Love the .sig quote, blog. :)

I've seen the quote with "usenet" instead of "IRC" and it was attributed to someone named Blair Houghton. I have no idea who Blair Houghton is, however. It's one of the quotes in my .sig randomizer for email and usenet.

quote:

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A million quill pens wielded
By a thousand squared monkeys,
The Mongol Horde's fell diaries
Are naught like Sophocles.

--Exeunt.

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Maybe I'm just easily amused but this made me laugh.

Citizen Kane 2K by ElTigreMask2K 8-03-01

RoseBud!

Love in the afternoon by Lunch_Cat 8-30-01

You know what would be great? A Scotch. No. Better. A Scotch and a straw? No! Self-inflicted stigmata -- in the wrong place! Do you bleed Scotch? And straws?

I laughed! So there!

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"I know how toast works."

Amazing... I log on one day, and this is the first strip that comes up...

This One's For NeoVid... by DH-01 6-08-01

Dance Dance Mailbag! Check this: "I don't appreciate the way you mock readers who are obviously more intelligent than you are. I know several 7-year old h4x0r5 who could write funnier than you anyday. Shut up." Well, it's much easier for a 7-year-old to write funny, amusing stories when they're being tickled by a much older, much more mature man like yourself... ... in that special tickly-place. You know what I'm talking about.

See, DH was doing a series where his characters answered fake flames, and so I sent him one to see what would happen.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

You know, I honestly can't decide whether "Citizen Kane 2K" is a witty, scathing commentary on the state of contemporary American filmmaking, or nonsensical and stupid.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I heard this hilarious audio clip on the radio the other day. It was of Orson Welles doing some voiceover work for some advertisements, and he was having some serious ego issues. I found the transcript of it, but not the clip itself. Like with the Walken hot dog thing from the Onion, you need to read it with him in mind: a very distinguished, polished deep voice.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

yikes! animaniacs did a pinky and the brain cartoon based on this very exchange--almost verbatim, only without the swearing. i'm not sure if the cartoon is funnier or less so, now that i know that it's based on an actual orson welles thing (for those who aren't familiar, "the brain" is a mouse with a voice that is an imitation of welles)

oh yeah--and the randomizer just gave me one of bunner's strips:

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Gin gin, the lesbian gardener asian...whore? by minibarf 8-12-01

Say there, lil pardner, you seen ma horse? His names "Nacho Chicken Squirty Shits!" Hell no! Have you seen my lesbian lover? Her name is "Sally Sue Finger Banger Joe Rottencrotch!" LESBIANS? Dang nabbit, darn tootin, yee haw! I loven me som' lesbian action right about naw! So would I! Thats why I'm LOOKING FOR HER! I need sex! Hot Sticky buttery grapity grape jello scream bloody SEX! Um...is that why you are looking for your horse? ....yes... This is gunna be sweeeeet!

Draft dodging by jw 1-28-01

So, how did you end up in this outfit? I was drafted. Me, too. You couldn't get out of it either? I told them I was gay. We're asexual. Yeah, I hadn't really thought it through.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Holy Fuck! I swear, I couldn't stop laughing! o_O

The Morning After by nailbunny 5-05-01

After a night of heavy drinking and repetitive trance music... Man, what a night. I'm so hung over. All I can remember is having sex with some drunk girl slumped over a table. Dude, that was your sister. She killed herself this morning when she realized what happened. Dear lord. Did she leave a note or anything? Yeah. It says, "Dear Brother, why did you have to fuck me and force me to commit suicide? See you in Hell......P.S. - You're gonna have AIDS now." Yeah, I'm gonna have A.I.D.S. alright....Anal Intercourse with my Dead Sister. I call the mouth!

Best Jesus joke I've seen yet...

The Sixth Wound of Christ by zteknofreak 4-18-01

. . . and off to your left you will see Jesus of Nasereth . . . . . . Jesus has been crucified for the sins of mankind. Actually, the worst part is this wedgie. . . . right this way.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

This struck me as... well, it just struck me.

Tabula rasa by Pilgrim 5-15-01

I've been thinking... There must be more to comic art than meets the eye. Otherwise this would be comic art.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Clash of the titans by Bert_Raccoon 5-28-01

On the battlefield Hello Hi there Erm.......... whats going on its getting a bit hot, whats the humming noise Oh the horror ect ect OH JESUS NO WERE IN A MICROWAVE

Speed by NVAFRickyMartin 5-13-01

I'm going to blow up the elevator! Oh no! Not the elevator! I'm going to blow up the bus! Oh no! Not the bus! I'm going to blow up the subway! Oh no! Not the subway!

He only ever made two, and his other one is a bit shit. I love this one, though.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

You know, that comic looks an awful lot like it's been ripped off from the RinkWorks' Movie-A-Minute version of Speed.

Oh... well, that explains how one author can make a really good strip, and an embarrassingly shit one.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Hobos on Holdiay by danjfor 8-10-01

Isn't this great? Just the sea and the clouds... nothing to bother us... My ass is wet.

This one made me laugh. I think it's that silent middle panel trick that does it.

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I LIVE!

The Lazarus thread!

The trouble with cartoon characters' anatomy... by Kat 2-20-01

Hey, I just noticed something... What? Our heads are WAY too big for our bodies! I mean, my hands are smaller than my eyes are! Hmmm, you're right! I could fit my entire body in my empty skull! Okay, now you're just getting gross!

Kat's other strips are quite good, too.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Oh, oh, it's magic... by jasn3 5-31-01

Behold! By mere force of my will, I shall levitate this entire bench, seemingly without effort of any kind! I must only focus my inner spirit, as I was taught by master, and direct it downwards... Put us down.

I bet this would have worked better against a different background, but I still thought it was kinda funny.

I did one of those. I bet almost everyone has a levitation strip in their catalogue. :)

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I did one of those. I bet almost everyone has a levitation strip in their catalogue. :)

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

A strip I'm going to post whenever a joke makes me groan by andydougan 10-12-01

I suppose you also keep a red blanket with you at all times just in case you should happen to encounter any bulls?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

No. Don't be silly.

Butt by chimx 3-03-01

I have a screwdriver in my anus.

i think this guy can teach us all a valuable lession about "rolling with the punches"

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"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel..." - homer