All comics by Melkor

Profile

 

by Melkor
3-16-04
I had a really weird dream last night...
BWAHAHAH! Welcome to the 7th circle of hell!!
I dreamed I went to hell...
Oh! Despair and sorrow is me!
They'll never take me alive!
That, or the party last night was reeeeeeeeally bad...
Yeah, baby! give me some Sugar!

 

by Melkor
3-16-04
Somewhere out in Space...
Explain to me again WHY are we invading Earth?
Well, Sir. They have ice-cream
Ice cream?...
37 flavours and counting, Sir!
On second, thought, explain to me why I hired you as my Officer in first place?
I'm your wife's cousin, sir.

 

by Melkor
3-16-04
The dangers of hiring unskilled alien workers...
Fine, fine. As long as where here were invading. Fire the MultiOglepleX DestructoMondo cannon!
Right you are sir! Firing the...uhm..I cant, Sir.
You cant?! You just have to press the button that says "MultiOglepleX DestructoMondo cannon"!
I--huh--I cant read, Sir.
I hate my Life.
But look, i can stick a finger up my nose to the fourth joint. Neat, huh?

 

by Melkor
3-17-04
Somewhere in Jerusalem...
Ei Satan.
Ei Jesus, whats up?
Me.

 

by Melkor
3-17-04
Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do...
WHAT THE...!? YOU FUCKING BASTARDS, LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO MY SON!!! THAT'S IT; IM RUINING ALL YOUR SHIT!!
Uh, Dad...
One Apocalyose later...
POW! BIATCHAS!!
...*Sigh* Nevermind...

 

by Melkor
3-17-04
Somewhere in Jerusalem...
Ei Satan.
Ei Jesus. How's it hanguing?
You fucking bastard!
Tehehehe...

 

by Melkor
3-17-04
When the recession hits hard...
Ei Jesus.
Ei Satan.
Listen, do you think it's possible to switch places, or perhaps, hisnt there's a vacancy in heaven for a experienced fallen angel?
Well, that would be highly irregular, Satan. I thought that you where happy being the Lord of the Underworld.
Bush died and went to Hell. Im out of a job.
Teheheh...

 

by Melkor
3-19-04
When comedy sketches go wrong...
Well, hello there and welcome to hell. I'm Satan, Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies, and your host for this eternity.What can I do for you?
I'm a Knight who says NIII!!
Huh..a what?
Silence! Brings us a Shruberry!!
Aint Happening.
Ouh! You just wait until we find...A HERRING!

 

by Melkor
3-19-04
Cross channeling...a lot like crossed telephone lines, only worse.
Ei Jesus, listen, i was wondering...
Be silent Demon. You try to trick me, but the Lord my God promised me that my people would be as numerous as the stars!
Wha...?
Go my dove, and brings us some sign of land!
Uh, Jesus, I think you're channeling wrong prophet's again.
Oh, Pharaoh, Let my people go!

 

by Melkor
3-22-04
Holy crap! It's a scary alien! AAGGHH!
Take me to your leader.
Why? What do you aliens want from us humans?
You know what we want...
uh...To phone home?
Damn right! Aunt Mexerglyouz cant read the crop signals...

 

by Melkor
3-22-04
Holy crap! It's a scary alien! AAGGHH!
Take me to your leader.
Why? What do you aliens want from us humans?
You know what we want...
Uh..uh...Free dental care?Uh...To save the whales?uh...hum,Dammit, I cant take the preassure!!Please dont kill me!!*sob*
Why do I always get the caffeine addicted ones?...

 

by Melkor
3-22-04
Not Vietnam in any way, 1968... pardon, 1953.
Ei MikeyG! how was the surgery on Corporal Wachowsky?
Not good, Hawkeye. I had to amputate his leg.
Jesus Christ on Crack! amputate is leg? but he had a cut in his forehead...
Yeah, well, complications.Besides, it was dinner time.
Mikey...Mikey..what's that in your mouth?...
I had a bone to pick with that bastard. He owed me 5 bucks. Now where's Ho Jonh? I need a Martini.

 

by Melkor
3-22-04
Ow. Deja Vu.
Ow. Deja Vu.
Ow. Deja Vu.

 

by Melkor
3-23-04
Beetween chopping people up and a dry Martini...
Ei MikeyG. Thanks for your help on the surgery, man.
No prob. You know, I really think that saving other people's live's is my calling.
Yep.Sergeant Steel now honours his name by wearing a 2 inch armour plate in his head.
Heh.He now can probably derail a train just by headbutting it.
But huh..did you really needed to stitch the word CUNT in his forehead?
Damn right I needed to stitch it. The bastard keeps hogging all the morphine.

 

by Melkor
3-23-04
Holy crap! It's a scary alien! AAGGHH
Take me to your leader.
Why? What do you aliens want from us humans?
You know what we want...
I'm hoping against all hope here...MikeyG?
You know of this MikeyG?! I must find him, he his the Heir to King Zarkhon! Voltron awaits him!

 

by Melkor
3-24-04
Mom, you told me I was conceived at a party you went with dad.
Why yes, son. it was the annual encyclopedia salesman rendevous of 1986.
But Dad's white. So how come I'm black, have red hair and chinese eyes?
...
Son, with all the stuff that happened at that party, count yourself lucky you're not barking.

 

by Melkor
3-24-04
King Priam, Troy - 1300 B.C.
Well, I say we bring the horse in.
Napoleon, France - 1812 A.D.
I Know! Why dont we invade Russia? In the winter?
2004 A.D. , drunk at 3 A.M.
I bet pickled onions go great with cream.

 

by Melkor
3-24-04
Oh Father(tm). Why have you abandoned me?
Why have you left your Son(tm) to suffer like this?
Look, when you're done with the "prima donna" thing, can I have my nails back?

 

by Melkor
3-25-04
Uh...uh...sniff.oh-oh...
ubuh..uh..uh...Atchoo!!!
Dammit! Not even with nails!

 

by Melkor
3-26-04
Macbeth performed by amateur french actors...
Zo, Le Roi was killed by zee Duc.
By the Duc?
Pecked him to death, did he? A fowl deed?
Merde! Unliterate Bastards!

 

by Melkor
3-26-04
Meet Dydactylos the Philosopher, the most proeminent of all unknow philosophers.
The reason he is a unknown philosopher is because he didnt exactly get along with all the other philosophers.
Eureka!
Going to have a bath then?
His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase.
You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.

 

by Melkor
3-29-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what i can do about it.
*Squeak*squeak*...*squeak*?SQUEAK!!
Uops!

 

by Melkor
3-29-04
StripCreator, like anywhere else, can have its head up its ass, too. People here rate me bad even though they know I'm funny
How come?
I'm just obnoxious, so they can't bring themselves to be objective.
Well, the real reason is that we thing you're a few sticks short of bundle
What? I'm as sane as the next man! My mind works like a clock!
Yes, and like a clock, it regularly goes cuckoo

 

by Melkor
3-29-04
Well, howdy there and welcome to Mcdowell's, where your taste buds gets the experience of a lifetime! What can I do for ya?
Listen, do you know that MegExtraMondo menu you people sell? It's poison! Does anyone human actually eat that stuff?
By the moons of Pluto! I must report this to the supreme commander...
Do you have any ideia how bad that tastes? Jesus, if I didnt know better, i would think you people do it on purpose!
Soon enough...
Damn it, Myxorpleagtyx. The humans have discovered our plans. I TOLD you that MegaExtraMondo package was pushing too far!
Ok.Ok. My bad.So not everyone likes pickled onions with cream.We'll just make another vacous publicity campaign and they'll soon forget about it.

 

by Melkor
3-30-04
President Bush Emergency Comunication to the Nation.
Today our secret services have uncovered undeniable proof that Japanaland has WMD's. Here's some Top Secret footage obtained by our secret service men at Fox.
------LIVE FOTAGE FROM JAPAN-------courtesy of FOX NEWS!
AHHH! Akira Kurosawa GODZILLA!! AHHH!!
AARRGHHH!!
If the Japanasian's do not hand over this WMD , America will relentelessly produce quality cars at low price and legalize Toon porn, efectually rendering the Japanishese economy to rubble! Good night!

 

by Melkor
3-30-04
Help!
What's the problem, little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell.
I'll see what I can do.
*STEAM WHISTLE*
Finally! Quitting Time! Help me out of this costume would you Pete?
Me first, Joe.

 

by Melkor
3-30-04
Help
What's the problem, little mouse?
I'm a handome prince turned into a mouse by a evil spell!
I'll see what I can do about it.
*poof*
...
Dammit! This thing is still stuck in Cinderella mode!

 

by Melkor
3-31-04
Help!
What's the matter, little mouse?
Im a handsome prince turned into a mouse by a evil spell.
Well, i would help you, but Im more of a cat person, really.
Yeah? Yeah? Wash in your own spit, do you?
....

 

by Melkor
4-01-04
Help!
What's the problem, little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell.
I'll see what I can do about it.
*poof*
Cool! Lumberjack! Time to wear those womens clothing!
oh dear. And I thought you we're so rugged!

 

by Melkor
4-01-04
Dear Sir, I wish to complain on the strongest possible terms about the previous strip in this contest about the lumberjack who wears womens' clothes.
Some of my best friends are lumberjacks, and only a few of them are transvestites mice. Signed: Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Mrs.)

 

by Melkor
4-02-04
Today we will learn more about that fantastic creature that is...The Blind Cave Frog.
*Ribbit*ribbit*THUMP*
Oi! watch where you're hopping!
Blind Cave Frog - They evolved blindness as a protective mechanism to ensure continuation of the species as cave frogs are made violently ill by the sight of other cave frogs
Well, hello there sweet...oh God you're ugly as sin!!! *throws up*
The males are red and the females are green, but, of course, blind caves frogs do not know this.
You smell reeeeeeeeeeally good!
*ribbit*

 

by Melkor
4-02-04
Well hello there and welcome to The Meat Market(tm) . What's your pleasure?
Cunnilinguis at blender speed. But that's not important right now. I would like a Big Mack please. They say it can do wonders for arthritis.
OI! BIG MACK WITH EVERYTHING!
Hello swettie pie. I'm Mack. Lets take care of those back problems. By the way, i have a 18 inch tongue. Uhr, Uhr , Uhr.
Lovely service they have here.

 

by Melkor
4-09-04
I was living on a lie Never thought that I would die
They always do.
In the halls of sadness I face the troops of madness
Arh! we are troops of madness! Arrh!
That's right. And not sweet old ladies. Lawks!
Hear the Ripper's distant cry
OI! you're standing on my foot!
Uops!

 

by Melkor
4-09-04
I was here when time began I was in them all
Still too loud YHMA!
Sorry mum.
A wicked one magician's hand I'm what John had saw
Damn it! I'm seing things! I've got to lay off the mushrooms or people will never take this "Revelations" business seriously.
Word.
I'm a thing that lives and breathes With slaves to worship me
RAR! TOBOR CORNHOLES!
He's testy, but at least he doesnt demand we sacrifice our firstborn.

 

by Melkor
4-09-04
There are many that are born of me Anytime there are many me's
Bwaaah!!
This damn sheep looks bloody familiar...
Crowned messiah, I crucified him And still ya don't believe
Just another job, no-one special, he's no-one special...
I am Kings - I am queens Unholy terrors me
I am the prince of darkness, father of lies. I am evil at its purest form!
Wanna bet? I'm a PR Specialist.

 

by Melkor
4-09-04
I'm the feces of the species Still you're all in awe
And the casualties in Iraq are only increasing if you dont turn the charts upside down. If you do, then they are droping!
Indeed Mr. President!
I'm something a prophet saw Hister with a rise all fall
Ei Hister. watcha ya doing down there?
Oh, you know. Just chillin.
Obsessed with Lennon Manifested Marx
Power to the Strawberry Fields. We will unite and bring social justice and...or...just ...hum...let it be.

 

by Melkor
4-09-04
I'm incest in the hearts of dark
Daddy, your gun is sticking in my back.
That's not my gun, sonny. Hur Hur Hur.
I'm riding on some atomic bomb -
This panel was censured due to copyright laws. Instead of the Final scene of "Doctor Strangelove" We bring you...a puppet.
I like music, masturbating and strangling small animals!
To blind you all into King-dom-come--I am - I am - I am - I am
The Charisma Man.

 

by Melkor
3-04-05
Alright, men. We need a volunteer to go cross the minefield, dodge the gatling fire and smoke the enemy out. You there! What's your name, Private?
Er...Parts, sir. Michael Parts.
You're last name is "Parts" and you enlisted?!
Yes sir! Family tradition, Sir!

 

by Melkor
3-04-05
So, let me see if i got this...you're entire family has been in the army for generations?
Yes Sir! There's always been a Parts in the Army, Sir.
...You dont say?...
For example, my uncle. He was a Major in the 22nd First of Foot.
A...A...Major Parts?...
I'm only a lowly private now, but I hope to reach General myself, one day.

 

by Melkor
3-07-05
Screen Test for Macbeth performed by ethnic amateur actors.
Soo, this weenie King wasza killed by the Duc, that rat bastard!
By the Duc?
Pecked him to death did he? a foul deed?
Ach! Crivens! Watcha ya tauking aboot? Come here an fight, ya big southern pansy!!

 

by Melkor
3-08-05
I'm sorry Mary, your psychoses have lowered office moral . And quite frankly, wearing tin foil on our casual friday's didnt help , either. You're fired.
No! The world must be warned of the impending doom. Satanic forces have alied with the Illuminatti to control our minds by sending X-Rays to our doorknobs!
I'll show 'em, I'll show 'em *twitch*. I'll warn the world, i'll start a website!*twitchTwitchtwitch*
One month later.
Your site has reached 1,000,000 hits.
YYYYEE*twitch*EESSSSS!!

 

by Melkor
3-08-05
Hello and Welcome to the final round of Survivor: Midget's island!
Our first finalist: A Scotsmen dwarf with tourette's syndrome.
Ach! Watchya tooking aboot ya great southern pansy! I dont have Tourette's! Pass me the fooking haggis, ya festering tit!
And our second finalist: a conservative midget.
Stop midget on Midget Crime! there are no small crimes, only small criminals.
ah, shut yer gap, ya prancing fairie!

 

by Melkor
3-14-05
The XXXI Century. Mankind as evolved beyond it's primitive fears and instincts.
By the Moons of Pluto! I no longer have the need for cornholing you!
And i no longer have the need to check my e-mail every 5 minutes!
Jesus returns to a more compassionate society.
Yeah Dad, i think they are really ready for brotherly love and world peace , now.
Hum...you said the same thing in the 1960's, Jesus.
The result?
Crap.

 

by Melkor
3-14-05
Judeia, 33 A.D.
Ei! Did you hear about that Jesus guy? He keeps saying that the meek shall inherit the Earth.
Shit! Is he high?
Nah! He claims to be the son of God! He just keeps mumbling about "what if all of us just could get along with each other and see things by the other guy point of view" and shit.
What? No Fucking Way!
He's a fucking menace! LETS FUCKING CRUCIFY THE GUY!
YEAH!!

 

by Melkor
3-15-05
So like, Jesus, next Sunday...Wanna go to my house and makeout?

 

by Melkor
3-15-05
Ei Father! You know that bit in the Last Comunion, where Jesus says "This bread is my flesh, eat it"...?
yes, my son?
So, im wondering...who got Jesus ass?
Judas.

 

by Melkor
4-12-05
Right..right...here we go...
Wait...Wait...Wait...
Come on baby! Come on...
Yeah..yeah..i think..yeah...i'm almost there...
Turn it on already!!
Damn it! This nipple radio thing is just not working!

 

by Melkor
4-12-05
Mother...Fucking...Squirrel...Cant hold....Breath...much...longer...

 

by Melkor
4-12-05
So...
Look, officer i was just following in the tail of that thunderstorm, just plain old squall lines and supercell thunderstorm, ok? Then this warm front swoops up, dont you know?
Hum, hum...
And you cant expect that and not have a microscale rotating area of wind, attached to a convective cloud base and be in contact with the ground, do you?
I'm sorry Mr. Tornado, but i'm still going to fine you for illegally parked house.
Aw, fuck!

 

by Melkor
5-06-05
A T-Rex walks into a bar...
What? Hold it!
It is physically impossible for a T-Rex to walk into a bar!
I will not have this sillyness imposed upon the gullible reader! Right! Now, move along.
Ahrum!...The LochNess monster walks into a Bar...
NO!!!

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