All comics by Lordfly

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by Lordfly
1-07-01
So Jesus walks into a bar...
Well, it's been 2000 years since I've done this... let's see if I've still got the charm.
I AM JESUS, YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR! I DIED FOR YOUR SINS! LOVE ME!
Heh. Chicks dig it.

 

by Lordfly
1-07-01
Sexual Escapades in Los Bar de Pixelado...
Look, babe, I'm so cool I spit out ice cubes. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.
I don't know. Can I have a hug?
Were you expecting that to actually work?

 

by Lordfly
1-07-01
I AM THE AUTOMATIC BATMAN!
...?
TWEAKS AND POOFIES!!! SECKSUAL CHOKOLAT!!!!!
TASTES LIKE CHICKEN ON A STICK!! BRAVO TACO!
Someone needs a reformatting...

 

by Lordfly
1-08-01
One night, in an anonymous bar...
A/S/L?
A/S/L?
A/S/L?
Had I the ability to move, you would have been smited from the heavens by now.

 

by Lordfly
1-08-01
*Random topic*
*non-witty response*
*Violent and insepid cursing*
*Off color insult*
*Pointless statement and/or "punchline"*
*Sexually malignant phrase*

 

by Lordfly
1-09-01
Somewhere in California...
"Dear California Electric customer,"
"Due to recent deregulations in the industry, you may experience a slight increase on your bill. We apologize for any inconvenience."
"Total bill for January: 13,400.46"
Pay up, pretty boy.

 

by Lordfly
1-09-01
John, you ok?
...
...dude?
...Do me a favor....
What's that?
Next time I say "Toss me that set of freshly sharpened Ginsu knives", don't take it literally.

 

by Lordfly
1-10-01
So, Bob, I forgot to ask you...
Yeah?
what's your New Year's resolution?
1024x768, 16 bit color. Why?

 

by Lordfly
1-10-01
Bill's deep thinking is interrupted by a friend...
I wonder what balsa wood tastes like....
Hi, Bill.
Your carpentry skills astound me, Ed.
Well, look at it this way: Now I have a place to hang my car keys.

 

by Lordfly
1-11-01
Have you ever spun around in one of those office chairs until you got really dizzy, and then tried to write a college thesis in Latin?
Can't say I have.
Oh.
So, uh... where's the punchline?
I must have lost it in the laundry.

 

by Lordfly
1-11-01
Morning, Hal.
Hey John.
Hmm...
May I inquire as to why you're in a trash can?
I was wondering the same thing.

 

by Lordfly
1-11-01
At the Intergalactic Bar Of Love...
Hey there, sexy earthling unit. Care to stroke my blaster?
A zingy rejection...
Ugh! I'd rather die than touch you, or your damned "blaster!"
Checkmate.
That can be arranged. Meet my blaster.

 

by Lordfly
1-11-01
Lordfly gets his thinking cap on.
Heya, chief. Whatcha up to?
Thinking of half baked ideas to make into comics, so that I may spam the website with an endless stream of poorly typed mash.
What?! Good God man, why?
Sorry, EW :)
Well, it works for EvilWorm...
Touche'...

 

by Lordfly
1-12-01
Lordfly apologizes.
I'd just like to apologize to EvilWorm for using his name as a prime example for poorly typed comics.
As it is, I read all of his comics, as they usually have a good sense of humor, and are usually better thought out than mine....
...They just need to be run through a spell checker panel first. Rock on, EvilWorm! Keep up the good work!

 

by Lordfly
1-16-01
Facial reconstruction surgery: $2300.
Heavy-Duty Fumigation procedures: $4600.
Not knowing where you've been for the past week and a half: Priceless.
For every calamity, there's Visa. Accepted wherever you see the Novus sign.

 

by Lordfly
1-20-01
Morning, Bob.
Does he have a coat hanger stuck in his mouth again?

 

by Lordfly
1-22-01
"The United Nations today concluded a study that shows that global warming is increasing faster than previously thought."
That's ludicrous! Only an idiot would believe that the earth is getting hotter and hotter because I drive a beat up Caddilac!
AAH!
The UN also said that spontaneous combustion is not entirely unfeasible now, and that flammable people should submerge in water.

 

by Lordfly
1-22-01
Hey there, good lookin. Care to dance with me?
No.
...
PLEASE!!????
This is surreal.

 

by Lordfly
1-24-01
Geezus H. Criminey! Why are you driving that spike into your forehead?!
Read that letter on the table.
"Dear AOL Customer; Due to our recent merger, Bugs Bunny has seized your bank account, and Elmer Fudd is impounding your vehicle. That's all, folks! Love, Steve Case" Hmm...
Yeah, that's what I said.
Would you like some more nails?
Yes please. A bigger hammer too.

 

by Lordfly
1-24-01
What the hell are you doing? Hello, can you hear me? Hello?
...
Well, when in Rome...
Sucker.

 

by Lordfly
1-24-01
This is J. P. Stick here, making an impassioned plea to you comic strip makers out there, to please, PLEASE, refrain from making me drive that damn nail into my head. It STINGS!
Suddenly, Joe Q. Comicmaker enters the scene...
Hey, Stickboy!
Finally, a sympathetic voice! Yes, understanding comic maker?
Hahahaha. Nailz r kewl. Now dance, phewl!
A pox on your firstborn, you insepid cur.

 

by Lordfly
1-24-01
Man I'm bored... maybe a change of locale will do the trick...
*pow*
Sigh....this isn't working...
*zing*
99 bottles of beer on the wall... 99 bottles of beer...
*poof*

 

by Lordfly
1-24-01
Hello. I'm Quirky Zots. You know me as the guy that always gets typecast as a mad scientist type.
"I'm usually portrayed animating dead skeletons or shown lighting people on fire. The truth is, I abhor violence and evil."
Look at me! I'm all skin and bones! Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
And I'm actually not smiling all the time; I suffer from lockjaw. A rabid squirrel bit me when I was six, and ever since then I was made fun of for looking like--
Whoops! Sorry, out of time. Tune in next week!

 

by Lordfly
1-24-01
Hi there. I'm Sticky McStick. I can be seen ramming a nail into my forehead. It hurts, but pays well.
My odd appearance is due to the fact that my father was a stick figure and my mother was a blue piece of paper. So as you can see--
Wait a minute. So when your mother was having sex with your father... was she having Sex On A Stick?
That's not funny....that brings back very traumatic memories...
Or did your parents break up because they had no "depth" in their relationship?? hehehe...

 

by Lordfly
1-24-01
Hello there! I am the late J.C., best known for saving humanity, and being the son of God and all of that.
For the record, I do not, in real life, have a vulgar mouth and a bad temper. This is me merely acting out a role in order to get laughs.
hehe, I've got another one. So, Jesus, if you've --
That'll be enough out of you. So in closing, kiddies, say no to drugs and yes to God!
Ow! Oh God it burns! Arrrggghhh...

 

by Lordfly
1-24-01
Hello. I am Bongo. I was the original comic on here. Since then I've been abused beyond my mental ability to cope.
I now spend my days staring at the wall and hoping no one will --
*cough*
Gah! Didn't Jesus smite you last episode?
It takes more than the hand of God (or son, for that matter) to make me stop hosting Lowpass AutoBiographies! Tune in next week, everyone!

 

by Lordfly
1-26-01
Aaah...aaaahhhhh...AAAA.... AAACHOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Bless you.
So, uh... would you like a Kleenex for that, or what?

 

by Lordfly
1-26-01
Satan makes his daily inspections around Hell.
Yes, yes...good.
Argh.
Excellent....good.
Double Argh.
This one still cracks me up.
I swear, when my dad finds out about this, he'll... he'll.... ooh!

 

by Lordfly
1-26-01
Jesus Christ... what have I been doing with my life?
Suddenly, he is no longer alone...
Well, you've spent the first 18 years attending public school, and since then have spent your time in back alleyway trashcans.
Gee, thanks man. That was so insightful.
Well, you asked.

 

by Lordfly
2-13-01
Ok, Billy, swallow this elixir I made with coffee grounds, nitro glycerine, and several cups of ear wax.
Ok, as long as you know what you're doing, Mr. Wizard...
Dum de do.... something should have happened by now...
I feel funny....
Quality programming, funded by your tax dollars. Isn't America grand?
Aah! There we go!
Aaah! Fire!

 

by Lordfly
2-15-01
This is the dreaded second year Spanish class. The teacher was infamous for doling out large amounts of grammatical torture. Rebellious rumblings were underfoot. On this particular day, she wrought up
Josh! Name, in order of historical importance, the 347 tenses of the verb "escuchar!"
Fortunately, the class was prepared for such a calamity. I stalled while my colleagues prepared the escape plan.
Uh, lesse... eschuchar, escuchen, escuchamos, eschucho, eschapades...
I held out as long as I could, for the teacher was becoming suspicious of the sudden overwhelming need for the bathroom pass. It was then that I knew that we needed the wooden badger.
Eschilada, Enchirido, Ensign, Eschuchosity, Euchre...

 

by Lordfly
2-18-01
Well, that's interesting...
What's going on over there?
Fast food turf war. Burger King employees ran into Wendy's and called her a "hoebag". They then proceeded to scream "BK REPRESENT!" and shot mustard packets all around inside.
And then Ice Cube attacked Mcdonald's with rancid KFC buckets. This could take a while.
Methinks my Chicken Mcnugget protest can wait until next week...

 

by Lordfly
2-19-01
Fact: a T-bone steak will dissolve in a bowl of Coke over two days.
Fact: Coca-Cola bubbles away corrosion off of a car battery.
Would you do me a favor and step into that pop machine?
No. I'm leaving.

 

by Lordfly
2-21-01
In the Elsyian fields of lowpass.net...
Congratulations, Wirthling!!
Yes! My pathetic being has finally won something!
As recognition for being such a great strip writer, the Lowpass gang all pitched in and bought you this big pile of live hand grenades!
Erm...
I've gotta run, so I'll just scatter them at your feet, ok?
Can I just get a gift certificate instead?

 

by Lordfly
2-21-01
Hey! Everyone! Look at me, I have a hammer in my head! Aren't I funny?
Hey! Guys! Come on! Lookie! Hammer = head = ouchhie! Ha ha ha!
...guys?
For God's sake, Lordfly, go home! You ain't funny anymore.

 

by Lordfly
7-24-01
A hiatus screeches to a halt.
Ta-da! I'm back!
And.... you are?
Why, I'm Lordfly! I cyrogenically froze myself to return to a point in the future when Lowpass would be free of rectum jokes and typos!
Uh huh. Well, um... Ladflog, is it?.. I hope ya enjoy your stay here anyway. We've got about 29,000 typo-ridden assjokes and counting.
Exit, stage right.
Hmm... maybe if i buy a metric ton of ice....
Hey! Where ya going? Did you hear the one about the penguin colon and the qwerty keyboard?

 

by Lordfly
7-24-01
Deep in an alley in Anytown, USA, reality and cyberspace make an odd convergance...
Psst... hey kid, you got some stuff?
J00 kn0w 1t, f3w1.
What're ya selling?
I've got some Tribes2, some Unreal Tournament, a little Quake III Arena...
It sounded funnier in my head, anyway.
What the hell are you talking about? I want some weed, man!
Ooh. Dude, I'm a warez dealer. Jimmy's down the street.

 

by Lordfly
7-25-01
WWWAAAAASSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSAAAAAAAAA
PPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, can it already.

 

by Lordfly
8-06-01
Hmm, no one's tuning in to watch me on the webcam.
*beep* New user logging in.
Aha! Someone's watching me now! Oh dear, I better think of something quickly to entertain them!
*beep* current number of users logged in: 1
In hindsight, I could have done something a little less drastic just then.
*beep* User has logged out. Current number of users logged in: 0

 

by Lordfly
1-16-02
Well, the first time I came back, I didn't stay long. Perhaps I should do something funny, and yet not drastic, so I don't leave any scars.
Fire is usually fatal...
Standup is lame... and nails hurt. Alot.
I can't think of anything... oh well... default is bliss!
Ming chee!
Phoo wah!

 

by Lordfly
1-16-02
Where
the
hell
have
you been?
Uh... fishing?

 

by Lordfly
1-17-02
Location: your local cybercafe.
Beware the warmoose! It comes for your souls!
...I hate this job.

 

by Lordfly
1-17-02
Alright, self, this is enough. You've been slouching through life for far too long, and all it's gotten you is this trash can in some dark alley. I need a way to pick myself up from my bootstraps.
I need ham. Lots of ham.

 

by Lordfly
1-17-02
One day! In New Jersey!
Hey, a lamp! It'd be sweet if a genie were inside...
The plot! It thickens! Like gravy!
Je...Jesus Christ?
The one and only.
I expected a genie... aren't you supposed to be busy saving souls and whatnot?
Granting wishes is my side job. Gotta pay the bills somehow.

 

by Lordfly
1-17-02
Ok, so... I get a wish, right?
Yep. Just one. Better make it count; God doesn't like the Undo command.
Well, hmm... I know! I wish I could know what other people were thinking!
Done.
I wonder if it really works...
I wish Dad would let me get off this damn stick.

 

by Lordfly
1-17-02
When your face is itching lots...
And you're fearful of bloody clots...
TOBOR TURN FLESHLING TO GRIME!
Fucking robots, they never rhyme.
What's this hubbub, chicken knave?
Burma shave?
Unf.

 

by Lordfly
1-18-02
Boy, i haven't checked my Hotmail account in forever. I wonder how many messages I have.
*You have 34,812 new messages.*
Hmm... What if i filter out the words XXX, cock, sex, horny, bitches, sluts, teens, penis, salami, money, fast, tacos, and aardvark?
*You have 4 new messages.*
Sigh...
Whoops... forgot to filter shemales.
*You have 0 new messages.*

 

by Lordfly
1-18-02
When your wife says you're getting a little fuzzy...
And the tech support guys are calling you SCSI...
And you're starting to resemble... oh, now, who was he...
That's my cousin Chuck, he looks so bad 'cause he...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to rhyme "SCSI"?
Didn't use Burma Shave!
Moh.

 

by Lordfly
1-18-02
oil...can...
That's my line!
Cue the drum riff. Ba-bum-DA!
eeehhhhhhh.....
Another nail in the coffin, eh Bob?
This is your brain on e. Any questions?
I love you all!
Trance music makes me happy!

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