Okay! Here's the template:

FTC 50 by not_Scyess 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What?

Do whatever you want with the title and the 3rd panel. You can also do what you want with the right side of the 2nd panel, but you'll get bonus points if the character you use is maura4-2.

Judging sometime after 25 entries and before 50 entries.

GO!!!

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

FTC 50: Creature Lame-Ass Feature by Zaster 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? I'd prefer you didn't. Okay, Miss Sissy-Pants! What would YOU rather do? Ever play Scrabble?

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

FTC 50: Wuthering Heights by biped 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? You're standing on my foot.

FTC 50: The Pruetts Of South-Hampton by biped 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? I have to go make a "boom-boom."

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC 50! by thochaos 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What?

Making a mockery of these contests since 2002!

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

Social Graceless by Horrorshow 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? I'm paraplegic. Well this is awkward...

FTC 50: Easy Gum, Easy Go by kaufman 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? Four out of five dentists recommend using a softer floss on your teeth. Why don't you try an invertebrate? Floss with an invertebrate? BRILLIANT! Where can we find some earthworms? Haven't you seen the commercials? An Earthworm Emporium just opened up at 17th and Main.

FTC 50: Cap-Sized by kaufman 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? Remember? You forced your lips upon mine when you captured me. So ... What's that have to do with ... Oh shit, I never kiss and patell'.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

FTC 50: Tiki Talk by Zaster 12-27-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? I thought tikis were supposed to bring good luck. That impression, Madam, stems from the tourist-driven theft of native iconography from the context of its rich cultural heritage! Is this speech going to take long? I was on my way to the Coconut Club.

FTC 50: Too Horrible by Zaster 12-27-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? I'm not buying this at all! Your delivery is stale, your posture is unthreatening, and your ad libs are just doofy and lame. Don't pull this Prima Donna crap with me, bitch! Who the fuck do you think you are? Merryl Streep? I can't believe I inhaled the producer's filthy prick for this gig!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

FTC 50: Tastes Like Chicken by biped 12-27-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? Think of my poor little children.. Oh, I DID! While I was EATING them! D'oh!

FTC 50: A Desperate Ploy by biped 12-27-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? I'm a little teapot...short and stout... THIS is my HAN-dle!!! THIS is my -- HUH?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

NaE: Cell Block (CP)A by ObiJo 12-27-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? You're in for tax evasion. AGGRAVATED tax evasion.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

FTC 50: The Ending was a Let-Down by fpd 12-28-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? This is the last time I'm going on a blind date. Did I say something wrong? I thought there was real chemistry between us. Look, you're a great guy and all, and I'm sure some girls will really dig you, but you're just not my type, okay.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

FTC 50: None of that fancy quilted stuff. by SpideyChris 12-29-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? Well, what are you going to do with the rest of me? I'm out of toilet paper.

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Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!

You'll take the Powers cheap, then? by DL_Rockclaw 12-29-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? WE BUBBLING! Sometimes I hate "Insanity Heat Homing Missles Vision". NOOOOOOOO!!!!

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Kawaya Kiyu

FTC 50-dude, you just dropped a deuce all over my mom by xxausrottenxx 12-30-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? well, nothing its just that when I asked you to talk dirty to me, I had something else in mind

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xx( o Y o. )xx

FTC #50 : Unclogging Pipes by niteowl 12-30-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? Look, you don't have to throw cheap pickup lines at me... I know you want anal. We are in prison, after all.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

FTC 50: Star Dweeb by biped 12-30-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? Computer -- end program. What's the matter, Mom? Didn't you enjoy my new holographic scenario? Wesley, I think you need to set up an appointment with Counsellor Troi.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Okay, enthusiasm for this contest seems to have petered out.

If I don't get any more entries by tonight, I'll just end it.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Okay. This is my first time in this "alternative" comic forum, so here's my lame attempt at this gay awards thing.

MAN was that gay. I hereby award all the preceeding awards to

Social Graceless by Horrorshow 12-26-04

MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column! Uhmm... What? I'm paraplegic. Well this is awkward...

If anyone is interested, it was a close match between that one and Zaster (Creature Lame-Ass Feature and Tiki Talk), fpd (The Ending was a Let-Down), and xxausrottenxx (dude, you just dropped a deuce all over my mom). It was hard to decide.

Honorable Mention: to ObiJo, you old cuntrobber! Also niteowl for Unclogging Pipes and biped for Star Dweeb.

But in general, most of the comics were really good, making my job a lot harder. Of course, I've always said "The first 1.5 panels make the strip!" And if I didn't, I will from now on.

Horrorshow may, if he so desires, continue the tradition of gay awards by using these links:

HOSTS! Read this first.
Awards List (Paste at judging)

Since there is history of people I've never heard of entering a contest and vanishing forever, I'll give Horrorshow 60 hours to claim his victory or else it will go to the runner up, Zaster (who had the most runner-up comics).

And now, I'm going back to bed.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Looks like this one belongs to Zaster.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002