First, a convenient holiday-themed comic from squidrabies:

[Click to view comic: 'Tard Boy and Finkelman']

What is everyone planning for the holiday season? Me, I've still got 30-some days overseas, but that's just extra time to figure out how to have a great belated holiday.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Eventually I will wrap the pile of christmas presents in my closet.

Then Christmas Eve, I will light a small fire in my fireplace, possibly for the first time the way things are looking, while I allow my neices to open their stockings that I made for them, while my son is ripped from my arms and taken to the dark side of Nate's family, Nathan's father discluded. After the kids have gone to bed, the adults will gorge themselves on rum balls and watch movies -- and, if the urge strikes us, home movies of the kids from past Christmases.

Christmas Morning, I will be up at dawn making breakfast. Eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, etc. Basically everything that's good about breakfast. When everyone rolls out of bed, anxious to see what they got under the tree, I will strap them down to chairs and force feed them my holiday meal. My parents will also arrive during the tie down process to add to the gifts and partake in my scrumptious morning meal. Immediately following, I will release the savages so they may make a complete and total mess of my office, throwing wrapping paper everywhere and trampling one another to get to the next gift. Then Nathan, his brother, my son, and I will abruptly leave, allowing the kids plenty of time and space to appropriately destroy my house before my return.

We will then have a Christmas feast that is somewhere between a lunch and a dinner as we won't actually eat until 1pm or 2pm, but will be expected to be in attendance by 11am. For the first 3 hours or so, we will greet one another as if it has been SO LONG since we've seen one another. In reality, it's been 3 months, maybe. I actually love this side of the family, I can't make it sound terrible to be seeing them. We'll joke, hug, normal family stuff. Then I'll listen to the "cousins" tell stories of things happening in their dorms like the underwear story I was greeted with on Thanksgiving. The only problem is I'm going to be too tired to enjoy most of it. So after we eat, we all go downstairs, where there's a couch, like two chairs, and a huge christmas tree. We unwrap gifts for nearly 2 hours (this is a large family, there's usually 45 of us piled into one house). And then I will reveal my secret girls only family gift and distribute them.

And now the story behind that: every year a member of the family does something just for the girls (which is actually a little unfair because the girls definitely outnumber the boys). So this year I got everyone themed long sleeve t-shirts that I think they're all going to love. Last year the theme was ponchos.

Anyhow, after the gifts are distributed, we'll go to Nate's mom's hotel where she will give us the "real gifts" she bought for all of us that she doesn't want the rest of the family to know anything about, because she sees it as private and personal, since the gifts are usually on the $$$ side, whereas the gifts exchanged with her family are on the $ side.

Then we finally go home, and, if we can move, clean up.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

It is a tradition for my family (Me,My Sister,Mom,Step-Dad,Step-Brother & wife,& Step-Granny) to have Christmas dinner and open presents on Christmas Eve.

I spend the night with my Mom & Step-Dad and my Sister does too if she is able to come down for Christmas. Then on Christmas day around 1pm, we go over to my Grandparents house (Mom's family).

We usually spend most of the day there. We have Christmas dinner/lunch then open presents. Then we just visit with each other the rest of the day.

I love spending time with my family. It is a wonderful time of year for us. I love watching the kids faces, and my Grandparents when they open the gifts I have gotten for them. :)

Sometimes my Aunt even reads the Christmas story from the Bible. My Great Grandpa used to do that when he was alive.

I hope everyone here has a Wonderful Christmas & gets to spend time with those they love!

((HUGS))
Countess

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"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." Kahlil Gibran

Drive 8 hours to Buffalo, most likely in snow.
Spend 2 days shuttling between various in-laws' homes, getting "merriment" shoved down my throat.
Get to see my family for 10 minutes.
Pack up the car and drive 8 hours to Baltimore.

Fun. Wow.

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I has a flavor!

quote:

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Drive 8 hours to Buffalo, most likely in snow.
Spend 2 days shuttling between various in-laws' homes, getting "merriment" shoved down my throat.
Get to see my family for 10 minutes.
Pack up the car and drive 8 hours to Baltimore.

Fun. Wow.

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i have all my xmas shopping done and everything but a couple of presents wrapped. this usually occurs around December 24th, but this year i took advantage of the wonderful world of online shopping and i paid for giftwrapping.

a non-stressed holiday season. this is a first

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what if nigger meant kite

I was getting off easy this year, but several friends I know only slightly better than last year have informed me they are getting me gifts this year, which means now I have to get them a gift and give something to anyone who is higher on my priority list than those people, which includes a lot of people who weren't getting anything on account of my poverty.

I was going to make fruitcake, but I'm the only one I know who actually likes it.

Other than that, it will most likely be a quiet time at home and for the first time in a couple years, with someone other than the cats. Cause there's few things sadder than spraying presents with catnip so the cats will open their gifts and then pretend that what you got yourself is a surprise. /pathetic memory of past years

I got boorite' s gift all ready to go. It's a Tobor RealDoll. Shhh, don't tell him!

Usually, Christmas goes like this:

Christmas Eve, over at my Great-Aunt's house. That's where the expensive gifts (and the ones that we actually want) are recieved.

Christmas Day, wake up sometime, open presents, eat breakfast with step-dads parents, wait until about 3pm, then go over to some relative on the step-dad's side for dinner. Eat food, laugh at their stupidity, come home and sleep.

Some day after Christmas, go out to my Gramma's house, have a quite dinner and exchange presents and blah blah blah.

This year, I could be working on any of these days. I can't wait.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

I'll watch the wrestling.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

I'm coming home from school on the 17th and go back on the 16th of January. A few days before Christmas we have a gift exchange with our relatives, and then on Christmas day we open presents... nothing too special.

[Click to view comic: 'Tard Boy and Finkelman']

[Click to view comic: 'Mister Monkeybottom']

You now know a second.

I especially love fruitcake cookies. Mmmmmmmmmm... almost makes the holiday season not a total hell.

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I has a flavor!

I'll start the day off by opening presents with my dad and sister. Then head to my aunts house to get presents and watch the Bears brutally beat the Packers. It will be a very good Christmas this year.

That's because you live in imaginary land.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

What an odd thing to say.

My world will slowly crumble this year as I am carried away by the yuletide to drown.

I have both pennypinching Jewish and Italian Catholic grandparents I get to 'visit'. Jingle all the god damn way.

And these aren't you're normal ones, either. The Jews are all hyper-people, the ones that spent their younger years on heavy methamphetamines before becoming commercial succeses. The Italians all have pictures of themselves surrounded by other men, all in suits, in black and white. Nobody is smiling for a reason.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

[Click to view comic: 'Life as an English: Christmas']

Merry Christmas

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

Christmas eve is spent in bed normally as all presents usually wrapped by then. Even though everyone in the house is grown, we still enjoy candy, so we get stocking fulls by morning. Christmas morning is spent reading the christmas story followed by loud christmas music blasting across the house while everyone sits in their pajamas to open presents exchanged. Then comes some form of brunch thing ranging in various incarnations. The rest of the day is spent fighting over presents that have already been half lost in the mess. Its a tradition we go thru every year.

All my extended family lives far enough away to where we dont have to look at them on christmas or hear their snootyness about how much better they are than us. :)

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Each year, my Mom claims that she's going to cut down one of the pretty pine/cedar trees she sees growing along the interstate to use as her Christmas tree.

Each year, I hope she doesn't actually do so because then we'll have to spend all her Christmas present money on bail.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Warning, rant ahead!

Okay all you guys. When it comes time to give your gf/wife/etc a gift, here's a good list of what NOT to get her.

http://shopping.msn.com/content/shp/?ctID=480,ptnrid=164,ptnrdata=300422>1=7430

Other than the Mp3 player and digital camera, all the stuff on that list is stupid. Okay, okay, so some girls might actually like that kind of crap. But if someone spent $40 to give me a "Muffin Man set" he would probably find himself in trouble. Sure, cheesy little gifts are fun and all, but think about it: would the gift ever be worn/used? Even once? And the "I'm going to put it on right now!" thing doesn't count.

It took me ages to get my dad to stop giving me makeup, perfume, and jewelry for Christmas and my birthday. He thought that's all that girls wanted, because he watched way too many commercials and sitcoms. Fortunately, I was able to turn him around and get some power tools just in time for a month of boredom to show itself.

See, girls tend to like silly cheesy things once in a while, but they also find a man/woman who can prioriize properly very sexy. I once had a boyfriend who spent $300 on a few days' worth of pot then whined to me that he needed food stamps to eat, while I was working two jobs, in school, and still had to be on welfare just to break even. He didn't last long. So if someone spends $200 on a pair of earrings for me, I'm going to wince, because even though I might like them, a $20 pair would most likely be sufficient. Plus, anything over that I'd never wear, for fear of losing them.

Now, if $200 is to you what a quarter is to me, then ignore what I'm saying and buy the JLo purse set. My female friends appreciate fine jewelry better than I do (I spend my life in tshirts and jeans and change my earrings once a year) but all of them would rather have $200 spent on something like an Mp3 player or digital camera rather than the Muffin Man set (I just can't get over how hideous that is...and it made top gift list!?).

That's not to say you shouldn't get some romanticky jewelry gift for your gf/wife/etc. Just think about whether or not she'll use it and appreciate its value. And for heaven's sake, don't spend your entire budget on one gift, unless it was something cool like an electronic/computer item. Engagement rings are a whole other subject.

Now for the next part: Guy gifts. Unless I'm missing something (and some guys would want more power tools in there) this looks fairly good as a list. In fact, I'd prefer this list for me over the other one (gah! Muffin Man attack!).

http://shopping.msn.com/content/shp/?ctID=481,ptnrid=164,ptnrdata=300420>1=7430

So guys, how's this list in terms of accurateness?

Oh yeah, above all, pay attention to what your fe/male partner says. They'll usually drop an unintentional hint at some point. Sure, there will be intentional hints, and you should look out for those, but when you hear an unintentional one, take full advantage of that. Surprising someone with something they were wanting but didn't know you knew about is probably the best of all.

Of course, a lot of you people already know this. I'm just ranting. I hate those stupid stereotypical lists. Once, MSN had a list for the ten things most women need to keep around. I figured it would be things like a hammer and pliers to fix simple broken thingies, etc. Useful stuff. Instead, it was all crap like a pair of high heels and a little black book. The only really useful thing on there was cab fare. Then the men's list included $150 jeans, because obviously I can tell the difference between Kmart and some snooty department store pants. I'm sure some girls can, but I resent the idea that as a female, I'm that shallow that I critique pants. I can't even tell the difference between a Dior and a cheap Mexican knockoff.

I should stop ranting and go do something. You people should go do something too. What the hell are you doing listening to me?

I agree with Ivy over the female list. Yes, its nice getting makeup and jewelry and perfume and whatnot once in awhile, but not from loved ones. Its more of a friend gift.

I've also come to realise that giving food is on there. Why? Don't we get enough during Christmas with all the dinners and parties? Here, let's REALLY make you gain the pounds on Christmas.

As for the purses and whatnot... yikes. That's about all I can say.

Me? I'm practical. I'll give a very specified list of what I want. Down to size, colour, and where you can get it. And nothing I ask for is over $50. I wear enough jewelry, my purse is suiting me just fine seeing as I bought it myself, and... yeah. That's all I got.

Or gift certificates for certain stores. I'm a big fan of gift certs. Screw being able to know how much someone spent on you... if they're that strapped and they get you a gift card for somewhere that you absolutely love, then at least they know you somewhat. That's good enough for me.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

I agree with the gift cards.

As for buying for women, as most of the users here are straight males, here's a great big piece of advice: If she can wear it, you probably shouldn't buy it for her.

I prefer to purchase my own shoes, because, though comfort doesn't matter much to me, not making me look like a jackass does. This statement applies to all other wearables (change "look" to "smell" for perfumes) EXCEPT purses. The reason I would never let a guy pick out a purse for me is easy: He doesn't wear one. He has no idea how large/small I would need my purse to be to fit out of the car with it, how many pockets I need to keep my things separate and organized, and usually guys are clueless when it comes to style, so pretty much they're screwed overall anyhow.

So just stick by the rule: If she can wear it, don't buy it. Give her a gift card and let her pick it out herself. AND ESPECIALLY don't buy her lingere. Even the biggest nympho would much rather not recieve that as a gift, it's like saying all you keep them around for is sex. And if that's the case, why buy a gift at all?

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Mediocrity at its most average.

quote:

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So guys, how's this list in terms of accurateness?

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So it's the JLo purse collection then?