I can't find where I originally posted the first batch of these so instead I'm going to post them all together in one handy little place with the more recent ones.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 7-22-03

We don't talk enough, Scot. What would you like to talk about? I'd like to know more about you, Mike. Got any advice for a kid turning 15 next week? Advice? Let's see. Ok, when you're going out drinking, take a sinus pill before you go to sleep and you won't have a hangover. Doesn't it seem kind of pathetic to have a plan set out for not getting a hangover? Sure, but eventually you get sick of hanging your head over the toilet and saying you won't drink again. Eventually, you admit you are and you try to find ways around it. Getting older is sad.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson (2) by mmyers 7-22-03

You got any other advice for me, Mike? Well, I'm not advocating drug use in any way, but when I was a kid, they used to try and scare us with talk about 'acid flashbacks'. Right, the LSD detaching from your spine and causing short acid trips. Sure. Well that's all bullshit, man. In fact, I wish I'd have flashbacks because it's be a shitload cheaper than buying more acid. Seems weird that they'd say something like that, you know, without any kind of foundation. Hey man, they look it like "fear, not information", you know? Hey, let's take a short cut through this blackhole, dig?

Saturdays in the park with my stepson (3) by mmyers 7-23-03

Another thing, Scot, and I'm not endorsing cheating on your spouse, by any means, but one day, you might accidently cheat on your spouse or loved one. Now when this happens, you might come home smelling like sex and you won't be able to take a shower. Now the best way to cover is fill up your tank with gas, And as you're filling it, spill some on yourself. The smell will be so strong that it will cover up any residual after sex smell. You know that you're marrying my mom, right?

Saturdays in the park with my stepson (4) by mmyers 8-26-03

I'll give ya another good piece of advice, Scot, always do your grocery shopping during the daytime, particularly on weekdays. That seems to make sense. Because the crowds are less and they are more apt to have sales on slower days, right? Well that and that during the daytime is when strippers do all of their grocery shopping, probably because they work late nights. Now most of the time, I see them in the dairy aisles... We should probably be heading home.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Sundays in the park with my stepson (5) by mmyers 9-03-03

When I was your age, Scot, little girls looked like little girls. Women didn't start getting boobs until they were 17 or 18, and sometimes not at all. And older women looked old, too. Now with surgery and stuff, older chicks look like they're in their 30s. Teenage chicks looking older, older chicks looking young... I tell you, man, it's a great time to be alive.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 11-25-03

Fucking A, man, nature's a fucking beaut, ain't she? Trees and air and shit. Yup. Mother nature should be respected and admired for all she does and the simplicity with which she does it. An interesting fact about mothers and women in general and something you should know, when a woman takes her purse with her to the bathroom, she's probably on her period. Why is that something I should know? One time I asked a chick why she was taking her purse to the bathroom and she said, all shitty like, "Because I'm on my period!" Now I can't get it out of my head. I had to tell someone. Ignorance is bliss.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson (2) by mmyers 11-25-03

Man Skot, no matter how much cash they say is going to charity, never attempt to jump boxes of kittens in a bulldozer. Oh sure, they cheer you when you clear 'em but they'll boo your ass when you don't. It's all bullshit. You didn't really do that, did you? Naw, little dude, I was just shitting ya. Heh. Uh-oh, a Police officer. Let's hide under that car, you know, just for kicks.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 12-02-03

Hey Skot, what's the haps, little man? Just reading the bible. Hey, the bible! The bible is pretty cool, huh? That Jesus guy is like John Lennon and shit, huh? You know he gave us wine? And you know why he did it? I can't wait to hear. He wanted to give guys the courage to talk to chicks that were out of their league. Yeah, if a chick got drunk enough, she'd even go home with an ugly dude and that's cool. I'm thinking it wasn't the bible that you were reading and that it might have been TV Guide.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 1-12-04

Erik, did you know that when a person on a bike raises their arm that it means they're turning? No. I have a bicycle safety class next cemester. Yeah, man, I didn't know that either. I don't know who was sorrier that I didn't know that, me or the guy on the bike. Hey, I think I hear sirens, we better duck into this pub while it's still happy hour.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 1-13-04

Listen, Erik, if you learn nothing else from me, learn this... 'Kay. Some dudes have the ass of a chick. I don't know why, I guess God's got a funny sense of humor, but before you buy some chick a drink, make sure she doesn't have a dick. Cause, man, they will let anybody into Vegas.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 3-02-04

Any big plans for St. Patrick's Day? Nah man. I fucking hate the holidays, although March probably is my favorite holiday. How can March be your favorite holiday? March Madness, man. Now that's a holiday that everyone gets into. Department stores, gas stations, fast food joints. March fuckin' Madness. Get crazy. Um, I think that's actually just a thing made up by stores that want to have sales and don't have an excuse for them. Sounds like somebodies getting the March Madness.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 1-14-04

Hey Skot, check out that chick over there. What do ya think, man? She's pretty hot, huh? Um, she's pregnant. Which means she puts out, dude. Do I have to explain everything to you?

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 6-07-04

Mike, I was just thinking, you always talk about the sluts you used to have sex with. My question is, if you've been so promiscuous in the past, how do you stay faithful to my mom? Ok, here's what I do. When I see a chick and she's smoking hot and when she bends over, you can see her thong and shit and I think "Damn, I'd like to tap that" I think one thing. No matter how smoking hot she is, she still gets on some dude's nerves. She still bitches and moans and complains and bosses some dude around. And if I think about that long enough, I lose the semi that I had and stagger home to your mom.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 8-25-04

Skot , my lad, I think it may be time that you learned how to drive a car. Really? Because you think I act older than my actual age and I'm ready for more responsibilty? Well, yeah that and I'm a little hammered from that stop at the pub. If a cop stops us, tell you've got that disease that Gary Coleman has. I'm gonna catch forty winks in the back seat.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 9-27-04

You should really be taking a vitamin supplement. It's good for you. Skot, m'boy, vitamins are a crock and I'll tell you why. You take a vitamin and what happens? Um, it gives your body vital nutrients to keep you from being sick, you sleep better, you have more energy, it turns your pee yellow--- Ok, Ok, and when I drink a beer, what happens? I feel great, I sleep completely sound, I have lots of energy and confidence, and my pee is bright yellow. I rest my case. That was a case? Come on, Skot, I need to stop by the pub and get a few pints of vitamin A.

Saturdays in the park with my stepson by mmyers 10-08-04

I've got some bad news for you, Mr Shoemaker. I'm gonna need you to stop drinking so much beer and alcohol. It's been very taxing to your liver. Oh my God, doc, am I dying? Well, no, but--- So I'm not dying? So how was the visit to the doctor? Well, I ain't dying so that's good. Let's hit the pub.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Just like the fourth of July. Hilarious.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

You bastard!

Great Time To Be Alive by Rabid_Weasle 7-23-03

Man, have you noticed how girls start dressing sexy at a really young age these days. Yeah, I know what you mean. I saw a girl who was probably 11 today wearing a tube-top and stuff. It's almost scary. Yessir, sure is a great day to be a pedophile.

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Poop.

Wow Weasel, I'm sure I didn't rip you off on purpose, yet I feel some kind of weird guilt. I've read so many comics on the site I'm not sure what comics have marinated in my brain and which ones I've made up. As a show of solidarity and against folks like PC007, you say the word and it's deleted.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Weasle, my entire life plagiarises that comic.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I don't think they are that similar.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

All I ask is for your first birn child.

Oh, and some BBQ ribs.

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Poop.

You can have my ribs BBQ'd. And my first born's ribs, too I guess.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Excellent, I shall count the days until I taste that sweet sweet flesh...

Also, I think you might have done the joke better than me anyway. So whatever.

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Poop.