You know what they say about bald guys. The energy most guys expend on growing hair on their head, which is useless in today's modern society, is directed to other areas.

That's right. Bald men have big dicks.

And fat men have bald dicks.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

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3. I tend to like dark ales and stouts more than pale ales. I don't like it when beers are hopped out to the max, despite the fact that all beer folk say I'm supposed to. I also like most lagers.

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I think I've yet to have a well-made anything that is technically a beer. It all tastes like crap from what I've had, but I get too drunk to care. In the end, I just go with Alexander Keiths because it's as good as any other Canadian stuff and it's brewed from my home areas. I'm oldschool and that crap.

Hmm. Also, I'm thinking no one probably cares.

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Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!

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You know what they say about bald guys. The energy most guys expend on growing hair on their head, which is useless in today's modern society, is directed to other areas.

That's right. Bald men have big dicks.

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Actually, that's your ass it's in. You should learn to listen to your nerve endings.

D/X's dick can't be in boinky's ass! Mine is!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Keiths is good. Real good. But may I suggest Big Rock Grasshopper as well? Its a little darker, little stronger, but damn, its awesome.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

Big Rock makes some good beers. The pub in the States where I brew markets its house beers as "Canadian-style", but there isn't really anything particularly Canadian about them, they're just good beers.
I don't know Keith's-- I don't think it's available here.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

10 more things. Because I care.

1. If I had Superman's powers, I would whore myself out to scientific projects. Not because it would help scientific progress, but because I would like showing off.
2. I really wish my body could withstand the heat of molten rock because I really really really want to see what lava would feel like. I'm thinking kinda like hollandaise sauce.
3. A friend of mine recently opened her mouth to reveal some rather apalling racist sentiments the likes of I haven't heard since leaving the south, but I haven't bothered to voice my opinion because she terrifies me.
4. I want to go skydiving so badly, that even if it kills me, I can die perfectly happy.
5. Today I cried after watching a rerun of Charmed.
6. Even though I absolutely love swimming, I haven't been because I don't like wearing a swimsuit in public and I've developed an unreasonable fear of natural bodies of water.
7. That fear is so embarrassing and illogical, I no longer tell people because they try to talk me out of it despite the whole point of an unreasonable fear being there's no reason for it and the chance it can be talked out of me is nil.
8. According to a recent tarot reading, my role in the apocalypse can be described by the story of Daniel in the lions' den. I am not Daniel or the lions. I'm the guard standing behind the lions, poking them with a spear to egg them on. This pleases me greatly.
9. Other than my absolute disgust of garlic, I also detest pork, salt, fish, canned spinach, canned peas, and baklava.
10. I really like brussel sprouts and sourkraut.

So go! What's the problem?

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9. Other than my absolute disgust of garlic, I also detest pork, salt, fish, canned spinach, canned peas, and baklava.
10. I really like brussel sprouts and sourkraut.

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It's really easy. Open mouth, insert kraut.

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3. A friend of mine recently opened her mouth to reveal some rather apalling racist sentiments the likes of I haven't heard since leaving the south, but I haven't bothered to voice my opinion because she terrifies me.

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This is exactly what Hitler used to say to Eva Braun.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

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3. A friend of mine recently opened her mouth to reveal some rather apalling racist sentiments the likes of I haven't heard since leaving the south, but I haven't bothered to voice my opinion because she terrifies me.

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You only live once.

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He should hook up with my aborted daughter. It sounds like they have a lot in common.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Abortion is wong! Seriously, that's what boinky was going to name him.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Getting back on the beer discussion. I'm a hop-head...when I lived in London, I drank nothing but bitter and pale ale. I love India pale ales. I'm also a huge guinness fan. I don't care for any malty brown ales--just not my thing.

The problem with west coast brew pubs is they overuse cascade and willamette hops. Too damned flowery for my taste--give me noble hops any day. To that end, I'm cycling through Czech Republic this summer, so I'm looking forward to drinking some kickass pilsner. The Pilsner Urquel here just doesn't compare to getting it on draught in Europe.

Love the bottled Guinness with the 2% soured beer added. The draft, not so much. Wish we got their Tropical Stout here.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

I love it. Give me any beer I can eat with a fork.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

I share my birthday with Woodrow Wilson, F.W. Murnau, The Six-Million Dollar Man, Denzel Washington, and someone named Tortoise Matsumoto.

1. I have 18 moles on my torso, and 13 on my face and neck.
2. I play the piano on a level where I could play for money (according to my music teacher).
3. I also play the drums, the saxophone, the guitar, and I own a violin which I paid 70 bucks for.
4. This summer I went to Kansas for a month and lived with a family out there. During this time I flew an Warrior Cub airplane, fired various pieces of weaponry including a .500 winchester magnum, a glock ten, a 12 gauge autoloader, and some of the biggest revolvers known to man, and I made a friend of the female persuasion who i still correspond with.
5. I wear brown harness boots with golden metal rings.
6. I have never broken any bones.
7. Some of my dreams in life include sailing across the Atlantic Ocean, driving from coast to coast, visiting England, Scotland, Wales, France, Germany, Greece, Australia, and learning how to fence.
8. I am currently taking a class for Phlebotomy certification so I can get a job in the field until I finish with college.
9. I am a closet racist.
10. I plan on writing the 21st Century American novel someday with the help of a good spellchecker.

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I am a closet racist.

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I am a closet racist.

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Not anymore.

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If you put it that way, everyone is a closet racist. It's impossible to inform the whole world.