All comics by so_near_here

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by so_near_here
10-21-02
Mr. Navy Blue and Black reads the letter in front of his uncle Teddy.
no way....
Pet my kitty.
Uncle Teddy drinks a lot.
I'm never going to evolve.
GET OFF THE SHED!
Mr. Navy Blue and Black loses again....
what a day...
Isn't she pretty?

 

by so_near_here
10-21-02
Jenny watches Today's Special intently.
Sudenly..
Watch out for the pot, it's very hot!
Shit!
Suddenly Jenny remembers that she forgot to turn off the oven.

 

by so_near_here
10-21-02
Hippies clash
So I was at the Dead show the other night...
Are you pheeling phine?
the drugs don't work
I downed some stash with this hot chick
?
841-0241
man this is cool!
So you want to get some pizza?

 

by so_near_here
10-21-02
The holidays are coming.
Now where did I...
Buy a present for the homeless?
Why are you asking me?
Sir! Sir! How about you?
So it goes.
Here, I'll give you my last paycheck.
You are now a member of the Communist Party.

 

by so_near_here
10-21-02
Zoe is a dumb muff.
Should I call him?
use me baby...
Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
Spencer doesn't now that Dale already stole his wallet.
Hey! There's some guy yelling on the phone at Zoe!
Dude, are you going to help me with my homework or what?

 

by so_near_here
10-22-02
Cowboy Dan looks for his horsey.
Thar ya are ol' boy!
Neigh!! (Go hump someone else.)
Cowboy Dan looks for some action.
Nice horsey, let me get on you.
Neigh!! (OK, I've had enough.)
Cowboy Dan bites the dust.
ugh
Not a pile of hay, but what are ya gonna do?

 

by so_near_here
10-22-02
Mac walks outside without wearing a coat.
uhhh, what are you doing? It's too cold to be out here.
Mac walks outside without wearing a coat.
What a freak.
Do you think you're cool or something?
Mac goes back in the house.
*sigh*

 

by so_near_here
10-22-02
Mr. Snowman can't defend himself without arms.
Here we go again...
Mr. Snowman doesn't have a job.
Hey buddy, can ya spare a dime for a guy who's down on his luck?
Daniel goes hungry another night.
If I could only speak out loud.
Hello?

 

by so_near_here
10-22-02
Gabe is not only bald, but he is blind.
Hey baldy...
Come on in the house, your dinner is getting cold.
Mr. Snowman doesn't have any Braile on him.
Eh?
Hey! You're melting in my hand, what the f*?
Good thing Gabe wears Depends.
Don't touch me!
I just pissed myself.

 

by so_near_here
10-22-02
More people look for insight from Mr. Snowman.
The 80s are over!
Hey there...
The out of work Basic II programmer has a job on the side.
Just Curl Up And Die would you?
So my 67th synth-pop record just came out.
The sale failed.
I don't have a record player.
Are you sad?

 

by so_near_here
10-22-02
Susie is paid minimum.
I wish the snow would melt already...
Did you wear that scarf into the store? What about that hat?
Susie is feeling the effects of a 3 month dry spell.
Shut up you dumb muff.
Sir! Did you pay for those items?
Susie is employee of the month.
Security!

 

by so_near_here
10-23-02
How are you today?
Gather 'Round kids!
Hey, wasn't that a kids show on PBS?
the Korn kid wants to be loved.
Mom?
Yes baby?
Even Scott Stapp can't help him now.
Which one?
Your dad did say you'd never amount to anything.

 

by so_near_here
10-23-02
Punk Rock Jane wants out.
da da da da da
I really shouldn't stick around while he reads the break up letter. But why would I want to make things easier?
realization...
Ummm...
He stands tall.
Please leave.
But I love you.

 

by so_near_here
10-23-02
Officer Ray pulls Jamalia over.
Excuse me Ma'am.
Oh my! What did I do?
Officer Ray cites Jamalia.
Your dress is hideous.
But...
Court date: December 8, 9am.
?
I was only going 33mph. *sob*

 

by so_near_here
10-23-02
True story from the files of so_near_here
Sir, have you ever been to the Bank or Smithville?
Uh no dude.
He even had my same jacket.
An officer witnessed someone of your description driving by the bank on the day it was robbed of it's gumball machine.
Uhhhh...
I wouldn't come back to the crime scene.
This photo shows you trying to lift the gumball mahine sir.
That's so not me dude.

 

by so_near_here
10-23-02
Two detectives knocked on my door one day.
So you've never been to the Bank of Smithville?
Dude, I told you no.
My cat pawed at one of them.
But you do have boots and a blue jacket like this you said?
Yeah but...
He made me put her in another room and shut the door.
An officer saw your car driving by the bank one day and took your plate number. He noticed the resemblance.
I've never even been inside that bank.

 

by so_near_here
10-24-02
Dale is high again.
What in the jeebus is this?
Dude, you're so cool!
Mr. Snowman never gets a break.
That's the second dumb muff to use that pun on me.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Dale gets paranoid on a snowman.
*sigh*
DUDE! YOU USED TO BE SO F*ING COOL! NOW YOU GOT ALL WEIRD ON ME.

 

by so_near_here
10-24-02
Perpetually drunk.
oh hell...
Heyyyyy, you're that one guy...
Mr. Snowman doesn't tolerate shit.
s-s-s-s-s-s-seriously!
Wait, didn't I meet you at Joe's kegger last weekend?
Kyle backs off.
how long untill you die of alcohol poisoning?
Oh shit, I should shut up. I think i might have made out with a snowman...

 

by so_near_here
10-24-02
la la la la la la
WHAT THE F*!?!?
phew!

 

by so_near_here
10-24-02
Wayne Jr. assaults Mr. Snowman.
Oh, it's that hockey guy...
Yo! I bone Wayne Gretzky. How's about you?
Wayne Jr. whips out some facts.
Boy I wish I could bone something...
894 goals for 2,857 points in 1,487 games. Bet you can't beat that shit.
Wayne Jr. is ghey.
Is that a hockey stick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
He shoots! He scores!

 

by so_near_here
10-25-02
Two lonely souls.
Hey, how's it going?
I'm stuck, how about you?
Me too.
I'm hungry.

 

by so_near_here
10-25-02
hee hee.

 

by so_near_here
10-25-02
Brad's observations.
What's going on over here?
Hi. What's your name?
Blond kid drops his kids off at the pool.
Holy crap! What do I do?
???
Brad muses.
What time is it?
Yet another missed opportunity.

 

by so_near_here
10-27-02
stupid
Have a drink dude.
WOOOOOOOOO!
stupid
WOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOO!
stupid
Wanna fight?
WOOOOOOOOO!

 

by so_near_here
10-27-02
Ben likes the internet.
LOL OMG ROFLMFAO.
Eric likes the internet.
Miss Hoover, a worm went in my mouth and I ate it.
uR RigHT.
Steve's mom wants to get online to download the latest Martha Stewart craft.
BRB TTYL.
Come on Steve, time for bed.

 

by so_near_here
10-27-02
High school buddies.
Hi Kenny.
What's up there Mark.
Blind Conversation.
Nothing, what about you?
Absolutely nothing.
Involuntary responses.
Yeah? Anything else new?
Did you shoot any deer this week?

 

by so_near_here
10-28-02
Elfie makes another go at it.
Sir! Sir! Would you like to buy a present for the homeless?
That present?
Sly is inquisitive.
Yes.
What is it?
Presents are surprises sir.
I don't walk into Toys R Us with my eyes closed and buy a unused, unwrapped toy.

 

by so_near_here
10-28-02
Timmy looks for guidance.
Father Tom, where's Jesus? I gotta ask him something.
Hold on, I'll get him.
Hey, you're not...
Just a sec, I'm just rolling out the red carpet for him.
Father Tom, where's Jesus? I gotta ask him something.
What can I do ya for?

 

by so_near_here
10-29-02
Timmy stuttered in the last frame...
Oh yeah.
What?
Timmy doesn't know much.
Isn't it windy up there?
Not really...
Jesus isn't telling us everything.
Ok.
Brrrrrrrrrrr.

 

by so_near_here
10-29-02
Father Tom looks for guidance.
Lord, have you told us all there is to know?
Yes, my son.
Jesus reassures him.
Sometimes even I have trouble following you.
I'm always there beside you.
One down, many more to go.
Even when you can't get through a door way?
He will be left behind.

 

by so_near_here
10-30-02
Hey blue.
Are you looking for something?
Yeah...if I only knew what to look for...
*sigh*

 

by so_near_here
10-30-02
Hi blue. Whatcha doin'?
Randomly musing to myself.
Why bother? Just live and let things happen to you.
Hold on, let me relieve some pressure first!
Help!!!!

 

by so_near_here
10-30-02
With my ass wide oppennnnnn....
Annie are you ok?
Mama, I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to make you cry, but tonight, I'm hiding in your closet (with my heat.)
I took your mic away you dumb muff.

 

by so_near_here
11-02-02
Ol' Red has been working for the city for 27 years.
Can I help you?
Did you take that chair I put out for the trash last night?
Dexter has a quick temper and throws things without thinking.
We cleared everything off this sidewalk a moment ago sir.
I need that chair back.
Ol' Red speaks truth.
Do you like putting puzzles together sir?
Just what are you getting at?

 

by so_near_here
11-02-02
Dexter sp
So you don't have my chair?
Sir, it's crushed up in the truck.
So what the fuck are you trying to tell me?
You gave up your chair when you put it to the curb
Hey baby, did you the chair out of the room?
What chair?

 

by so_near_here
11-02-02
Dexter tries to get out of it.
It's a nice day out today, isn't it?
Where did you move it to? Did you need to make room to do your sit-ups again?
Dexter lies to his wife.
How is your mother doing? (Holy shit she's a pain in my ass.)
Well you know she'll flip out if she has no where to sit when she comes over.
Janet the wife is oblivious.
Uhhhhh, when is she coming over?
I just got back with her, she's on the toilet right now.

 

by so_near_here
11-02-02
Janet starts to get wiser.
Where is the chair?
I thought I saw you put it in the kichen last night.
Dexter panicks.
No I didn't. What did you do to it?
Nothing!
Dexter tries again.
Hey! Let me get that chair from you.
How many have you had this morning? The fucking thing is gone!

 

by so_near_here
11-02-02
Mona walks in.
Jenny, where's my chair...you know your daddy gave that to me.
Um, can I get you a beer?
Dexter spills it.
Look, my wife pissed me off last night, so I tossed her mother's chair to the curb. Now the ol' lady is at our house and will only sit her ass in that chair. Now I need it back.
What an idiot.
Mona looks around.
That's not my chair...

 

by so_near_here
11-03-02
The search continues...
Don't sit there Grandma. That's my seat. (typing: "Hey Johnny, I'm back.")
Oh darn it. Where is my chair?
Hey little devil, have you seen my chair?
miaou, miaou.
Are you sure I can't sit there? (Not like I'd want to anyway.)
(typing): "Yeah, it was cool. We went skating at the parking lot..."

 

by so_near_here
11-07-02
Where is mother's chair?
I...I...
You...you what?
It's not here.
So get it.
Got a time machine?

 

by so_near_here
11-08-02
Oh! Here is that darn chair that guy was lookin' for.
Hey guy? Guy?
Mine now.

 

by so_near_here
11-08-02
Hey mom, you really didn't want that chair anymore anyways. Try this card table chair.
Sandra, your daddy bought that chair for me when we got married.
The chair was smelly so we're having it cleaned.
You can't!
??

 

by so_near_here
11-08-02
No one else can touch that chair. There's something inside it.
What do you mean?
Just, I neeed the chair.
Ok ok ok.
Do something!
Yeah! Sure!

 

by so_near_here
11-08-02
Garbage man! Garbage man dude!
Hey you!
Whoa! Whoa! Cut her down Mike! Watch the f'n legs!
I need a chair, any chair.
Get out of here buddy, I'm workin'. Got 10 days 'till retirement.

 

by so_near_here
11-08-02
I just need a chair. An older looking upholstered chair. Maybe a couple of cream cheese stains on it. Whatever ya got. Maybe I could ride on the side of the truck back to the dump with you.
Uhh, no you can't get near the truck. County law.
Really...Dusty McPherson (Dexx's neighbor pal) rode on your truck last week when he was chasing down his dog that got out.
Yeah, well, YOU can't ride on it. Private property.
Are you hiding something from me?
Whoa! Whoa! Mike, cut her down, cut her down! Watch the fuckin' legs Mike!

 

by so_near_here
11-08-02
Hey, you're not hiding that chair from me, are you?
Take it all Hal, you can compact it in there....What?
I asked you if you're hiding the chair I threw out from me?
Now why would I do that?
Well just a shot in the dark ol' man, but maybe you found something inside the chair?
What is this guy Matlock or something?

 

by so_near_here
11-08-02
Look buddy, I don't have the...
Hey, what's that behind you?
Hey!!!
Hal! Look out!

 

by so_near_here
11-08-02
Battle back on the homefront.
Are you OK mom?
Oh Candice, my hernia is killing me...I need to sit down.
Ol' Red needs help but has to lie to get it.
So this guy hijacked your garbage truck?
Yep. He asked me what that sign says over there and next thing I know, he was off in it. Dang left ol' Hal in the gutter.
Imagine Dexx zooming around the block in a garbage truck.
Mona's chair, it's on the front seat. Gotta get back to the house.

 

by so_near_here
11-12-02
Dexx rounding the block in the garbage truck...
I just have to get back inside with the chair before anyone notices me on the street...
While at a stop light..
Hey, what's this sticking out of the cushion? A yellow envelope hmm...
Mona, what is she doing?
Shit! There's gotta be $50 grand in here!

 

by so_near_here
11-12-02
Dexx parks the truck right back in front of the house and zips inside.
Ok, gotta get this inside fast!
Hey guy, is that your truck?
Huh? What?
Red was fooled, and the cop dismisses his complaint.
Yes it is, but it was stolen!
Sure old man...just get back to work. 17 to radio...

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