.
That good for nothing Missy didn't help you at all? That sorry bitch!!
She made me do it all by myself!! At least me and you do it together.
Hey Rubber Chicken, where the heck are you going!?!
This rubber chicken has had it with you for good this time!! I'm going to cross the road.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Still in a huff, Rubber Chicken sets out into the world...
Well all's clear both ways...
Okay. Here goes nothing...
Ouch...that Honda didn't look like it was going that fast.
Oh damn Rubber Chicken!! Now my sister Ela will be pissed that her present got hit by a car!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Police finally catch the speeding Honda..
Now Mr. Mitchell, are you aware of your offense?
I know I was speeding, but I was on my way to a Metallica concert
You have the right to remain silent. You are under arrest for the murder of Rubber Chicken.
Oh crap!! How did he know I choked my chicken?
Mr. Mitchell, step into the car.
Sweet!! I'll get to the concert faster in a squad car!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Escuse me Ma'am... Where do I go the bathroom at?
Oh, I just went in my pants. By the way, where are we?
Well I thought this was a metallica concert, but I don't hear any music. By the way, why are you in jail?
Oh they said I ran over some girl at a tollbooth, but I never even saw the bitch in the flouresent orange vest.
Yeah, I feel you lady, they said I ran over Rubber Chicken but I would never do such a thing!!
We are the innocent ones, they always point the blame to us!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Rogie and his dog mourn the loss of their beloved Rubber Chicken...
Well Missy, I guess it's just me and you now.
I already miss Rubber Chicken so much. I miss peeing on him.
I know girl, but now you can pee on me all the time.
Really? You mean it this time?
Yeah sure, later...
So this is how it's gonna be? Well then I'll just go and pee on Rubber Chicken's grave.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Even a great teacher can't work miracles...
All right class, now it's time for everyone to write down what you did last summer.
Mrs. Cox? I don't know how to spell my girlfriend Shaquese's name.
No kids, not WHO you did, but what kind of things you did, places you went...
Is jail spelled with a 'J' or a 'G'?
All right children, nevermind. John, what is your favorite color?
The color of my cat's blood after I shoved a firecracker up its butt.

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
The great teacher tries to help her students...
Oh my goodness, I don't know if these kids can be helped...
Mrs. Cox? What's a 'Slut'?
Go ask your mom, dear.
But I don't speak spanish.
Then ask your daddy, honey.
Which one?

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Yo, what's up Mrs. Cox?
I'm trying to figure out a way to help you kids learn better.
Well, I have a great idea!! How about some hands on learning?
Yes that might actually work...
So when is sex education? Wink, wink
Back to the drawing board...

 

by ela_nichole
5-09-04
Yo, what's up Mrs. Cox?
I'm trying to figure out a way to help you kids learn better.
Well, I have a great idea!! How about some hands on learning?
Yes that might actually work...
So when is sex education? Wink, wink
Back to the drawing board...

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
The mother and son prepare for their landing on Earth. They will not come in peace...
Now Christopher remember to act like an earthling when we get there, okay?
...I want a tack!!!
Just try to blend in and be one of them, okay?
Mommy, a tack?
Well maybe he can pass for "special'
I want to attack!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Once again, Sharon is locked in the dungeon otherwise known as work...
Hi Sharon, you look pretty today. So where are we going for lunch today? Wanna see something cool? I really like your hair.
(RING RING) Les Marks Chevrolet Mazda, hold please...(RING RING)
Ola senorita, eye need to pick up my plates. Oh sorry, those enchiladas are giving me gas, whooo aye ya yie!!
Yes sir, right away...(RING RING) Les Marks Chevrolet...(RING RING)
Uh, excuse me ma'am?! I've been waiting to see a manager and I'm already late for a tanning session. Hello? I'm waiting!!
One hour down...only 7 more to go...(RING RING)

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Welcome to Heaven, Anzus.
So there really is a Heaven? Does this mean I get all the tuna, milk, and catnip I want?
Oh yes, of course, dear kitty...
Hey if this is Heaven, then why am I hot? It feels like my tail is on fire!!
With a bright flash and a loud bang, Anzus finds himself in Hell...
Ha Ha- fooled you!! I get you sinners everytime!!! Did you think you wouldn't go straight to Hell for shitting on Ela's dad?
Meow....

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Once again, a great teacher tries her best...
Now George, you need to put that game away. It's time to take your quiz.
But Mrs. Cox, I'm practicing my hand-eye coordination.
You can do that later, but now get out your pencil and paper.
OK, but without hand-eye coordination, my sharpened pencil could become a dangerous weapon if I can't control in my hand.
Then write with a crayon!!
Does that mean I get to color now?

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Ela arrives at Rogie's apartment after a long drive...
Hey sis!! Glad you could make it!! Hope ya brought your own toilet paper cuz I've just been shaking and dripping dry!!
Yes I came prepared, bro.
Kewl!! Hey I hope you don't need to take a shower cuz I don't have any towels.. or soap.
I'll just drive thru the car wash with the windows down.
Awesome!! Did you happen to bring any extra blankets or pillows?
I'm going to make friends with your neighbors...

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Ole Saint Nick stops in to deliver Rogie some presents...
Ho Ho Ho!! Merry Christmas!!
Wait a minute, pops, who are you calling a hoe?
Have you been a good boy this year, Rogie?
Yes, of course I've been a perfect angel. It's my sister Ela who has been a bad girl.
Anyways, speaking of Ela, she wanted me to send you an economy pack of toilet paper for Christmas.
How in the world did she know that's what I wanted?

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Mr. Cow, I'm going to eat you.
Moo

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Yes this year, I will make everyone wait to open their presents until Christmas morning and not a day sooner!

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Rogie has always dreamed of being a stand up comedian like his idol, Jay Mohr...
Hey what a crowd we have tonight!!! Aren't you glad to be here, sis?
Yeah sure, whatever, Rogie. I didn't know you were bringing me to open mike night at the comedy club.
Ha ha, very funny Ela, do you have any jokes?
Yeah, I'm looking at him.
Isn't she the big kidder, folks? So tell me why did the Rubber Chicken cross the road?
He commited suicide to get away from you.

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Martha, I have an idea!! Let's spike the water cooler!!
No, I'm not sharing my alcohol with any of these heffers!!
Not even a quart of it to help boost our employee's performance and unclench their tight asses?
Well... now that you put it that way... Angelica, where did you hide my liquor?
Oh, that was HER vodka?
I bet she's already drunk.

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Rogie answers his front door...
Hi Little Roger, I was worried about Ela so I came to bug you.
Aunt Crissie, the tornado only messed up her hair, but you can fix it for her.
Rogie answers his front door...
HELP ME!! I finally escaped from your grandma's kitchen!!
Sweet! I wanted some hamburger helper tonight anyways.
Rogie answers his front door...
You lookin' for a good time, honey?
Mom!?!

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Rogie answers his front door...
Could I read you a little somthing I put together, man?
Sorry, dude, but I'm no longer taking members for my poetry club.
Rogie answers his front door...
No
Rogie answers his front door...
I'm looking for Mr. Rubber Chicken. I am his long lost son.
Man, I always warned him about using a rubber!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Rogie answers his front door...
Shiver me tembers!! Me want me treasure, ya bloody varmit!!
Hey there Johnny!! I really loved your movie but between me and you- that chick wasn't so hot.
Rogie answers his front door...
I can do magic just like my daddy!!
Alright there, David Blane, Junior, just don't put a curse on me or anything! It' scary enough to see you levitate like that.
Rogie answers his front door...
Oh sorry, I must have the wrong house...
It's about time you came over, hot stuff!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Wow!! The house is clean, I have plenty of toilet paper, and my clothes are wrinkle free!!
Wow!! I didn't piss on myself or on the floor!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-10-04
Wow!! I don't feel compelled to vacuum, dust, polish the brass, or arrange my refrigerator magnets!! I'm not even picking fleas off the cats!!
Meow, but the little mites are really bugging me!

 

by ela_nichole
5-11-04
A poor amish farmer must make a decision...
Oh my poor Daisy, I can't believe your dying!! I am so distraught!!
Who says I'm dying?
Well actually, I wish there was some other way, but we can't be in the Hamburger Helper business without making a few sacrifices.
I don't see him sacrificing his $500 hat or lice-infested beard.
Daisy, the people have spoken and you are being voted off this farm.
And they wonder where mad cow disease comes from.

 

by ela_nichole
5-15-04
Liz runs into her crush...
Get a load of me, get a load of you...
Walking down the street and I hardly know you.
It's just like we were meant to be...

 

by ela_nichole
5-15-04
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
What if this is just the beginning?

 

by ela_nichole
5-15-04
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning.
Why can't I breathe?

 

by ela_nichole
5-19-04
Jeremy + Briny have been forced to spend some quality time at Ivanhoe...
Man Briny, this place really bites. I am so freakin' bored out here!!
Hey Jeremy, look over there!! I see some rope and and some matches we can play with!
Wow, this is gonna be cool! do you have the matches ready?
Wait a minute, this rope is soaked in gasoline...
Don't worry, Briny, gasoline isn't flammable.
Well, I always knew I was hot!!

 

by ela_nichole
5-19-04
JEREMY!!! SABRINA!!!!
Dad, I don't know where they are! Do I smell something burning?
Oh crap, Dad is gonna kill me if he finds out I caught Briny on fire!!
Hello?? I'm still burning here!!
Maybe I can put out the fire if I spit on it?
I'm screwed.

 

by ela_nichole
5-19-04
Miraculously, Jeremy is able to spit out the fire that engulfed Sabrina.
Whew!! That was close!! Are you all right Briny?
Yeah if you can call 3rd degree burns to your body as being okay.
Damn!! I'm still bored, but what else can we do?
Hey look!! I see some firecrackers and a lego house. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Is she thinking about playing the guitar and starting up a band?
Wait a minute, I hope he's not thinking about stealing Joey's car keys and going for a joy ride...

 

by ela_nichole
5-20-04
Hello and welcome to Kay Jewelers. Are you looking to impress anyone inparticular?
Actually yes- I have to get my ex Christy something expensive or she won't let me visit my daughter.
Well, I guess you have to do what you have to do then.
Well I'm glad you see things my way. Hey, what's that over there?!!
What are you talking about? I don't see anything!
Ooops, gotta go!! Thanks for the heart to heart, but I gotta get this necklace to her ASAP!

 

by ela_nichole
5-20-04
Mother and daughter wait for Clifton to arrive after a quick stop in the mall.
Mommy? I thought I got to see my daddy today.
Yes, Alexis, he's coming to see you. Look I see him running up the street now.
Well, Clifton? Where are the goods?
Damn woman, you gonna at least give me a chance to catch my breath?
If you wanna see your daughter, then I suggest you hurry it up.
Take your pick, Bitch.

 

by ela_nichole
5-20-04
Although tired from the run from the cops, Clifton still finds energy to take his little girl to the park.
Hey Daddy, this is a real nice park!! Look at this bug, what is it?
Oh Alexis, this is a caterpillar. I love these little guys. Isn't it beautiful?
Can I squish it?
Kill it and die.
Oh Daddy, you're so silly!!
I know, sweetheart, I get that from your Grandma Snax and Baldheaded Grandpa.

 

by ela_nichole
5-22-04
Debi and Eric arrive at Ivanhoe.
While our honeys are on a stupid boat, look where we get to relax for the week, Eric!!
Yep it's nice, but I thought you said there would be mustangs, Debi.
Dammit!! I'm trying to make my husband jealous, can you help me out here?
I guess, but Ela won't like it if I'm having fun without her.
Then she shouldn't have left you alone, huh?
Hey, I think I just heard a V8 mustang cobra GT with a Hilton Boost Overlay!! This is gonna be a good week, afterall.

 

by ela_nichole
5-22-04
So Eric, with Ela gone for the week, I think it's about time we do some bonding. I mean all I know about you is that you like mustangs.
Well sure, what else do ya wanna know about me?
Hmmm, how did you and my sister meet?
Let me think... I was driving the black mustang hatchback and she put a dent in the hood when I hit her at a tollbooth.
Does everything involve a mustang with my sister's boyfriend?
Rogie did you just hear that mustang with a TFS-headed 302 equipped with an R-trim Vortech? Sweet!! I don't know if I even want Ela to come back now!

 

by ela_nichole
5-22-04
Hey Jeremy, can we catch the rope on fire like you and Briny did?
No you goober!! Now that I am older, I have to be a good role model to my little brother.
Then what other cool stuff can we do?
I don't know, Nick, but we gotta do something constructive.
Do ya wanna play cards?
Yeah, let's find some girls to play strip poker with!! I know where Dad hid his liquor, too!

 

by ela_nichole
5-24-04
Hey Rogie-Baby, why can't u just accept that these are ur children? Don't turn ur back on your own flesh and blood!!
Dad!!
Daddy!!
Father of mine!!
Papa!!
Emily- I can't quite put my finger on it, but something just ain't right...

 

by ela_nichole
5-24-04
Uh Wendy? I'm not sure if I'm ready to do this yet.
You are such a fraidy cat, Casper!! When are you gonna stop being such a wuss!?!
I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel right...I don't know if I can do it...
Look, this is our big night so suck it up and let's do this!!
A few minutes later, they arrive at their first victim's house on Gladwyne Lane...
Now remember, hold out your bag and just say what we practiced!
Trick or treat!

 

by ela_nichole
5-25-04
Hey, a nice little pup!!
What a dork.
I wonder if he'll let me pet him?
I wonder if he'll let me bite him?
In one swift movement, the dog clenches its teeth into the little boy's thigh.
Whahhhhhhhh Mommy!! Joey sicced the dog on me!!! Whaahhhhhhhh!!
Tastes like chicken.

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