All comics by word_weaver13

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by word_weaver13
3-29-04
We join our hero (previously unnamed, but now known as Barker) on a wondrous day! The day he is granted a wish!
You're my fairy god...thingy?
Uh, yeah, yeah. But hurry up and make your wish, see?, I'm late for something.
The deterioration on Barker's mind becomes apparent.
Hmm...I know! I wish for a hooker! A big, meaty hooker!
Been there, done that! And...Badda Bing!
And now for an important lesson in "Be careful what you wish for." And the horrible screams of our pal Barker will haunt us into the night.
What the hell?
Come on, big boy! You wished for a hooker!...

 

by word_weaver13
3-29-04
On a quiet day in the barnyard, a somewhat quirky chicken has a thought...
Hey, I'm in deep thought mode, and doesn't the farmer have two hook hands from that sad "accident" a few harvests back?
Yeah, so?
The chicken is not used to such deep thoughts, and we all know what happens when you get a tiny brain and deep thoughts.
So, if he has 2 hook hands...how does he wear those button up flannel shirts he likes so much?
Gawd, where does this chicken come up with this stuff?
For the record, kiddies, never let your chicken think thoughts more than "Feed me" and "I think it's time to lay eggs for the brilliant overlord."
IEEEE!
Spontaneous Combustion-now THERE's a deep thought for you.

 

by word_weaver13
3-29-04
We join the Fire family on at typical day. The wife is ranting and the husband is not paying a bit of attention to anything but sex.
Damn those wings make me horny!
Honey, I think we need to talk about the serious issues at hand...blah money blah children blah I have no sex life...
A love destined for anguish from the beginning, Fire Pyre sometimes believes their love to be based solely on the sex appeal of tiny fairies to hulking demons.
I can't wait to get her into bed!
Blah blah size issues, blah blah dating! blah blah your mother is a whore...
Yet these conflicts are always resolved in the heat of...passion? And off to the bed he would whisk her. If only relationships were really this easy.
You're so sexy!
Oo! Fire! You're making me horny!

 

by word_weaver13
3-29-04
The time has come to introduce a more permanent character! One we can jibe, tease, and put into awkward situations!
I'm the cute avatar that will represent our good friend word_weaver13 in comics!
Avatars are subject to change, of course!
Mr. Cat choses a name easy to type repetedly!
And now to introduce the character whose poor, plotted life we will make hell of...
Bring it on, bitch!
Now that's taking the easy way out!
Enjoy your sad life you.
Gabby! That almost fits! Not to mention how easy to type and short it is!

 

by word_weaver13
3-29-04
Our good friend Gabby takes time to tell regailing tales to her good friend, Dirk.
So, all in all, it was more trouble than it was worth..
Only one girl could take 3 hours explaining how she got the ketchup stain out of her hoodie.
Dirk cannot help but wonder to himself, "Why would there be a christmas tree behind us?"
So after I got my gramma's dentures, we all went over to the HartMart to buy paint for my paper mache woodchuck.
Why is there a christmas tree behind us?
But yet again, Dirk wonders if there is a punchline to all of this. Invariably the answer is No.
um....
Wait, is there a punchline to all of this?

 

by word_weaver13
3-29-04
Dirk is bored one day whilst Gabby is shopping, and he finds himself in the somewhat alluring chatroom "ChataLot's Playpen".
Chatalot's playpen huh? Wait, whose this? Hot_Chick_4U? Sounds like my kind of girl! *typing* Hey!
*typing in return* Hey. ASL? I'm a...15 female from Boston, Maine.
**Denotes typing. Dirk goes against his better judgement on this one. Teenage boys and their hormones!
*Uh, 15 Male, Boston Maine. You live in Boston? Cool!*
*Wanna meet up?*
As reluctant as Dirk is, he agrees in order to perhaps obtain the pussy that all teenage boys hanker for. To be continued...
Urr...hot chick? *Sure! Let's meet in town.*
*How about in Smitterdecker's graveyard? Like...a blind date?*

 

by word_weaver13
3-29-04
The sad story that unfolds that night would scar Dirk forever.
Uh, hi. I'm waiting for someone.
Oh yeah? Me too. Supposed to be an awesome guy.
Uh...a guy? I'm waiting for someone who was "hot_chick_4u" in chatalot's playpen.
Crazyass! That was me! I'm Hot Chick For you!
All Dirk can think is...(to be continued again!)
WTF?
Nice to meet you, I'm Victor.

 

by word_weaver13
3-29-04
Dirk is utterly confused by this situation!
No way you're hot chick!
Dude, how else is a gay guy supposed to meet hot guys??
Uh, dirk...wait, dirk! DIRK!
Aw, man...I dunno...
Come on! Gimme a chance. I may not be a hot chick, but I'm a great guy!
Whew! That was close. You guys thought he'd be gay, didn't you! Sillies! ^^
Dude, I'm not gay. We can be friends though...
Just friends??

 

by word_weaver13
3-29-04
Gabby meets Dirk's new buddy Victor.
Who is this hottie!?*Speaks* Whats up?
Hey I'm Dirk's...friend...Victor. Is Dirk here?
Gabby is a bit taken aback by this, but she soon adjusts as hormones surge through her veins.
We were doing homework. You wanna come in? ~Please, please!~...What?
Totally! Does dirk do homework in his underwear?...Nothing.
Dirk could only see Gabby's hormonal in love face as she pranced off to retrieve bevrages, and he knows that this study session won't be fun.
Uh, hey Victor. Ur, totally dude!
Your friend said we could do homework together!

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Gabby has developed a plan to catch the attention of Victor.
This'll work for sure!
The plot is as sprung as Gabby!
Hey! Victor! Looks like you caught me in my underwear!
Uh, yeah, Gabby...is Dirk here? Is he in his underwear?
Slightly dejected, Gabby decides to get to the bottom of this shit.
Did Dirk tell her I'm gay?
WTF? Why didn't that work?

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Dirk has been changed due to lack of poses and amusing things to do with his former self. >> Enjoy.
Hey man, whats wrong? You look like you just saw some ugly chick in her panties.
Dude, your friend just stripped down for me. Does she know I'm gay?
Gabby's eavesdropping has paid off, and she discovers the secret that is keeping Victor from finding her appealing in panties.
WTF? Victor is GAY??!!
The truth shall set you free! Or perhaps cause anguish to your friends. Whatever works best.
Aww, Gabby is totally hot for you, Vick. I didn't tell her.
Dirk, you have to tell her man. I do NOT find her appealing in panties.

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Dirk has been changed due to lack of poses and amusing things to do with his former self. >> Enjoy.
Hey man, whats wrong? You look like you just saw some ugly chick in her panties.
Dude, your friend just stripped down for me. Does she know I'm gay?
Gabby's eavesdropping has paid off, and she discovers the secret that is keeping Victor from finding her appealing in panties.
WTF? Victor is GAY??!!
The truth shall set you free! Or perhaps cause anguish to your friends. Whatever works best.
Aww, Gabby is totally hot for you, Vick. I didn't tell her.
Dirk, you have to tell her man. I do NOT find her appealing in panties.

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Our brave heroes (Dirk, Gabby, and Vic) attend the weekly night of Amish style stand-up.
So me wife was churning butter, and she says, "Honey, does the bible forbid sex, calling it a sin to touch the parts of another?
They have set out to discover if this is worthy to waste time on.
'Why Yes' says I. And she stops for a moment and says..."I touched the tit of the cow I got this cream from...ack! I have sinned!"
Uh...
Sadly, No. It's not.
Thank ye, thank ye! See you at church!
Uh...ha ha ha...

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Dirk becomes bored.
Uh, go right ahead.
Would you like to hear a few reasons why America sucks?
He's right you know.
A woman burns herself with coffee, she blames the restaurant. You smoke 3 packs of a cigs a day for 45 years of your life and die: you blame the tabacco companies.
Dirk's point is not overlooked by the stranger, who goes on with her life wondering about America.
I never thought of it that way.
Isn't America sad?

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Gabby decides to get fit to improve her image for Victor.
Is this the Tae Bo class?
*pant pant* Yeah, The new and improved, Tay Bow!
Where do I sign up?
Just join in, and pick up your miniskirt over there! We're starting now.
It seems as though Gabby will have to keep her flab....keep the flab? Is there flab?
Uh, maybe another time!!
Welcome one and all to the new lesbian Tay Bow! We hope to have just as many hopefuls here as we did last time! It was fun!

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
On a fine day Victor runs across his old boyfriend, Chez.
Hey, what's happening Chez. How was Mario's wedding?
You know I hate those things. All my grandmas coming up to me and cackling "You're next."
Aw, man. Sorry Chez, that's rough.
Yeah, but I took care of that the last wedding I went to.
Ironic
What did you do?
They cut that out when I started doing the same thing at funerals.

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Welcome to Smokin' Joe's, can I take your virginity?
Yeah, I'd like one anal with a small cumshot?
Sorry, cumshots only come in large.
Damn. Can I get an oral with a side of pussy?
Welcome to the future.
That'll be $9.95, you're in room #7, we'll be right with you.
Thanks

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Looks like Gabby has seen another member of her close-knit (small) circle of friends of olde.
Lexy, is that you?
Uh, yeah, hey Gabby.
How is your brothel coming along?
Looks like Gabby has seen another member of her close-knit (small) circle of friends of olde.
I'm not associated with that anymore.
What, did you get AIDs?

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
So, did you get AIDs or something.
Naw, man. I just got wise to how stupid it was. Besides, I wasn't making enough money.
I guess that could be a kick in the ass for any hooker, huh?
You always were the smart one.
Lexy remembers her first love, stealer of her virginity (and the only pussy he's gotten since) Dirk.
Why don't we get together sometime, catch up. Dirk can come too.
Dirk!? Hell yeah, I'm there.

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Gabby goes off to make dinner, and leaves Lexy alone with Dirk.
Nice to see you again, Dirk.
L-l-lexy?!
Trying to look cool in front of the only girl he's ever fucked, Dirk actually becomes less cool.
Uh, yeah. Been a while huh?
Totally, Lex. I'll uh, be right back...
Why is he being weird...*read gabby* Ooooh...that explains a lot.
Well, you're the only pussy he's ever gotten. What do you expect?

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Dirk's sad attempt to regain Lexy's love.
I'm back, Lex, ya like my room?
Um, did you know you're in you're boxers?
Totally, babe.
Dirk, Gabby told me about your unluckiness with women.
DAMN YOU GABBY!
This will be a long night.

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
I'm gonna tie you up and fuck you hard!
???
Spank you're ass until it's red raw!
Urrrr
I'll let you stick your hand just like this...
This isn't the slappy happy Amish comedy hour is it?

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
Gabby has a little fun with Granny RedYokel.
You look just like my husband!
...that's because I am the ghost of Grandpa RedYokel.
Oh, honey! I knew one day you'd come back for my body like you promised!
Eeek!
Meanwhile, in heaven...
That's it baby, yeah!...*Read other*...no! Of course not!
Didn't you say you had to see someone?

 

by word_weaver13
3-30-04
A common day in an obscure part of heaven...
Welcome to this meeting of Jesus H. Christ Club
All hail Jesus H. Christ!
Today we accept a new member into our cult...I mean club!
All hail Jesus H. Christ!
Welcome to heaven, buddy!
All hail Jesus H. Christ!

 

by word_weaver13
3-31-04
Mr. JH Christ is doing his best to spread his words of joy.
Hello little boy! I am Jesus H. Christ, world reknowned healing savior!
Wow! My best friend told me you weren't real.
Oh really! Bring your friend in here!
Hey, buddy.....!
J.H. is confronted with his arch nemesis, Lucifer P. Satan!
Not you again!
Nice to see you, old buddy.

 

by word_weaver13
3-31-04
Lexy was just leaving for her weekly rping session, when she meets a stranger at the door.
Uh, can I help you?
Yes, I'm from the 'Leage of Ordinary Gentlemen', and we'd like you as a member.
Why?
It would seem your powers with a sword are deemed 'Ordinary' enough.
I just fake it with that sword.
I know. I did say ordinary enough, right?

 

by word_weaver13
3-31-04
Lexy reaches the session, to discover Victor already there in costume.
Some guy wanted me to join the Leage of Ordinary Gentlemen.
Oh yeah? They wanted me too. They said my magic skills were perfectly ordinary.
Yeah, they said the same thing about my 'sword' skills. I'm not joining.
It could be kewl. I heard they are the best roleplaying cult in town.
Lexy's mind is set on being in a cult, so she and Victor head downtown to sign up.
Wait, a roleplaying CULT?
Totally! I'm joining up. You should too.

 

by word_weaver13
3-31-04
Welcome to the League of Ordinary Gentlemen, Gentlemen! The finest roleplayers this side of Paper street!
And ladies!
Dude, Victor. This is already kickass!
This is gonna be awesome.

 

by word_weaver13
4-03-04
Lexy and Victor try to make sense of the exhuberant matador at the first meeting of the LOOP.
Whee! Welcome to meeting one of the Leage of Ordinary People! (Changed to be politically correct.)
LOOP members' first mission will be a simple one...
?????
Simple?
Really Mr. GW Bush, there are NO Weapons. None, nadda, zippo.
Are ya sure? You gotta be sure that there ain't no bombs er nuthin.

 

by word_weaver13
4-03-04
Victor's mission is a tad harder than Lexy's.
Here's you're Whopper, Sir.
Thanks.
Sorry, I said I DIDN'T want fries...
Getting a fast food order right.
Sorry sir, what does that mean?
.....

 

by word_weaver13
4-04-04
Lexy and Victor discuss the outcomes of their missions.
Hey, Victor. Did you complete your mission?
Barely. I can't believe they gave me such a hard one.
Convincing GW was pretty hard, but I understand that you had to get a correct order at King Donald's.
Let's not talk about it. I think I'm scarred.
How many orders did it actually take?
Ok, fine. I admit, I made it myself. How else was I supposed to get it right??

 

by word_weaver13
4-04-04
Lexy and Victor have just witness the horrifying death of their friends Gabby and Dirk.
*sniff* sob, sob...
Oh, Lexy...it's alright...
Why did it have to happen like this??
Lexy...
.......
None of us knew that the clown had anthrax in that pie.

 

by word_weaver13
4-04-04
Lexy and Victor are stunned by the death of their friends, and Victor now has no place to stay.
Vic, I know you were staying with Dirk while you are looking for work.
Yeah. I guess I'll have to get my own place now.
Why don't you stay with me.
I don't want to put you out, Lexy. It's ok.
Technically if I declined, I'd be putting you out.
Good point...I'll start moving this Friday.

 

by word_weaver13
4-04-04
*singing* Hold me baby, yeah, I'm plastic.
Lexy, what IS that noise?
Oh it's me. I'm singing along with my new Britney Lears CD.
Oh, ok. I thought the neighbors cats were getting it on again.
!!!

 

by word_weaver13
4-04-04
Victor's nephew, Marvin in the 5th grade, happens to be online.
Hey, Marvin. Are you still taking your Sylvan Center classes?
Oh yeah, I was. But mom figured out a better and cheaper way to help.
What?
She bought me a book on how to read.

 

by word_weaver13
4-04-04
Hello. I'm here to give a friendly note to viewers about the poor quality of earlier comics.
.....
So we would like...
Viewers? Hey, viewers!

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