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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.


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by andydougan
Good news! The op was a success! However, we had to amputate your torso, and I accidentally left a pair of earmuffs in your brain after performing the lobotomy.
This may have some adverse side effects. For example, your eyes_are_now_hyper-photosensitive and will be scorched by daylight, so you'll have to become nocturnal. But you're lucky to be alive.
The herring in my head tells me so.
Could I see your medical certificate? I can't believe this is standard treatment for an ingrowing toenail.
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