Biff and Dan in: "The Smelly Feet" by biped 8-09-11

Whew, I hate to tell you this, Dan, but... your feet stink. Well, don't tell me, Biff. Tell my feet. Err...Dan's feet... you, uhh, stink, and...umm... Gotta go, Biff. My feet don't care to be in your company any longer.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Biff and Dan in: "The Moccasins" by biped 8-10-11

Wow, Dan--you're wearing moccasins? Those are really "out of style." Don't tell me, Biff. Tell the moccasins. Uhh, Dan's moccasins...you are really, err, out of...umm...oh, never mind. Heh. I knew you'd chickenshit out.

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Sally in: "The Old Dying Wino" by biped 8-17-11

Yah-lah-lah! YAH-LAH-LAH! YAH-LAH-LAAAAAAAH!!! Yah-lah-lah! YAH-LAH-LAH! YAH-LAH-LAAAAAAAH!!! That's beautiful, pumpkin. Go sing it for Mommy while Daddy watches "CSI: Miami." ...and then the old wino died. Would you like to hear his death croak again? Can we go to his cremation? Just calmly process what she's saying. It can't be as horrible as it initially sounds.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

RCL no. 2602 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-21-11

How was school today, son? Fantastic, dad! Really? What happened, son? I set the school record by doing 1,239 pull ups, dad! 1,239? That is fantastic! What say I take you out for ice cream and we celebrate? What say you take me to a fucking chiropractor so I can get my fucking arms lowered?

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RCL no. 2606 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-28-11

Let's see... It looks like you're running a slight fever and... Melvin could only stand there in shock as he was not prepared to have is temperature taken with a rectal thermometer... No, wait. That's just a smudge of feces. Your temperature appears normal.

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Dung Fu by biped 11-10-11

When you can snatch the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to lea-- GOT IT! Ha ha! Hey, wait a minute--I don't know SHIT!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Bad News/Good News by boloboffin 11-22-11

Well, the bad news is that my car radio got jacked back in the spring and I haven't been able to replace it. The good news is I'm not hearing "Christmas Shoes" five times an hour.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

RCL no. 2672 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-03-11

Here...it...COMES!! As Maura was taking a dump in Peter's mouth... *OOMPH* ...Peter vowed to himself to never, ever criticize Maura's cooking again. GUK!! HOW DO YOU LIKE WHAT MAURA'S COOKING UP NOW, ASSHOLE??

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RCL no. 2725 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-28-11

How's your new bed, Butch! Lousy. I don't understand... You paid two grand for your Tempurpedic Mattress with Memory Foam. That's the problem! What is? The "memory" foam has Alzheimer's...

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Son of Catches-on-fire-in-the-second-panel-man by boloboffin 1-02-12

Yes? At long last! I don't mean to interfere with your life, but you're my father!

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

RCL no. 2735 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 1-04-12

Did I just see you checking out my four year-old daughter? What? No way, dude... Oh, good... For a second there I thought you were a pedophile. Oh, I am a pedophile. She's just not that attractive! It's her teeth, isn't it? I keep telling my wife she needs braces, but NOOOOOOOOOO!!

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RCL no. 2784 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 1-31-12

Russ decides to try out the new door knob licking fetish that's all the rage in Japan... *nom* *nom* *nom* *nom* *nom* *nom* ...and dies an agonzing death six months later from a rare fecal bacteria strain. *nom* *nom* *nom*

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A Gnostic Creation Tale... by NooniePuuBunny 2-03-12

Meanwhile: above all existence and knowledge.... I gave birth to myself so I could have a mirror, and then Sophia goes and creates something without me. How could it get any worse? HEYYYY ALL-IN-ALL! I GOTS NADS ON MY FACE!! ...and this is how Ignorance came into the world. It got worse... NADS! NADS! NADS! NADS! NADS! SAY IT WITH ME!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Groovy! - The Invisible Bitter Man by edoggydog 2-06-12

"After taking a dump on my ex-wife's doorstep, I rang the door bell..." "...and when she opened the door, I peed all over her new leopard-print Hoodie-Footieâ„¢!" WHAT THE FUCK? I tell ya... Ever since turning invisible, I've been terrorizing my ex non-stop, and the cops can't find me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Groovy!

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As Many as the COSMOS by NooniePuuBunny 2-06-12

Did you know that Carl Sagan smoked cannabis? Carl Sagan? A pot-head? If he was burning brain cells and still that smart, how many brain cells did that man have? Billions and billions...

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Just because no one else would make this joke ...

On a Roll by kaufman 2-08-12

I don't buy anything over the internet. Too many security risks. Not me. I buy all sorts of things online. Why, today I even ordered a huge package of toilet paper. Ok ... Did that site you ordered from at least have SSL? SSL? You know, Secure Sockets Layer? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure all they had was regular two-ply.

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Thank you.  Be sure to tip your waiter!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

RCL no. 2820 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 2-14-12

Lizzy opens up a technical assistance call center in Mumbai... Those motivational posters on the wall are a nice touch, Apu... Tank you berry much, Mr. Lizzy. Getting back to business... Have your CSR's get the customer's credit card number up front before transferring them to technical. Got it. And, since we're paid by the minute, make sure the technicians speak with a thick, non-understandable Indian accent as it will keep the client on the line longer.

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Groovy! - prego4jew V.3 by edoggydog 7-25-12

I've got some fantastic news! Groovy! It looks like ragu4u is not going to die any time soon! Really? I didn't even know he was sick... What did he have? The "C word"... People are dying from cunt?

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RCL no. 3242 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-24-12

Amateur night at the poetry jam... This one is called, "Two Fingers". Two fingers, is all it takes... To please my Babycakes. With my pinky in her ass, and fore-finger in her twat... Babycakes gets so wet and hot! "NEXT!!!!!!!!" Wait. I'm getting to the best part...

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Groovy! - Everything's better with Bacon by edoggydog 12-26-12

I hear there's a great gallery of Kevin Bacon being exhibited at the county museum. Let's go check it out... Groovy! Wow... Those are pretty cool. I can't believe the artist used actual BACON to create a portrait of Kevin Bacon! Next week, this same artist is going to display his portrait of Andy DICK... I'll, um, pass.

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-i-ja by RedfeatheR 6-28-11

The children, once raucous, were physiologically muted, their wide eyes bloodsplatered, horror stricken... The small spared survivor simply couln't stop saying "N is for Ninja."

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RCL no. 3589 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-23-13

There... That ought to keep it in place! (Seems Stickboy is unclear on the concept of a tie "tack".) My......heart....hurts. I beg your pardon?

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Groovy! - Solve this Rebus for a Million Ducks, er, BUCKS! by edoggydog 1-27-14

!   "DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE"! YAY!!!! I'm so sorry... We were looking for, "Quack, quack, titty-whistle",

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The Farthest Side

Five seconds later Tim's anus shot out of his mouth. Lilly Tomlin was there to laugh This is all your fault... Your's or Bush's... Both of you, nothing without Daddy

by RedfeatheR, 1-03-06

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Ed and Edna in: "Big Band Theory" by biped 2-26-16

Ed, listen--it's "our song"! (sigh) Oh, it's so true what they say... music is the best "time machine." Uh-huh. Except for one thing... With music, you can't go back in time and kill Baby Hitler.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.