All comics by icefire

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by icefire
1-11-02
Well, here I am... joining the bandwagon of the latest craze...
I mean, you'd think I could find something more interesting to do... besides becoming another lemming for the Apocalypse...
I knew my Hell would end up like this... why didn't I listen? WHY?!?

 

by icefire
1-11-02
IceFire continues through her journey of the Afterlife... but not the nice parts.
So, I'm in Hell. And I'm on fire. And I'm stuck with a crappy computer. Is my personal Hell being forced to code?
You watch your mouth!
WHOA! A talking computer! Now I *know* I'm in Hell!
You say that now... but wait until the true horror arrives!
... You've only got a 28.8 modem?
Oh, shut up. So we don't get all the cool stuff down here. It's not *my* fault.

 

by icefire
1-11-02
And even more insanity that will get people angry at me...
I am Drake. I am the Ruler of Hell!
You're kidding me. The Ruler of Hell is a computer?
Why not? Even now humans fall before me like wheat, screaming curses at God, and offering their souls if I would do their bidding.
Besides, I *could* have been Bill Gates, but everyone already knows he's the Antichrist.
You've got a point.

 

by icefire
1-11-02
When negotiation goes bad...
You want me to let you leave Hell?
You have to! I'm a fanfic writer, so I live in my own personal hell! Do you know what it's like to have a YAOI PWP scene stuck in your head? All the thrusting and panting and sucking and ...
Was it good for you?
... oh... yeaaaahh...

 

by icefire
1-14-02
And the negotiations continue...
Seriously, man. You've *got* to let me go! I'm not even *dead* yet!
Do you know how many times I get that excuse down here?
"Oh, but I'm not dead yet!" "Oh, but I lived a good life!" "Oh, you weren't supposed to find out about that prostitution ring!" "Oh, but it's legal in other countries!" "What if I blow you?"
... Well, there goes *my* best ideas...
You've *really* got to do better than that if you want to convince me.

 

by icefire
1-14-02
Always read the fine print...
Well... what about the whole 'I live in my own personal Hell' thing?
Well... if you can prove that you *do* live in your own personal Hell, then being here won't do any good. Yeah, I could let you go.
Great! So what do I have to do to prove I live in my own personal Hell?
I'd have to interview the people who know you best.
... Can I just stay here, then?
Oh, I'm liking this already.

 

by icefire
1-16-02
Once more into the breech
Well, you're not going to have the interviews *here*, right?
Of course not. You can't let mortals into Hell proper. It gets all messy and the carpets are hard to clean.
Well, I don't really care where we go, as long as it's not...
I hate you so much.
Ask me if I care.

 

by icefire
1-23-02
From bad to worse...?
Why the hell are we in front of the White House... home of all things Shrub?
Well, since I can't conduct the interviews in Hell Proper, I figured this would be the next best place.
DC is a veritable cesspool of backstabbing, betrayal, misery, and hate...
And there's a Starbucks on every corner.
That, too. We don't get such good coffee in Hell.

 

by icefire
2-06-02
So how long do we have to wait around here? I mean, I don't really know anyone from DC.
I've already sent out summons for those I wish to speak to. They shall arrive in time.
What, sort of an otherworldly subpeona?
Yes. And the consequences of not answering are... not very pleasant.
Somewhere in California...
You've just been served. Appear in DC for questioning, or I'm gonna have to get... rough.
GODDAMMIT! I know this is your fault, Hi-chan!

 

by icefire
2-08-02
With the Union...
Hey, Boss... I've got the first victim for ya.
Wonderful. Bring them along. I hope you didn't have to get rough?
No more than usual. You know the Union. I have to have my minimum number of Hentai Tentacle Things or it's a no go.
Ah. That's right. I've been meaning to meet with the Union to discuss the new contracts.
Meanwhile...
:::blinkublinku:::
... I feel so violated... damn those Unions!

 

by icefire
2-08-02
New Faces... Not really...
Oh my... AOI-CHAN?! Is that you?!
Yes, it's me. This is all your fault, isn't it? Look at me... I'm a fluffy squirrel! Why the hell am I a fluffy squirrel?!
If I say I didn't mean for this to happen, will it be okay?
Okay? No! I was assaulted by a TENTACLE! Do you know how *sick* and *depraved* that is?! And I'm a little fluffy squirrel!!! I'm gonna need therapy for years!
Well... You're the one who likes Angel Sanctuary...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DO TENTACLE HENTAI BITS!!!

 

by icefire
2-08-02
You think *you* have it bad? Look at me! I'm on fire!
I'm gonna be stuck in eternal torment if you don't talk to Mr. Big Shot Computer Ruler of Hell over there and prove I live in my own personal Hell!
So, basically... you *need* MY help...? You need ME to do something for YOU?
I hate you so much.
We all have blackmail on each other. This is fair.

 

by icefire
2-08-02
Friends shouldn't let friends go to Hell.
I can't believe that our friendship has been reduced to blackmail and bribery.
You're really that surprised? After all we went through in school and stuff? This is me being sarcastic.
But we've been friends for YEARS! Shouldn't we be loyal to each other, willing to risk everything to preserve our friendship?
:::blinkublinku:::
..... I'll give you a slut!Wufei and angst!Heero PWP if you bail me out.
That works for me.

 

by icefire
3-13-02
So what, exactly, am I supposed to do?
It's simple. You just go to that computer over there and tell him about how I live in my own personal Hell.
You mean all that tragic, oh-my-god-I-can't-write-worth-shit and god-help-me-my-Muses-hate-me and why-the-hell-did-the-plot-CHANGE stuff you go through everyday?
Yeah, that stuff.
People would kill to have Muses as active as yours, you know.
Just shut up and bail me out, okay?

 

by icefire
3-13-02
Ah. You are Hi-chan's friend, Aoi, correct? Do you know why I, Drake, Ruler of Hell have summoned you?
Eerrr... yes. You want me to tell you that Hi-chan is trapped in her own personal Hell and wouldn't benefit from being stuck in the real Hell, since her mind is messed up already.
Well. It sounds like *someone* was coached in proper responses before they got to me.
I agree, Boss. You want I should work the fluffball over for you some?
KYAAA!!! No! No! I'll answer all your questions! Just keep the tentacle away from me!!!
That was so easy, I'm almost disappointed. You're a good tentacle to have around.

 

by icefire
3-13-02
A few hours later...
So? How'd it go? Did you say what I told you to say? Did Drake buy it?
:::sobbing:::
........... You choked, didn't you?
:::sobs::: You said that the bad tentacle couldn't hurt me anymore!
Elsewhere...
She was nice. Can I keep her?
:::sighs::: How many times do I have to *tell* you? LOOK, don't touch! I lose so many good opportunites for psychological terror because of you.

 

by icefire
3-13-02
I'll have to admit, that was a good try to stack the odds in your favor. But, you should have known that I would see through it.
Hey, I had to try, right? Besides, I don't know who you're gonna call next, but it all goes downhill from here.
Oh, you needn't worry. I've picked the perfect cadidate as my second witness.
Urk. I don't like the sound of that already.
And on the opposite Coast...
You've just been Summoned. Feel free to scream as I strip search you.
Someone is going to suffer for this. Painfully. And a lot.

 

by icefire
5-07-02
Because things just go downhill from here...
Ah, back so soon?
Yeah, Boss. This one didn't put up too much of a fight.
Oh. I'm disappointed. I know that you enjoy your work.
No, it was alright. I just did my thing and she folded like origami. Literally.
I'm going to kill you. I really am.
I already told you that this isn't my fault!

 

by icefire
5-07-02
So, let me get this straight... you want *me* to do *you* a favor?
Don't get snotty about it. You're saving me from an eternity of blazing Hell. I thought you were my friend.
I don't know about that anymore. I'm a frickin' *cowboy* of all things! You *had* to have a hand in this somehow!
WHAT?! No way! You think I *like* being on fire all the time?
You're the pyro. You *like* setting stuff on fire.
Things! Not PEOPLE! Especially not me!... It makes my skin all dry and flaky and I don't have any lotion.

 

by icefire
5-07-02
Look, just speak up for me, okay? Aoi-chan choked. You've got to do it!
I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. And you can't make me. Grovel.
Evile Bitch!
Vapid Whore!
At least I get PAID!
... Damn. You've got a point. I'll do it.

 

by icefire
6-02-02
Cutting to the chase (because I'm very lazy)
... and that was just in MIDDLE SCHOOL! I mean, things really started to go downhill once we got into high school.
Really? Why don't you tell me more?
Hours later...
... but then the whole Sailor Moon thing started and anime sucked out whatever soul she had left.
And this continued through until college?
Pretty much. Except for the parts where she got writer's block for two years and went insane.
Damn. I was hoping that hadn't happened. Oh well.

 

by icefire
6-02-02
So, is that it? Can I go now?
Hmm? Oh. Yes. Quite. I believe you have given me all the information I need to help with my Decision.
Ah. Cool. So that means you're letting Hi-chan go, right? And I won't be a cowboy anymore?
I don't recall making such an offer for your services.
Oh... Fuck.
My, you humans are so amusing. I should be having this recorded.

 

by icefire
6-02-02
First Round... FIGHT!
There you are! You did it, right? You told Drake that I'm all crazy and everything, right? Now I'm not going to Hell, right? Right?
.............
Why are you staring at me like that?
.............
FATALITY
You *so* suck. And not in the good way.
... If you weren't already on fire, I would hurt you.

 

by icefire
6-02-02
Oh great! Now I have to wait around ON FIRE until the next "witness" appears! At least you get to leave now!
Hey, it's not all fun and games for me, you know! I'm a damn cowboy!
I HOPE THAT TENTACLE GUY IS THE ONE WHO TAKES YOU BACK!!!
Did someone call for me?
I hate you so much.
Bii-dah! Just remember: lift with your knees, not with your back.

 

by icefire
6-02-02
So, who's next on the list, Drake-y? My parents?
Oh no. I have someone much more appropraite to question.
Teachers that I hate? My dentist? That weird motel lady?
:::evile laugh:::
In an unknown part of Los Angeles....
What is this letter? Is it a joke? Who the hell are you?! And why the fuck do I look like *THIS*?!
Oooohh... fiesty. I like that in a girl. I'm gonna enjoy bringing *you* in.

 

by icefire
8-12-02
Continuing where we left off...
So you think you can take me on? Force me some place I don't wanna go? Bite me!
Oh, please. I've *taken* worse people than you. Just start screaming and begging already.
Bring it on, Tentacle Boy!
If you insist. But don't blame me if you have rugburn later...
... Some hours later...
Come back! I promise that it'll get better!
:::sobbing::: No! No! Leave me alone! MOOOOOOOOTHERR!!!!

 

by icefire
9-02-02
We're getting closer to actual plot...
Well... this is unexpected. My minion is late in bringing the newest witness for torture and questioning.
Yeah, don't you hate when that happens? It's *so* hard to find decent help these days.
I told you that it wouldn't hurt if you held still!!!
AAAAAHHHHH!!! KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME!!!
... No. Not really.
I stand corrected. *THAT* was most unexpected.
:::blinkublinku::: I'll have to agree.

 

by icefire
9-02-02
Excuses, excuses
I'm very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry, Master. But she came at me like I was the last piece of sushi at the all you can eat place! I couldn't keep her away!
It never stopped you before. Plus, I thought you enjoyed that sort of thing.
... fuckin' bastard...
You know that I heard that, right?
... dammit.

 

by icefire
9-02-02
And I thought squirrels and cowboys were bad! What the hell happened to you?!
Why are you asking me? That letter said that this was all *YOUR* fault!
Letter?! LETTER?! I'M ON FIRE! DO YOU THINK I CAN WRITE A FUCKING *LETTER*?!?
Well, you *are* the pyro here.
Why the hell does everyone bring that up?
See. You agree. At least you're not a stick figure.

 

by icefire
9-02-02
Because we all need our dose of psuedo-sexual commentary...
So you want *me* to cover your ass.
You know you enjoy it.
But can *you* handle the ride?
I can take anything you can dish out. The harder, the better.
... that was weird.
Yeah. I just freaked myself out. What were talking about again?

 

by icefire
9-02-02
You're the only person I know who'd be going to Hell *before* she's dead.
It's all a total mistake. That's why I need you to cover for me.
I don't even know why I got picked like this in the first place.
... Because you're a big perv?
I am aware of that. Shut up.
At least I didn't lie!

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