Welcome to FTC 59. Here's the template:

FTC 59: Template by quodlibet 3-25-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where?

Fill in the second half of the comic. I don't really care how, as long as you keep it funny. Extra points to anybody who throws in a reference to Easter, April Fool's, or the Terri Schiavo brouhaha.

HOSTS! Read this first.
Awards List (Paste at judging)

Judging in about one week. Happy stripping!

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

FTC 59: The Naughty Nates by biped 3-25-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where? Grandma's house. Wait till I invite them in for some milk and cookies. Then blow their fuckin' heads off.

FTC 59: The Tardy Teds by biped 3-25-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where? Almost to the parakeet. Well? What the hell's keeping those assholes?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC 59: Honey, I shrunk the abortion doctor! by suicide_king 3-25-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where? The fetus. Yeah, it was me who I fucked this elephant... we talked -- says she's anti-abortion. But it's a tough life for an elephant man. Now follow me, the uterus is just a bit further. You must be hung like a horse. More like an elephant. Let's just say there's not a condom on the market that fits me -- hence my cruel situation.

ftc59 by Denyer 3-26-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where? I wouldn't want to spoil it. Elsewhere With less than an hour before Clango gets home, will our team be able to finish fixing up his house in time?

Any Machine's Worst Nightmare by yourdogsmom17 3-26-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where? Mwuahahaha. Welcome to CompUSA! NOOOOOOOO!

FTC 59: If you loathe somebody set them free... by lukket 3-28-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where? The scrap yard - your new home and my source of quick cash. You got the job as proprietor of the scrap yard? Exactly!

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troelsea at gmail dot com

FTC 59: The REAL Reason She's Starving by cpausti 3-29-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no we're almost there. Almost where? An Easter after party. Now be patient. April Fools. You're Terri Schiavo's new feeding machine. Fuck. That.

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

That was so out of taste it was good.

Why thank you.

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

That was so out of taste it was good.

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Of course it was tasteless. The feeding tube bypasses the tongue, so it follows that there will be no taste associated with it.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

FTC #59: One week ago... by niteowl 4-02-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where? The Schiavo protest. Shouldn't we have brought protest signs though? All you've got is an axe. For what I'm planning on doing, all I need is an axe.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

FTC 59: Pope's Party by Mr_Pink 4-04-05

I think we're lost. Let's ask for directions. No, no, we're almost there. Almost where? Vatican City. I'm putting the pope out of his misery. Hmm, where is that old geezer? Sorry Butch. I already took him. He asked me to come and get him now, he couldn't wait to visit his first "Mardi Gras of Doom" and get laid for the first time in 84 years.

Uh, I got an email from quodlibet a few days ago saying that she'd be offline for a few weeks, and would I judge this thing? So okay, some good and creative entries, and the prize goes to Denyer.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I only saw this now and I'll get the next one up probably in 6 hours.