All comics by Calipranks

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by Calipranks
1-10-04
DISCLAIMER: No embryos or fetuses were hurt in the making of this comic strip...
Linkin Park's funny that way... it somehow manages to appeal to all the preppy girls, all the raver yuppies, and all the suicidal goths...
Yeah. Not quite rock, not quite rap, not quite hip hop...not really anything in particular.
Its a lot like the result of Kayvon's parents and their friends after a tequila mixer... all things from the north, west, east, and south of the border blendin' in unnatural and bizarre, twisted ways.
Well... except without disturbing results like Kayvon...
Yeah... but he was the little abortion that got away...
Hey! It's not his fault his first expense was a broken condom...

 

by Calipranks
1-10-04
......
Hmph!
Sorry... dog walking. Heh.
Oh... is THAT what they call IT now...
TO BE CONTINUED...
?
Pssh... Here, stupid ol me... I thought it was called "ABANDONING CORY LIKE HE MEANS NOTHING TO YOU YOU BIG FAT STUPID WHORE"

 

by Calipranks
1-10-04
When we last left our hero...
Of course not, sexmuffin! We are IN LOVE!
....?
<3 <3 <3
Heh, uh... wait... what?
FROM OFF-PANEL: ..."I WOULD NEVER ABANDON YOU MY LOVE!!!"
::tries to get deposit back::

 

by Calipranks
1-10-04
*RABBLERABBLERABBLE!*
... my stomach is making weird noises...
Haha! Someone's got gas! Eeww...
.....
Well... either that or you were impregnated by a transvestite alien from Uranus last night while you were asleep...
SECOND DISCLAIMER: No baby transvestite aliens were harmed in the making of this comic strip...
.....
Better go tell Gobbles he has another baby brother or sister on the way...

 

by Calipranks
1-11-04
DISENCHANTED, AN ANGRY SQUIRREL CONFRONTS OUR HERO...
DAMNIT!!!
....?
BEWILDERED, OUR HERO ASKS...
Grrr!
What is it, little one?
IN WHICH THE TRUTH OF HIS CRIMES ARE FINALLY REVEALED...
YOU POPPED MY BUBBLE!!!
... heh dirty...

 

by Calipranks
1-11-04
Later, at our hero's favorite pub...
She had thought I was a blonde surfer kinda guy, but when she found out that I wasn't even blonde, our convo went somethin' like that...
LOL!!!
Yeah... heh, it's mine, too...
So I guess her bubble is like... uh... her mental image or somethin'...
.....heh dirty.....

 

by Calipranks
1-15-04
The day had started off innocently enough...
...
...
...
...
But comical tragedy soon unfolded.
>=X
... I love being sore. ;)

 

by Calipranks
1-15-04
.........................
::comes out of the closet::
....!
I KNEW IT!!!

 

by Calipranks
1-15-04
Ugh. Remind me to bust Kayvon's ass. "Meh meh meh, I'm with Gob"
LOL
I mean, for Christ's sake... if he's not boning the guy, there's NO REASON why he shouldn't be backing me up!
... "FOR. CHRIST'S. SAKE, I tell you!"
*sigh* Why does everyone always bring me into their crap...

 

by Calipranks
1-15-04
Back on Earth...
Yeah... I know the only way I'd agree with Gob is if I was boning him, too.
Well, you did agree with him that his strips were funny...
.......
.......
OHDT-NAWN'S BONING GOB!!!

 

by Calipranks
1-15-04
Pffft...
Well... I mean, c'mon... they are...
Doesn't matter. You agreed with him, and now you're boning Gob!!
Hmph...
"...It happens..."
It sure does, friend... it sure does...

 

by Calipranks
1-24-04
Brr! I'm cold. =/
Haha, and no one to keep your warm. Awww...
I just need to turn up the heat, lol!
Err... eeww... If only your mother could see you now...
Disgusted and revoluted behind the possibility of mother/daughter incest and flirting, our hero must wait for the next installment to get a grip! UNTIL THEN, WE'LL TO BE CONTINUED....
She's sittin on the couch. o.O She can see my fine "lol."
... your fine WHAT?!?!

 

by Calipranks
1-24-04
LAST COMIC: "... your fine WHAT?!?!"
We V Lovers -- oops! LoL
......
Lemme rephrase that... She can see me *perfectly* well from where she's at.
.......!!
"Don't worry, little girl. You'll get the help you deserve..."
o.O ...What the -- ?!?

 

by Calipranks
2-11-04
It's yer fault that the DM went down, because God doesn't like it when you touch yourself Cory!!!
Fiend!! God is in AWE when I touch myself!!!
....
Okay, so MAYBE he has a point...

 

by Calipranks
2-11-04
I would think Janet Jackson was hot, if only she wasn't a Jackson.
That and I think we can both admit that we're jealous of those abs.
Hahaha! Damn straight I am. She's more man than Michael.
Yeah! Least she has the gull to molest GROWN men!
".... Even the Queer Eyes for the Straight Guy are more manly."
omg liek ah'th soooo resent taht...
omg omg liek me tuu!

 

by Calipranks
2-12-04
Is it really THAT hard?
... heh dirty...

 

by Calipranks
2-15-04
Heh, whoa... a black guy invented the first traffic light...
Hinda ironic that a minority created a device that forces all people in society to yield and react appropriately to different colors...
Heh... whoa...
[/politically incorrect]

 

by Calipranks
2-16-04

 

by Calipranks
2-16-04
... But it kinda hurts 'cause it's too big, lol!
.......heh sorry......

 

by Calipranks
2-16-04
Why are you so far away from me?
It's your B.O., Shirley. It's your B.O...

 

by Calipranks
2-16-04
Seriously, dude. Your B.O. is like, flamable!
I'm British, what do you expect?
Bad teeth, and lots of run on sentences.
It's the Queen's English, Yank!
I bet if the Queen had some Yank, she'd reconsider the Englishman's formal speech, too. ;-)

 

by Calipranks
2-16-04
Exercise sucks!
Stick with it, tubby! It could save your life some day!
Psssh. I'd give my middle finger to be rich so I could pay someone to make me look good...
But then you couldn't flip off the media publicists for trying so hard to make you look bad!
Eh, everything has a price...

 

by Calipranks
2-16-04
(Tribal music playing in the background)
Congressman Johnson, upon hearing of your allegations; embezzling of US funds, and obstruction of justice, this committee has decided... to vote you off... Capital Hill.
(silence)
Oh, wait... but I do have some good news...
(Tribal music starts back up again)
I just saved a buncha money off my auto insurance by switching to Geico!

 

by Calipranks
2-16-04
Stolen From ResidentEvilFan.com's Caption This!
I'm only gonna ask you this one more time...
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?!

 

by Calipranks
2-17-04
Offended by Cory's recent comic about black history month, Jamalia approaches our hero on the street to give him a piece of her mind...
Hoooo'hd up, nigga!
...Hmm?
Nigga, once you go BLACK, you never go BACK!
Psshh...
Yeah, and OJ Simpson is a prime example of why.

 

by Calipranks
2-17-04
After the weirdos in the alley started freakin' 'em out, Jamalia and our hero decided to take it to their local pub...
Nigga, you just drop from the "L" from "black" and it turns into "back!" Rhymes too!
So how'd black folk come up with that goofy phrase, anyway?
Ooohh, nuh uh, foo'... now iz on!
Hah! So I guess it's a lot like how you guys dropped the "C" from "Crap" and made it music, huh?

 

by Calipranks
2-22-04
Aboard the USS Nerd Central...
.....Okay, Venom's always been huge, but since when is he the fucking HULK?
Better question: since when is he FUCKING the Hulk?
Oh, wait. That's right... never...
....................
EXCEPT IN MY DREAMS!!!1111

 

by Calipranks
3-02-04
Wanna watch something funny?
..... oh fuck off....
No, I do not want to watch an amateur porno of you.
Gotta say... dude doesn't know what he's missing...

 

by Calipranks
3-02-04
*LICKSLURPLICKSLURP*
*SLURPLICKSLURPLICK*
Don't we all, my friend... don't we all...
I wanna be rich, then pay women like that to build me a house.

 

by Calipranks
3-02-04
-- Err, okay... fine then! ::doesn't give it to her::
LOL!!!11 I'm not at my house right now!
But I guess you can fork it over anyway...
.... heh dirty....

 

by Calipranks
3-02-04
-- because God knows no woman will ever actually love you without being on serious meds.
-- or needing to be on serious meds.
-- or on serious meds and needing even more serious meds.
-- or your mom.
-- or Kayvon.
.... Zing pow, my friend. Zing pow...

 

by Calipranks
3-02-04
Chanting: *EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL!! EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL!!EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL!!*
... God damnit, Cory...
Yeah! Except for all them damn nigge --- err... oh wait... this is the 21st century... heh, uh... my bad, dawg...

 

by Calipranks
3-02-04
-- dude... that's Kayvon's job. The "rear admiral!"
.... true....
... No, Kayvon's job is the "rear receiver." He's not butch enough to be admiral.
He be Captain Whitebeard.... Bumpirate of the Carribean!
Eh, more like Captain Whitebeard, Bumpirate of the San Francisco bath houses of 1980...

 

by Calipranks
3-02-04
-- dude... that's Kayvon's job. The "rear admiral!"
.... true....
... No, Kayvon's job is the "rear receiver." He's not butch enough to be admiral.
He be Captain Whitebeard.... Bumpirate of the Carribean!
Eh, more like Captain Whitebeard, Bumpirate of the San Francisco bath houses of 1980...

 

by Calipranks
3-14-04
Intriguied by Dino Pollard's newest comic book, our hero pursues him for the ultimate prize...
So hey, how many copies of "Perception" are gonna be printed?
Not sure.
You know I want a signed copy!!
Heh, okay........... Get in line at a convention.
Right. With only a Godzilla blow-up doll, Frank Bigoski, and your mom in front of me, I should be able to get the sig in no time!!

 

by Calipranks
3-14-04
Of course, if your mom truly nags and bitches like you say she does, and Frank continues to yack your ear off about him being the magnum opus, it could take a while...
At least the Godzilla blow up doll will deflate by then.
Y'know, my ex-girlfriend wants a signed copy, too.
-- "Hah! I could just see it now..."
Ghetto Dino: "Suck my dick, bitch, and I'll scribble it with mah jizzle, ya nizzle?"

 

by Calipranks
3-14-04
NEXT ON CNN: Feds issue obesity warning!
!!!!!!!
Watch out, Pollard! They're coming for your mom!!!
....?

 

by Calipranks
3-28-04
Yeeeaaahhh... I'm starting to become concerned about your mental health, Joe...
I thought you realized long ago that I'm out of my mind.
Out of your mind, yes. But that the mind you were out of was a distorted shell of a rubbish hunting gerbil killing vindictive lunatic? Only a bit suspicious...
...................
... I rest my case.
... Ok, the vindictive and lunatic parts I'll admit, and the killing part too for that matter. I don't see how gerbils got into it, and I'm not rubbish hunting, I found the image on a Transformers MB.

 

by Calipranks
3-28-04
Last Comic: "... I rest my case."
... heh dirty...
Oh, bite me...
*insert*
*yawn*
Oh yes baby... that's the way I like it...
.......... *bite*.......

 

by Calipranks
3-28-04
........ Do that again, and you go on block.
Heh, but you're the one who propositioned yourself...
..................
Fin
Ah yes... the wounds of eternal love...
Moron.

 

by Calipranks
3-28-04
Hey... wanna see something?
....?
It's non-sexual.
Pssh... then what do you think?

 

by Calipranks
3-28-04
Whoa, sweet. [The] subway has a deal -- after 5 p.m., if you buy one six inch[er] you get a second for 99 cents!!
Hunh... how much are they usually?
About $3-4.
Heh, it sounds like we're talking about male gigolos...
Heh, speak for yourself.
I usually do... I usually do...

 

by Calipranks
3-28-04
Rub my feet, woman!
... Suck my ass, bitch.
*whips out the hoover* Say 'pick up the soap'...
................
YOUR SOUL MAKES A POOR MEAL

 

by Calipranks
4-02-04
Okay... so the answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not...
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?

 

by Calipranks
6-11-04
Haha, I just freaked my chick friend out!
How?
I told her I had an 8 inch dick. She said "haha, cool." Then I told her to measure from the tip of her pelvic bone to her belly button.
..........
"-- She's been silent in apprehension ever since."
.....>=D....

 

by Calipranks
8-22-04
Dear FBI.... I'm hot on the trail of Osama bin Laden! After weeks of torturing several al-Qaida operatives, my organization has obtained his whereabouts! He'll only be here for a few days, so...
... You must act fast! Send!
FBI Director, sir! We've just received information on Osama bin Laden's precise whereabouts!
Screw that hack, Idema! An elf from Pine View Mall just informed us that Osama's shacking it up with Mrs. Claus!
"... We're going to the North Pole!"
Heh... suckers...
Happy to serve, master!

 

by Calipranks
8-29-04
Tell me I ain't badass.
That *was* pretty cool.
I'm your hero, Oliva, and you know it!
I do pray to you every night for blessing.
Yeah... okay... someone's going to hell...
... Fuck...

 

by Calipranks
1-05-05
Ladies and gentlemen of the press... Forget hunger and oppression...
*RATATATTAT*
Death to the infidels!
Nuuuuuu!
We've got eagles to save!

 

by Calipranks
1-05-05
UPS. What can Brown do for you?

 

by Calipranks
1-05-05
Microsoft is proud to *snort* present the latest *snort* in computer innovations...
"... A sentient 'Help' option!"
Page cannot be displayed? What the...? Why not?
Because your mom's too busy tonguin' my balls, that's why, beotch!
... Tech support will remain on hand throughout the New Year's...

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