All comics by Blackie_Chan

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by Blackie_Chan
3-18-06
Hey, your pocket fell. Psyche!
That was so lame and a waste of time dude.
Yeah well, you're lucky I didn't hit you or anything.
You're lucky I didn't piss in your drink... Psyche!
*urk*
Don't use the stall closest to the door.

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-18-06
Hey, Rian, what are you doing?
I'm about to have Inter-sex!
What?
Inter-sex! Sex on the internet! I'm about to do it with a hot chick named Sporndanya!
I'm about to have inter-sex with a hot chick named Rian! I told her my name is Sporndanya!
Hmmm.....

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-18-06
Are you sure this house doesn't have anything we should know about?
Nothing that you haven't already seen, sir.
Well, I just would like to see this last room here.
I don't see why not.
Excuse me, do you see that porn magazine on the counter? Could you flip the page?
Oh my God! Is that man commiting suicide?

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-18-06
Hey, goat. What's up?
I just wanted to talk to you about something.
Shoot.
Well, you know how you make nasty remarks about my hygiene and then say that I never get laid?
Yeah, why?
Well, I may sit around and lick myself all day, but you're a virgin and my sexual odometer is at 1,000.

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-18-06
Well, here we are. Fourteen guys and girls headed to Florida, are you stoked or what?
Yeah great, everyones at the gas station.
Hello, sir. Could you tell me where this is?
What's that? Horse? Fiendish! I won't eat it!!!
Well, where are we?
The corner of Bumfuck and You Got A Purty Mouth

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-23-06
Good-night, hon.
Night...
CRASH!!!
What was that?
I'll get the hammer...
Oh, no... The window's broken...
I've been hit!

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-23-06
I shall smite thee into the ground and feed your soul to my hounds, mortal!
There's a hole in the wall and it looks like a vagina...

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-23-06
Hey, there. Happy Birthday...
It would be huh, nigger! Going around stealing gifts!
I never stole any of your gifts.
Yes you did you Samurai fuck! Now make me a new gift!
You're kidding right?
Make me an XBox 360! And make it with the games in it!

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-23-06
Hey, there. Happy Birthday...
It would be huh, nigger! Going around stealing gifts!
I never stole any of your gifts.
Yes you did you Samurai fuck! Now make me a new gift!
You're kidding right?
Make me an XBox 360! And make it with the games in it!

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-24-06
Hmmm... The man in front of me seems like a nice guy.
The guy behind me is probably a chink or some Asian...
Sir, I heard that. For the record, I'm black and Asian, okay.
In that case, give me anymore lip and you'll end up like the real Kunta Kinte.
What's that, mister? You got a death wish?
Whatever, I'm going to my seat. Go make a railroad track or something...

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-24-06
Hmmm... The man in front of me seems like a nice guy.
The guy behind me is probably a chink or some Asian...
Sir, I heard that. For the record, I'm black and Asian, okay.
In that case, give me anymore lip and you'll end up like the real Kunta Kinte.
What's that, mister? You got a death wish?
Whatever, I'm going to my seat. Go make a railroad track or something...

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-24-06
In the year 2047...
Sir, I have obtained a reading and it seems that this planet, Earth, is already inhabited...
By whom?
The Star Trek crew will finally return to earth...
Animals and other sentients...
What, by chance are their sexual orientations?
And find out why God abandoned us...
Hey there, mister mutant fish... your wallet fell... maybe you should bend down and... pick it up and put it in...
Okay, but I don't think this is going anywhere...

 

by Blackie_Chan
3-24-06
Here at the house of God, under His eyes, we are all welcome.
So if ye may hear my voice, then let Him hear you, also. We are all good people who never sin.
Amen, brother! Let us all speak! Yeah! Praise Him!
Shut the fuck up. I'm not done.

 

by Blackie_Chan
7-06-06
DAMN!
*You have four hundred and fifty-eight new messages.*
Hmmmmm....
*Message one.... Hey Matt! Give me a call back! We're gonna celebrate New Years 2004 style! Yee-Haw!* Message two...*
Good Idea...

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-09-06
Excuse me, the name's Bond. James Bond. I have a reservation here.
Of course it is. And I'm Jesus.
Mr. Bond? Wouldn't you like to visit your room and take a tour of the villa?
Um... I have some business with a bad man I must attend to.
Two hours, four hundred dry martinis and half a condom later...
Oi! *hic* Wha-a you mean I go-a leave?! I go-a kill the bad guy and sleep *hic* with your wife, you prick!
Sir, I don't have a wife, so you're just making yourself look bad.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-09-06
Hmmm... What's the bad news?
Dude, I have good news and bad news.
Oh, God! My cat! *sigh* What's the good news?
Your cat died in a fire-related and/or caused death.
WHAT?! Wh- How is that better?!
The company bought you a pet axe named... Hold on. "Made in Taiwan."

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-09-06
'Scuse me.
Hm?
I read an ad that said you guys were hiring. ____________ Well, what's the job?
Yeah? And? _________________ Well, you-
Ask me about my wiener!!!
No, dude. I said Hot Dog Costume. Not Hot Donkey.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-09-06
I'm Gabe. Nice to meet you.
I'm Kathy. Nice to meet you too Gabe I--
Did you just menstrate on my hand while we went through that tunnel?
I think so...

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Why are we here, Jen?
Actually, Butch, I have a confession.
Oh?
I'm a hermaphrodite, Butch.
But, b-b-b but, you and I and- ________________ I should kick you right in your pen-gina right now.
Butch I'm sorry....

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Hmmm....
Yaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
What the hell are you playing?!
I got ya now you little punk!
Wait, is that Halo 2?
Yeah, that's right, bitch! I got your Carrier!

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Then there was a Cosmonaut fighting a stupid chink ninja wanabe.
But the Cosmonaut won cause the ninja was so stupid.
Not only does that go against the stereotype and is racist, but that ninja just walked in.
Oh, shit.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Wait, how did you get in here?
Door.
Door.
No, seriously, kid. How did you get in here?
Listen, kid. If you don't tell me how you got in here, I'll kick you in the front door and call security.
That's my son, you dick.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
White guy going 110 on a highway.
Well, officer, I was never drinking and-
Say no more. No ticket. Just go and have a nice day.
Black guy going 20 in a school zone.
I, uh, don't know what I did wrong, officer.
Say no more, blackie. You're coming in for multiple counts of murder, grand theft, and assaulting an officer.
Asian guy in the middle of buying a car.
Officer, I--
Sorry, middle of writing a ticket, me no speakee Chinee.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Okay, there might be more stenches around here.
Keep your gun up.
Wait, I can see one of them.
No, wait, I can't tell if that one is a zombie, or one of ours.
No, wait. It's just that whale from The View.
I'm not Rosie O' Donnell, you prick.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Hey, there. Welcome to MySpace. I'm Tom and you must be, uh, jkfuller22@yahoo.com.
Yeah, you can call me Jake.
Okay, hello Jake.
Ohmigod, ohmigod! He knows my name!
Uh, yeah. that's how the system is here.
Oh my god, Tom just explained the system to me!

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Hey, there. Welcome to MySpace. I'm Tom and you must be, uh, jkfuller22@yahoo.com.
Yeah, you can call me Jake.
Okay, hello Jake.
Ohmigod, ohmigod! He knows my name!
Uh, yeah. that's how the system is here.
Oh my god, Tom just explained the system to me!

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
And then we... and then...
Uh-huh, yeah. And we're done!
This'll be the best snowman ever!
Oh, Jesus. Don't do this to me.
Some birthday this is. Those whores didn't give any limbs.
Tell me about it. They didn't even give me a penis. So right now, I'm Captain Affeminate.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Well, if you aren't Rosie O' Donnell, who are you?
I am Dipheria, Queen of the Damned.
No, you aren't.
Yes, I am.
Well, if you look like Rosie O' Donnell and you call yourself "The Queen of the Damned," you deserve to get shot, at least.
Wait, what? I look like what?

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
Well, if you aren't Rosie O' Donnell, who are you?
I am Dipheria, Queen of the Damned.
No, you aren't.
Yes, I am.
Well, if you look like Rosie O' Donnell and you call yourself "The Queen of the Damned," you deserve to get shot, at least.
Wait, what? I look like what?

 

There is no point to this comic. The reason you opened it is because it's called "uber."
Yeah. What, are you? Gay? Bipolar? From Armenia? Huh?
by Blackie_Chan, 12-10-06

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
So, what are we in line for?
The club.
Why?
Meet chicks?
Who? The he-she manta rays.
Spot-on.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-10-06
So, what are we in line for?
The club.
Why?
Meet chicks?
Who? The he-she manta rays.
Spot-on.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-11-06
I'm glad we finally got rid of that damn whale.
Mm-hmm. I- Wait. Did you hear that?
I know that sound.
Me too.
I thought it was whale mating season. How you doin' Rosie O' Donnell?
Why do you keep calling me that?!

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-11-06
So, you have no idea who killed him?
Not one clue.
And you're positive?
As positive as an HIV test.
So what about that hand?
I got it masturbating.

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-16-06
So, you wanna tell me exactly what went on here?
Not really, but here goes. I walk in, right.
Yes?
And then some asshole is writing stuff on the wall and I say, "hey buddy! Are you dyslexic or something?"
And?
It turned out to be Donald Rumsfeld.

 

Okay, I got your message and a wet suit and-- oh my God! "Did you PMS all over my wall?!"
Oh, yeah blame the mutant.
by Blackie_Chan, 12-16-06

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-16-06
YOUR SOUL SHALL BURN!!!
I love you too, Jane!

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-16-06
Why?
It's not you, it's me, Lor.
What went wrong?!
Let me put it this way. "You piss me off like an Irishman on Ramadan."

 

*Beep beep*
Did you just pinch me in the ass?! What the hell was that for?! "I ought to burn your house down and piss on your mother's grave!"
by Blackie_Chan, 12-16-06

 

Huahah!
Listen, you Popeye piece of shit. If you open your mouth again, "I'm going to stick my penis in your throat and you'll have to breathe through your eyes." Understand?
by Blackie_Chan, 12-16-06

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-20-06
Damn! What the hell is that bloody noise?!
What?!
I said--
Holy shit what was that?!
You sunk my Destroyer, my Patrol Boat and my Carrier! Damn you!
I'm that damn good, aren't I?

 

by Blackie_Chan
12-27-06
Oh, baby, you make me so hot. We need to meet in real life!
Oh, yeah, you seventeen year old hottie, take me away!
Dad?
Oh, Jesus...

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