All comics by blad

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by blad
10-30-02
That's rad, dad.
I'm glad, scheissekopf.
What do you mean?
There are things you'll never know.
Like what do you mean, you esoteric old bastard?
I keep six honest serving men...

 

by blad
10-30-02
There was an oil spill off the coast of California.
You're groping in the dark here...
How can you continue to support the bastards who do this?
But Bush is love.
He is killing our mother earth.
C'est con, you know?

 

by blad
10-30-02
Jokester. I was so bare-assed bear ass embarrassed at the ticket counter.
Honestly, it's called Let's Cum On All Queers.
Let's.
Hm? Are you going gay on me, son?
Just joshing you, pop.
Buggering Josh is nothing to josh about.

 

by blad
10-30-02
I'll give you three reasons why everything you think you know about college is wrong.
Not now, can't you see what's happening behind you?!
I have no idea what's happening behind you, but I don't care. What I'm about to tell you is very important in regards to your future.
Dubya is snorting cocaine out of a dead hooker's cooch.
What? Her pink taco?
Well, this just proves everything I thought I knew about college is wrong!

 

by blad
10-30-02
What were we doing in college together last strip, dad? I mean, I'm too young and you're much too old.
It's postmodernism, son.
And what exactly is postmodernism?
Fucking postmodernism tripe!
But can I get a definition?
You little smartass!

 

by blad
10-30-02
The web irc client was a bad idea.
True.
It was nicer was it was low-key. When we could invite people we deemed worthwhile to come share our fun.
Totally.
Brad, do something!
Brad is dead, son.

 

by blad
10-30-02
Don't front, cuz.
I don't know what that means.
It's okay to ride the short bus to work or school.
It's not their fault.
Wherever you go, the short bus is cool.
Now you're rhyming just for rhyming's sake, you damn hooligan!

 

by blad
10-30-02
Hello, sir. Are you aware that there is what appears to be a dead child sprawled on your lawn?
It's okay, the garbage truck will be by soon.
Are you sure they'll dispose of a corpse without incident?
No, but I am a gambling man.
Well, good luck in your perilous endeavor.
I am offended by the insulting concept of luck. Get out of my house or I will fetch my cane and beat you about the sternum with it!

 

by blad
10-30-02
I saw a suspicious looking fellow leave here. Why was such a man in our home?
A curious onlooker, my boy! Simply, a curious onlooker!
Is my dead boy safe?
Why, safe as can be.
Well, I'm off to violate him.
Good luck in your endeavor!

 

by blad
10-30-02
We are Asian-Americans.
An Asian-American family! It is a tremendous thing!
Descendants of the Shang.
Children of Amaterasu.
So are we Chinese or Japanese? Make it clear to me for once, father!
Neither, you fool! We are clearly Malaysian or Phillipino, as was Grandfather and his Grandfather before him.

 

by blad
10-30-02
I am dressed in the manner of our ancestors from Burma.
What period of Burmese history, might I ask?
Why, I do not know! I simply saw this traditional outfit in a book and fell in love with it!
Oh, the passions of the young.
What do you mean, father?
You like such stupid shit.

 

by blad
10-30-02
I am considering purchasing an automobile.
But that is not environmentally sound! Not that I care, being Republican, but I am a postmodernist after all.
Silly old hypocrite! And, anyway, you did not completely hear me out. I am thinking of purchasing an ELECTRIC automobile.
Why, that's even worse, you cad! Electricity poisons society in addition to befouling the earth!
How so?
It powers blad's computer!

 

by blad
10-30-02
It would certainly lower my opinion of AllenHenderson were he to be BeNN_MaKK.
I do not share this sentiment I am afraid, Shrek, my old friend.
BeNN_MaKK is a fool! He is but a waste of bandwidth!
He plays the fool, but sometimes he reveals himself to be more.
Perhaps, but he is still a cad and asshole.
And a fop and a dandy.

 

by blad
11-06-02
I heard a little noise just now. Did you hear it, too, old friend? It sounded like the trample of boots upon the turf and the scuffle of tall grass.
You are absurd, Little Squirrel! Let us continue our fishing.
Oh me oh my, the Prussians have come!
Well, then they shan't take us alive.
Whatever are you doing, M.?!
Only a timely murder-suicide can save us now, M.!

 

by blad
11-06-02
Ack! I fear I am spent!
Now I shall turn mine pistol upon my own person and fire two deadly-efficient shots into my gut.
HELLO FRIEND WHERE MIGHT I FIND THE LOO ON THIS PREMISES???
Why, it was only a friendly retarded man!
I WILL TURN VIOLENT SIR UNLESS YOU DIRECT ME PROMPTLY TO THE NEAREST LOO
Ho ho ho, what fools these mongoloids be. Engage me in a game of the sport of kings and then I might tell you, knave!

 

by blad
11-11-02
I was reading Proust in the loo when I heard a voice calling my name. Tell me, father, was it you who called for me?
Do not be absurd, boy. What use would I have with you? You are a foppish young dandy for being so presumptuous!
Oh my, I do believe I know where this is leading and I do believe I chortle with anticipation.
The proper punishment is to be bent over my knee and spanked until your posterior is a shade of rouge.
This is delightful!
If the authorities knew how much you enjoyed this, you would be taken away from me.

 

by blad
11-27-02
Colin, you oaf, give me my Mountain Dew and Chicken McNuggets NOW, Goddamn you!
I don't think so. Not unless you can answer me this: where the hell were you back there in Nam?
Nam is over. Johnson is dead.
Where were you when the snipers shot my legs off and now I can only find work in a fucking McDonald's?! Where, Martin?!
I'm sorry, Colin. Can you ever forgive me?
No.

 

by blad
11-30-02
A play!
The play's the thing.
I'll be bedlam...
...and I'll be weedleweedle!
Suck nigger cock and die homo erection faggy33 dragginglabialips-xeroxmachine you are whiny homos and i am just the black cock to plug your assholes. Rape a kid this holiday season.
YOU GO GIRL

 

by blad
12-01-02
I just fucked a dog.
So did I.
Shame on you!

 

by blad
12-02-02
You fucking dirtclod!
Why do you say that, dear father?
I finally located your collection of various pornographic magazines and films, you little bastard, and I made the mistake of watching one of the video tapes.
It's just fucking wrong to do that to an animal!

 

by blad
2-21-03
Father, Mr. Kaufman called to say he's coming over to dine with you later this evening.
How splendid and jolly good! I never tire of his endless wit and thought-provoking puns.
And he says he's bringing a guest.
Did dear Mr. Kaufman specify who?
Why, I believe it was a Mr. Bunnerabb.
In that case, hide your big black dildos, dear boy!

 

by blad
7-10-03
Oh my, a Bohemian! In these days, such a thing is rare indeed.
Excuse me, sir. May I inquire as to whether I may purchase from you some unlawful psychadelic drugs?
k

 

by blad
7-11-03
...and then I looked him right in the eye and I said to him, "Get serious or get out." So the fuckin' cracker drops the soap and I ream his ass with my strap-on while Benny reams me and
Charlie Sheen reams Benny. And Charlie's sayin', "Damn, you got a tight ass, g." ('cause Charlie thinks he's black) Benny thanks him and forgets to thrust and I start donkey-punching him so he'll
resume ass-fucking me, and he says, "Hey, bitch, cut that out!" So that's why I killed him. Charlie called the cops ('cause he's a paranoid assclown, y'know?) and the cops come and rape me and Chuck.

 

by blad
10-19-03
Father-
Not now, son; I must meet a quota.
A quota? On what?
Dog parts.
Huh?
I mean, uh, kiwi.

 

by blad
10-19-03
Father, I feel I'm stuck in a void.
Depression, is it?
He sees through me like an x-ray.
Yes, I do.
Egads!
What was that? You know I don't speak Spanish, boy.

 

by blad
10-19-03
Son, whenever I feel depressed I just ask myself-
"What would Superman do?"
What WOULD Superman do?
I dunno. Zoom around, maybe.

 

by blad
10-19-03
HOLY FUCKITY SHIT, FATHER!
Speak softly and with a big stick, you goodman boy! Now what is it?
I JUST REALIZED OUR ENTRY FOR CC 216 IS RULES NONCOMPLIANT!
Motherfucker!
NOTE: This comic not endorsed by umfumdisi.
FUCKITY COCK SAUCE SHIT BRIGADE FUCKMINISTER FUCKMEISTER SALLY MCGEE FUCKED MY DOG GET HER, COPPERS!

 

by blad
10-19-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
I play by my own rules!
Fair enough.

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