All comics by tony_cheek

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by tony_cheek
4-09-06
Opening Salvo...
Why, them thar illigills is puttin' a unfair burden onna taxpayers!
How? By putting $7 Billion dollars A YEAR into the Social Security Trust Fund? Money they can never collect?
What about all them E-S-L kids in our Public Schools?
The Feds pay extra for ESL classes, and bilingual teachers make more.
Guys, I need some help here...
There's a bunch of MMP boys skulking in the next canyon. Their password is, "Viva La Raza!"

 

by tony_cheek
4-09-06
At the home of Former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore...
Mrs. Moore, How do you feel about your husband's new political campaign stunt?
I... I'm scared. WHAT "New Campaign Stunt?"
Well, he's taken his "Ten Commandments Campaign" a bit further...
He's hired Charleton Heston to do PR?
No Ma'am, I'm afraid he's gone far beyond that.
Roy! Git your butt down off'n that cross!

 

by tony_cheek
4-09-06
Back at the home of Former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore...
Roy, I swear! Git your butt down off that cross RIGHT Now! I put up with that two-ton slab in mah root cellar, but this is going TOO FAR!
But sweetie, Ah's just makin' a political statement 'bout keepin' God in the Gum'mint!
Roy, you already have a strong political base! You don' need to pull stunts no more!
They said the same thing to Evil Kneivel. Look where it got HIM.
point.
Now, if'n you'll 'scuse me, Don Siegelman's jus' pulled inta the driveway with his nail gun.

 

by tony_cheek
4-09-06
ROY! Yer "followers" are trampin' up my begonias and CNN don' plowed over the mailbox!
Sorry, Sugar Tush! Soon as Ah'm Governor, Ah'll make it up to yew, I SWEAR!
That's all well an' good, but Ah ain't feedin' five thousand of your nut constituents!
Don' have to! We done been sponsored by the 700 Club! KFC FOR EVERYONE!
Would you AT LEAST put on some clothes? That diaper jus' ain't respectable!
It's a loincloth! Look! FOX News is airdroppin' Bill O'Reilly! PULL THE RIPCORD, BILL!!

 

by tony_cheek
4-09-06
The Cowboy sent me t' talk t' you 'bout them illigills takin' Good American Jobs!
Wrong. Everywhere the undocumented have jobs, the jobless rate in that area is around 4%. Max.
How d'you figger that?
Simple. The more people come into an area, the greater the need for goods and services. Also, new house building is booming. More people=more jobs. Simple.
GUYS!
If there's any more of "The Village People" running around, how 'bout sending over the Indian Chief?

 

by tony_cheek
4-10-06
Meanwhile, skulking in the bushes, members of the militia group Patriots United in Democracy (PUD) watch as hundreds of thousands demonstrate peacefully in cities and towns across America.
Muscles cramping, they dare not make a sound, fearing the crowds rage against them and their leader, Chris Smallcox.
One thought burns through their minds...
Dang Pa, that chic in the Spandex is SMOKIN'!
An' her ma's got boobs in a different zip code!

 

by tony_cheek
4-10-06
Later That Same Day...
Did Ah see youse boys wit' yo' eyes on dem Mex fee-males?
Me an' the boy, we wuz just makin... mental images, is all, Mr. Smallcox. Fer when we get deputized and raid the local Wal-Mart!
Nice thinkin', Ol' Timer!
Jus' doin' mah duty for the PUD, Mr. Smallcox!
*PUD: see last strip.
Did ya make a "brain photo" of that stud over there in the oh-so-tight chaps and the fit-ta-bust tee shirt?
Dorothy, we jus' made us a left-hand turn outta Kansas...

 

by tony_cheek
4-10-06
Elsewhere Across The United States, more PUDs (Patriots United in Democracy) watch the Marches... (from a safe distance, of course.)
Dude! It's like... some sorta like, y'know, INVASION!
Damn straight, Skippy! An' they've been livin' here in our fair town, takin' our jobs, an' havin' wild sex with our women!
Dude, IT JUST AIN'T FAIR!
Tell me 'bout it!
Maybe if I got me a sombrero...
TRAITOR! I'm reportin' you to SMALLCOX!

 

by tony_cheek
4-10-06
Stealthy eyes keep careful watch while the March continues...
Son, your watchin' your America get flushed down the crapper.
It's kinda scary, PUDMaster Bill.
Well, suck it up. I got somethin' here will turn this parade into a riot, REAL FAST.
What is it, a... bomb?
HELL NO! 'Specially not with all these cops around! It's my cat, Mr. Biggles. He's horny, soken wet, and fit to be tied.
Sweet Jeebus, I don't think he's thought this one out...

 

by tony_cheek
4-10-06
PUDMaster Bill has positioned himself inside a school with the intent of disrupting the Migrant March. His only weapon: a crazed tomcat that's been marinating in a wet pillowcase since noon today.
Son, today we make HISTORY! After the dust settles, the whole world will know we're true PUDs!
I gotta REAL bad feelin' about this...
They're Right Above Us... TAKE THIS, YOU AZTLAN ANARCHISTS!
Uh, Bill? The bag's rippin'...
Confucious Say: never stick wet horny cat in cheap Wal-Mart pillowcase.
AAAAH! OUCH! YIKES! Somebody get me a bucket a' Bactine!
I'm headin' back to PUD Central.

 

by tony_cheek
4-11-06
FOX News: We Imply, You Decide.
Hi, I'm Brick Bradford, and here's our Top Story: Alabama Governor-Hopeful Roy Moore is back in the news...
...Right, Brick. The Former Alabama Chief Justice has been protesting the "removal of God from the Government"...
...by nailing himself to a cross in his _own back yard_!
Our own Bill O'Reilly was airdropped onto the Moore Compound, but suffered multiple injuries when he crash-landed in Ms. Moore's prize-winning potato salad.
Our FOXNews ActionCam Helicopter is now inserting Geraldo Rivera onto the scene, ...
But first: Entertainment editor Leeza Gibbons chats with J-Lo about her recent battle with Olestra.

 

by tony_cheek
4-11-06
FOX News Coverage of the Self-Crucifixion of Governor-Hopeful Roy Moore continues...
Hello everyone, this is Bill Moyers standing in for Geraldo Rivera, who was standing in for a severly mayonaised Bill O'Reilly.
He's lucky he didn't get his britches blown off with a 12 gauge fulla rock salt on the way down! Mess with my blue-ribbon potato salad...
uh... ok. Ms. Moore, your husband's faithful constituents have been gathering for days to watch your husband
- make a durned fool of himself! Nailed up there, wearin' a diaper an' five days worth o' beard - THIS AIN'T THE PHILIPPINES, ROY!
Well, I for one found the Crown Of Thorns especially touching...
That ain't no thorns, that's a loop o' barbed wire donated by the Minute Men.

 

by tony_cheek
4-11-06
Widely reknown for making Equine Marmalade, FOX News continues it's coverage of the Roy Moore Passion Play...
Standing in for Geraldo Rivera, who was supposed to stand in for a badly condimented Bill O' Reilly, this is Bill Moyers at the Roy Moore Self-Crucifixion Rally. Standing with me is a faithful...
Hold on, Old Dude. I ain't with those whack-jobs.
You mean, you're NOT one of Roy Moore's followers?
No way, man! I'm just here for the KFC they're passin' out. That, and the Comedy Relief.
I'd speak a little softer, kid: those people will tear you to pieces!
Nah, they're too busy venerating Moore's dirty diaper. We'd pay off the National Debt with what it'll fetch on eBay!

 

by tony_cheek
4-15-06
The Siege Wanes.
Roy S. Moore, you git your ass down off'n that cross RIGHT NOW!!! It's Good Friday, and it's sacreligious!
Ah guess your right, Snuggle Buns.
Thank God you're finally seeing the light! Now skedaddle on down and I'll fix up by famous Okra Soufflé.
Sorry Honey, but Ah'm gonna need some hep from mah followers.
Roy, ain't you carried this "messiah" thing far enough?
It ain't that, Butter Buns. Mah arms went t' sleep sometime Tuesday. DAD BLAST IT! No Siegelman, you CAIN'T take mah place!!

 

by tony_cheek
4-15-06
FOX News: We'll Cover It Forever.
Well folks, it looks like the Self Crucifixtion of Roy Moore has reached an end early Saturday morning.
Crews are cleaning up at the Moore Compound as Rescue Workers try desperately to wrest Geraldo Rivera's moustache from a flock of crazed bluejays.
FOX News: We'll Cover Any Damned Thing.
But there's a new development in the Alabama Governor's Race! Governor Riley will attempt to jump over former Governor Siegelman!
Ah need my Harley keys and 'bout sixteen pounds of Vaseline in case I have t' extricate myself.

 

by tony_cheek
4-15-06
Back at P.U.D (Patriots United for Democracy)
Well PUDCadet William, what's the SITREP on OPERATION: WET PUSSY?
It was TERRIBLE, Mr. Smallcox! The cat tore out of the bag while PUDMaster Bill was still holding it!
**OPERATION: WET PUSSY** - An attempt to disrupt the Migrant March by tossing a soaken wet, horny tomcat into the crowd.
Bad, huh?
Cat lit into him like a fat guy at an all-you-can-eat buffet!
It just doesn't pay to go cheap on the Deployment Carrier. (they had a sale at Wal-Mart.)
The Paramedics are still looking for his testicles...
One thing I can't stand is a RACIST TOMCAT!

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