All comics by pope1

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by pope1
6-19-02
Hey Bongo, I think its about time for your spanking
Yippie, wow, even though i must suffer the torment of prison. I can still have erotic luxiories such as being spanked by a transvestite penguin
After an amazingly exciting existance, full of harcore sex, dirty drugs and rock and roll, its a wonder how i have time to sit upon a park bench and relax..
I feel yer curiosity man....
Hey Polo, this "banging a nail in your head and see who bleeds to death first" game is tremendous, im suprised it isn't a nationaly recognised pass-time
Indeed Mr Fuckwit, though would you mind if I took my turn after you've lost conciousness ......

 

by pope1
6-19-02
At jerimie's party there was huge dissapointment afoot
Hey, Mr clown, so my dad hired you for my birthday party did he?.....
Unfortunatly all the naked female waitresses with honey glazed nipples were taken by bachelor priest parties
Ah well, you'll have to do....., now what tricks do you do which match or improve on that of a topless honey glazed waitress
Well, I juggle flamming skittles, spin hoops around my waist and tell exetremly old un-humourous kiddie jokes...
Not good enough in my book mate, take yer fucking clothes off and get glazing!, I just sincerly hope I dont have to suffer your antics next year..
Believe me, the feeling is mutual!

 

by pope1
6-19-02
Welcome to my humble church my child and what sin may i forgive you for this fine day?..
Well, Ive been trying to pay my way through college, and the only means I had to do it with was to prostitue myself..
Well, I would forgive you for this most atrosious sin my child. Although I feel it difficult to do so while you are intentionally advertising your service by flashing your cunt at me....
Sorry?, I was under the impression that you were going to forgive me for it after we'd sorted out our appointment which you booked me for earlier..
Ahh very well then. I suppose that would make a little more sense, but remember. YOU HAVEN'T EVER BEEN HERE, AND YOU DONT KNOW WHO I AM, GOT IT?!
Whatever....... This is your favorite position isn't it?

 

by pope1
6-19-02
Ahh, Joey, my most trusted and loyal elf, What is the schedual for next years load?
How the fuck am I meant to know you fat bearded git, I quit yesterday to go and live in the caribean, whilst making vigarous love to your wife
Oh well. At least Ive still got you Prancer, the most lovable and sweet creature amoungst all the beings of this world
Are you a bloody sausage jockey or summin, no- wonder your wife left you for a green scaley alien.... I quit and all!, you can shove this job right up yer chunky behind.. Im off to blow up Russia.
Well at midst of all these let downs Im having, at least Im safe in the knowledge that ill always have my faithfull christmas tree to talk to whenever things may get heavy or stressfull, I love you !
what a tosser...

 

by pope1
6-20-02
This is the last time im going to ask you nicely sir.. I have nothing to give my children this christmas. SO HAND OVER THE FUCKING SANDLES RIGHT THIS BLOODY INSTANT!
You may be forgetting one very importaint fact here, Mr Wallabe, If you blow my brains out there won't be a shagging christmas. will there!?
Ahh, but if I was to assasinate you and therefor destroy christmas. I would have no need to bring my kids anything... Ah Ha!..
Im gonna be dead in a few days anyway, so you cant win can you....
Maybe if I stuck the gun in my ear and splattered my own head across the wall... It would solve this whole sticky situation all together..
That would probably be the best option.. yes...

 

by pope1
8-09-02
Hey Bongo, I think its about time for your spanking
Yippie, wow, even though i must suffer the torment of prison. I can still have erotic luxiories such as being spanked by a transvestite penguin
After an amazingly exciting existance, full of harcore sex, dirty drugs and rock and roll, its a wonder how i have time to sit upon a park bench and relax..
I feel yer curiosity man....
Hey Polo, this "banging a nail in your head and see who bleeds to death first" game is tremendous, im suprised it isn't a nationaly recognised pass-time
Indeed Mr Fuckwit, would you mind if I took my turn after you've lost conciousness though?.....

 

by pope1
8-09-02
Sir, I have reason to believe that you have escaped from a nearby Poletry farm. A complaint was registered by the owner yesterday.
Yes. That is correct, so what?. The bastards were going to skin me and eat me alive for fucks sake. What did you expect me to do?. Sit there and take it with a big smile on my beak?
Thats no concern of mine, sir. I am only doing my job as a police officer. Now will you kindly return to the property on claw?, or would you rather me take you back there deceased?
Wow!, thats is a really tough one which you have given me there mate!. Either way I am going to end up dead. Well hey, let me just sum which of those choices has more positive possiblities.
Please pick the option to have me kill you!. I wasn't really going to take you back to the farm,. I was actually planning on taking you back to my place and simulating sexual pleasure on your corpse
Oh right!. Well in that case... Do you have to kill me first?

 

by pope1
8-09-02
So you want to work at the happy establishment, fast food restaurant of McDonalds?
Yes sir, I do. It has long been a burning passion inside me to be serving solid fat behind that delightfull, rusty counter
So what benificial experiences have you got behind you in this field of work?
Well. Im nice, generous, caring, good with people, honest, loving and I care deeply about the customers opinion
Well, despite all your wonderfull qualities. I sorry to tell you that I dont think you would fit into this postion very gracefully. Sorry sir, be sure to close the door on your way out.
Listen Knob-Munger. You're going to give me this position. Or Ill stick a fork so far up your un-holy arse, that they'll be using to dig mines with

 

by pope1
8-09-02
Why are you leaving me Gloria?. Why are you leaving me for that Packard Bell bastard?
Its nothing which you have done wrong Roger. Its just that there comes a time when you just have to light a new candle, and that is exactly what me and Packard are going to do
Thats bullshit!, and you know it is!. Is it the sex?. Robot inpedancy is very easy to cure nowadays. Or is it my looks?. I could always screw my Brad-Pit spare head on, instead
Look Roger, dont prolong the agony. Im leaving you for the love of my life and that is FINAL. Deal with it and move on
Ahh, I get it now!. What if I were to remove his 128k modem, and insert it in myself for a mush faster internet connection?
Id say. metal stag, you gotch yer self a deal....

 

by pope1
8-09-02
Welcome sir, to the greatest entertainment parlour in paradise. Tonight, appearing exclusivley. Is the lord god almighty himself, sharing his hidden abilities with us
That fat, perverted toss pot is here tonight, is he?. Well let me through four-eyes. Ive got some business to take out with him
Sir?. What would seem to be the problem?, and who in the name of all that is sacred, are you?
Hmm, Im only Joseph of nasarath. The husband to that poor old cow, The virgin mary. Which your over-paid boss, got pregnant for a stupid "I can get that girl up the duff without touching her" bet
So the whole christian religion was born from a pathetic, drunken bet?. This is most atrocious. We should see him get locked away for life, in commiting this in-humane crime!
You wait until I tell Jesus about the truth behind his existance. He'll never want to look his filthy excuse for a father, in the face ever again

 

by pope1
8-09-02
Wow, Larry. Just take a good long look at that new barmaid over there. Hey, she sure is something
You said it Bernie!. Wahey, what would I give to go right over to her, now and keep her company for the rest of the evening
You know what Larry. Ill bet you £100 that you cant get her to play the sweet and hard game with you
Ill hold you to that Bern. Now just watch the master at work, and learn!
Excuse me darling. Would you mind if I were to join in your game of monopoly you have there?. By what I could see at the other end of the bar, You're quite something at it!
Sure thing!. And scene as you've just made a £100 profit out of my authorisation. What say that we make it interesting and let me drain you pockets dry..

 

by pope1
8-20-02
Hey Bongo, I think its about time for your spanking
Yippie, wow, even though i must suffer the torment of prison. I can still have erotic luxiories such as being spanked by a transvestite penguin
After an amazingly exciting existance, full of harcore sex, dirty drugs and rock and roll, its a wonder how i have time to sit upon a park bench and relax..
I feel yer curiosity man....
Hey Polo, this "banging a nail in your head and see who bleeds to death first" game is tremendous, im suprised it isn't a nationaly recognised pass-time
Indeed Mr Fuckwit, would you mind if I took my turn after you've lost conciousness though?.....

 

by pope1
8-20-02
There ya go Bill 'Richest Wanker In The Universe' Gates. This virus is programmed to cause an explosion in your computer system, the very second which you receive it
-Message sent-
Ha-Ha!. Everything within 2 miles of the 'Gates' Headquaters will be flattened. There won't even be one speck left!
-Un-recognised Email address. Returning to sender-
Oh crap..

 

by pope1
8-20-02
It bugs the fuck out of me why this is considered to be a work of art?. Its nothing but a small pile of goat shite..
This guy wastes 5 years at Art College, and for what?. To produce a tiny pile of un-holy crap. Which stinks to high heaven. Its not even been neatly arranged for sods sake!.What a load of bollocks..
But there again. So many talking points and contovosy, Ill take it!

 

by pope1
8-20-02
Did you know that narrow mindedness. Caused the Second World War!
hey father. You really think that I can make it as a pop-star when Im older?
I sure do son. You could practically form an entire orchestra by yourself, with all of those extra limbs.
:10 years later. At the auditions..
So what do you make of my abilities Mr Clarke?
Well, Terry. I must say that you have one hell of an excellent voice there. Although I cannot except you into my record label through your lack of resemblance to Gareth Gates..
How dare you be so shallow as to not sign me onto your record contract through my, not so devilish good looks. Im off to become a fascist dictator, and conquer the earth!

 

by pope1
8-20-02
Look pal. I dont make the rules up for this place. You either cough up the money to enter eternal paradice. Or you go straight to the place where last bloke who 'forgot his wallet' went..
Look Jesus, me old mate. Ive just been killed in a horific car accident. Dont you make enough money out of this joint as it is?. Not even the drink despencers are free. Would you take a cheque?
Ha!. Nice try ya cheeky bastard. I know this trick all too well. That last bloke with horns and a pitch fork offered me one of those cheques, and it bounced!
Alright Jeezo ya horny sod. I know all about those sleezy alley games which you've been at. And the booze ups in strip clubs. If you let me through in to yer kingdom. We'll say no-more about it, yeah?
Oh okay then. But make doubley sure that you mention to no-body about me being non-other than Dennis the doughnut boy with a false beard and moustache

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