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ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

... GONE WI-

nevermind...

They Are Starting To Crack. by ArtemisStrong
11-01-03
Does staring out this porthole make you despond over the hopelessness of our current situation?
No, I'm just wondering why my face broke out in swelled, dripping pollups that ooze caustic puss?
Forget your postule-addled countenance and ponder with me about the sucking stench that is existence on this planet!
Why don't you just chill out, dawg, play some playstation, smoke some reefer... whatever.
Maybe you're right. I'll be off in my pen licking my diseased asshole for a few hours...
Cheers!
[br]
Sanity Melts Away On Their Undersea Voyage. by ArtemisStrong
11-05-03
I think I ate some of the hairs from your bedpad last night.
That makes the both of us. I'm delirious with hunger.
You're just starting to look delectable in general.
I find myself fantasizing what you'd look like dressed in BBQ sauce and mint jelly.
Is this turning you on too?
Mmmm... If only his chaps were made of garlic and vidalia onions...
[br]
Bet Those Cookies Are Damn Tasty, Too. by ArtemisStrong
12-06-03
Are those cookies any good?
Would I be stuffing them into my pockets to horde for later if they were foul, burnt shit?
Did you just answer my question? I can't tell.
Yes.. they are good. Now why don't you run along and see if you can rustle up some Grey Goose for Poppa Lenny, 'kay? Shoo... SHOO!
Does all this have to do with me peeing in your asshole last night?
[br]
So Filled With Fluids, It Is. by ArtemisStrong
12-17-03
What is IN that ball, anyway? It always sounds like there's a weird, wet, squishiness inside it.
A fetus. Several actually.
Like... a FETUS fetus?
A human embryo, yes. I'm not sure who's it is. Mayhaps it's a demon-seed? Destined to tempt men and ruin their fortunes?
Well... after it comes out... can I eat the placenta?
I knew you were leading up to that. Don't you hate being so predictable? Of course you can eat it, silly.
[br]
Accidental Pun In Last Panel. Many Aporogies. by ArtemisStrong
12-17-03
Did I mention that these fetuses growing inside my ball are sextuplets? Funky, Freaky, Out-there stuff, aye?
And they will plague humanity? So far, sounds pretty trite and cliched [pr: Klee-Shayed].
Did I mention they will transmute into shoggoths in their 21st year(s)?
Yawn. Super-fucking yawn.
You've been watching too much tentacle rape anime, mon ami.
When IS Cartoon Network gonna' start playing that shit, anyway? They need to get on the fuckin' ball with that.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

12-17-03 5:45pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

I used the wrong version of "hoard". I realize my error now and am in the process of driving malaria infected needles into my cornea.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

12-17-03 5:50pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

85% Homo-eroticism Free. by ArtemisStrong
12-20-03
My bones feel like stringy leather in this junk-sick morning.
You're looking awfully grey, pink and fibrous. Have another shot.
More Montezuma? That's the foulest of the foul, cheap liquors!
You're just a junkie looking for a cold, black exit. You need some help, brother.
I think I smell someone cooking up a batch of Mugwump juice. A three-day bender of staring disconnectedly at a hardening loaf of bread sounds good right about now.
(His tether to reality is an evaporating tendril of frog jism at this point.)
We Can Attribute THAT To The Sanifreeze Cocktail. by ArtemisStrong
12-20-03
So, what's the prog', doc?
You're junked up bloodstream is advancing a degenerative disease you inherited. Plus, too, it makes you smell like rotting bologna farts.
So that's why all my dates end with both parties vomiting. Mine always has a bit more blood in it, though. Curious.
Maybe if you stopped shooting, snorting and smoking all the man-made chemicals that came your way you wouldn't suffer from perma-flaccidity.
How's it feel to be a useless cock attached to a spongy, retrograded husk of scum-drenched humanity?
Well, Benway, lemme put it this way: The path of excess leads- RARRRRGLP! (*ralphs all over the floor)

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

12-20-03 7:01pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

He Wont Even Even It A Shot. by ArtemisStrong
12-26-03
I can't wait for the big "Rap Contest" tonight! Prize for best "rapping" is a super-cool American-made boombox. These colors don't run- OR BLEED!
I have this shin-dig all sewn up. I think I am, personally speaking, the poop.
I'm going now to write my rap song. Maybe I'll make it about America's heroes...
You shouldn't even bother. I got more flava than a packet of macaroni.
My song will start out with the couplet "Into shadow's night I crawl, Looking for a sponge in a bathroom stall".
I immediately withdraw my contention in this debacle.

[br]
But Where's The Hooch In All Of This? by ArtemisStrong
12-26-03
I'm so unabashed about my progeny, I'm savin' all my blood-stained towels for posterity.
Big ball-rider, Valium Mire, Too Close To Admire, Michelin Tire- Beat Down! I say, Beat Down!
And the Beat goes Whicka-Whicka-Whick-Whomp!... Hmm, still needs a bit of polish, but I think it's shaping itself into Rap Gold.

[br]
What Was It That Hegel Said Again? by ArtemisStrong
12-26-03
Our sudden appearance in this absolute vacuity has effectuated in me a profound stasis.
And just us two... is this the bardo? Are we part of the same karmic jati?
Thine own consciousness, shining, void, and inseparable from the Great Body of Radiance, hath no birth, nor death, and is the Immutable Light-Buddha Amitabha.
I wouldn't live forever, 'cause we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
When through illusion, I and others are wandering in samsara, Along the bright light path of undistracted listening, reflecting and meditating, May the gurus of the inspired line lead us.
If I didn't wake up, I would still be sleeping.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

12-26-03 6:38pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Is The Junkie's Creed. by ArtemisStrong
1-04-04
*shooting with the gun.
Post Script:
Wouldn't you?

Back In The Bardo. by ArtemisStrong
1-04-04
That cop was a real fucker of a jagoff loser.
By the way- thanks for the head wound. Do I have to carry this gaping, dripping, puss-filled misery for eternity?
It looks fine. Just put some glitter on it and you'll look fabulous.
Actually, I might try that.
Time's Up. by ArtemisStrong
1-04-04
Is this the Forest of the Valar?
No... it's Jersey.
New Jersey? Man, let's hitch a ride to Atlantic City! (I want to try the new Celebrity Squares Slots.)
No, not NEW Jersey. The Jersey on the coast of Britain, right near France. Big beaches, tax shelter for wheeler and dealers... the OLD Jersey.
Shucks.
I need to find a baffroom.
Whoa, Pal, You Best Check Yo'self. by ArtemisStrong
1-08-04
Diaper rash is so unappealing on a first date. That chick wont ever see me again, I fortell.
You lack the lotion of perfection.
Maybe I should only deal with pederasts. They must get a fetishistic thrill out of the whole mess downstairs.
Maybe I just need to potty-train you.
Well... it would be kinda' nice not to reek of the overpowering stink of raw dog shit.
Then it's a deal. You crap in the lawn from now on, and I can become a pederast!
It's Gettin' Downright Funky. by ArtemisStrong
1-08-04
How's it goin', my little darling?
My fur is caked with bowel movements. Otherwise, just dandy.
It's just an aiming thing. I think I gotta' book by Spock on this. I'll be right back and we can work all this out.
Ok, but do hurry, I think I'm starting to like the smell!
Several long moments later...
Ok, I'll be Kirk, you'll be Sulu. Now strap it on and make me a man!

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

1-25-04 7:28pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Covered In Shit. by ArtemisStrong
1-08-04
*sniffing arm
Mmmmm... so nice. I could brand this aroma. Maybe I could play around with different diets, see if what comes out is more enrapturing.
*sniffs arm some more
Dessert In Direct Relation To Madness. by ArtemisStrong
1-20-04
There is an aberration in the soul of humanity only I and my brightly colored ball can fix.
That's too optimistic a notion for me. I'm going to go curdle some milk and suck it through my gingivitis rimmed teeth.
Their Poor, Poor Livers. by ArtemisStrong
1-21-04
If I knew in advance that by "Exclusive Three-Night Party Getaway Extravaganza" that you meant hiding out in a dank cave, I never would have come.
And had I knew in advance that your diet consisted entirely of artichoke hearts and cranberry juice I would never have invited you. Can you pass the Lysol Vanilla Deodorizing Spray?
The murk is thick with anquilla rostratas. Would you happen to have a trotline handy?
No, but I have some Robitussin...
FREAKY FAR-OUT! SCREW THOSE LONG, SLIMY MUSCULAR PESTS! I JUST WANNA' PARTY!
I DREW A 15-FOOT MURAL DEPICTING LIZARDS EMERGING FROM AN ESCHERESQUE SPHERE! I THINK I'LL WRITE A SONNET ABOUT IT!
A Brief Respite From Hate. by ArtemisStrong
1-21-04
"All the young fools who spent untold hours practicing violence and sorcery in their computer games will join the old fools -- who spent untold hours practicing murder, bribery and political sorcery!"
There goes the Internet!
"Experience freedom from pornography now. God will change your life and set you free as you experience the presence of His Holy Spirit."
There goes Internet!
It's just us now- We're all alone!
Hold me, you sweet lil' thing!

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

1-25-04 7:29pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

That Lil' Pooch Is Right, Ya Know. by ArtemisStrong
1-27-04
A new day is shining.
Get out of the house and go have some fun!
Go read a long book in a shaded, grassy area.
Visit a friend. Make a pie.
And don't think about your escalating bills, failing health, deteriorating mental landscape and troubled relationships.
That's what the flask of Everclear is for, silly.

Spaceknight Lore. by ArtemisStrong
1-27-04
Do you see that?
You talkin' 'bout the floating ball of violet-hued mucous that's attacking that small group of disadvantaged city children?
No... the comic book beside it. I think it's a copy of ROM #25.
A true literary gem. To see it up close like this just makes me shiver.
It's like being in the presence of a Deity. Like a god of fertility or bountiful harvests.
I say we grab it and sell it to the first sucker we find on eBay!
He Likes The Terri-Cloth Robes Dealie, Though. by ArtemisStrong
1-29-04
I was seriously considering becoming an orthodox monk a second ago there.
And what's holding you back? Your undying love of human companionship?
No, for to be a monk means to be "apart from everything, yet united with everything".
So this relunctance has more to do with your undying love of Fritos?
That, and a deep disregard for all that it means to be a monk.
I wholeheartedly support your complete shallowness and uncompromising lack of transcendence.
He Never Paid Him Back, The Big Ninny. by ArtemisStrong
1-29-04
Man, if I hear someone say, "Stop pooping in my au jus!" just ONE more time-
- you'll unleash unthinkable plagues on civilization?
Nah... I'm just letting off some steam. I actually get a thrill from the anger my fecal antics inspire.
I never took you as a provocateur. I see you as more of a lover of fine wines.
Yah... IF THEY GOTS POO-POO IN DEM!
Naturally. Now about the matter of the 20 dollars you owe me.
Nabbed In The Ass By Fate! by ArtemisStrong
1-29-04
I should really stop my R&D work into perfecting a communicable strain of liver cancer. I'm getting no-where with it.
I applaud you. Now about the matter of the 40 dollars you owe me-
Allow me to abruptly change the subject. Do you fart in congested elevators?
When I'm not too busy burglaring ancient artifacts from Middle-Eastern museums of natural history.
SCROE! You are hereby under custody of the U.S. Depts. Of Import, Labor, Transportation and the FCC!
I knew I shouldn't have fed my last 2 remaining cyanide pills to those impoverished orphans.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

1-29-04 5:05pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Digest The Turds Of Life, Lose A Turn. by ArtemisStrong
1-29-04
Now that I'm out of the "slammer" [slang], I can start fresh again! Hello bright, radiant freedom!
There's an extra fifty innit for ya' if you can work some sock puppets into the routine.
Thus Spoke Dogonball2. by ArtemisStrong
1-29-04
Do you see that effulgent gloss on all living things too, or is that just me?
You need to cut down on the 'shrooms.
Are there maggots/bark beetles nesting under your cutaneous layer as well?
You need to ease up on the amphetamines, pal.
Does the Will to Action imbue itself unerringly on your soul just as it does with me?
You should consider soberly not reading Nietzsche for, like, a month or so.
The True Life Story Of Samuel Clemmens. by ArtemisStrong
1-29-04
I amassed a financial landslide through dealing in gold futures and prosthetic limbs, but I blew it all on coke.
So THAT'S why you cancelled our reservations at Sizzler tonight?
Can you just not come at me now with that B.S.? I'm very emotionally vulnerable and have an ulcer the width of Bryce Canyon.
Tell me this is some sort of hoax. *stiffled whimpering*
I sold your liver to black marketeers to pay my dealer off last night.
I knew I felt more excruciating pain in my abdomen than usual! C'est la vie!

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

1-29-04 5:05pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Lost In Circumstantiality. by ArtemisStrong
2-09-04
And so then he responds, "Can't you see that I'm deep in despair?"
Haha! Now I get it! So he was sad, right? That's fuckin' funny, dude.
No, no, no. Wait. Let me try telling it again. Okay, so it's a party... a costume party... and you have to dress as a fruit. No. Wait. It's a party where there are no costumes, but-
-some people do show up with costumes on. Wait, let me start over. So it's a balmy day, and the fields are thick with Bos Javanicus... wait, did I mention it takes place in Bali?
Anyhow, some Bali Aga had trekked up from Trunyan. It was for a ceremony of Batara Siwa. It was Nyepa, and their hearts were full of despair from the exploitation tourism had brought to them.
So whose dick was in what kind of fruit now?

The Blue Hair In The Know. by ArtemisStrong
2-09-04
Oh my, where have I ever wandered into?
My opium den/used bookstore.
I'm a bit frightened. I hope I wont be mugged or something terrible like that. What are the things you do here?
What do we do? Mostly opiates and morphine in its many forms. We also discuss the importance of Kafka's early works.
Do you find it is preferable and much more euphoric to grind up the pods? The affect is on par, for me, with a large dose of codene, or a pair of vicoden or darvocet. And Kafka has nothin' on Orwell!
God, PLEASE let her be single!!

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

2-19-04 4:23pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Deep In Ballybaba. by ArtemisStrong
3-07-04
Loaded down with sixteen sucking stones, the bizarre lurching and sudden halting that was my style of travel seemed more pronounced.
I remember saying, Maybe I should just toss all these stones away and thereby make my progress a little less anxious, no that's not the right word.
Not that I said those exact words. What I said was probably a string of indecipherable mumbles. But my ears heard the words like this:
Maybe I should just toss all these stones away and thereby, etc.
No, that's not right either. I never said any such words, out loud or internally. Everything I say is false, as a way for me to ignore those things that would help me right now.
But at least I need not, when the time comes (soon?) to make a record of my posessions, I may leave out a description of the sucking stones, save listing "Stones, 16, used for sucking."

The Umbrella of Ballyba. by ArtemisStrong
3-07-04
What is that infernal SMELL?
I'm sorry, sir, perhaps it is me. Have you by chance seen an umbrella lying around? It would have been a stout umbrella, suitable for walking purposes, that you would have seen if indeed you did.
Umbrella or no, by the looks of you I should say, "Halt where you are! Let me see your papers!" Or something to that effect. Maybe I'd mention credentials, too.
Well, now that you have mentioned all that (to a great misappropriation of time, in my opinion) have you not seen the umbrella in question?
He read my instructions from what appeared to be written on the inside of an old tin of Black & White Pluko Hair Dressing.
Stinky Gnome. Home. Instanter.
My leg feels no worse today. No better does it feel. It's maintaining. Should I ask him if this was considered in my assignment instructions?

Well, Which One? by ArtemisStrong
3-07-04
What was all that business with the homeless gnome about?
He said he was lost. I told him we were lost, too, so really, we could be of no help whatsoever.
But we're not lost. We're out on our usual Sunday stroll through the woods near our upscale cabin, completely furnished, wood interior, three screened porches. 1.33 acre wooded lot w/mountain view.
Ohhhh... I was thinking "lost" as in "directionless, without a clear sense of self". Do you think he meant "lost" as in "don't know where the fuck one is"?
Dear me. And he was bleeding so profusely from his arm, I'm sure the bobcats will be attracted. On the other hand, that strong scent of urine and decay may nauseate them.
You're saying I'm responsible for more senseless death? So do I have to put a quarter in the "Misanthropy" Jar or the "Leading Innocents To Their Demise" Jar?

Ambition Should Be Left To The Professionals. by ArtemisStrong
3-26-04
Did you pack plenty of fresh water and salty foods for this days-long excursion into the arid wilderness of Arizona that we are embarking on at this very moment?
Are you suggesting that Seagram's Triple-Distilled Vodka and Marshmallow Peeps wont sustain our epic march into the heart of Nature's badlands?
No, I'm suggesting that a death of hunger and thirst is not the way I want to go about all this getting-in-touch with Gaia thing we're doing.
So, back to the bar, eh?
Yes. I think our quest should be for comped drinks at a slimy North Vegas casino and a commiseration with down-trodden street vamps.
Throw in a drug-fueled night of mindless vandalism and you've got yourself a deal.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

3-26-04 1:21pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Filled With The Desire Of Cupid And Inhalants. by ArtemisStrong
4-23-04
The blood bank wouldn't accept my blood. Some horse-puckey about it being "too loaded with barbituates and viruses" and yadda-yadda-yadda. So where're we gonna' get gambling/drug money now?
I forsee a career as a chickenhawk in your immediate future.
So begins the peddlin'.
Say, stranger, need some company?
On account of your advanced age and seeming lack of flexibility, I will have to politely decline your invitation.
And I thought I smelt the vapour of sweet, enduring love on him. Or maybe it was paint thinner, freon, aerosol whipped creme, propane and key board cleaning fluid. I always get those two confused.

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

4-23-04 1:55pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


MikeyG
Shoots the shit and often misses

Member Rated:

Oh Artemis. You silly, silly man. Funny shit.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

4-23-04 5:10pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


ArtemisStrong
masturbating to Japanese shit porn

Member Rated:

Uplifting Chat Between Father And Son. by ArtemisStrong
5-01-04
Dad, which one of us is your favorite?
Oh, P'shaw, don't be so silly my little shitling.
I, in my heart-of-daddy-hearts, hold an equal amount of deeply held resentment at all of my offspring's nauseating insistence to continue existing.
Dad, why do you have video tapes hidden under your bed of people that look like naked ladies except that they have giant, malformed penises?
They remind me of your dead mother, okay? Now be a good boy and let daddy shoot up in peace.

[br]
Patently Racist Comic Strip. by ArtemisStrong
5-09-04
Whadda ya call a chinaman who can't dance?
I dunno, what do you call a chinaman who can't dance?
A Tienaman Square! Hah!
Ha-ha-ha! Snort! Chuckle! Guffaw! Accidental Farting!
Seriously, though, China's current social security system has limited funding, narrow coverage, lack of basic policy analysis, and a poorly coordinated administrative system.
It's the true things that are the funniest.

[br]
Sounds like me after jerking it. by ArtemisStrong
5-13-04
-so he says, "Well, I'm sorry, I really have no use for several pounds of dog poopies." Can you believe that nonsense?
Whadja do?
What do you think I did? Rip his intestines out and shit in the cavity? Be real. I just offered him a "Gudday" and cut my losses.
So, then, how DID you pay for this acid?
I never said it was acid. I managed to find some Heavenly Blue morning glory seeds carelessly disposed of in a public restroom in downtown Brooklyn.
Dude, ever hear of cyanogenic glycosides? No wonder I'm experiencing headache, tightness in throat and chest, and muscle weakness. And the taste of urine in my mouth don't help neither.

[br]
15 Minute Layover In Buffalo New York. by ArtemisStrong
5-31-04
If this is a Greyhound station then where are all the guys trying to sell me tee-shirts and knives?
No, shut up, I have something to tell you. I'm not getting the abortion.
I thought we already went over all this. That load of poop in your diaper is not a litter of offspring. It's just doody, like the word "poop" implies.
Tori says her songs are HER children. Why can't I cherish MY one creative output likewise?
Man, if crapping is artistic expression, I think I just left a Monet on the Men's room floor a moment ago.
That is a clear violation of Chapter 156 of the city's code. But I grant you immunity from prosecution due to the overwhelming circumstances (the Gordita Baja® you ate earlier) surrounding the case.

[hr]

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

5-31-04 2:19pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info

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