CC 70: 5.23 to beam up by kaufman 10-05-01

An Altarian set of transporters would be just fine for the ship, you said. No risk in trading with a culture whose #1 pastime is Russian Roulette, you said.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

(thanks for the title Kaufman!)

CC70: Where No Man Has Gone Before... by Vekktor 10-05-01

WARNING! FLESH-BEAMER FAILURE! WARNING! FLESH-BEAMER FAILURE! Uh oh... I made it through, but the last time this happened we got a bounced signal and reconstituted a RickDeesian... *shudder* Oh boy. An evil clone of myself from some twisted parallel universe. Grrr.... Damn.. look at that booty... I'm totally hot... Heyyy,.. a transporter failure created a hot, horny duplicate of me...

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VEKKTOR: Winner of the coveted "Worst TOBOR Strip Crabby Has Ever Seen Award", 1 year running.

Back to my reliable style of spending 2 minutes thinking about my entry. You know how happy I am about getting back in the zone?

Anyway...

CC 70: Keep on Trekkin by NeoVid 10-05-01

We keep losing Expendable Extras, the Reconstitutor isn't working, and the new extra can't even get the slogan for the show right... What was the mission again? "To baldly, I mean, boldly go where no one has-" "To go boldly." "To boldly go" is a split infinitive. Dr "Martin," if you keep breaking character, we'll have to throw you to the Deiseloids we captured. I'll be good.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

DexX's mother still has that "come hither" smile, I see.
I hope jaundice isn't sexually transmissible.

CC 70: Appologies to Max by Drexle 10-05-01

One day on the USS Tobor So I says to the Xlaxion, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha, ha! What the fuck are you talking about?

To Boldly Cornhole part 2 by NastyPope 10-05-01

The Sodomizer 3000 fails to activate... Bloody Hell!! Those Sphinctoids are pounding_the_crap_out of us. Maura, get down to engineering and find out what they are doing. Aye Captain. VOLOCK!!!! I told you to get those cursed warp engines back online. What the HELL do you think you're doing? Sorry, Commander Maura, I needed to take core offline while I depolarized the dilithium matrix with this crusty dildo I found under your pillow. You either get that warp core back online or you can suck cock for replicator rations all the way back to EARTH!!!! You mean this whole time I didn't have to ?

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

CC-LXX: ...where every nameless ensign has gone before. by DexX 10-06-01

Wow, my first away misson! Cool! Strange... my Triscancordomatic is detecting lif- GWAAARRRR!!!! Captain! A Globdublan Mucus Beast just ate Ensign... uh, Ensign... Who? Did someone say the ensign has been eaten already? Wow, forty-eight seconds. That's got to be a record.

I made the first two panels, and sat there staring at those two Asian girls for almost five minutes with a nasty case of punchline block. I despise those bitches...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

CC-LXX - ...to explore new, uh, "areas"... by DexX 10-06-01

Ambassador Hoh't Bey'b, it is an honour to have you aboard my shag... SHIP! My ship! *ahem* It is an honour to be here, captain. As official respresentative of the Nymphohorny Empire, I thank you for your hospitality. If you would just follow me to the bed... BRIDGE! The bridge of the ship, I will introduce you to my cunnilingus... CREW! My crew! Yes... crew. Is something wrong, captain? My OmniTerpreter is indicating some interference in your speech patterns... I can't believe he is trying to get into the pants of another alien woman... Ehh, better than green woman with eight breasts he did last time. That sentient genital rash was NASTY!

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Next! by kaufman 10-06-01

Captain, my speciefic scanner detects a few Earth-based life forms on the Zoopst homeworld. Let me hear. That'll help me decide what kind of away team to send. Interestingly, they all fall into a few categories -- Bolivian presidents, Spinal Tap drummers, Mets third basemen, kids named Kenny, ... Hmmmmm... Hmmmmm... Why are you all looking at me like that?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 70: Say no more. by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 10-06-01

Maura , i cant deny my feelings for you any longer. I want you to stop being so by the book and take me now. X'yxx , youre a Grzbotian. You dont even have any sexual organs. yes , but i can morph into any form you want. And i would do ANYTHING you want . Anything? Hmmmmmmmmm

Use your imagination.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

CC70: Battle Stations! by ObiJo 10-06-01

Captain, the antimatter uwonstabulliyzit's gone unstable! One more hit and we're done for! We MUST surrender! Surrender? My ship? I love this ship more than pussy! But alright, damn you, I'll surrender! Hail unknown enemy ship! On screen! Man, we done turned you OUT. Ya, you ain't no kind of challenge for the South Side Sturgeons. I mean, antimatter and dilithium crystals? How's the research into the wheel going, you frippin mooks. This is some kind of joke, right?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC70:I would've liked to know you, but you were just a Smith by ObiJo 10-06-01

They'll say, "Smith, get out of there! We need you to crawl through the Sprach tubes and see how much of your hair falls out." Or, "We need you to beam down to the Nippletwister homeworld." Or, "We need you to test this bathwater." But I'll just say, "NO! Not this time, bub! Find yourself a new patsy! I'm not leaving!" WARNING: HOLODECK MALFUNCTION. SAFETY CONTROLS INOPERATIVE. INITIALIZING FIRE PROGRAM.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC 70: Worked for Shatner by israphael 10-06-01

Captain's Log: Against the recommendations of my first officer, I've beamed down to make first contact with the incredibly violent Sadoquins of Masoch V. I see one approaching now. I will attempt to use the Linguistic Cerebro-Freebaser to translate the first historic words of this meeting. Hello Joe. Fuckee. Suckee. 5 dalla. Show you good time. Starflier to USS Tobor. Maura you've got the con until I get back. I'll be engaged in intense negotiations until late into the night. Don't wait up.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

To boldly go out, discover new species, and fuck them by Dead_Meat 10-06-01

Roger encounters the species g0at So, baby, wanna try it in zero gravity? Meeeeeeeep His attempts at inter-species chat-up lines are not working... Playing hard to get eh? Meeeeeeeep Rogers discovers the oversexed Captain disruptor damn... Bloody foreigners.

CC 70: Winner and Still Champion by kaufman 10-06-01

Chernobian antibiotic serum to Rigel VI. Tritium extract to Sector G-4. Quantum anal probe to Wesley Crusher's sphincter. Omnigenic white dwarf fungus to the Kookoojin Empire: CHECKMATE! Damn. Blast!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC70 - The Wrath of Khan by kramer_vs_kramer 10-07-01

Captain! The Thromboloids are getting dangerously close to our main thrusters. If they break through, we're all doomed! Well, ensign, I'll make it your responsibility to go out there and take them out. It'll be dangerous, but I have every confidence in you. But Captain, can we not zap them from here with our discombobulator ray? Discombobulator ray? You just made that up, didn't you? Yes.

Marooned with a View by kaufman 10-08-01

Of course I did a headcount, Maura. Now let's just fire up the gigawarp, and get back to the Nymphonian pleasure planet.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC-LXX: Space, advertising's final unsolicited frontier... by DexX 10-08-01

So, what happened to that guy who- ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** I'm just fixing this- ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** Now, Ensign, you've been warned before about using the CommLinks to send porn spam to the crew...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Too many great entries... must get wipers for... monitor. Can't stop... laughing.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

CC 70: by Drexle 10-08-01

I survived the Zarnubican Descructo-Ray? I survived the Zarnubican Descructo-Ray!!! Wooo hoooo!!!!

CC 70: The end of the series by Drexle 10-08-01

Two seconds later...

As usual, there were some great entries that made picking just one a living hell. Honourable mentions include:

Vekktor - Why the USS Tobor Refuels in the Hollywood Hills

wirthling - Next Stop, Planet Häagen-Dazs

boorite - To seek out and boldly blah blah blah yada yada yada

kaufman - 5.23 to beam up

Drexle - Appologies to Max

DexX - ...where every nameless ensign has gone before.

kaufman - Next!

ObiJo - I would've liked to know you, but you were just a Smith

DexX - Space, advertising's final unsolicited frontier...

Drexle - CC70/The end of the series

But there can only be one winner...

...well, maybe two...

...nah, lets stick with one...

...but--nah, just one....

...specifically, this one!

CC-LXX: Space, advertising's final unsolicited frontier... by DexX 10-08-01

So, what happened to that guy who- ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** I'm just fixing this- ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** Now, Ensign, you've been warned before about using the CommLinks to send porn spam to the crew...

Congrats, DexX, and may ***HOLOPORN!!! Cum and see my holographic Zebrogynian whores!!! Now available in the HoloWhatzit. 20 credits.*** and prosper.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

I'm hurt that I didn't even get an honorable mention.

I feel for ya Crabby, I thought it was your best work yet.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

I thought it was quite trite. "There are Klingons on Uranus"?

Cha.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.