I'll have to post the future tense stuff later on. For now, my past should be more than tedious enough for you all.

Psycho Therapy #107 by itsclark 9-03-02

In this series, the part of Clark will be played by Bongo. I, Dr. Wattle, will attempt to piece together the events which left him a broken shell of a human being! Wait a minute! "Broken shell?" I hardly think that accurately describes... Yes, perhaps it's best you continue to believe that. But I'm not... Of course not. Now tell me when you first realized your life was over!

Psycho Therapy #213 by itsclark 9-02-02

My early adulthood was marked by progressive failures! I flunked my first semester of college, washed out of boot camp... Lots of young people experience a period of soul-searching, Bongo! ...quit a community college graphic arts program, wound up broke in a flophouse in Florida... But lots of young people have trouble adjusting! Later: ...was rejected as a blood plasma donor due to my high bilorubin count... Dear God make it stop!

Psycho Therapy #304 by itsclark 9-02-02

FOR PITY'S SAKE, HAVE MERCY ON MY TORTURED... I mean, your hour is up! We'll continue this again tomorrow.

Psycho Therapy #417 by itsclark 9-03-02

After that I knuckled down, earned my Chemistry degree, and landed a job with a big name in the industry! Well THAT must have helped rebuild your sense of self-worth. Sorry, Bongo! The logistics folks say your job can be done more cheaply in China by a trained Rhesus Macaque. !!! Bongo? Did I say something wrong?

Psycho Therapy #564 by itsclark 9-03-02

So then I scrimped and saved for a technical degree so I could get a good job in the semiconductor industry! How is that working out for you? And today another leading chip manufacturer announces thousands of layoffs... I'm just hoping noone important notices I'm still employed there. Hope is GOOD, Bongo!

[Click to view comic: 'Psycho Therapy #671']

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

It does have many uses ...

Actually, I never learned euchre. :-(

Oh, and itsclark, I've been diagnosed with Gilbert's too, though it never interfered with my blood donation. I wonder if a disproportionate number of strippers are affected.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

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I was always self-rightous and macho.

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Remember you asked for it.





[ Posted comic does not exist ]
[ Posted comic does not exist ]

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

quote:

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So, ObiJo, you want to know about my childhood? This picture tells the whole story.

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At least I wasn't a GEEK like you Smarmulus!

Oh wait...

Nevermind.

now that the good doctor has apparently succumbed to my pathetic cry for help, i feel an amendment is in order:

POWER NEWBIE 1: THE END? (revised) by il_schmucko 9-04-02

And you'll stand up and cheer when he's named CC champ for eternity... HUZZAH! Thank you. Thank you. ...and dies a thoroughly happy man. Fuck no, I'm not happy! That creep Kaufman put me on his favorites list! Coming this fall--it's POWER NEWBIE. From the producers of "Whiner Whiner" and "Everyone Pay Attention to Me!"

i love you all! (:

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

so far this seems to be an anti-CC... the most depressing one will win. the next set of rules had better have something to do with donkey sodomy.

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

Comic Competition 141: Secret Origins, Part One by duxcolonel 9-04-02

Yes, Ladies And Gentlemen, Boys And Girls! Because You Asked For It, We Bring You: The Secret Origin And General Life Story Of The Characters Of This Fine Comic Strip, And Thusly The Creator! Bask In The Magic Of The Comic Strip Format As I, Your Husky Voiced Director, Take You To George's Birth! Man, Nadia, I can't believe I'm now a father. Anything I can do to help? You could paint my house, and get me to be slightly less pixel-like. Hang On The Edge Of Your Seat As George Does Another Meta Joke You Think Is Overdone! Man, the first 15 years went quick. The trouble with your father, George, is that he isn't very good at finishing a job.

Comic Competition 141: Secret Origins, Part Two by duxcolonel 9-04-02

The Secret Tale Of How George Got So Sarcastic That He Couldn't Stop Making Meta-Comic Jokes Continues! Um, hey, Kim. Will you go out with... I ain't that drunk, kid. The Heartbreak! The Trauma! Yo, Joanne, er, are you bu.... Have to wash my hair for the next three decades. And stop sending me Furbies. Mum, I'm having trouble with women. Could you... Sorry, kid, I'm taken.

Comic Competition 141: Secret Origins, Part Three by duxcolonel 9-04-02

Hey, Steve, remember when we first met those many years ago? Yeah, when we first started secondary school at the tender age of eleven and a bit.... You want some Syndicate cheats? Er, sure. You wanna come to my house to watch Red Dwarf? Don't know why our school had blood red paintwork. And I'm amazed how much you've grown in the past few years.

Comic Competition 141: Secret Origins, Epilogue by duxcolonel 9-04-02

Hey, Pam, where do you imagine you'll be in the future? Oh, I dunno... Living in a house with nicer paintwork, with Steve at my side getting me chocolate on my every whim. Yourself? I'll be right back, sweetie. Er... mine's not very interesting. Another chocolate run? I got a good ten minutes playing time. give me the red controller.

Being a newbie who's hardly been on half a day, I don't expect much from this compo, but it does vaguely sit OK with my attempt at an over-reaching story. :-)

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

I think it's only partially rules compliant, but that's okay.

CC 141: You want a detailed life story, eh...? by Devin 9-05-02

Well, I was born on July 17th, 1978, in the St. Mary's hospital. I was 7 pounds and no ounces. From the pictures, I would deduce that I was a reddish color, like the inside of a ruby grapefruit... ...you know? It looked like my head was a sphere of approximately 4.25 inches in radius. My eyes were approximately 1.5 inches down from the top of my head, spaced 1 inch apart... Okay, okay, enough, that's too much detail! It could be worse. I could've been a White Wolf roleplayer.

I wonder if I could seriously win if I continued this comic?... nah, I'm not that desperate. :-P

Nah, no chance you'd win. No one could even tell what country you're from in that strip.

Oh, and you're not funny.

And I'm a WW player... well, I would be if anyone else knew about Adventure.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Ssh, don't tell everyone, geez!

quote:

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And I'm a WW player... well, I would be if anyone else knew about Adventure.

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Unfortunately, some of this is based on true life.

Israphael, The Motion Picture: Prologue by israphael 9-06-02

Now that we've graduated from vet school, where are you going to practice. I'm not. I don't want to be stuck in that spay, neuter, and vaccination routine. I'm going to grad school and have a real career. Think of what you're missing. The big bucks... the groupies... and my personal favorite... really good drugs.

Israphael, The Motion Picture: Act I by israphael 9-06-02

My stats are compiled... the text is done... the figures are flawless... and my references are double-checked. My dissertation is finished. Things are finally going my way. Funny, why did I just get a cold chill running down my spine?

Israphael, The Motion Picture: Act II by israphael 9-06-02

Israphael delivers his dissertation to his graduate advisor. Doc, can I talk to you for a moment? I thought I smelled the stench of a grad student. I just finished my dissertation. I was wondering if you could edit it by the deadline on October the 11th. I think I can meet that deadline. Yeah... October the 11th, 2004.

Israphael, The Motion Picture: Act III by israphael 9-06-02

Israphael confers with one of his graduate commitee members Doctor, have you had a chance to read my thesis? What did you think? I stop reading after noticing that the trendlines in Figure 2 were missing. Sorry about that, the xerox machine doesn't reproduce the light blue color the lines were printed in. Well it speaks of sloppiness. It tells me that your logic is faulty, your experimental design is shoddy, and central premise is wrong. And if I had to guess... you have a real tiny penis.

Israphael, The Motion Picture: Act IV by israphael 9-06-02

Israphael defends his dissertation And that's how I propose to use organically modified clays to remove bacteria from agricultural waste water. Does anyone have any questions? Yeah, I have one. Who gives a fuck?

[Click to view comic: 'Israphael, The Motion Picture: Act V']
[Click to view comic: 'Israphael, The Motion Picture: Act VI']
[Click to view comic: 'Israphael, The Motion Picture: Act VII']
[Click to view comic: 'Israphael, The Motion Picture: Act VIII']
[Click to view comic: 'Israphael, The Motion Picture: Epilogue']

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

After reading the other entries I need to think up a new strip.
hehe

Once I actually started reading the long stories I realised that these tend to be funnier too.

Psycho Therapy #713 by itsclark 9-06-02

Bongo, I'm going to hypnotize you and have you live out your ideal future! Is this part of my therapy, Doctor? GOOD CHRIST, NO!! It's experimental and highly dangerous, but required by Obi's contest rules! Without it I'll lose my funding. Then I don't think I feel comfortable... 3...2...1... SLEEP!

Psycho Therapy #805 by itsclark 9-06-02

Hey Bongo! You know that lady engineer you like? The one that resembles the Baroness from G.I. Joe? Well, she broke up with that swarthy, muscle-bound kick-boxer. Weird thing is, every time she talks about it, she mentions your name by accident! I knew it! You made a wise choice, my friend. This stretch of Ozark backcountry is perfect for you and your lady friend to live in perverse social isolation! Just put a new roof on that cinder-block fortress and you have a deal!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Sorry for the length. Free association exercises and all that...

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [1] by DexX 9-06-02

Okay, forum user character selected, familiar old background3 in place... I'm ready to tell my story! Fuck, I'm depressed already...

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [2] by DexX 9-06-02

I was a wonderful baby, according to my mother. Hardly ever cried, and only ever for a good reason. As a toddler I was much the same. From a young age I was a very nice child - bright, talkative, friendly, and generous. Obviously, things changed.

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [3] by DexX 9-06-02

I'm torn... should I tell a nice story, or an honest story? Both are quite funny in their own way. ...assuming you like gallows humour.

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [4] by DexX 9-06-02

Okay, here's the deal... I'll tell it like it was, and then if there is an opportunity for a punchline, I'll stick one in.

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [5] by DexX 9-06-02

What? That wasn't much of an opportunity.

[Click to view comic: 'CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [6]']

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [7] by DexX 9-06-02

Like I said, I was a generous child. My mum told me a story that sticks in my mind. I was about four at the time. Mum gave me a little bit of money to go and buy some lollies from_the_corner_shop. I_came_back_with_a small bag full, and offered some to all my siblings. Trouble is, after I had passed the bag around, there were none left for me. I had given them all away. According to mum, I cried just a little bit, but I was really quite brave about it... *sniff* ...no punchline on this one... *sniff*

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [8] by DexX 9-06-02

The_key_to_my_psychology lies in my late childhood and teens. My parents were (and still are) very Catholic. Yes, I have eight siblings, which sheds a bit of light on the bag-of-lollies incident... My dad was... well, I'll be blunt - he was a monstrous, violent tyrant who disciplined with his fists when mere words were not enough. He didn't drink, or anything... he just had_a_terrible_temper. I called him a cunt, told him I hated him, pushed him through a wardrobe, and walked out halfway through a visit a few years back. Shit like that should make you feel better, but_it_very_rarely_does. No punchline on this one, either.

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [9] by DexX 9-06-02

This will sound somewhat egoistic, but I was very nearly a child prodigy. As a result, school was too easy, I found it boring, and before long I had no idea how to apply myself to study and schoolwork. To this day I am still terrible at school deadlines_and_reading. Being lazy really sucks sometimes.

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [10] by DexX 9-06-02

Then I met Rebecca. Beautiful, intelligent, funny, loving, nice, affectionate, sexy, engaging, creative, strong, patient, kind, talented, thoughtful, sweet, intellectual, loyal, and wonderful_in_every_way. For some bizarre reason she fell madly in love with me. Don't ask me why - almost a decade later, I am still amazed.

CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [11] by DexX 9-06-02

Predictably, my "careers" were as disastrous as my schooling... Woah, woah! WHat the hell are you doing? I'm telling my... our... life story. You could at least get the order of events right. Great. Now everyone's going to think I am totally insane. Too late.

[Click to view comic: 'CC141: The (Only Somewhat Exaggerated) Story of DexX [12]']