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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

FTC34: Earn your wings by maddog00 5-10-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* You could've at least told me you were on the rag. Jesus.

FTC34: Street Life by KamikazeBob 5-10-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* I can't believe I'm raping some ugly ass girl on the street. I was raised better than this... Finally someone who appreciates who I am as a person... I think I found my dream man. *flutters*

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Win video games along with systems and accessories just by signing up! http://readysetgamer.com/register.asp?6144=92071

FTC #34: There she is!!! by KamikazeBob 5-10-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* Listen, cats and rabbits is an X. *cocks head*?

I suppose if you want to get it all watch There she is!!! on newgrounds.com.

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Win video games along with systems and accessories just by signing up! http://readysetgamer.com/register.asp?6144=92071

Smamurai gets the Penny of Vocabulary for using "Whilst" instead of "while." You deserve it, you amorphous magnam.

FTC 34 - Idol Hands by MikeyG 5-07-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* o/* Rob the cradle of loooove. Rob the cradle of loooove. Yes, the cradle of love, don't rob easy it's true. o/*

FTC34 - Pot-ential Mate by MikeyG 5-12-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* Hey, are you like, my girlfriend or something? If you have any dope I'll be your Liberace if you want me to.

FTC34 - Canine-lingus by MikeyG 5-12-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* Mmm...here, boy! Mommy's got the peanut butter on her 'gopher hole'! Woof?

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

FTC #34: Let There Be Light! by OMG_DaGmAr_6481987 5-12-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* And then God created the heavens and the earth...

FTC #34: So Clippy Together by OMG_DaGmAr_6481987 5-12-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* It looks like you're writing a letter. Do you need assistance? Wow. I think I'm in love...

FTC 34: She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer... by biped 5-12-04

...and all night long, it was honor and offer. Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* You're under arrest. I'll let you hump my brains out twice a week for a month if you let me go, Sugar Pants.

FTC 34: Till Next We Meet, My Love by biped 5-12-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* Well, uh, it was nice talking to you. I have to get back to work now. And now comes the awkward part...do we kiss, or just shake hands and say "adieu?"

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC 34: ..............................................qua? by possums 5-12-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... Would you say that he's malignant? Highly.

She Needs 10cc's, Splat! by smamurai 5-13-04

How is my wife Doc? Wait here, I'll check. Mmmm hmmn, now that's what I call 'deep' coma. Please stop. She's fucking awesome dude!

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

FTC 34 : Reliving That First Endorsement Busting Date by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 5-13-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* AHHHH! Get offa me Kobe Bryant!

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Perm, you magnificent bastard. If you win on that one, I demand credit!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Fuck that, Did you not happen to notice the comic above his involving a doctor raping a protesting woman? A much funnier comic might I add. Yes it was mine.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

FTC 34: Tyler Points by biped 5-14-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* Wait a minute... that was YOU!?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Has this FTC had a Hitler's Ass joke yet? by kaufman 5-14-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* Schneller, Ilsa! Schneller! I am sorry, mein Fuehrer, but meine Vierzehininchenspeikenstrapon is stuck in your ass.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

But Perm had Kobe Bryant.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

But mine had a comatose woman........and a punchline.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

That comic looked like it came out of HITLER'S ASS!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

You wouldnt be subtly attempting to influence the judges by shouting "My comic is brilliant" would you Smam?

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

I will not be influenced by words alone. It's all about bribery.

Me and the other judges (a.k.a. the voices in my head) will judge you suckers in a few hours. So hurry up and get those last minute bribes...er, comics...in now.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

FTC 34: Coffin It Up by biped 5-14-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* No fuckin' way! You rob graves, too? Necro-phuckin' A, you gorgeous ghoul, you!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

It's award time!

Since there were no political comics (therefore no political awards to give out), I added a few other awards. Here we go...

Funniest Comic to Computer Geeks

Goes to: OMG_DaGmAr_6481987

For the Comic:

FTC #34: So Clippy Together by OMG_DaGmAr_6481987 5-12-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* It looks like you're writing a letter. Do you need assistance? Wow. I think I'm in love...

The Ick Award For grossest comic

Goes to: maddog00

For the Comic:

FTC34: Earn your wings by maddog00 5-10-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* You could've at least told me you were on the rag. Jesus.

Funniest Comic to Cross Dressers

Goes to: NooniePuuBunny

For the Comic:

FTC #34: And guess what...They're red! And Silky! by NooniePuuBunny 5-07-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* So what are you into? Wearing women's underwear! I usually swipe my mom's thong and wear it around the house. I'm wearing it right now in fact. Wanna see?

Funniest Comic to Mary Kay LeTourneau

Goes to: The_Kingpin

For the Comic:

FTC #34: School Sucks by The_Kingpin 5-07-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* David, can you see me after school this afternoon?

In case you don't who she is, she's the teacher who had sex (and a couple of kids) with a 13-year-old student of hers, and went to jail for it.

Best Use of the Movie "Heathers"

Goes to: qwertyuio

For the Comic:

FTC 34 - A completely original idea by qwertyuio 5-06-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* Oh shit! I can't believe you killed those two jocks! Don't worry, I'll make it look like they killed themselves because of their secret homosexual relationship.

The Truth Award This would really happen

Goes to: CowTipper

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC #34']

Funniest Comic to Nerds

Goes to: Shadow_Artist

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC34 (2): Out Of This World']

Most Sexual

Goes to: smamurai

For the Comic: [ Posted comic does not exist ]
Getting pointers from the Discovery Channel whilst doing it is whack, yo...but funny.

Most Ironic

Goes to: KamikazeBob

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC34: Street Life']

Best Pun

Goes to: xxausrottenxx

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC-*Kauf* *Kauf*']

Funniest Politically Incorrect

Goes to: Spankling

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC #34 Oh Holy Night']

Most Obscure

Goes to: possums

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC 34: MUSH-Room MUSH-Room']
Obscure as in, "I had no fucking idea what that comic was about."

The Tobor AwardFor funniest Inside Joke

Goes to: maddog00

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC34: In Memory of Someoen']
An homage to fuck! Hurray!

Best Title

Goes to: biped

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC 34: Coffin It Up']

Most Similar

Goes to: MikeyG and The_Kingpin

For the Comics: [Click to view comic: 'FTC 34 - Idol Hands'] & [Click to view comic: 'FTC #34: School Sucks']

Best Use of Lack of Rules

Goes to: no one. Unless I'm mistaken, no one broke the rules.

The AUUHHH award Of best use of being corny

Goes to: MikeyG

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC 34 - Idol Hands']

Best use of Cliches award

Goes to: biped

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC 34: When Harry Met Sally']

Less is good! For funny short panels

Goes to: Elvis_Steel

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC34:- Off on a Tangent']

More is good! For funny long panels

Goes to: no one, there were no really long winded comics.

Bronze Award of Neatoness

Goes to: UnknownEric

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC34: Love Is A Wonderful Thing.']

Silver Award of Excellence

Goes to: Kevin_Keegans_Perm

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC 34 : Reliving That First Endorsement Busting Date']

Psychic Award

Goes to: fzh

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'FTC #34 in the deep south']

My comic was: [Click to view comic: 'FTC #34 Psychic']

Creativity Award - Photoshop Comic

Goes to: Spankling, for his Photoshopped masterpiece. No one else did a Photoshop comic, but still...that fine piece of ass..uh work, deserves a mention.

Creativity Award - Normal Comic

It's a tie between MikeyG and smamurai...

For the Comics: [Click to view comic: 'FTC34 - Canine-lingus'] & [ Posted comic does not exist ]

Zinger Award (And the next host of FTC)

Goes to: kaufman

For the Comic: [Click to view comic: 'Has this FTC had a Hitler's Ass joke yet?']

I have no idea where the Hitler's Ass reference originated from, but the comic made me laugh the loudest. Congrats Kaufman, the next one is yours.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

If it makes any difference, the MUSH-room thing was from badgerbadgerbadger.com, a constantly running flash site. Constantly running, as in, a huge loop.

Thank you for Best Title and Best Cliche!

Congratulations, kaufman!

For more information about "Hitler's Ass", visit your local library. Or the "Unfunny Phone Comics" thread, where you will find several "Hitler's Ass" comics from a variety of people, including kaufman.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Funniest Comic to Crossdressers award XD I'll add that to my two Surrealist awards on my mantle!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.