Why they call it the Golden Birthday by TheElPaso 6-23-03

I'm going to spend my twenty-ninth birthday going to wrestling, playing putt-putt, and having a salad bar. Oooh, delicious eyeballs. Now I'll plant this in the sockets.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

ah scots by TheElPaso 6-23-03

It's my first Fourth of July in America! I'm going to celebrate by lighting some fireworks. That wasn't fireworks, that was Andy. I know.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

cc194 his mom must REALLY love him! by Mister_E 6-24-03

Hey honey, I hope you enjoy the new Computer software we gave you for your birthday! Right, thanks... Now get out of my room, bitch My little boy is just so sweet! Well, I'll install the bitch's software first... to make her "happy" hmmm.. now to install Grand Theft Auto... Hey, it looks like you're installing a game you are not old enought to play, how may I help?

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[insert catchy signature here]

CC 194: Idol Hands by kaufman 6-24-03

Grandpa, for your birthday, I want you to experience something you haven't experienced in all your 80 years on earth. You can try, but I've done it all. Camping in the Kalihari, rock climbing in the Himalayas, running naked through downtown Detroit ... How about if we take a bit of hair from your beard, clone two copies of yourself with Y chromosomes replaced by copies of your X chromosome ... I see where you're getting with that, three-ways with my nubile young identical twin sisters. Unfortunately, I already did that during the War, over in Normandy. Hmmmm ... something nobody's done. How about I just take you to the "From Justin to Kelly" film that opened this week? Sorry, caught the sneak preview last Saturday.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 194: Spoiler Warning by kaufman 6-24-03

Thank goodness you're here, Hermione. These muggles are driving me bonkers. I'm here to get you out, Harry. It's your birthday, and we're going to do something special. I'm taking you to the magical land of Arizona. Yeeeesh! What's that smell? Ugh, I don't know. It's even worse than Professor Snape's beauty potions. Dude, check it out. I found a download of "Harry Potter and the Odor of Phoenix." For free! Sweeeeeet!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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I has a flavor!

CC194: Fine Ham Abounds by UnknownEric 6-24-03

It's my 77th birthday, and I want to celebrate by doing something I've never done before! Give me some ideas, okay? Have you ever stuck a gerbil in your ass? Have you ever gone skydiving? Have you ever tasted demon cock? And of course, I picked the wrong one... Yeah, skydiving's a bitch...

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I has a flavor!

CC 194: Lovecraft Changes Japanese Culture Forever by Rabid_Weasle 6-24-03

H.P. Lovecraft sits at his typewriter (which just looks like a computer)... I need to think of something new and fresh to sell to Japanise publishing companies... That's it! I've got it! Wow Mr.Cthullu! That's a big tentacle you've got there!

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Poop.

My first contribution to the forums, and the competitions...

CC 194 - On Getting Older...

Let's get right to it.

I started with an appetizer of Whimsey's "On Getting older" and a side of NiteOwl's "Bachelor Party". They were nice morsels and I look forward to more from these chefs.

Next I ordered a cool glass of choadwarrior's "Icing on the ho cake." A delicious bouquet from a great vineyard.

The bread was tasty but it was a tad dry, so I ordered an extra cup of Ewwwwww's 'Over the rainbow' and that really moistened the bread up.

Boinky33 brought out some great entrees, my favorite of the lot being

CC: aliens by boinky33 6-21-03

Aliens have landed on earth! I knew there was intelligent life out there! I'm going to try to make contact with it! Greetings. I represent this planet. What questions from your home planet do you have about earth? How do you edit comics? Darn. I guess they're not so intelligent afterall! ROFL

and finally lead to a delicious but just dessert served up by not_scyess. I give you our winner and next champion of the world,

CC 194: Paaaartaaaay by not_Scyess 6-22-03

Dear Diary: Tonight is my 29th! I'm going to party my ass off! What're you doing? Fuck the piledriver, hit him with the chair! THE CHAIR!!! Oh my god, you totally knocked that putt right into the windmill. It's my birthday, dammit, and I AM going back for fourths on the salad bar! Dear diary: This was the most exciting night of my life. ...which is why I have decided it's long past time I put those cyanide pills to good use. That and the fact I'm 29 and keep a diary.

. I guess insulting me did work. I must be going soft in my old age.

Thanks for playing everyone. I'm off to do something stupid.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Holy shit.

I never actually expected to win one of these things.

Um, new idea... whenever I can think of one.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

That's the second time someone said I was good at "Moistening the bread". Im beginning to wonder what that means...

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

It's a subtle way of telling you to zip your fly

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

CC 194 (2 days late) by kaufman 6-26-03

Senator Thurmond, by my calculations, in your century of living, there are only two things you haven't experienced. Whazzit? Being buttraped by a 275-pound black man named Bubba, and dying. Wellson, ahreckonah tryone. Moh, y'all.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

not_scyess, where are you? Your country needs you. I guess if we don't hear anything today, I'll have to pass it on to Boinky33. Do you really want to live in that kind of world?

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

It appears Not_scyess could also be called Not_donor.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Okay, let's flip for who gets to make up the next CC.

I call "teetering on its edge!"

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I has a flavor!

The mantle has been passed, I suppose. As salutatorian, Boinky33, the contest is yours (Boinky is a donator, right?).

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Boinky just said he's leaving.

He PMd me and asked me to wait for him. He felt like his invitation was in the mail.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

How long are we going to wait for Boinky?

I know he has been invited, and its a shame to let this opportunity go. But, I need a new contest dammit

Not that I ever win....

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

Now that I'm invited, I could take over the contest properly -- but I can't do it until Wednesday.

If someone else takes the reins I'll cede the contest to him, but if no one has a new contest up by middle-of-the-day on July 2nd, I'll post a contest.

This post, incidentally, is a test post to see whether I can actually post again.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Phew...another constitutional crisis averted. For a minute there, I thought Alexander Haig was going to proclaim he was in charge of the next competition.