All comics by shark_energy

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by shark_energy
1-14-04
Felix was wandering down the street when...
Hey Mister, are you gonna clamp that car?
Yep. Why you asking kid? Gonna try and stop me? Ha!
Well I'm not...
...but Big Dave is...
Oh Shit!

 

by shark_energy
1-14-04
Jesus Rocks!
But if only he were alive today, the world would be a better place surely?
JC, why is the toilet seat up?
For god sake women, I've fixed the plumbing AND made the red wine, what more do you want?

 

by shark_energy
1-14-04
Cuthbert is trapped down the pit of endurance
Its been 2 days now. I need to eat.
I feel like I am going insane
cutttthhhhberrrrrrrtttttt
Eatttttt meeeeee! Eattttt meeeeeeeee!
Sorry I'm a veggie

 

by shark_energy
1-15-04
Jesus is busy turning weeds into roses when...
JC! JC! I need your help!
What now woman!
What is it dearest?
Mrs Snubbs wants to borrow you for some garden work and I told her you would...JC?

 

by shark_energy
1-15-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
So...
You have the right to remain silent...
This isn't fair! Baby Beaver is an Animal!

 

by shark_energy
1-15-04
At the furthest reaches of the solar system...
You have been found guilty of crimes against the Plutonians, you are sentenced to Death...or Bongo Bongo!
Well what is Bongo Bongo?
It involves being anally plundered by 10 of my largest soldiers...and by me too...
No chance! I'll take death!
Very well. You are hereby sentenced to Death...by Bongo Bongo
EEK

 

by shark_energy
1-16-04
A Glorious Day...
Great news Jesus! They are letting you down today!
Later, on the Streets of Nazareth...
Young lady, you don't need to remove your precious garments and offer your "booty" to all these snarling men out here. Now quickly run along and get inside...
So then...
That was your last chance buddy!

 

by shark_energy
1-16-04
I love you boo
I love you too!
I miss you lots
I miss you even more!
Where do you want me?
On the flooooor!

 

by shark_energy
1-16-04
Suzi's mum had a life shattering confession
What is it? Am I not your daughter?
No not that
Dad's still alive?
Well...
Well What?
Let's just say...I used to have a LOT more balls

 

by shark_energy
1-16-04
Come in my hole.
Share my bone.
This pussy needs washing.
Grab my nuts.
Feel my horn.
Banana.

 

by shark_energy
2-02-04
There has to be something more to this life, an alternative to the daily tripe of Planet Earth
I have no choice. I need to find an answer. I have to build...a spaceship! I must explore the universe for something stimulating!
10 Years later on the Planet Gubb
So anyway, Colgar has been cheating on Beta-Alpha! Do you like my new orange velcrons? I swear I am 2 gigitrons heavier this sun cycle. Do you think Gertha is pretty? Yap Yap Yap
*Sigh*

 

by shark_energy
2-02-04
Inside the Flaxton household...
Well isn't this such a lovely reunion!
I've missed you Fiona...
I was a vicious beast, but I will make it up to you. Is there anything I can get you?
BRAINNNNNS
Be a good girl and go get some brains for mummy

 

by shark_energy
2-02-04
Inside the office of Shark Energy, Cartoons are nervously gathered...
At the end of the day, you haven't got me any laughs, I have decided to fire all of your sorry asses...
Except for Felix, Big Dave, Jesus, Suzi, and various others. In fact, its just you two, Mickey and Cuthbert, that are shite. And now redundant.
In the car park...
So what now?
Well I have 2 options...I can pimp my own ass, or I can pimp your sorry ass, and if you don't want me to take a chunk out of that skinny frame of yours I suggest you go with the latter...Bitch

 

by shark_energy
2-02-04
Citizens of Earth, I have an announcement. I, Golgar of the Plutonians, have been given the task of experiencing what you humans call "Sex". I want to understand the feelings of love and lust.
I am therefore looking for a suitable candidate, one who is gifted in these pleasures and can show me the ways...Do I have any volunteers?
Are you sure it goes up there? I dispose of my internal solids from there! Owww! You beast!
Later that day
And then I pinned him up against the wall and made him say "Earth Boys are your daddy"
You're shitting me!

 

by shark_energy
2-02-04
Citizens of Earth, I have an announcement. I, Luthar of the Plutonians, have been given the task of experiencing what you humans call "Laughter". I want to understand what makes you laugh.
I invite any human present to step forward and give me an example of the sort of humour planet Earth is most amused by...
Pull my finger!

 

by shark_energy
2-02-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Previous evening...
Tortoise Shell stuffed with Dodo Eggs and Parsley. And if you fail to please me, I'll eat your wife.

 

by shark_energy
2-02-04
Neil had been dating Amy for 2 weeks...
Oh what the fuck Amy? So you have dumped me already for some old balding perv. What is it? You like sucking on wrinkly cock and chewing saggy ball sack? And don't even get me started on the pubic hair
Neil, I'd like you to meet Grampa Jo

 

by shark_energy
2-03-04
Cuthbert was busy laying down the ground rules to Mickey
Now remember the deal...I get 90% of the takings, you get 10% and lunch money. Stick to 54th through to the Green District for clients ok?
Uh...yeh...sure
And of course, the magic rule...NO females. You can only service male clients...Got that?
But why? I don't understand why I can't escort the ladies?
Because I'm a bastard, and you're my bitch.
Yes Sir.

 

by shark_energy
2-03-04
Having been spared in the recent staff culling at Shark Energy HQ, Modern Jesus decides to put his powers towards a greater good...
It is a worryingly troublesome situation JC, the entire southern hempisphere has slipped into famine and over half of it is plagued by disease...horrible times
Certainly sounds horrible Informative Neighbour. Somebody has to act, has to fight, has to FIX the Earth's troubles!
Inside the house...
Darling! I am off to Africa, Brazil and Australia on some important business. I could be gone for a few months but the world needs my talents. I must help my fellow man in its life threatening battle!
Hold it there Mister! Bathroom cabinets don't put themselves up. Where will I put my Nail File and Thrush Cream? Priorities JC, Priorities! Now get to work and then we can talk about your little trip.
Yes ma'm

 

by shark_energy
2-03-04
Suzi had been shopping...
Hey MumDad, MumDad! I got some pigs brains from the Butchers, will they do?
That's great Hun! I think your mum will love them. She is in the lounge pop them in to her...
BRAINNNNNNNS
Here you go...mum. Hope you like them...
Whaaaaaa!
Hey Kid! Its daddy! Don't be alarmed, I thought it was time to lose the wig...oh and the boobies. I never really lost the old todger so that wasn't a problem..*Hrmph* well anyway!

 

by shark_energy
2-03-04
Felix is giving Big Dave a pep talk
So Big Dave, all set for your big date? I know you are nervous, and a virgin not through choice, but go get her stud!
Crap
Big Dave arrives at Josephine's house
Smells nice
Flowers? For me! Oh Big Dave you are too cute. Why don't you come in for a quick...drink...before we go out...
After a quick fondle, Josephine is ready for some action
What are you waiting for big boy, stick it in me...
Yet they pretend they don't like it

 

by shark_energy
2-04-04
Mike was feeling randy
Hello Sexy? Daddio here. Hows about I pop round and er relieve my tension. I'll make it worth your while...
I'll bend you over your bed again and after lapping away with my tongue I'll slide the wand of love in between your arse cheeks...Hows about it sugar?
Oh you must be Mike, this is Granny Davis, I'll go get Mandy for you

 

by shark_energy
2-04-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Previous Evening...
Hey, do you wanna come over and make snickerdoodles with me?

 

by shark_energy
2-04-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Go for it Tammy, you suck that Horse dick! Keep him steady Mary Jane.
Wowzers!

 

by shark_energy
2-04-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Give me your boots, your clothes, and your motorcycle

 

by shark_energy
2-06-04
Haro! I.T. gurl are here to fix yur probalems!
Hey Minka? It's Bruce in Accounts. I seem to have a problem connecting to the network. Come and have a look for me?
Yes just over here, the problem seems to be the cables in the back of my workstation under my desk
Yus sir
Good girl Minka! Force it in a bit harder maybe. Don't be afraid to tug it if you need some extra length. Whats that? Yes I'm sure the connection string will be fired up in just a second...

 

by shark_energy
2-06-04
Somewhere in Scotland
What thee hell yee got that skirt on fa ya big jessy!

 

by shark_energy
2-07-04
Hey Doug, I heard you just got out from the hospital! What happened?
I'm surprised you haven't been told. Basically I have this theory that the uglier a girl is, the smellier her pussy is.
The thinking behind this is probably psychological, but perhaps the uglier girl needs more attention and loving from a man, hence her pussy gets overused. Anyway I needed a female to test this out on.
To cut a long story short, your dad caught me sniffing your mum's knickers...

 

by shark_energy
2-09-04
Jes was feeling paranoid...
I heard a vicious rumour that people think I look like a shaved weasel! Is this true?
Well I errr, couldn't really, errrr well...ermmmm ok you do look like a shaved weasel.
BUT it could be worse. You could look like a shaved beaver!
Kiki take it away!
Fleshly shaven mista! Jus let kiki lif this skirt..

 

by shark_energy
2-09-04
Dad I need some advice. I've had.................. feelings for this girl. But I think she rejects our families ideals and thus won't accept me as a suitor.
Son the first thing you need is legs. Thats the most important of all. Women love a good knee cap. Secondly, I reccomend going into town with your life savings and making a name for yourself.
Cousin Wilford father has sent me to speak with you about love. Can you give me some of your insights?
My legs have been destroyed by the love of an unclean woman. Go forth and relay this message for your father he will be able to decode its true origins.
So if I show her respect, yet at the same time treat her like the slut that she is, I will have her hooked?
It worked for me with your mother.

 

by shark_energy
2-09-04
Hey Pussy Lovers!
We got all types of Pussy!
We got hot pussy, wet pussy, Sloppy pussy
We got black pussy, yellow pussy, brown pussy
We got fluffy pussy, hairy pussy WE GOT SMELLY PUSSY!
But here is todays new flavour - TIGHT BUM PUSSY! Bottoms up Kitty Kat!

 

by shark_energy
2-10-04
The bathroom looks great honey, so I thought I would give you a little widdle reward...
What could it be?
We haven't done it for a while, and I know it is VERY naughty, but let's go up to the bedroom...
I've been such a filthy little angel! What will you do with me?
I'm gonna spank your naughty little behind...Bend over for satan!

 

by shark_energy
2-10-04
JC is busy gardening...
JC! HELP! There is a scary mouse in the house and it is running riot! Get rid of it!
Ok darling I'm on to it...
Inside the house...
Do I look scary to you mister? I've been living here for a year already and now you expect me to leave? What will I do?
ok ok. Well I must admit I do pride myself on helping all of God's creatures! I will let you stay, but please don't blow the cover...
So...
You got me a canary for our 15 year and 5 month anniversary? How sweet!
EEK EEK

 

by shark_energy
2-10-04
Now Arnie, you take care of my grapes whilst I head into town
o k gil bert
Oh oh theee grapes are gon ne! Gil bert is gon na be mad at me
Hey hey mis ter squiredge have you seen theee grapes?
Eh, do I look like a talking squirrel to you? I ain't got no grapes ok? Now BEAT IT

 

by shark_energy
2-12-04
Hey Molly, did you know the bonfire was from L.A.?
I knew it all along.
Totally. He's so vain.
He loves Thai food. It makes total sense.
Meanwhile, in the bonfire's secret lair...
With my tales of Thai food and L.A., I am just 1 step away from luring the asian chicks into my sucky sucky machine. Winged Demon, get me my noodles!
Yes my liege

 

by shark_energy
2-12-04
I am your sister
I am your brother
I am your father

 

by shark_energy
2-18-04
It looks like you want a date for Valentine's Day. Press [OK] to run Microsoft Matchmaker
Success! Your perfect Valentine's date is all arranged.
I can't wait.
Hello police? I'd like to report a paedophile. Yes, 5' 10", slim build, glasses, spots. He will be outside the playdough factory at 8pm...

 

by shark_energy
2-19-04
10am
That was the best sex ever doc. I must say though I am surprised a man of your talents didn't notice my crabs...
Doh
1pm
I've been sent from the emergency ward. You must closely examine and apply treatment to my anus...NOW
Bah
5pm
That was the best sex ever doc. I must say though I am surprised a man of your talents didn't notice the DNA link...21 years ago you shagged my mother...
No!

 

by shark_energy
2-19-04
Joshua popped into a random book store to use the lavatory...
Damn! First this bowl for a toilet, now no paper? What kind of a lavatory is this?!
Erm, excuse me? Sorry to be rude but I don't appear to have any paper in my cubicle. Would you be so kind as to pass yours over?
I'm sorry, I don't appear to have any paper either young man. Perhaps I could give you something else to mop up with? Just bend near that hole there...
Erm you are gonna wipe for me? What the fuck? Oh what the hell its starting to dry up and cling. Go for it...*zip*
Next day...
What the hell happened to you Josh?
Glory Hole Bum Bashing

 

by shark_energy
2-20-04
Mummy, can I have some pancakes?
We have to wait for Daddy sweetheart. He will be home any minute.
3 Hours Later
Where's Daddy? I want pancakes!
Where the hell is he?

 

by shark_energy
2-23-04
There is no doubt about it, this will be the greatest tv show this millenium, and possibily even last millenium. Go hire some writers my feathered friend!
Yes my master. I will gather the greatest team of writers ever assembled, and the best actors too of course.
Starting this pancake day, a docu-drama, set within the carnival of lust...
I might lift my top...you know...and flash those hotties...
You go Girl! I mean...Bitch!
...With the combination of Crime and Lust, a fact and fiction mix of action..."Dial M for Mardi Gras!"
I've heard enough little miss tushie shaker! I'm taking you down the station!
Will Officer Brewski be there? He is like soooo hot.

 

by shark_energy
2-24-04
Everything ok in there Jeffrey?
No I'm still struggling with this sample doc. Maybe you could try talking dirty to me?

 

by shark_energy
2-24-04
Yo girl, you're pussy wasn't just soaking last night, it was drowning. It was literally flapping about like a kipper.
I don't know what you are talking about you filthy sick pervert but keep away from me...
Hey? What now? No don't get me wrong here lady! I'm not talking about yo crab pot. I'm talking about that pet cat of yours I threw in the river, it's alllll good.
Tiddles? YOU MONSTER! WHY? HOW?
If the pussy ain't getting pimped, then I got no need for the pussy. Now you go jump in that river over there or i'll cut off yo tongue and put a dog bone up yo jacksy
Awwww damn

 

by shark_energy
3-01-04
Listen you sack of shit. I'm telling you one more time. GIVE ME MY BONE.
It would be great if you could talk, Buffo! Then I could understand everything you say!
That's it. You're going down, man.
Over the next few years, the needless death of young Micky McGhee led to an influx of dog translation services such as Senor Poochy...
So whats the verdict? Why has Spike been so grouchy?
He say you ava stolen his testicales!

 

by shark_energy
3-10-04
Ready?
I guess...
Well?
Let me put it this way.

 

by shark_energy
3-10-04
Ready?
I guess...
Well?
Let me put it this way.
Your feet smell and you need some boobs.

 

by shark_energy
3-11-04
Ready?
I guess...
Well?
Let me put it this way.
You've got plenty of snicker but not enough doodles.

 

by shark_energy
3-15-04
Son, could you come here for a minute?
I wonder what he wants..
Son, you are getting older now, it is about time we had a heart to heart. Is there anything on your mind?
Yes dad...where do babies come from?
"Well, in the beginning..."
Spread those feathers

 

by shark_energy
4-20-04
Outside the StripCreator Campsite...
Hi you must be Attitudechicka!
Soly mista, she over ther
Inside the grounds...
Hi Chicka! Shark Energy. Pleased to meat you. We share the same birthdate don't you know. How about we use this tent in my trousers and get to know each other even better you fine, and young, female?
Erm I don't even know you. How about NO?
Damn! I mean ermmm Ma'am, maybe you will reconsider. I have a Puppy in the back of my van over there...
A puppy! How cute! Can I see him? Lead the way shark man!

 

by shark_energy
4-21-04
I think I just took a shit in this spacesuit.
Why the fuck are you wearing that? Were in Kansas!
Just in case a tornado picks me up and carries me ... WHOOOAAAA! ... to the moon.
Earthling, you landed on top of our second most wicked witch. You know what you must do now, don't you?
Use one of MikeyG's punchlines?
Don't you think you've put us through enough torment?

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