RCL no. 1282 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-28-06

Okay, children... Today, we're going to talk about the care and handling of high explosives. And they never heard from Stickboy (or the 3rd grade class of Arnold Elementary) again... But, first I'm going to show you how safe T.N.T. is by hammering this nail into that bomb!

The Job Interview by biped 10-05-06

Looking good so far, Mr. Smith. Just one more queston. How would you feel--if Don Rickles himself--gave you a sloppy blowjob? I'd, uh...I beg your pardon? Don Rickles. Sloppy blowjob. Your reaction. Uh, well...I'd... err... I'd like--no, wait... uh, I w-wouldn't like it. Yeah, that's it--I wouldn't like it. SHIT.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

RCL no. 1304 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 10-08-06

I need my ball, Rufus... Hold on a second... Give me my ball...NOW!! Relax, clown! I'll be done in a minute... What's going on? See that sow over there? The one rooting through the pig shit? I think she's impressed 'cause she's giving me MAJOR "pork me" eyes!

Sally's Favorite Actor by biped 10-18-06

"Next on E.T.-- actor Harvey Keitel admits: 'I am afraid that there might really be WEREWOLVES!' Now, my exclusive interview...!" "That's right, Mary! Werewolves... might really be REAL! OH MY GOD--WEREWOLVES! THEY'RE...THEY'RE GONNA KILL US! YAAAAAAAAA!!!" "We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin--HARVEY KEITEL just broke into NORAD and has started WORLD WAR III!!!"

Be Like Hope Cow by biped 10-18-06

Grrr, you're always so pessimistic! You "Pessimist Pest", you! You should try to be more like HOPE COW! Hope Cow? Who's Hope Cow? HOPE COW always has hope -- when he says "moooo!" it means "I'm Hope Cow! I always have hope!" Indeed! I'd like to speak with this Hope Cow. Where is he? Oh, he got run over by a watermelon truck about twelve years ago.

Be Like Compliment Wolf by biped 10-18-06

Honestly, you sound just like Derisive Duck! Whenever he quacks, it means "I don't like anything!" You should be more like COMPLIMENT WOLF! "Compliment Wolf"? Who's he? Compliment Wolf likes everything! When Compliment Wolf howls, he is saying "That's very good! I like it!" in wolf-language! Why, that's WONDERFUL! He must make friends with everyone he meets! He sure does! Well, the ones he doesn't eat, that is.

Look Who's Stalking by biped 10-18-06

Oh no...it's Willem Dafoe again! Why? WHY does he keep stalking me? Oh, well...at least he hasn't kicked me in the nuts yet, like Robert Loggia...

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

RCL no. 1328 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 10-23-06

Ow! Ow! Ow! What's wrong, Maura? Last night my boyfriend fucked me in a place I've never been fucked BEFORE! Where? In the kitchen? In the bathroom? In the ASS, you dumb bitch!! Oh, snap!

Pottery by NeoVid 10-25-06

Dude, that guy that just walked by smelled like pot fumes! Hey, that's weird... That smells just like my dad's tobacco.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

A Bar on De Nile by Spankling 10-27-06

Sup? You ever get the urge to play boner fights? You know, just you and a good buddy? Play sword fights with your... No. Me neither.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

WHY? by biped 11-13-06

Janey, I just robbed the morgue of all their corpses. Your bedroom is filled with them, in various sexual poses. WHY? Granny, I hope you enjoy the way I arranged several corpses around your kitchen table. It looks like they're having dinner. WHY? Corpses, corpses, everywhere! Come on in, kids, and sit beside the corpse of your choice. They're really starting to stink. WHY?

Stubborn Dan, The Anti-Arms Man by biped 11-13-06

I'll prove to everyone that I can surf without having to use my arms for balance. That'll show 'em. I'll prove to everyone that I don't have to use my arms to swim, or to defend myself from that shark. Poor, stubborn Dan. He was just dead-set against using his arms for anything. I know. He even masturbated with his feet. He liked to brag about it during dinner... (sniff)

Oh, My Gorshins by biped 11-11-06

YAAA-HA-HAAAAA!!! HEE HEE HEEEEE!!! WHEEEEEEE!!! HOLY SHIT!!! IT'S THE REANIMATED CORPSE OF FRANK GORSHIN!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!! GRRRRRRRRR!!! ARF!!! ARF!!! ARF!!!HEE-HEEEEEEE!!! NO!!! NO!!! PLEASE DON'T GET ME, FRANK GORSHIN!!! WAAA-HA-HAAA!!! ...and finally, an update: the reanimated corpse of Frank Gorshin continues to terrorize the entire city. My, I wonder how in the world his corpse got reanimated. Well, stay tuned for "The Waltons: John-Boy Knocks Up A Cow."

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Eating at a Polyp-nesian Restaurant by Xuanwu 11-13-06

Please...no more... ...and then he says, "Wow! I never knew polyps could get that big!" Oh, god... the mental imagery... You wouldn't believe the fun you could have with a fist sized chunk of flesh attached to your innards. I'm losing it... If they ask... "Do not resuscitate." And that was before he got a look at the other orifice!

RCL no. 1339 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-21-06

Okay, okay... I'm SORRY! You don't look like Sam Cassell Now, will you change me back into a human? Pleeaaase?? I'll think about it...

What a Bully by crackpanther 11-21-06

Do I see Superstar behind any of your names? No? Then shut the fuck up.

Schadenfreude by TheGovernor 11-20-06

Ok, so then you chop half way down the onion, against the grain, before cutting it the other way, making little onion squares see.. Can I have a word dear? Can't you see Im dicing with death?

The Midget Monsters by biped 11-26-06

Dr. Frankenstein just made some more monsters out of dead body parts! But this time--he used MIDGETS! OH, NO! WE'D BETTER RUN--wait a minute, midgets? Oh, I want to see that. I'll bet they're cute. But...you're supposed to be TERRIFIED of my monsters! What's this "we want to see the cute monsters" crap? Well...we do want to see the cute little midget monsters. And the kids...well, they sorta have their little hearts set on it. (sigh) I hate to incinerate perfectly good monsters, but this "cuteness" factor is intolerable. yaaaaaaa!!! yaaaa-haaaa-ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Helen's Secret Recipe by biped 11-26-06

Well, as usual, the dinner was DELICIOUS, Helen! What's the big secret behind your culinary success? Ha ha, oh, it's no secret, Vicki--I use DOG LARD! DOG LARD? Yes, I raise the dogs from little puppies--slaughter them--and render their fat into tasty lard. But DON'T WORRY--all that good dog meat doesn't go to waste! You mean...the... the Swedish meatballs... Pure, grade-A dog meat, Vicki--cooked with savory dog lard. You've been feasting on it for years.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Barbecue Boy by biped 11-17-06

Git tuh eatin', boy. I want yuh tuh fatten up real nice afore I slaughter yuh fer muh barbecue. SLAUGHTER ME? Oh my GOD, you MONSTER--I'm a HUMAN BEING! WHUT THE HAIL D'YA THINK HUMAN BARBECUE'S MADE OUTTA, YA MOE-RON? SQUIRRELS? I...I thought it was just a cute name for regular barbecue... Well...shut up 'n' start eatin' yer fatty-fat fattenin' mush, boy. I gotta cater a bar mitzvah this weekend. HA HA! JEWS DON'T EAT PORK...oh.

The Kind-Hearted Folk Singer by biped 11-18-06

"Ohh, take me back to those rivers of phlegm, and the booger-eatin' hobos who follow them..." "And the vomit rain, and the dandruff snow, with Old Man Detritus and Dick-Cheese Joe..." "We'll roll around in the fields of shit, and feast on the popping of every zit--" Thank you, Danny, I think I've had enough company for today.

Billy And Dad by biped 11-20-06

HEY! DO A STRIP-TEASE, DAD! OKAY, BILLY! HERE GOES! BUMP! BUMP-A BUMP! BUMP-A BUMP-- ED! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!? Well...Billy wanted me to do a strip-tease, and-- Ed, I'm calling Dr. Feldman, and this time you're not distracting me with dinner at Golden Corral.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

biped

The true origin of Agnes! =8-o

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

The Page Three Girl Extravaganza. by UnknownEric 11-27-06

Hey, do you remember "Naughty Girls Need Love Too"? Yeah, Samantha Fox! Well, in the second verse when that guy says "Samantha Fox was such a wild dame" and she asks "Huh, well what's your name..." He answers "Samantha Fox." Why? Is his name Samantha Fox too? Is Samantha Fox screwing Samantha Fox? And does that create some sort of rip in the time/Samantha Fox continuum? You need to stop shooting up NyQuil.

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I has a flavor!

Intervention for Lolicons by Xuanwu 12-08-06

Ohman, ohman, ohman, ohman! Gotta hide the loli pr0n before the cops get me! Open up! We know you're in there! AH! Too late! You'll never take me - or my precious pictures of petite progeny - alive, coppers! Deliciously flat chests FOREVER! This isn't the cops. We're from Hentai Anonymous. We're here to help you realize that big breasts can be beautiful, too! BUST-PHEMY!

Orgasm Man by biped 12-10-06

HAVE NO FEAR--ORGASM MAN IS HERE! BAH! You can't stop my criminal reign of terror, you impotent do-gooder! Oh, yeah? My super-psychic powers can cause you to have an INTENSE, DEBILITATING ORGASM! YAAAAAAAAAA!!! OH MY GOD!!! UNNNGGGHHH!!! Well Mayor, it looks like, once again, I've put the "Big O" on crime! Actually, Orgasm Man, since you came to town the crime rate has increased 1,000 percent!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Wes Craven's Wishmaster meets Skee Lo, zaniness ensues by TEDA 5-13-01

You have woken me from my ancient imprisoned slumber, and in gratefulness I will grant you one wish! But beware, for it may hold dire consequences for the unwary! HAHAHAHAAHAAAAA! I WISH I WAS A LITTLE BIT TALLER I WISH I WAS A BALLER I WISH I HAD A RABBIT IN A HAT AND A SIX FOOT FALLER VERY WELL. Okay? You now shall force yourself into my piss-hole until my tender velvety urethra is packed with your shredded sinew and viscera. Oh, and the honeys still laugh at your yellow hatchback. I guess it's kind of poetic. CONSIDER ME PRICKHOLED SIR

why your sister wont let me sleep over by TEDA 5-14-01

AH! GGGHH ACH! OH NUTS ON A JESUS CHIN YOUR SICK FUCK FUCKHOLE GAAHH GLGLBBPP COME ON YANK MY NUTS YOU WALKING SKINHOLE OH HATE THE COCK HATE IT SO GOOOOD FFFFUUUUCKKK SHIT SHIT GGGG OH YOU WORTHLESS COOZE IM GONNA CREAM ON YOUR WORTHLESS FUCKING PILLOW UH! UHHH! UHHH HOPE YOU LIKE ASPARAGUS YOU C-C-C-CUUUUUNT...AH...oh...oh yeah gonnapunchyouwithmycumfist Did I wake you?

superbook, but not really by TEDA 5-14-01

So you see, Biblebot, I'm not sad about what happened to me, because I love all of you so much I gave myself to you so you can go to heaven. I will rise in three days and you can live with me forever. DESTROY THE DOOMED FLESH MEN That's a good boy.