Rules

--add text to one or both characters in the last panel
--you may use mirrored characters in the last panel
--make teh funneh
--use this template:

FTC #14: Template by umfumdisi 12-15-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker.

awards will be given and stuff.
judging will probably be Friday.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

I wonder if anyone will get the reference? I'm guessing people know who Webber is. But do you know Neeley?

FTC #14: You're the great Jesus Christ by Xuanwu 12-15-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. Jesus, you just won't believe the hit you've made around here. You are all we talk about, the wonder of the year... When I get back, Neeley and Webber are going to get a crucifix where I don't shine.

FTC 14: A Day in the Life by kaufman 12-15-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. Hello, we'd like you to have this flower from the religious consciousness church. Would you care to make a donation? Sure. Do you take Pa-pal?

FTC 14: Job-Related Hazards by kaufman 12-15-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. You know how lucky you are to have been a carpenter? Poor Lucius the auto body worker was welded to his cross. I knew I should have invented velcro.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Didn't we just have his blood with spaghetti? by ObiJo 12-15-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. I just can't get my fill of those yummy little communion wafers! Marry me, Jesus! Hmph. You only want me for my body.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

What you don't know about Jesus by laughinginyourface 12-15-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not santa!!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. ...just passing by... Come closer...

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...and pain joined his urge to percieve...

FTC#14 - Don't let the bells end by kramer_vs_kramer 12-16-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. And you really can't get off that thing? No, and stop staring at my crotch.

Oh, these things usually have some sort of side contest...

During my high school years, I named my penis. Try to guess what name I used.

-The correct answer earns 25 bonus points.

-Points will not be deducted for insults.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

ObiJo, yours was laugh-out-loud funny. In the kind of way that makes me want to drive repeatdely over roadkill. I dunno, call me crazy.

Umfumdisi, was it the 'Divining Rod'?
'Moishe the Millimeter Monster'?
'Wee Willy Winky'?
'Umfum D.P.'?
'Big Bad Voodoo Daddy'?
'Sloppy Joe'?
'Rodney the Rascal'?
'Winston the One-Eyed Wonder Weasel'?
'Krull the Conqueror'?
'Dungeon Master'?
'Peppermint Schnapps'?
'Monty the Python'?

I'm sure I could get it eventually. Can I have my 25 points now?

FTC 14: Butch Casts-it-Deep and the Bumdance Kid by MikeyG 12-16-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. Jesus? I was hoping maybe this Christmas I could get you off that cross and we could make sweet, passionate love by the fireplace. You wanna nail me? It's been done.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I liked FTC templates better when they were indie.

FTC #14: Holy Shit by IB_XC 12-16-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. I brought some white lilies for you, Lord. Do you have any eggs for me? You're four months early and you've got the wrong guy. I'm going to have to talk to Dad about this whole forgive-everyone deal.

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"Oedipus, you motherfucker!"

quote:

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I'm sure I could get it eventually. Can I have my 25 points now?

quote:

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Keep trying.

It's only one name--like a guys' first name.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

I made another one. I think this one has a punchline that's not so obscure...

FTC #14: Jethuth Chritht! by Xuanwu 12-16-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. You know, it would be funny if you sang "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" right now. You know, it would be funny if you sucked my "Biggus Dickus" right now.

Guesses as to the name of the penis:

Yoda
Brian
Peter/Petey/Pete
Cthulhu
Hastur
Prime

Am I getting warm?

All this talk about umfum's wang is sure making me warm. Oh, and the name was Liberachi.

FTC #14: Confused About What Others Are Confused About by Rabid_Weasle 12-16-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. Hello my dark lord, I have killed many innocents in your honour. Uhhh... I think you're confused about who the other people think I am.

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Poop.

heres my bit....

oh jesus, you dog! by xxausrottenxx 12-16-03

Happy Birthday Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly,and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. but, i loved the anna nicole smith show... hey....if i cant masterbate, nobody can BWAHAHAHA!!!!

you all saw it coming by xxausrottenxx 12-16-03

Happy Birthday Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. i want mommy to come back agh kid this really isnt my territory, now wheres that elf, i needs me my jizz turrets

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xx( o Y o. )xx

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

FTC #14: Someone Forgot to Take Their Motrin by AtheistDiary 12-16-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. Hey, how'sit hangin'? Oh bite me.

There you go.

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...and pain joined his urge to percieve...

Ah thanks, man. I accidently left the dang # sign in the thing.

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

I had a great idea for this one...

FTC 14: The Holidays Get Some People Down by Scyess 12-16-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love... and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. You know, it's no wonder no one's ever gotten you down from there. You're so... ...if you say "stuck up" I swear you will need a team of spelunkers to remove my foot from your ass.

...but in the end I couldn't resist turning it into a stupid pun.

I've added Polly Perky Tits to my Christmas list, though.

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"Old" is the old new.

No one has yet come close to guessing the name.
And it's not Rumplestiltskin--although that would have been a good name.

I have seen some good comics however.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

FTC #14- Real Time! with your host, Jesus. by mmyers 12-17-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. Caller, go ahead. Hey Jesus, long time listener, first time dropping by. Um, you're a carpenter, right? Well, I'm having a bitch of a time with my dry wall...

FTC #14- May old acquaintances be forgotten by mmyers 12-17-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. Hey, I just came by to say, ya know, no hard feelings. Get the hell out of here! You already upstaged the day I rose from the dead, you're not taking my freaking birthday away!

And the penises' name was Slick Willy. Umfum, I know your penis like I know the back of my hand.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

For some reason, "Lolly" came to mind...

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This is not my empire.

I'm going with Stan.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Wait... it would have to be someway topical to the contest...

Was it Jesus?

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Poop.

Based on Rabid's last post...Penis name guesses :

Huckleberry
Archie
Jimmy

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Christ
Tom Sawyer
George W
Al Gore
Howard Dean
Roy Horn

Anyone of those....

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...and pain joined his urge to percieve...

FTC #14 : A Lowdown Dirty Deal by niteowl 12-17-03

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present. That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others. ...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and... For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker. Did you save the Polly Perky Tits doll for me? Yep. Did you bring the Paris Hilton video?

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Think classy, you'll be classy.