In the US you gotta be 21 to drink. 16 to drive. 18 to vote. 21 to drink. Sometimes I think they have the numbers backwards.

Anyway, that's where I got the idea for WW 21. At that age American's rush to the bars in order to make total asses of themselves in public - getting drunk - saying something stooooopid - barfing on our best friend. Previously we had been forces to make asses of ourselves out in the woods or behind the quicky mart.

So that's it. Worlds Worst Things to Say in a Bar.

Get cracking. And remember, if you're out with friends make sure you have a designated cartoonist. Judging will be July some-odd.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

WW 21: Wrong Bar by Gabu 7-02-04

Psst, hey, I heard your wife was cheating on you with the iron atom next door.

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Blue is the color of victory.

Worlds Worst 21: Bar-baric by fzh 7-02-04

I have a fake ID. Why the long face? Actually, I'm not gay.

WW21: Closing time by maddog00 7-02-04

Can I get a Shirley Temple? In a gay bar Hey, put a head on it. No tip. Bastard. Good thing I piss in all the drinks in case that happens.

WW XXI by r2_d2 7-02-04

Could I get a buck for the jukebox?  There's a definitely Backstreet Boys Blight in here tonight. Well, in my bar, anyway. Vodka martini.  Shaken, not stirred. I just got off the plane Port-au-Prince. Oooh, so you're French.  Wanna have sex?

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Here's another go at it:

WW XXI, Part II by r2_d2 7-02-04

In my pub: I'm telling you, man, Rolling Rock is better than Guinness. In an Irish pub: I'm telling you, man, Bass is better than Guinness. I just got off the plane Port-au-Prince. Oooh, so you're French.  Wanna have sex?

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WW 21: Ill-advised bar-related statements by biped 7-02-04

Redneck bar Come on, sweeties! Let's gay it up in here! MA-CHO, MA-CHO MA-AN...! Dyke bar What's your problem? Nothing...it's just that I never saw a butt-ugly hunchbacked dude with big tits before. Gay bar Anybody up fer a line dance? Ooh-la-la! Make that a conga line and I'm in, sweet-cheeks!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

WW 21: Pussy Liquor by AtheistDiary 7-02-04

So I'm fuckin' this cunt up the poop schute & her teeth are grindin' so hard you could hear it through the walls. So that's when I said to hell with it & just strangled her so she'd fuckin' shut up! That's nice, sir. Now what'll you have to drink? Gimme a fuckin' grasshopper, you stupid whore!

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

WW 21: Tyler's Ill-Conceived Bar Chit-Chat by biped 7-10-04

I just murdered my entire family with a chainsaw and disposed of their body parts in a big barrel of acid down in the basement. Wanna fuck? I like to feast on raw flesh ripped from the bodies of my still-screaming victims and then drink their warm, salty blood out of Flintstone jelly glasses. You? Are you into "scat"? I just took a shitload of Ex-Lax. Hey...I said "shitload"! Ha-ha! Get it? So, are you ready for me to shit on you now?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Judgment Day is Friday. by Spankling 7-15-04

Spanks? Yes please! ... The contest? OH! Right! I'll get right on it. Then would you spank me?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

WW 21 : And they walked into a bar... by niteowl 7-16-04

Serial Killer A Bloody Mary, please. Lawyer Would you please stop calling cabs for these drunks when they want to go home? I need more clients! Priest Do you serve little boys here? If so, make it a double.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

WW21: A bar full of men. and this woman. by yourdogsmom17 7-16-04

ughhhhblaHHHAHAHA I think you've had enough. you have, i have not! and BOY AM I HORNY! (sloppy seconds!)> woops Hey get in line motherfucker

don't bother reading this one. oops, too late!

WW 21: Mr. Swooft Fails To Get Laid by biped 7-16-04

...so that's why I think Lucas should've let someone else direct "Menace" and "Clones." I mean, "Empire" was better than "Hope", right? Huh? Right? ...and Milkshake likes his treats in a special bowl. And Froo-Froo will only let Victor style her poodle-do's. And Muffy-Wuffins is so adorable -- he thinks that I'm his Mommy. ...so, is it fun to be a midget? Or do you get tired of having your face in everybody else's crotches and assholes all the time? And being the first to smell all their farts?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I gotta say, "Gimme a fuckin' grasshopper, you stupid whore!" is just the worst thing to say in any bar. And for so many reasons.

And so the glass is passed to WW 22. Keep to the left.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Holy shit, I actually WON something? Spankling, what the hell you been huffing?

Thanks to everyone who entered this contest cause without you, well, hell, um ... nevermind.

Every single entry cracked me up in some way. Some made me randy and then I had to masturbate. Some made me crap. But that's a story for another day.

I'll be going out of town until Tuesday, so if I can't think of anything for the new contest by tomorrow morning, I'll post something by late next week.

Thanks again, Spankling, even though I think I only won cause I gave you a reach around last night!

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)