The George Lucas Show by biped 8-25-04

So anyway, as I was saying before the break... I just re-edited the first portion of the show so that you never began to tell that story. You are now talking about your incredible brand-new movie project. Oh. Well, anyway, I've been -- Due to recent advances in my ability to obtain good guests for the show, you are now being replaced with a more state-of-the-art guest. And that's why I'm not wearing any -- We'll be right back after these messages. You don't want to turn the channel... those aren't the programs you're looking for... stay tuned...stay tuned...

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Actually, I go pantsless because of contractual obligations to Hershey Foods Corporation.

Ads that subtract by boorite 1-25-02

When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of standing half-naked in thigh-deep snow and guzzling a cold one. It's not pleasant.

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Drunk Pants by DragonXero 8-25-04

Hey! *hic* Yer toilet won't flush!! My toilet? I was just in there, what the hell... And I can't *hic* find the motherf- *hic* fucking lid! What the cunt are you ta- Oh yeah, *hic* It's five minutes off, too Wha- Goddammit! Not the grandfather clock again!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Good one, DragonX. To go totally off-topic, it reminds me of this strip I made regarding washroom debacles.

Patching things up by boorite 3-12-04

Dear Colin: Having left a turd of astonishing diameter lodged in your commode, and with no way to flush it, I found my only recourse was to escape through the window. I apologize for my rudeness. I am sure you are wondering what sort of monster could produce such a specimen and then leave it there for you to deal with. I have been wondering the same thing myself, and have developed the habit of avoiding looking directly into mirrors. Anyway, my disappearance notwithstanding, I hope the dinner party proceeded along pleasant lines... ...although I imagine that rendering the flat's only toilet a stinking horror might have created a bump or two. Yours, Russell Crowe.

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Boorite's pants by pita 8-26-04

Quick, bring me a beer before it starts! Quick, another beer! It's gonna start! You're so selfish! You waltz in here, toss your pants in the corner, you don't even say hello to me. Do you realize I cook and clean all day? I get no appreciation... Damn, it started...

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

pita, that rocked.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

:D Thanks

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Special Orders Do Upset Us by choadwarrior 7-10-04

Sir, I can't serve you in this condition. You think I'm drunk? No, we have a policy against serving people who aren't fully clothed. It says, "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service." Okay...I'll sell you a burger, but if you say anything about "special sauce" I'll scald you with a pot of coffee. Nah, I just want you to hold the pickle.

I dreamed I was a butterfly without pants by Spankling 8-26-04

I had the weirdest dream last night. Uh... It was crazy! I dreamed I went to work and forgot to put on any pants. Hmmm... and how do you know you're awake now? Cuz in my dreams I buy top shelf beer. This American crap is like making love in a canoe. It’s fucking close to water. Maybe we should discuss the pantless thing some more.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

A Modern Fairy Tale by kaufman 8-27-04

pssssssst ... hey kid, wake up. ok, hang on ... let me get the light. click. Who are you, and how did you get into my bedroom? I'm Peter Pants. I'm here to teach you to fly, and take you Never Never Land. Wait a minute, I know you. You're Michael Jackson! Of course not! I'm Peter Pants. Can't you see? I'm black.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Hold the pickle! HOLD IT!!

It is lonesome.

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Boorite comes clean by mmyers 8-27-04

Allright Boorite, I've gotta know. Why no pants? Well, in the 80s, I was a big fan of Adam Ant's "Goody two shoes" and when I heard him sing "One drink, no pants, what do you do?", well, I've lived my life by it ever since. Um, Boo, I think he says "Don't drink, don't dance, what do you do?" I don't think he mentions pants at all. Wait, what? If someone doesn't drink and they don't dance, what the hell ARE they doing? Um, I think that was kind of the crux of the song. Maybe that was why there was the "Subtle innuendos follow" part. There must be something he's hiding.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

On the issue of no pants, I am adamant.

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Jerkin' Nine To Five by biped 8-27-04

I, uh...notice you're not wearing any pants today. Any particular reason? Well, sir...I like to masturbate while I'm at my desk... and not wearing pants increases my immediate access to my... err..."wiener." I see. And...do you masturbate at your desk often? At least once a day, sir... sometimes up to five times per day, if I'm really, really...you know..."horny." Ah. Well, clean out your desk. You're fired. Is it because of the frequent masturbating? Or are you still mad that I lost the Bickerson account?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.