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I am hipper than u.

 

Quadruple Staba by hipperthanu 3-19-02
Good news and bad news about earwig penises... Oh, God... not again...	Which do you want first? ...	Alright... I'll start with the good then... I think I can probably stab him four times before he gets off another word...

 

Pete Gaines: Proof That God Doesn't Exist by hipperthanu 3-19-02
AHHHHH! It's a fricking squirrel! AHHHHH! It's looking at me! It's got... uhh.. TEETH! And it might jump into my hair or something! My tail is fluffy.	AHHHHH! It fricking pooped in the sink! EWWW! Nasty! That's chocolate...	God fricking damnit squirrel! You will fricking torment me no more! I'm gonna fricking go SUPERFLY TNT and knock you through a fricking wall! Awww nuts.

 

Storytime with Jared: Part 1 by hipperthanu 3-19-02
Mints're fer people who like mints!	I heard him say that. I HEARD HIM SAY THAT! I FUCKING HEARD HIM FUCKING SAY THAT!	Mints.. hehe I heard him. I'm still hearing him. He's...still...talking...

 

Names Changed To Protect The (Not At All) Innocent by hipperthanu 3-19-02
Hey! What's up girly girl? I'm Ron! Hey! Nice to meet you! I'm Nikayla! I'm a Student Council President! I get good grades! Oh! And this one time I messed around with these five drunk frat guys at UMASS!	... ...	That's... Just... WRONG! WHAT!?! I mean.. I only SLEPT with TWO of them!

 

Land of the Free and Home of the Retarded Internet People by hipperthanu 3-27-02
Hmm.. and now to search the internet for some thought provoking discussion on Osama bin Laden and the terrorist cells.	Well, I guess Osama bin Poopin COULD be considered thought-provoking ... but that's not exactly what I was looking for.	Well.. hmm, what's this ... "Osama bin givin George Dubbya Bush head." ... and ... they've got pictures... ... ... it's confirmed ... there is no God.

 

Resident Naked (Evil Not Guaranteed) by hipperthanu 3-28-02
Dude... I'm not going to go see Resident Evil with you. I'd rather jab a rusty fishhook under each fingernail repeatedly than pay 6 dollars to see that crap! But come on man! Milla Jovovich is naked in it... NAKED! Like.. no clothes. Man.. SHE'S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!	Milla Jovovich is naked in almost every movie she's in! She was naked in The Fifth Element and it was PG-13! I think they figure since she kinda looks 13 it was okay. But she KICKS zombie-dog head! And she's NAKED NAKED NAKED!	I don't care if she's naked or not!! If I want naked I'll go watch some porn or something where the people are naked the whole....wait... did you say zombie-dog head?!? You're damn right I did.

 

Literary Analysis (aka: Make Shit Up) by hipperthanu 4-01-02
Hey man, what're you up to? Oh, I'm just working on some literary analysis for my english class.	Really... sounds exciting... and by exciting.. I mean exceedingly boring... Well.. it could be worse.. I mean, I think I just proved that Hamlet was one extended metaphor about genital warts.	I knew something had to be rotten in the "state" of Ophelia... damn that bitch was a tramp! That's not the half of it...dude, "Hey nonny, nonny" was old english for "sucky, sucky five dollah!"

 

GLAAD Is SO Gay by hipperthanu 4-10-02
So what's up? We just had an assembly at school about not saying words like "gay" and "fag" and "dyke" in derogatory ways.	Really? Man... that sounds pretty fricking gay! Yeah, that's what they said you'd say! Man, those people with alternative lifestyles were right!	Hehe... alternative lifestyles are gay. I think you're missing the point...

 

Avante-frickin-Garde by hipperthanu 4-10-02
Hey, you wanna go down to the art exhibit with me? I dunno man, last time I went there I saw some pretty weird stuff.	They've got great stuff! You don't have to be squeamish about something new! Damn man, being so withdrawn is just creepy... It's not that I'm being withdrawn it's just--	It's just that you're a wuss who's afraid of anything avante-garde. Why don't you just crawl into an anti-art hole and die Mr. I Hate Art!!! The last time I went there I saw a piece called "Mr. Dingle Goes To Summer Camp" which involved goat saliva smeared on rancid rat intestines!!

 

Most People Blow Their Nose With Them... by hipperthanu 4-14-02
Man.. that girl was hitting on me.. but she was really, really ugly! I mean, she was like Kleenex box ugly...I wouldn't even have sex with her!	I wouldn't have sex with Kleenex ... well... maybe... I mean.. wait... one time I had those Puffs brand Kleenex... and those were soft and everything...	I would have sex with Puffs brand Kleenex.

 

Suicide Skillet (With a Free Coffee) by hipperthanu 5-02-02
I'm thinking of becoming a suicide bomber, you know, a martyr. Uhh, do you even have any convictions, morals, or... anything whatsoever to fight for?	I figure once I do my little bombing run they'll just assign my act to an appropriate cause. An appropriate cause? Appropriate for what? And who are THEY?? And.. what are you going to bomb anyway?!?!	I dunno, something important... a Monument, or a Church, or a Trade Center, or a Denny's, or a Military Base... You must be insane! You don't even have a reason! You've really gone nuts this -- Wait.. did you say a Denny's?

 

They Cover Buttons by hipperthanu 5-03-02
Hey dude! I'm all ready for the prom, and it only cost me eight hundred dollars! EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS?? Are you INSANE? For the prom!?? What did you buy?!?	You know, everything, a tux, a limo, flowers, ticket, pictures, and a few other miscellanous expenditures. Man, that's just nuts.. no one night is worth that much money, ESPECIALLY when it's just a stupid high school prom!!	Naw man.. it's all worth while.. trust me... check it out... BUTTON COVERS!!! WOOOOOOO! Dear god, I hate you.

 

Independant Rock and Roll Music by hipperthanu 5-08-02
So, yeah, I've gotten into indie rock bigtime lately.. I'm starting to really dig it! Hmm.. that's pretty interesting...	Yeah, I think so too.. I mean, there are so many great bands out there that just aren't getting their due... hey.. what are you reading there? Oh... this? It's just a little letter I wrote to myself. It says "indie rock sucks ass."	You're a dick. It also says you like little boys, and yep, it says I slept with your mom too.

 

Moulin Rouge by hipperthanu 7-05-02
Hey, dude, I just watched "Moulin Rogue," have you seen it? Yeah, it ruled!	I KNOW! Especially that part where he was like, "can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can... Yeah.. I know man, I saw the movie.. heh...	...can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can.... The greatest thing I'll ever learn is just to stab and be stab... no... just to stab!

 

Party up. Up in here. by hipperthanu 7-05-02
So I went to a party tonight... Yeah? How'd that turn out?	Well, after I cleaned up the beer spilt on me, it was a pretty good time.. I mean, except for getting punched in the face and thrown out of the party... You got PUNCHED in the face? Jesus! What'd you do?	...well I wasted the guy's beer...I also stepped in dogshit, well, I think it was dogshit, that guy with the spilt beer WAS saying he couldn't find the bathroom... ...and he wonders why I don't leave my house...

 

Bootilicious Madre by hipperthanu 8-20-02
So naturally I figured she must like me! Ya know, hanging out in that window all the time, looking all sexy...	I mean, she had to know I was out here watching, enjoying her every movement, wondering if I could "handle her jelly"...	My mom is such a tease!

 

This Move is Called "Cat Licking Itself" by hipperthanu 9-05-02
Sweet! I got accepted into that Tai Chi class I signed up for! It's really selective and everything, but I'm in! WOOOO! Wow! That's awesome man, Tai Chi?! I never knew you were into that sort of thing...	Oh yeah man! It's great, it's a form of relaxation and exercise that just cannot be attained by our Western athletics... Dude, plus you could kick someone's ass in slow motion AND if you get bored you can probably give yourself HEAD with all that flexibility!	No.. I.. no..that's -- I heard they have a move that lets you teabag yourself man! It's like joining the Army without any of that basic training shit!!

 

Even Giant Robots Need Love by hipperthanu 9-08-02
Hey man, did you pick up my Gundam figure at Bill's house like I asked you to? Umm, yeah man... I went to go pick it up but all I found was this note...	Really? That's odd... What did it say? ...Ahem, and I read: "Dear Fucktoy, I fucked your toy. Signed, The Toyfucker."	Haha.. you're kidding right? Actually no, and oh, there's also a P.S. here, but it really just seems to be a quite detailed description of how Epyon likes to call him "Big Poppa"

 

A True Story by hipperthanu 9-09-02
Dude! This really hot girl just came into my room and started hitting on me! She SO obviously wanted me! Really man?! Awesome!! What'd she say??	Well I was sitting there and she was all, "Excuse me, can you turn your music down? I'm trying to study." ... ... I ... ... see ... and what did you say back?	Oh, I was wicked smooth, I was all, "Sure.. uhh.. no problem..." You are a sad, sad little man.

 

Putty, Dude, Putty! by hipperthanu 9-28-02
Dude! The saga continues! I saw that girl again in the hall and I totally hit on her and she was SO into it! Are you serious!? That rocks! What'd you do?	I was so fricking smooth, like I saw her and I totally waved my hand and sorta nodded my head a little, shit! She was putty in my hands man! Wait.. you're not kidding are you!? Arrgh! God you're sad man!	See my hands? See these hands? Now imagine some putty in them, and now imagine that girl is that putty...see? I'm imagining a putter, see... and it's in my hands.. see.. and I'm bashing him with it.. yeah.. yeah.. that's real good!

 

Santa 0wnZ by hipperthanu 9-30-02
I wonder what it would be like getting in a fight with Santa Claus... Honestly man.. do you sit around thinking up shit like this all the time? You need less free time! Get a job or something!	I bet he could tear some shit up! I mean he's a big guy and milk does a body good! Plus he's got those badass boots... I bet he'd be like... Are you even listening to me? Would you stop talking about fricking Sant--	HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKERS!! SAINT FUGGIN NICK AIN'T FEELIN' SO JOLLY TODAY.. so you'd better not STIR biatches!!! I wonder if they have a pill version of frontal lobotomies.. I mean, they've got one for abortions...

 

Phallic Cinema by hipperthanu 11-13-02
So here's my script right... it's about a bunch of Mermaids who break out of Alcatraz and then want to break back into Alcatraz because they're older now and some stuff happened with some weapons... Ummm.. well see Miramax isn't really looking for a script that just sounds like "The Rock" only with Mermaids...	No.. No.. trust me! There's lots of golden material in here! This is going to be the next Sleepless in Seattle I swear! The whole clown scene is hilarious!!! Well... It's just that we're not really looking for any new movies in the uhh.. the uhh.. genre.. that you are.. uhh.. in... umm.. yeah..	Just read it.. you're going to love it!!! Well.. I'm sorry.. this just isn't our kind of movie.. I mean.. wait.. HOLY SHIT!?! IS THAT A PENIS JOKE?? HERE'S 20 MILLION DOLLARS!!!

 

Tattos R Kewl by hipperthanu 12-11-02
So I know your birthday is coming up so I thought I'd get you a present early, just cause you're one of my favorite people! This had better not be like last year's present...	Now.. I wanted to get you a tattoo gift certificate because I know you wanted one of those trendy chinese symbols that means "peace" or "love" or "pride" or something... Oh shit, this isn't sounding good, how can I get out of this...	Butttt.. I couldn't afford one... soooooo I decided I could give you one myself!!! Maybe I should have been listening to what he was saying.. it might not be too bad...

 

POTUS by hipperthanu 12-11-02
I think everyone gives George W. Bush a hard time for no good reason. I mean, his malapropisms could happen to anyone. Speaking in front of people is a difficult skill. It takes years of practice and isn't the most important part of being a politician.	We should be focusing on what his politics are, and the good that he is trying to do for our country. Look past partisan politics, look at what we need to do, look at the threat Iraq presents before us.	George W. Bush is a great man. Please replace every preceeding word in this comic with "Fucking bullshit tripe".. Thank you.

 

Keanu Reeves Minimalism by hipperthanu 12-11-02
		Woah...

 

Targeted Marketing by hipperthanu 12-12-02
Hmmm.. better check my email, my mom said she sent me one... LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS! NEED SOME PILLS!?!?	NO! Hey, wait!? How'd you know? What the fuck! I just want my email! How 'bout some teen porn? Dental plan? International drivers liscense? Second morgage? Hair loss formula? Autoerotic asphixiation?	No! Damnit! Just give me my email!! I've got just the thing for you!!! VIAGRA AND GASMASKS! Terrorists want to knock you out AND make you limp.. but George W. Bush wants you to be alive AND hard! God bless america! SCHWWINNGG!!

 

The Ghost of Christmas Assholes by hipperthanu 12-25-02
Tis the season to be jolly! Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la... umm. la la la la la.. Feliz navi la la la la la.. Santa baby la la la la la... ...	HEY THERE BUDDY MERRY FRICKING CHRISTMAS! CHRIST RULES!! SANTA OWNZ!!! PRESENTS ROCK MY HOUSE!! Hey! Fuck you! I'm Jewish!	Ohh, hey, I'm sorry man, that was insensitive of me, I didn't real-- wait a second-- no you're not! Oh yeah.. that's right, my bad...... I just fucking hate you! Damn...I get confused about these things........ ASSHOLE!

 

American Freedom Rocks - the card game by hipperthanu 2-22-03
This comic brought to you by Shell! These "American Freedom Rocks!" trading cards are the coolest! Yeah I totally agree! Screw baseball, Magic: The Gathering, or those LAME Pokemon losers, America is all you need!	Hey man, I'll trade you three Osama bin Laden's for a Saddam Hussein!? Oh I dunno, can you throw in a few UN Inspectors and a couple freedom restricting Patriot Acts?	Hmm.. I dunno.. is Saddam really worth all that? I'll have to think about it... Wait..wait.. he has lasereyes, right? Damn fucking right he has lasereyes!

 

SPRINGGGGG BREAAAAAK! by hipperthanu 3-12-03
So, here's the deal, I'm five minutes into spring break and I haven't seen ANY boobs yet!! Dude, Dude, it's because you're saying it wrong, you have to say SPRINGGGGGG BREAAAAAAAK!	Hmmm, I guess that might work, but I also think going to Cancun instead of my lameass wintery hometown might have helped... Naw man, it's all in your attitude, if you think boobs, boobs will come. It's a lot like Field of Dreams crossed with Girls Gone Wild.	Have you ever spontaneously vomited from the pure ridiculousness of the words you've just spoken? Well, there was that time I asked my dental hygeneist to take off her blouse to help fight gingivitis...

 

I Had These Dreams... by hipperthanu 5-16-03
Hey man, do you ever just want more? You know now that you mention it, I really do. I often look at my life, and my dreams, and my trials and tribulations, and my failed attempts...I look at myself in the mirror...	...I look at my parents, I look at the television and corporate America. I look at the Government and the environment. I look at the light in a child's eyes, and I see the way they still have hope...	Hahaha, yeah man that's cool or whatever, but I just meant, "Do you ever want more Taco Salad" though man, I mean damn these are some small portions. The amount of brainpower I devote to actually listening to you disturbs and appalls me.

 

I Believe. by hipperthanu 9-26-04
I'm thinking of auditioning for American Idol. Sure, but aren't you missing one aspect? You know, BEING A GOOD SINGER? BEING ATTRACTIVE? BEING LIKEABLE?	Oh no, that won't be a problem trust me, I've got a perfect strategy that no one's tried yet! You see... TWO HANDS EQUALS TWO PENISES!!! Oh god damnit!	And you KNOW Paula will want in on that Randy wang, dog! So I'm thinking, right hand Cowell, "This is the worst handjob I've EVER had!!!" and then the clincher... zippppp, SEACREST...OUT!!!!! You just might be the next William HUNG.

 

Converse Sensational. by hipperthanu 12-07-06
Sup homie? What it is, dog?	Tell me the tale, playa! Oh, you know, same cock, different piss.	I don't think that's a thing people say. Yeah, I didn't really think that one through, to be honest.

 

Because I Forgot it About a Year Ago. by hipperthanu 12-07-06
Can you help me remember my password for janevacation@gmail.com? Is it 'aidstits'?	What? No. Damnit. No. Hmmm...	So, any other ideas? I don't know, I have to go change my passwords before you go use 'aidstits' to break into my checking account.

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