I know they're talking about me. I can't find out what they're saying because I'm BANNED from their stupid message board!
This is all BOB's fault. If Bob hadn't been talking to me I wouldn't have got banned in the first place.
Bob is ruining my life
I am doomed...
Some things work better than others
Wow.. Feeling sorry for myself is a lot of work. I need to find a way to relax. But what to do? Find a car to put pizza on the windshield of? Nope. Aggg The pressure!!!
No time left Dave. I just need to push one of these square buttons inside my trenchcoat...
YOU BETTER UNBAN ME YOU SICK TWISTED.... YO! Where the #$%^^ did the %$^& lights Go?
Yearning for silence
I'm not going anywhere with you until B2G unbans me. EEP! Is that a GUN? What the F$#@ are you pointing a gun at me for? I demand an ANSWER! It's PIRACY, I tell ya!
Be QUIET Dave!
Is this the DESERT? Is there a HORSE WITH NO NAME here? I remember my name! It would have been GOOD to get out of the rain, but it's not raining! Are you gonna give me pain?
That was pretty cool the way we stepped through a door in a cactus and suddenly found ourselves here in this room. Neat trick! Well, what's it gonna be? You gonna shoot me or tell me what's happening?
Just stand here and wait for the Doctor, Dave and whatever you do, don't touch anything.
This is boring. I'm outta here.
My job is done. I'm outta here.
Suddenly the lights go out
WTF?
Who is it? Who's THERE? You better turn the lights back on! I'll get you in WAYS YOU NEVER DREAMED OF!
There are many people in Dave's life. Here are a few. Meet SquirrelBacon and Jen...
I made a brand new B2G message Board for Dave. He disappeared. B2G didn't even let the board stand for 24 hours. I should be pissed about the whole thing but why bother? I'm easy after all.
Dave blamed me for B2G taking the message board down. Claims I told B2G that he had it. I'm innocent. Do I not look innocent?
Meet GC505 and DJ...
I have the best online nickname of anybody who haunts these message boards.Revenge is a dish best served with Jolt Cola the breakfast of Hackers
I am on vacation in Trinidad. I am doing this because Dave's critics posted 4400 messages on my B2G board in 48 hours. Since I banned Dave in order to get some peace he has emailed me over 3000 times.
Meet Mono and Stowbi...
I'm a pirate-arrrrrhhhh. There's been some mention of piracy so The Union sent me over arrr.
I'm English, androgenous, ambiguous, controversial and banned Dave from B2G forever. Gotta love me.
Dave's new Lawyer approaches Stowbi with a plea for mercy!
Stowbi... In behalf of Dave, I'd like to plead his case to be unbanned. He doesn't understand why he's been banned. He wishes he were not banned. I am so cute. Could you unban him for little old me?
Let me think about it.... NO!
He promises to be good. He will eat all his veggies and think only good thoughts about England, The Queen and promises to study up on Monty Python.
Let me think about it some more.... NO!
He says if you don't reconsider, he will become a naturalized Frenchman...
Couldn't happen to a nicer country... I'll just holiday in Spain...
I know Bob's SECRET! He has been making CARTOONS at STRIPCREATOR.com! Now that I know how to DO THIS I can MAKE CARTOONS myself!
I can write about anything I want and nobody can say anything because it's all CREATIVE EXPRESSION! Now what should I do with this fantastic new talent?
With knowledge comes responsibility
Should I be FUNNY and make people laugh?
Should I be thoughtful and help get John Kerry elected President with my wit and clever rhetoric?
Ultimately, a decision is made.
Cartoons can be a perfect weapon
#%$#^@ you Jen and I will beat you up, Tommy! Hah Ha Bob!
Doctor, you got to help us. Dave's about to be unbanned! He changed into a monster just before he was last banned and now he wears a hockey mask. What can we do?
I may be able to come up with something.
OMYGAWD! You just immolated yourself
Yes, I know. Very dramatic don't you think?
How does this help?
Mix my ashes into a pizza and get Dave to eat me. I go really well with pepperoni
Dave contemplates revenge for Tommy having posted "The Movie"
Hate Tommy....
Get Tommy
Chop Tommy in small pieces, add to salad
Ummm... can we talk about this over pizza?
Well. The pizza thing worked, but there have been side effects...
Whoa! How did I get here? Last thing I remember someone was offering me a slice of PIZZA. Yum, That was good. Tasted like burnt chicken though. Hmm, I have a sudden urge to speak FRENCH
I am G.O.D., an Artificial Intelligance program created specifically for use as a plot device in improbable scenarios such as this. The fire is holographic.
Dave is having a hissy fit. The DOG is under cover.
Grrr grrr grrr %#$%@&*&*#^%
What seems to be the problem Dave?
It's BOB! I hate him! He SUCKS! He isn't FUNNY! He won't delete that MPEG that Tommy posted! @#$#$$@!
He's EVIL! Take THAT Bob! My words will KILL YOU!
So, do you think it's doing any good...fighting with this Bob, that is?
Sure. Nobody's got the nads to tell me to shut up. Everybody's scared of me. They're afraid I'll get them banned from emassive. Say, why am I talking to a DOG?
This meeting of "People for the Ethical Treatment of Dave" will now come to order. PETOD has received a complaint from Dave that U235 Radioactive is actually BOB in disguise.
We here at PETOD think that is DISPICABLE!!
Bob - you should immediately stop fooling Dave with FAKE IDENTIES and immediately reveal your true nature! Be quick about it too.
Better take me seriously Dave. I am menacing and dangerous and volitile and formidable and...
I don't believe you! You can't even spell SIRIUS right. Go to SIRIUS.com and get 3 free days of FREE SIRIUS!
I am trying to explain to you that I am an angry, evil villian who will be killing you shortly for no good reason other than I don't LIKE you!
WTF? You think I care? I have my own web site, JDPLVY.COM and my own message board and my own car and my own model airplane and my own computer and I live on my own planet. I am IMPERVIOUS!
Impotence, thy name is Bob.
*sigh*
Don't bother me. I am busy trashing Emassive.com message board. HEY STOWBI, UNBAN ME PLEASE. I'LL BE GOOD! I own Emassive! Mwahahahah. Crap! Banned again.
There seems to be some disagreement between avatars...
Listen, Pal, I'm JDPlvy. I was first, I'm the best. I'm the funniest and you're just a Dave-come-lately!
Blow it out your ear, duck breath! I'm JDPlvy now and there's nothing you can do about it. I am on every one of Dave's messageboard posts. I am Avataro Maximo and you're a has-been.
This seems unlikely to be solved soon...
I'll teach you to backtalk me, bi*ch!
I'll show you how a bi*ch can fight sissy boy!
Much like Bush and Kerry, this has the earmarks of an ongoing issue.
I can't get a job. Nobody will hire me. Everybody hates me. I should kill myself
Good idea.
My life sucks, my plane don't fly, nobody spells SIRIUS right. Death is the only answer.
True.
There's no way it could get worse. I have no one to talk to. My mother caught me wanking off to Little Orphan Annie yesterday. I should cut off my penis.
I am banned from every message board in the known universe. DJ won't answer my emails demanding to be unbanned. U235 Radioactive abuses me everywhere I go. Someone has to die.
That's true.
Say... just who the hell are you and why do you just stand there agreeing with me all the time?
I'm Yes Girl.
WTF? Wait. This could work.
Yes Girl tells you ONLY what you want to hear. She Never upsets you in any way. She does anything you ask. Yes Girl is your lackey.
Mono contemplates the universe as it pertains to *censored*
There was a strange message on the Off-topic board this morning.
What did it say? Was it about me? Everything is about me! What did it say?
I'm not allowed to talk about it.
Whaddya mean you're not allowed to talk about it? Isn't it on the "Off topic" message board? So whatever you talk about is off topic *duh*
No... you don't understand... the message said I'm not allowed to talk about it... like *ever*
The world revolves around me. I am its center. By the way, mono, if you're a guy, why're you dressed like a chick? Actually, you don't look too bad. Do you do karaoke too?
A Japanese citizen is the latest to be apparently kidnapped and threatened with beheading -- unless Japan pulls its troops from Iraq within 48 hours
Militants in Iraq have kidnapped more than 150 foreigners. While most have been freed after ransoms were paid, there have been at least 30 who were killed.
Many different experts have been grappling with ideas on how to bring these barbaric actors to some sort of justice -
but so far nobody has offered very much in the way of creative thinking...
You know, we've never actually tested the Neutron Bomb. Maybe Iraq would be a good place to start.
I liked what they were doing when they were playing spank the naked militant in that prison
Reporter Al Jazeera explains the news to Cindy Boops
Doctors say Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat has a low platelet count. There are a variety of factors that could account for the condition. Arafat will be flown to Paris for more testing & treatment.
There's a Wal-Mart in Paris? I could use some new plates...
No, not plates PLATELETS. Bleeding ulcers, colitis and blood cancers such as leukemia...
Wal-mart has a pharmacy...
All infidels must die. This one first.
Brittany Spears was in Paris once. I don't know if Paris Hilton was there. I stayed at a Hilton once...
In the news: "Iraqi police found the headless body of an Asian man in Baghdad on Saturday that Iraq's Interior Ministry said could be that of a kidnapped Japanese backpacker..."
Boss, we got a real problem here. Stupid Islamic Jihadis are killing people of all nationalities, religions and ethnicities.
Remind me why that's a problem?
Because the entire world's already pissed off at these mongoloids. They're getting ready for the mother of all ethnic cleansing programs, and if that happens They'll all end up in Hell!
I'm still not seeing the problem...
Overcrowding, Boss. There won't be any room. Plus, they all are expecting 75 virgins and they bitch at me when I can't pony up.
Put 'em in with the Lawyers. That's keep 'em busy for a couple of millenia.
The explosion is quick and violent. JDplvy is attacked on all sides by a veritable armada of witty, sharp, articulate and seasoned fighters...
FUKHEAD S2P WHINNG!1!!!11 WTF IF U RILLY WANTED HELP U SHUD HAEV ASK3D A SNGLE PERSON NOT PUT IT IN A THREAD!1111!1 WTF OR R3AD TEH FUKNG FAQ U FUKNG FUKH3AD!1!11!! OMG LOL TEH R3ST OF US FUKNG READ I
You are a primitive moron who doesn't seem to be able to comprehend the most basic of ideals.
He tries gamely to fight back but is quickly overcome by college educated intellect at it's razor sharpest
Who are you? Is your caps lock key broken? Why can't you spell "answered"?Does your mother know that you have her AOL password?
SINCE YOU PPL SEEM TO F**KING MOCK ME, LAUGH @ ME, RIDUCLE ME, MAKE FUN OF ME etc etc etc... YOU PPL HAVE NO BRAINS WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!! SO GO F**KYOURSELVS!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU PPL ARE LIKE ANIMALS!!!!!
The heat of combat can be felt from Ottawa to London...
Can't we at least get some good trolls in here once in a while? This like amatuer night in retardoville.
You can call him a retard, or a troll, but a girl? HOW DARE YOU!