And September '09.  Enjoy them while they last.  It's already Oct. 13 and I only have two comics this month.

Fucking Philosophy by Scyess 9-10-07

Did you hear? They published my book of philosophy! Really? You wrote a book on philosophy? Stuff? Fuck stuff. And fuck other people. And fuck you for reading this book. What're you, fucking stupid? Why the fuck do you care what the fuck I think? So go get fucked, you fucking fuckbag. Well... it's more like a collection of thoughts. One of these days, I want to do something intellectual, too.

RCD #6: We Nearly Escaped by Scyess 9-13-07

Let's blast this pathetic planet and everyone on it into nothingness! Destroy them! I said DESTROY THEM!!!!! **sigh** Destroy them, please. Counting down from ten...

The Benefits of Being Organized by Scyess 9-17-07

Hi there! I'm calling about your personal ad. You sound wonderful! Thank ya, li'l lady! I'm pretty happy to find a woman who likes skull-fucking babies to death. Wait... WHAT? Er... I mean who likes romantic vacations to the Carribian. **click** I gotta remember to ask which ad they're answering.

1800 by Scyess 9-21-07

Hey, Jon... do you know how to smoke a trout? A trout? No, but I used to smoke wolves a lot. You smoked wolves? Yeah, but I had to give it up. I was smoking two packs a day! You don't have any useful skills at all, do you? Well, until just now I had the skill of obscuring my uselessness with redirecting humor.

Freedom Isn't Free by Scyess 9-21-07

I know today is "casual Friday," but pants are still required. It's okay. I don't work here. Then why are you here? Mostly to let you working schleps know what freedom you could have if you weren't so worried about your precious jobs. Could I at least persuade you to put on some underwear? I see you've already forgotten the meaning of "freedom."

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"Old" is the old new.

The benefits of being organized is perhaps my favorite of this bunch.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

yay for these comics. Especially Fucking Philosophy.

We Nearly Escaped is great. they're like an old married couple from Massachusetts or Hawaii or one of those other states that legalized BABY JESUS TEARS

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what if nigger meant kite

That time again.  October, '03.  Ah, the good old days, when I was young and foolish:

A rare political comic from me:

Random Comic! I Won't Stand for Intolerance! ][ by Scyess 10-01-03

Okay, Edmund. We're sick of your bad-mouthing Jews, Mormons, Republicans, Catholics, left-wingers, and the Green Party. Who are you to criticize what other people believe? Isn't that what you're doing right now? Uh... Nazi Jew bastard.

Random Comic! Lord of the... What? by Scyess 10-02-03

You are very brave Frodo to take the One into the realm of Sauron to destroy it. I will give what aid I can. Wise Gandalf, answer me one question... How the hell am I going to get that far carrying the One 1/1000th Scale Model of Detroit to Rule Them All? The path will be difficult. Sauron was wise not to make the One something easy to sneak in and destroy, like a ring. Maybe we could rent a U-Haul or something?

Random Comic! Lord vs Lord by Scyess 10-02-03

So our party will consist of 4 hobbits, 2 men, a dwarf, an elf, and... what the hell are you supposed to be again? You imputdent ass, I'm Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance! I have top billing in this film, so you'd best just shove off. Sure, I'll shove off. Right after I run 4 BILLION VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY THROUGH YOUR BODY! GGAAAHHHH!!!! Gandalf, whether we survive this or not, I want you to know you've already done this world a great service. Great, now I'll have Irish music stuck in my head all day.

Phone Conversaion by Scyess 10-02-03

Jon's nice to let me stay here and all, but he's kind of wierd. How so? Well, I'm sort of nervous getting dressed, in case he's secretly looking or something. Is that all? You're just getting used to the new place. Also, all his phones are cordless rotary speakerphones the size of a small refrigerator. Ouch. It's because I only have eight digits, isn't it?

If you like this one, check out the rest of my Launches-Fish-out-of-a-Cannon-Man series:

LFooaC-Man Returns -- But Not Really by Scyess 10-02-03

I'm not saying I don't like your new LFooaC-Man outfit, Jon. It's just a bit... garish. If I were you, I'd go for something more subtle. Maybe tone down the reds. And the mask. Definitely cut some airholes in the mask.

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"Old" is the old new.

And some of a more recent flavor:

Introductions by Scyess 10-12-07

Nice to meet you, Jon. I'm Gay Gobbler. Wow. At least you're not in the closet. I'm not. In fact, I'm not even gay. It's short for "Gaylord Gobefriedel." Er, do you find a lot of confusion when you introduce yourself as "Gay Gobbler"? It's better than when I was growing up. Then I went by my first name, "Pleaseshitonmyface." I'm guessing you weren't a planned pregnancy.

Boobs and Boobs by Scyess 10-17-07

Donation for breast cancer? Sure... what kind of research are y'all collecting for? Oh, no research. There are enough people collecting for that. We're actually collecting in favor of breast cancer. Er... why? Uhm... because everyone loves a contrarian? I can't believe you gave that guy fifty bucks. I couldn't help it! His arguments were too convincing!

Boo by Scyess 10-22-07

It's almost Halloween! Where's this legendary scale-model-of-San-Fransisco costume you've been talking up? It kept falling apart. So I've decided to use my telekenetic powers to reshape San Fransisco to look just like me. KCRRRRRUUNNNCHHH Where are these awesome mental powers when you're trying to remember to put the seat down? No can do. But if you want I can make it look like me.

This kind of stuff really does bug me:

This Actually Happened XX| by Scyess 10-22-07

You know how I've always wanted to know more about wine? Well... I just bought this book called Wine for Women! WHY MUST PEOPLE TAKE NORMAL THINGS AND FABRICATE SOME SORT OF GENDER-SPECIFIC ASPECT TO THEM??!?! Because it sells books, dumbass. Excuse me. I have to go write Fork Use for Men.

Be Proud by Scyess 10-24-07

Everyone knows Asians are better at academics, and math in particular. So? White people perfected genocide. Hey, Jim. What's with all the dead Asians in your driveway? I'm getting back to my roots.

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"Old" is the old new.

Wow.  Nothing from Nov. 03 except one series.

Insignificant Adventure | by Scyess 11-14-03

Dammit, Jon, if you leave the toilet seat up just one more time while I'm here, I'll stuff you in and flush you. C'mon, Tataki. It doesn't take much effort to LOOK before you go. It's pretty obvious when it's not down, actually. Besides, I would never fit into... ...the... um... pipes... Hi. Let me guess... left the seat up?

Insignificant Adventure ][ by Scyess 11-15-03

Wh-... where am I? You left the toilet seat up one too many times, and your irate woman flushed you down. You are now doomed to spend eternity in... { { { The Lost Underwater Realm of Men Who Left the Seat Up!!! } } } Wow. Nice echo effect. We call it LURMWLSU for short.

Insignificant Adventure ]|[ by Scyess 11-15-03

Everyone here is a man who left the seat up. After being flushed down the pipes, we've formed our own nation down here. That's crazy. Who's in charge? I am. Jimmy Hoffa??! But I thought... ...the mafia got me? Nah. Josephine finally snapped.

Insignificant Adventure |V by Scyess 11-15-03

So how did you end up in The Lost Underwater Realm of Men Who Left the Seat Up? Well, I left the seat up in my own house, and this girl, Tataki, c- -ame over... and... uh... What did I say? Don't say the "T" word. She's probably responsible for half our population.

Insignificant Adventure V by Scyess 11-15-03

There are a few ground rules you have to follow since you have been banished to spend eternity in The Lost Underwater Realm of Men Who Left the Seat Up. Really? That sounds like a lot of work. I think I'll just leave. See you guys later. Youngsters these days. They have no concept of "eternity" anymore. That guy was definitely not a team player.

And read the SHOCKING conclusion:
[Click to view comic: 'Insignificant Adventure V|']

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"Old" is the old new.

And this month was even worse.  Only three.

Sportsman by Scyess 11-11-07

Got 'em! And only wounded, too! Okay... I sterilized the wound, removed the bullet with my forceps, then sutured the whole thing closed. You're good to go. Reckon I'll give him a few minute's head start before I go after him again. Hunting with vetrenarians is so weird.

Reap. So? by Scyess 11-28-07

Jon... it is your thyme. No! No! ...not me!!! Sorry to interrupt, Jon, but half your herb garden just died. You're really a bastard, you know that? Watch it... I've got an eye on your cilantro.

A Little History by Scyess 11-28-07

I live my life by my grandfather's motto. He would always tell me the same thing: "Play that funky music, white boy. Play that funky music right." Your grandfather was Robert Parissi? Could've been my grandfather's radio...

That first one actually happened.  My second cousins and their daughter -- all of whom are vets -- went on a hunting trip this Thanksgiving.  I'm sure the deer never felt safer.

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"Old" is the old new.

Ah, December has come and gone.  And December 2003 came and went a long time ago.

1+1+1 by Scyess 12-12-03

Uh, Sanna... you know... we've been roommates for a while now, and, er... well... I wonder if you think it would be wierd if we started dating. Not at all! In fact, we should've started a long time ago. Really? Yeah! In fact, I'm way ahead of you. I've already got a date lined up for tonight. Oh. Um... well... I kind of meant, you know... you and me... together... Yeah, like I'd want my date to see that I know you.

Just Like Non-Dairy Creamer by Scyess 12-16-03

*sigh* I need a girl. And all I have is a horse. *sigh* I wish they made lipsticks bigger.

Merry... um... Holidays by Scyess 12-17-03

This just in! Congress has just passed a new holiday-season law. The president released this statement: "It has come to my attention that during this joyous season of Christmas, Channuka, Kwanzaa, solstice, and Boxing Day, there are still some religions or groups who do not have a holiday or festival that falls in this season. That is not what America is all about. From this day forward, all ethnicities, groups, and religions are required to have their own obscure holiday at this same time of the year. Let's not let any Americans feel excluded!" He then ignited the traditional solstice Kwanzaa menorah tree while wearing boxing gloves.

Merry Commercemas, Morons Everywhere by Scyess 12-22-03

♫Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock. Jingle Bell Time, to... ♫ BUY A CHRYSTLER! ♫ Fa la la la la, la la la Hefty brand trash bags.♫ Even though I'm long since desensitized to the condescension of it all, it still galls me to think this kind of shit actually sells products.

New Year, Same Strips by Scyess 12-31-03

Well, the new year's almost here. One more year I didn't visit Europe, fight in the world martial arts competition, or make a million dollars. Yeah. And I really should've made more online comics. What? Well, I didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize, either, but it just didn't occur to me to mention it! I think the insignificance of your goals isn't as pathetic as your failure to reach them.

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"Old" is the old new.

I actually made some comics last month.  And they don't all suck!  Yay, me.

CC 374: Merry Ex-Mas by Scyess 12-01-07

Do you like your present, honey? You gave me... and old guy in a suit? I'm an attourney. I'm here to serve you with a copy of the video of you fucking the mailman and a filing for divorce. Merry Christmas, you skanky whore! I hope I can return his monogramed nose hair trimmer.