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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.


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by andydougan
Wow! Look over there! It's Academy Award-winner Russell Crowe!
You know, the **** one out of The Quick and the Dead.
Oh yeah! He seemed like a really nice guy in that film. Hey, let's get his autograph!
I hate eating in public. If anyone talks to me I'm going to cut their larynx out.
Now, dear. That's how you got your ass handed to you last time.
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