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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of Teatime®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the *****houses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.


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by andydougan
I'm Captain Redundant. I often say superfluous words unnecessarily a lot when I talk.
I'm Corporal Apathy. I've also got some special trait or something. Who cares?
I'm not Colonel Perjury. I sometimes tell the truth.
That's the biggest lie I ever heard. I'm Brigadier General Hyperbole. I do nothing but exaggerate. I'm the leader of our gang, which makes me omnipotent.
We're going to hold up the corner shop. We'll make off with trillions of dollars!
*sigh* Do we have to?
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