All comics by xtremeparadox

 

by xtremeparadox
10-10-02
Stage 1
God, I'm drunk.
Stage 2
God, I'm surly.
Stage 3
I love the cock.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-10-02
Rocko espouses one of his half-baked theories...
... and *that's* why they should be called Pearl PEANUT BUTTER instead of Pearl Jam
... what?
Have you ever noticed that only half the things you say at any given time make any semblance of rational sense?
Well, yeah. That's what makes me *eccentric*. If I was nonsensical *all* the time, I'd just be crazy.
Touche'.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-10-02
Man, there's that Rocko guy again. God, I hate him.
Damn, Rammy - you hate everybody. You know, that sort of thing isn't healthy - perhaps you weren't loved enough as a child. You should see a psychiatrist about that.
... Yeah, I'll get right on that - first let's go burn down that church.
Sounds like fun. I'm in.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-10-02
You know, the guys are still hesitant to believe that you even exist - they're all like "The closest Rocko's been to a woman was that time Peeler's mom caught him stealing cookies from the pantry."
Hmm... well perhaps there's something we can do about that - I'll sleep with each and every one of them. That should prove I'm female.
Uh.. perhaps this isn't the *best* plan you've ever had, dear.
It's all in the name of your honour - besides, I can take photos of their small penises and submit them to rotten.com.
Hm... good point - but for god's sakes, use protection. You have no idea where ether's been sticking that thing.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-10-02
I am Rammy - you tremble before me!
Yeah, sure dude.
Ah, who am I kidding - I need new schtick.
No doubt - sit down, have a beer. Watch the game.
So.. this is what you Canadians do all day?
Pretty much. Pretty sweet, eh?

 

by xtremeparadox
10-11-02
Hey Rocko - have you heard anything about this sniper dude who's popping off people left and right in around Washington, DC?
Yeah. Crazy shit.
I know - parents darting around shopping malls, children afraid to go outside during recess...
Now, you see - that's one thing I don't get. In Canada, something happens every year that stops children away from going outside during recess...
... it's called 'winter'.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-11-02
I don't know, Merc - this whole 'attack Iraq' thing seems pretty dodgy to me.
Really? Why's that?
Well, you can't deny the facts - the DOW drops 1500 points since the start of the year, so Dubbya decides to attack somebody else. War's good for the economy.
You honestly believe that Dubbya could think something like that up on his own?
No. That's why I blame the Turks.
Yeah. Damned, bloodthirsty Turks.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-11-02
So Rammy - as a soldier in the U.S. armed forces, how do you feel about going to war in Iraq?
Meh. Doesn't really bother me.
Oh? Why's that?
I've been fighting all my life.
?
Fightin' off the women with both hands - DAMN I'm sexy.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-11-02
God, I hate you, Merc.
What'd I ever do to you?
Well, uh.. nothing really. Just that your continued existence on this plane of mortality is an affront to everything that I stand for.
Oh...
I thought it was something bad. No worries, then.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-11-02
Ey fag, what time is it?
Half-past drunk.
Really? I could've sworn it was a quarter-to-surly.
Nah dude, that was two hours ago.
... fuck, I'm wasted.
What else is new?

 

by xtremeparadox
10-11-02
Thank God it's Friday!
True dat.
So what you gonna get up to over the Columbus Day weekend, dawg?
Well, it's actually known as 'Thanksgiving' in Canada. So I'll probably be eating turkey.
.. you mean you people have Thanksgiving? IN OCTOBER?
Yeah, I know - hard to believe.. we recently discovered electricity, too. That stuff is cool, man, let me tell you.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-11-02
Rocko - I have a bone to pick with you.
Hmm?
Why is it that your comic alter-ego is a normal (if a bit geeky), unassuming - at least you don't have a giant penis stuck on top of your head like some HU-MAN while I'm stuck as this giant red robot?
Well, you see, as the proverbial cog upon which the wheel of this comic turns - the 'straight man', as it were - I need to be recognizable, likable and unassuming.
So quit your complaining. At least you don't have a giant penis on top of your head like some people we know.
... what?

 

by xtremeparadox
10-11-02
Rocko - I have a bone to pick with you.
Hmm?
Why is it that your comic alter-ego is a normal (if a bit geeky), HU-MAN while I'm stuck as this giant red robot?
Well, you see, as the proverbial cog upon which the wheel of this comic turns - the 'straight man', as it were - I need to be recognizable, likable and unassuming.
So quit your complaining. At least you don't have a giant penis on top of your head like some people we know.
... what?

 

by xtremeparadox
10-12-02
Man, Contra was the shit - unlimited ammo, all kinds of cool weapons, blowing up aliens. What more can you ask for?
No doubt - that game was so cool, if you touched it without gloves on, you'd get frostbite.
Man, I bet I could beat you at Contra. I'd blow your ass to kingdom come.
Like Hell you would - I'm king at that game.
Of course there's only one problem...
... Contra isn't versus... oh, cruel fate - how you mock us!

 

by xtremeparadox
10-12-02
Man, if Contra were versus, I'd own you like none has ever been owned before.
Pfft. If Contra were versus, I'd beat you like a red-headed stepchild.
Bah. If Contra were versus, I'd blow your ass into so many pieces, you'd fit into a dustpan.
Oh yeah? Well, if Contra were versus, I'd bury you so deep, you'd need a backhoe to dig yourself out.
... heh. You said 'hoe'.
Mature, Rammy. Real mature.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-12-02
If Contra were versus, I'd have sex with your cat.
If Contra were versus, I'd. ... wait, you'd do *what* to my cat?
God damnit, would you fags please shut the hell up. Frankly, seeing you compare your microscopic penises is laughable and pathetic.
... If Contra were versus, I'd kick Peeler's ass.
Man, fuck Contra - I say we beat him on principle.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-15-02
So, how long until you think they blame the sniper killings on Silent Scope 2?
Somebody probably has already. That's what distresses me.
Uh oh. Rocko's been thinking again - look out.
How is the potential banning of video games any different than burning books? Our right to choose is what makes us inherently human - iD software never told the Sniper to pick up that rifle.
No doubt. I mean, I played violent video games as a child and look how I turned out.
... dude, you're not helping my argument here.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-15-02
My god, what a weekend! Turkey, pie *and* sex! It gets no better!
Indeed.
But now, back to the grind. Workin' for the man. Toiling in the proletarian Hell known as perdition.
Aren't we being just a tad overdramatic?
Perhaps. But doesn't it bother you that I share such outward hostility about my job with anyone who'll listen?
No, not really. Just make sure that when you move on to random acts of violence, you give The General a kevlar vest.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-15-02
Hey there, Rocko's-girl.
Hi, Rammy. What's with the limp?
I'm pretty beat-up. I went to the gym today.
Ahh, yeah, that could do it - too many laps on the track? A bit too much effort on the stationary bike, perhaps?
Nah... actually, I twisted my ankle on the stairmaster.
Right... excuse me while I laugh.. at something... I heard earlier today.. that was funny... so I laugh now.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-15-02
Public service announcement - avoid Scooby Doo like the plague. Good god that film was bad. It made me physically ill.
Really? I think you're being a bit overdramatic. I thought it was pretty good.
Oh christ, you're kidding right? What part did you like best - when Scrappy peed on Daphne or when Shaggy and Scooby engaged in the farting contest?
I can't possibly choose - both were truly hilarious scenes.
Ah. So you're obviously a man of truly refined taste.
True dat.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-20-02
Hey Rammy, I've got a problem - one of my friends keeps 'hugging' my girlfriend for the sole purpose of groping her breasts. What should I do?
Punch them in the face. Wait - is this raiden we're talking about?
Well, uh.. yeah actually.
Punch him in the face and then kick him in the groin just to be sure. God, I hate that guy.
Thus retaining to your caveat that just about all of life's problems can be solved by either violence or sex.
Don't mess with what works, that's what I say.

 

by xtremeparadox
10-28-02
I'm here to give you a heads-up. If you don't see hide nor hair of me for the next three weeks, you can blame the boys at Rockstar Games.
Rockstar Games?
Makers of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. If Heaven were a violent, sociopathic, blood-soaked video game, this would be it.
Ahh. Sounds like fun.
Yeah. It's better than sex.
... I'll pretend not to have heard that.

 

by xtremeparadox
12-01-02
Man, Christmas is a total joke now. It's a hollow shell of its former self. When did a fat white guy in a red suit start to represent the over-commercialization of the season?
For true, yo. For true.
It just makes me so disillusioned. No more, I say! Throw off the yolk of your red and green oppressors! I've had enough!
Yeah, I hear that. ..... So what do you want for Christmas?
That new Tony Hawk game looks sweet.

 

by xtremeparadox
12-13-02
So... it's a big week chock-full of political hubub for both of our countries.
Yep.
Canada is talking about decriminalizing marijuana...
And the US has started threatening people with nuclear weapons.
... I'm moving to Canada.

 

by xtremeparadox
12-13-02
Man, Audioslave's debut album... Best Album of 2002.
Uh huh. Sure dude.
Now I'm not one to use words of this power lightly - but I would describe it as fantasmagoraphicalicious.
Uh huh. Sure, dude. You said that about Pearl Jam's Riot Act last month. And Counting Crows' Hard Candy back in July. Your 'best album' changes almost as much as your underwear.
... I'm supposed to 'change' my underwear? I was wondering where I got that rash.
Wow - that explains so much.

 

by xtremeparadox
1-22-03
From the creators of SimCity and The Sims: SimRocko! Experience what it's like to be the world's laziest human!
Heya.
Sleep 'til noon - or later! Ingest enough fast food to kill a yak! Have sex with Rocko's New Age girlfriend!
Sweet! Burgers *and* nookie. This game is great!
... indeed.
SimRocko - life sucks.. and it shows!
Ey, I don't have a problem with it.

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