andydougan  
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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.

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by andydougan
7-04-07
John Smeaton, the bravest man alive
So these terrorists are comin at us wi ****in petrol boambs. An ah'm like, ah'm no havin this, an ah ****in set aboot thum, know?
Ah booted that ****'s **** so hard ma ****in Achilles tendon snapped. Now thae ****s know no ae ****in mess! Yas!
I've never been north of the Chilterns, so I have no idea what you just said. But this'll have to do. I have a baccarat game in half an hour.
At least we know that we are a strong people who will not be cowed by such craven acts.
Next: we were going to show Die Hard 2, but that's got airports blowing up so it might make our viewers cry. Here's Fried Green Tomatoes instead.
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