All comics by kryptonbornson

Profile

 

by kryptonbornson
7-10-05
It's the Apocalypse, only Jesus can save us now...
Jesus? That you? I need a miricle...
Why must you ignore God my son? Let me down!
5 minutes later...
Jesus, I can't...
Don't disobey me! Just use you hammer to pull these nails.
We are all doomed.
Fuck this Jesus. Just do a miricle. What? Will it piss the father off?
You are definitely going to hell. I won't forget this...What's your name? You're on my list.

 

by kryptonbornson
7-16-05
At a bar, two men meet and have a psudointellectual discussion about the true nature of religion.
I hate Jesus, but God is cool.
How the shit can you hate Jesus. Fucker. God is the one we can be sure exists.
Although the hipster may not be a Christian he's still hip.
Shut the fuck up and let me buy you a cool drink.
Asshole. I'll need to murder him later. After the drinks though.
Later after drinks. The hipster is dead. Now a demon has come for his soul. What does it matter what religion this man follow if he does not follow it's rules?
Hey where'd your friend go? Fuck it. You done with your drink because I need that sould.
Oh God, oh Jesus! Heeeelp!

 

by kryptonbornson
7-16-05
A hippy get high in the middle of nowhere.
Stupid fucking hick. Bet you don't even know how to smoke marijuana. I'd be a fortune!
Wha...? Mary Juana? What's that?
You're an idiot. Mari–-weed is to expand you mind. Get high, get wasted. Shit, I'm wasting my time.
We don't all get high the same I supposin'. I eat mushrooms grown in cow shit for kicks. Either that or homebrewd Moonshine. It's dangerous though. Lost a cousin...
Moonshine? WTF. Fucking worthless. What is a man worth if he doesn't know how to get high right? Get those shrooms while I light this spliff.
Fucking hippie, I know how to get high. Pass that joint. I'll show you how it's done, then I'll fuck you in the ass.

 

by kryptonbornson
7-17-05
Serial Murderers need love too.
I discover that I truly love you bitch. Marry me or I may kill again. Maybe someone close to you.
Oh my I can't...I'm married and have children.
Oh shit. I didn't want to kill again. Goddam, I really didn't! You must die tonight and your nice little family too.
Oh Christ help me. Help me please. Okay, how bout I suck your dick?
A few minutes later, she has been dragged into a back alley.
You didn't have to die. Oral sex is not good enough, all I wanted was your love. You death is on you. My conscious is clean. Bitch. Satan help you.
Glurgligur. I trie to talk and nothing but blood comes out. Oh Lord.

 

by kryptonbornson
7-17-05
The murderer is confronted by Jesus for all his sins.
Jesus forgive me for I have sinned tonight.
What have you done my son. I'm forgiving, but contrary to popular belief, there are limits to my mercy.
Holy smokes it's you! How come you didn't stop me from killing that whore?
Fuck all that shit Satan spawn. When I get off this cross you're gonna be sorry for any murders you may have ever commited. Back to hell you will go from the fires which have Spawned you!
Jesus says, "She's in heaven now where she can't be harmed. You my son will stay and remain here in hell where you belong!"
Oh crap! Jesus can't you just put her back together, her remains are in this box. I loved her so...
How ya doin. You look lost. Step right this way. You belong here filth.

 

by kryptonbornson
7-18-05
A boring day. No one to talk to.
What the shit have I done for my life to turn up like this?
I should just lay here in the trash until trash day. That way at least I could be disposed like the waste I am.
I'm such a loser, I bet I'd win the lottery or something like that after I'm already incinerated and buried in the trash heap. I'm a fucking idiot.
What could suck more than me. Fucking maggots have better lives.
Cheer up! I'm a fairy. You were so lonely, I've been sent to grant you a wish. Anything you desire.
Sex, pussy, fucking, head, or oral sex? A wife, three free whores? Hmmm. Eliminate all men from the city but me? Murder my boss? End world hunger? Shid, I'd rather get sucked off.

 

by kryptonbornson
7-18-05
A few days ago this man was visited by a fairy who told him he could have any 3 wishes he wanted fulfilled. After much time and though, the fairy visits him again a few days later.
Hello. What's that?
Oh, paper work, contracts, that kind of shit.
What for?
For the wishes. See, I had a lawyer friend of mine draw these up. No way am I gonna end up like those other poor fools I see on TV and movies.
People usually aren't happy after they get their wishes. They wish so hard for something, then when they finally get it, they find what they've had all along was what was most important.
Naw, their just stupid. They aren't specific enough. Me, I know exactly what I want and I won't fuck up. (1)Money/Power,(2) Guaranteed happiness, and (3) Pussy. The contract states under what terms.

 

by kryptonbornson
7-19-05
Where the bejezus am I? I'm scrared of ghosts?
Man up bitch it's only death.
But I don't want to die! So much fried chicken and watermelon to eat! I just haven't obtained enough Bling-bling yet!
I'm not here to kill you. You already dead. Your car went off the side of that cliff. Killng you and me.
Bullshit, I can feel the piss running down my leg. Oh my God, what happened to you Calvin?
What? Your alive? I'm fucking dead you asshole! You shouldn't have been drinking and driving and smoking weed! Look at me!

 

by kryptonbornson
7-22-05
A pimp loses his massive wallet.
Hey, let me get five dolloars. I lost my big fat wallet. If I catch a mother fucker with my wallet I'mma slit his throat Jack.
What? Do I look like a bank to you?
Hey, hey, It's Satan!
In the flesh. You a fan?
Yeah, man. Fire, brimstone and all that jazz. Out of site! You know I wouldn't be pimpin' if it wasn't for you. Man, I'm going to hell anyway. Five dollars is all I want. A whore's soul is yours.
A sould huh? And all you want is five smackeroos? Make it a one of those that can clap her but cheeks and you have a deal.

 

by kryptonbornson
7-31-05
Mandingo has just been visited by a race of green homosexual aliens. Does this mean that mandingo has a new color to hate?
Shit, my asshole hurts. Did you have to fuck me SO hard?
It was research. I had to test the durability of the human asshole and penis organ, mandingo. I hope you understand.
*Note: People's sexuality is their business. March with pride mandingo!
Whatever. I liked it, but just use a little bit more lube next time. Damn. Your rod is too thick and long. And dick you REALLY have to suck that hard? You damn near took the meat and skin off.
We needed samples of your sperm. Yes, it was necessary. You know you liked it.
Mandingo is curious about what different new ways of racism they have on other worlds.
Hell yeah, but that dick. You have to be mixed with negro? By the way, what color are the blacks on your planet? Yellow, purple?
Hmmm? That was my mouth not my penis in your asshole. I ate your shit and impregnated myself with your sperm. Homosexuals as you call it can reproduce on my planet. You are now my wife, bitch.

 

by kryptonbornson
8-03-05
Kryptonbornson is bored...
Mandingo is a fucking fag.
I know, but what do you want me to do about it? Suck him off?
No, just hate him. Just think about him and hate. Just imagine killing him.
Nah, I don't have time for racists. Not worth my time--do you have to smoke in here?
By this point, kryptonbornson is laughing his ass off. Mission accomplished.
What are you a racist lover? You must secretly want to make homo racist love with that mutherfucker.
Hey, why should I bother hating someone? It'll just make them want to hate you back. To feed into hate is like jerking off the devil. I don't want to be like Darth Vader and go to the dark side.

 

by kryptonbornson
8-09-05
Know what I just realized? No not that I suck or anything. Not that. That I don't do shit with my life. I don't realize myself.
That is why I suck. Sometimes when I'm out here walking, out here alone under the moonlit sky. I feel like maybe my life isn't so bad.
But then I step on some dog shit that some fucker didn't clean up. Then I realize the world is shit and I want to die. If I get reincarnated, I want to be black.

Showing page 1.