[i]The assembled throng gasp as you furrow your brow. Immaculately attired and groomed, your face a steely mask of resolve, you stride across the floor and defiantly demand: "I want The Truth!"

"You can't handle The Truth!" comes the arrogant reply.[/i]

Your brief is to describe The World's Worst Courtroom Testimonies.

Pre-existing 'Courtroom bloopers' lose immediately. Courtroom TV and Movie references score extra. Use of the word 'fustigate' also scores highly.

Judging on Sunday.

We follow orders. We follow orders or people die, it's that simple. Are we CLEAR?

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exit, pursued by a bear

WW 15: World's Worst Courtroom Testimonies by biped 5-03-04

1. So then, I fustigated my wife for undercooking the waffles. Was that before or after you bludgeoned her with a fustigate? Speak up, man! 2. So, your honor, it's quite clear that my client is NOT GUILTY of defacing those library books. HELL, no! I was knifing a couple of crack dealers in front of Wal-Mart at the time! Just check the surveillance video! 3. It was fun. He died real good. Cried like a bitch, too!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Figured Id get the obvious one in first ;)

WW15: As Good as it Gets by Elvis_Steel 5-03-04

INT. Coutroom, A Few Good Men I WANT THE TRUTH You want the Truth? You can't handle the truth I can handle the truth Really? Okay then. You're a talentless midget with about as much acting skill as a five year old doing a school nativity

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Can't you see they're laughing at you not with you????

World's Worst 15: I Object! by possums 5-03-04

I object! No, you lawyer. Will you speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!!! Where were you on the night of April 17th, 1991? Qua?

WW15: Oops Pow Surprise! by UnknownEric 5-03-04

Yeah, I killed the bitch, because, like you, she asked me too many fucking questions. Prosecution rests.

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I has a flavor!

The World's Worst Courtroom Testimonies by boinky33 5-03-04

I LET THE DOGS OUT!

WW 15: ...And Dog On Ball For All by biped 5-03-04

1. Dog On Ball as defendant Ah-HA! And WHAT, exactly, did you say to the victim THEN? HEE HAW!!! ME GET CHAINSAW AND KILL YOU WITH IT!!! VROOM-VROOM!!! ME RACE CAR!!! 2. Dog On Ball as prosecutor GRRRR!!! YOU AM GUILTY, BUTTFACE!!! MEOW!!! KISS MY BUTT!!! I CONFESS!!! I CONFESS!!! I KILLED THEM ALL!!! JUST MAKE HIM GO AWAY!!! 3. Dog On Ball as judge Your honor, I call for a mistrial on the grounds that you are incompetent. WHOOPS!!! YOU OUT OF ORDER!!! WHOLE SYSTEM AM OUT OF ORDER!!! BOING-BWOING!!! LOOK, ME HOP-A-LONG CASSIDY!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The World's Worst Courtroom Testimonies by KamikazeBob 5-03-04

1 Oh come on, I'm not the only one who thinks rat poison only kills rats here. It was only a joke. I rest my case your honor. 2 Listen, it's alright to kill it! It's part of the food chain and if me and my Whiskers wanted some human for dinner it's perfectly legal! Unless you're O.J. you're not getting away with this. 3 We were just doing our show trying to turn him into a metrosexual. We were making him skinny. Making him skinny?! You circumsized him and kept it!

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Win video games along with systems and accessories just by signing up! http://readysetgamer.com/register.asp?6144=92071

The Number One World's Worst Courtroom Testimony, period. by fzh 5-03-04

Your honor, I plead guilty.

worlds worst thing to say in court or something by xxausrottenxx 5-03-04

mr anderson, how far apart exactly were the cars when the accident happened

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xx( o Y o. )xx

WW 15 by AtheistDiary 5-03-04

Dr. Phil's Restraining Order Hearing Although in retrospect, kidnapping him and chaining him up was a bad idea. But I must admit, it was very theraputic taking a shit in his mouth. Dcom's Final Closing Comments And finally, your honor, I think authority figures dressed in black moo-moos look like pussies. and of course ... I swear I didn't know he was 4!

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

WWXV by qwertyuio 5-03-04

Everything I've stated in front of the court during the course of this trial has been a lie. April Fools. Look judge, you ain't gettin a word outta me until I get my money. Could you tell the court what you were doing on the night of the murder? I was using my computer to create and send a crippling virus.

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I think it's time I had a talk with my kids. I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me: YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT TO NOTHIN'

The World's Worst Courtroom Testimonies by Rabid_Weasle 5-03-04

I'm not the bloody messiah, so piss off!

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Poop.

The World's Worst Courtroom Testimonies by Rabid_Weasle 5-03-04

Oops.

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Poop.

World's Worst #15: Catchick in trouble... by alienpantsyndrome 5-04-04

Superior Court trial, part 23. ...and then? What did you do after that? How did you murder the victim? SPUPER SIZE BIG BOY DINGO SPIN, BEEF JERKY LOVE TANGO WASTE! CAN I JUICE YOU POTATO? PIMP THE JIVE WALNUT, HOLLA?? ummm, the State rests, your honor. CHUTNEY HAPPY FUN POPCORN MAN! DONGO MAKES IN MY MOUTH... YANKEE HERO SMILE!!

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Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and I'll just laugh at you.

WW 15: Anything you say may be used in evidence against you by jes_lawson 5-04-04

Mushroom Mushroom! Snaake! Snaake! Ooh! It's a snake! Objection your honour! My client is being badgered by the prosecution. Your Honour, my client would like to plead the 5th Element. At the time of the alleged crime I was downloading illegal Mila Jojovitch porn! We ask for leniency since this is my client's first traffic offence. He's got previous form for burglary and arson so this has gotta be a step in the right direction, right, your honour?

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Worst Perveted Things To Say In A Courtroom by graykane 5-04-04

I object. The prosecution is staring at my tits. Where were you on the night of April 7? I was eating out your mom & she got up to answer the door & threw on a sundress, & I couldn't stop kicking my dangling legs. My head was caught. It was pretty funny. I shit on the floor. You did it, didn't you. Your finger is turning me on.

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i want to piss on you

The reason I'm in Law School:

WW XV - Worst Things To Say in Court by r2_d2 5-04-04

And where were you on the night of June 18, 2002? I'd like to take a fifth. You mean "The Fifth", right? Of course not. I'd like a fifth.  Of bourbon.  You're a member of the bar, right Your Honour?

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WW XV - Worst Things To Say in Divorce Court by r2_d2 5-04-04

I'm sorry, Your Honour, but I cannot continue to represent my client. And why is that? Well, Your Honour, it's a conflict of interest.  My own wife left me this morning. And how does that affect this case? I already told you, you're on her.

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[This .sig intentionally left blank]

World's Worst Courtroom Testimonies by valuedan 5-05-04

I AM THE JUDGE THE JURY WILL NOW DELIBERATE! Look, man, I paid you to kill my wife last Friday. Are you gonna do it, or do I have to put a bullet in your fucking skull? OVERRULED!

Court is in session -

Questionable Courtroom Testimonies. by smamurai 5-05-04

Do you think there is a conspiricy to accuse the defendant of hub-cap theft? Wheels within wheels my friend. Wheels within wheels. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Fo fie dorra you don't corr the shots. Just rie back and enjoy. Do you have a receipt for that loincloth? I ate it. So fucking sue me. Again.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

WWXX: Object by maddog00 5-06-04

So, maybe we can go to a bar...get a few drinks...get it on. Objection! She's leading the witness on. You took the hammer and killed him. Objection! Relevance. Your Honor, the prosecution rests. Objection! Speculation.

WW15: Persecution rests by maddog00 5-06-04

So, who were they. They were...Asian...and speaking Asian...and....ASIAN! If OJ and Kobe can get away with it, so can I. You shot him five times, then slit his throat. Yeah, but it was an accident. Honest.

WW XV - Worst Things To Say In Court by r2_d2 5-06-04

The jury has found you guilty of First-Degree Murder.  Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence? I'd like to confer with my lawyer first. What should I say? There's only one thing you can say... Your Honour, I refuse to recognise the jurisdiction of this Court.

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[This .sig intentionally left blank]

WW 15: Courting Dissaster by kaufman 5-07-04

Order! Order in the Court! Oh wow, man, I'd like a double burger meal, and you'd better SUPERSIZE it! Your Honor, we find the defendant sexy beyond a reasonable doubt. It's unanimous. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Paris Hilton?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

WW 15: World's Worst Courtroom Testicles by biped 5-07-04

1. Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. I was having anal sex with your wife, and I thought I'd NEVER get a fucking nut. 2. Sorry about the erection, Your Honor. I was just fantasizing about you gargling my balls. 3. Sorry about the erection, Your Honor. I was just fantasizing about you gargling his balls.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.