It's been a while since I made a series, let alone one that isn't contest related. However, inspirtation struck me repeatedly in the back of the head and left me for dead. Here's what I came up with while on the painkillers:

Insultant 1 by BigEvilDan 4-24-04

Welcome to our office, Mr. Walters. I certainly hope you'll be able to improve efficiency around here. Well it looks like the best way to do that would be to fire everyone and replace them with a retarded chimp. What?! What kind of consultant are you, anyway? I'm not a consultant, sir. I'm an insultant. All I do is come to your office and make fun of you. You really are an insultant? I just assumed that the phone was cutting out while we were talking. It's okay. I'm surprised a company this inept can afford phones at all.

Insultant 2 by BigEvilDan 4-24-04

I've never heard of insultants before. So you're out of touch? Gee, there's a shocker. Do you get much work? Oh yes. In fact, we're even working on the Presidential campaign. Really? Bush or Kerry? Oh, we're working for both monkey-boy and the wuss. It saves them from having to discuss things like issues and policy.

Insultant 3 by BigEvilDan 4-24-04

Well you may be beneficial to politicians, but what can you do for this company? Oh, making fun of people is the newest trend in management. All your competitors are doing it. Really? They have insultants? Of course they do. We told them it was the latest trend in management and that you loved yours. So you basically get paid by lying to companies and insulting them. Hey, lies and deception are the real latest trend in management.

Insultant 4 by BigEvilDan 4-24-04

This all seems pretty stupid to me. I don't think we'll be needing your services. Well we already have a contract. Since you're too damn stupid to read anything you sign, I'll be staying right here. Look, I'll pay you if you just go away and never come back. You have a deal. What, no snappy comeback? You just paid me to do absolutely nothing. We strive for diversity: we don't just insult your work, we also insult your intelligence.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

choad is so mean.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

No, I'm not...

Mediocrity by choadwarrior 4-24-04

You have such an even temper, I can't imagine you ever getting upset. Before I became a government bureaucrat, I was a real asshole at work. Why did you change? The environment is different here. You mean people are nicer? No, it's hard to insult people who don't give a crap.

The Harasser. by smamurai 4-27-04

I thought we fired you last week. We need a tax assessor not a motivational harasser. I'm not going anywhere. Do you want to be spat at before or after lunch today? I'll call the police. Come now, you don't want anything to happen that blond haired little girl of yours would you? Okay, okay what do you want? Money? No, I want you to be more pro-active, you cunt.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Ha ha ha! I liked this last one the best.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

It's because it had the nicest background.

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Poop.