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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.


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by andydougan
Excuse me, Mr Crowe? I was wondering if you could spare me an autograph. It's, uh, for my aborted son.
So I says "What do you mean Virgil's lyrical prowess surpassed mine in some respects? Haven't you ever heard of 30 Odd Foot of Grunts?"
Look, lady, could you **** away off. I'm entertaining my wife with musings of weight.
Er, no! I'm willing to make the sacrifice! Why don't you talk to her instead? Preferably for several hours?
No offence, but your wife obviously correctly regards you as a waste of life. So how about that autograph?
That's it! I'ma autograph your dead skull!
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