OFDitHL: The Namgubed's Cut by kaufman 10-23-02

Fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap .........SPLOOOOOOOOSSSHHHH!......... Aaaaahhhh. ONAN! YOU CUT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

*snkkkt!* That's a mighty huge biscuit!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Squirrel and Cowboy Discuss Religion by UnknownEric 10-23-02

Stinky, do you believe in God? No. I find too much dissonance within the concept of God. The whole idea of Heaven and Hell just seems too convenient. A tool to keep the masses from revolting. But isn't there just as much dissonance to a world without a God? Without a higher purpose, why do we exist? How were we able to reach this level of evolution without help? But Nutboy, why would a god create such imperfect beings? Why do we have organs? Why do we bleed? Why do we poop? Speaking of that, I gotta go drop some friends off at the pool.

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I has a flavor!

CC 149: More Greek than Christian (2) by Devin 10-23-02

What about OUR son? You care more about that mortal than you do him! What should I say when our son asks why you're playing with your dolls again? Ssh, they prefer the term "womyn."

CC149: The Lighter Side of... The New Testament by bonwag 10-23-02

It is written: "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it" Or, to put it another way: "All your base are belong to us." Guys, guys... c'mon now. Can we go back to the first thing I said? Consider yourself warned, "1337 0ph 7h3 j3w5"

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exit, pursued by a bear

From the Book of Puns by kaufman 10-23-02

My god! What have the Romans done to you? I have a hammer. Would you like me to get those nails out? No, I'd like you to hammer all those nails into the lake over thare. POUND...POUND...POUND...POUND.... Behold, people. I give you holey water! Praise be!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 149: Archaeologists unearth Bible riffings by Devin 10-23-02

>In the beginning God created the >heavens and the earth. __________ N: That was the Big Bang, stupid! ___ E: God's ego is bigger than Vid's-- ow! D: *sigh* I hate self-insertion fanfics. >Make twenty frames for the south >side of the tabernacle and make __ E: (Moses) Hold up! Let me get a quill. N: (also) Make your OWN tabernacle! D: (same) Is that your south or mine? >But Lot's wife looked back, and she >became a pillar of salt. ___________ D: That's a silly thing to shape-shift to. E: It's a pillar of SUGAR, you liar! ___ N: (Lot) Thanks, this soup was bland. The art of MiSTing is this old, eh...?

CC149: More Outrageous Lessons from The Book Of Puns by bonwag 10-23-02

Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church huh? Get it? Peter? Rock? Petra means 'rock' and it kind of sounds like Peter? wuh? Oh, forget it. I honestly don't know why I bother. Peter, you're the head of the freakin' church. Peter? Head? That's a dick joke, right? Wah!

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exit, pursued by a bear

CC149: Mysteries of the Divine... Revealed! by bonwag 10-23-02

Lord, why do bad things happen to good people? Sweeps Huh? Crud. You weren't meant to hear that. Ask me again. Lord, why do bad things happen to good people? The LORD moves in mysterious ways.

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exit, pursued by a bear

Namgubed referenced Don Martin.
Bonwag used a Dave Berg title.
Let's keep going with the Madness, shall we?

Spy vs. Spy 1 by kaufman 10-23-02

KER-TRANSFORM! KER-TRANSFORM!

Spy vs. Spy 2 by kaufman 10-23-02

Spy vs. Spy 3 by kaufman 10-23-02

Spy vs. Spy 4 by kaufman 10-23-02

Spy vs. Spy 5 by kaufman 10-23-02

Ah, a woman ready to become fallen. Let me help. Here, sir. Let me turn your water into wine.

[Click to view comic: 'Spy vs. Spy 6']

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

You knew it was coming, now here it is!

[ Posted comic does not exist ][ Posted comic does not exist ][ Posted comic does not exist ][ Posted comic does not exist ]
Prologue.
[ Posted comic does not exist ]

Writing it, I thought it was brilliant. Now I read the rest of the thread, and I realize you all are brilliant.

CC 149: Write And Wrong by BigEvilDan 10-23-02

I've noticed a stunning lack of worship down below. I think it's time for an image makeover. Good idea, sir. We could add on to the Bible. I'll get right on it. Have you seen this new testament? Christianity rocks! Check out the Mary centerfold! Well, my message is being ignored even more, and I accidentally knocked up one of the centerfold models. Maybe the Nude Testament wasn't such a great idea after all. I'll work on a revised version.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC149: The Book Of Matches by bonwag 10-23-02

One fine, biblical day... RAAR-ETH!!! TOBOR WILL... Hey, wait a minute. Corn won't be discovered for a few hundred years yet. RAAAR-ETH!!! TOBOR WILL GRAIN-HOLE YOU!!! ... come to think of it, God hasn't yet passed judgement on the city of Sodom. So, until then, you're no menace: Grain-holing is rife anyway. Hey, where are you going? TOBOR FORCE ISSUE.

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exit, pursued by a bear

Clango 11:47 by Mr_Jass 10-23-02

And the thirteenth commandment said "thou shalt kill all puny hu-mans" Can I see where it says that in the Bible? Sure. Hey, this looks like your handwriting! Hey cool! It's the guy who wrote the bible!

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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." -- mrjass@mindless.com

kaufman's Mad theme continues.

Instructions: Fold panel 1 over to meet panel three. Or three back to one. Whatever. Just so long as Panel 2 disappears.

CC149: The Very Last Page of the Bible: The Fold-In by bonwag 10-23-02

And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, This is My body which is given for you After fielding several questions about whether this was another of his lame attempts at humour, He continued Oh, Oh! Have I shown you this_cool_thing_you_can do with a lemon, a pinch of salt and tequila? ...do this in remembrance of Me.

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exit, pursued by a bear

I WILL FIND JUSTICE HERE

149 CC GOING TO THE CREATOR (ANSWERS) by BeNN_MaKK 10-23-02

GOD!!! I COME TO YOU IN THE INKY BLACKNESS TO ASK WHYYOU MADE BENN MAKK AS BELIGERENT AND INSULTING AS HE IS ^_^ (SILENCE)

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FABULOUS TREASURE

How Jesus Really Died- Judgement Day by mikeweeney 10-23-02

Submitting the Gospels to the Bible cencorship committee: And the giant man came out of the sky in a blaze of fire, and smiteth Jesus with his staff of death. I'm sorry, but that's just too violent. But it's what happened! I'm sorry but it will have to go. Think of something better but less enflaming to the mind. Today. ..."And then he just sorta sat up there until he died." How fucking stupid is that? I'm bored. Let's go down the street and throw rocks at the retarded kids.

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"I shall now explain to each and every one of you why I am your genetic superior, using only your first name as evidence." -- Something Positive

New book says Jesus was short, unattractive. Maybe sub_m1 is the second coming.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

CC149: Short, Unattractive... Like A Fox by bonwag 10-23-02

I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through me. Who said that? Me. I am short, unattractive. You're not kidding. People don't seem to notice me because of my shortness, unattractiveness. Well, we can fix that. The first one, anyway.

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exit, pursued by a bear

CC149: The Book Of Ratings by bonwag 10-24-02

Moses on the beach I hold aloft my Staff of Righteousness and command that the sea be divided so my people may walk on dry ground. You're not allowed to do that. Only clerics and enlightened monks can command the elements. You're only a priest. Didn't I find a potion of elemental command back there in the city? Yes, but you used *that* to turn the Nile into blood. Man. Okay. I roll for a natural disaster. A Strong East Wind whips up. You take damage.

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exit, pursued by a bear

Non-compliant, but the devil made me do it. Well, Okay,... he asked nicely.

CC149: The Scriptures Say The Darndest Things by bonwag 10-24-02

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. Raggy? Romit? Rolly? (PUTREFY!) Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish. Say, thanks, doc. Now, what about those test results? That was a *guiness* I gave you, right? Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner They like me moh

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exit, pursued by a bear

Well it looks like I'm going to have to pull a Kaufman and postpone the judging for an indeterminate time period, after which I'll declare myself "El Presidente of Stripcreator for Life".

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

It's not a kaufman.

It's an ObiJo.

I was just yanking your chain... at least about the delay in judging. I'll be judging this puppy later tonight, so keep them coming.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."