I'm watching this here "tribute to heroes" telethon. Now for those of you fortunate enough to be outside the blast radius of this huge bomb, let me explain... it's a craptacular cascade of stars on a mission to drum up money for disaster relief efforts in NYC. However noble the cause, however, these folks cannot escape the stigma of awkward shallowness which dogs them every time they step beyond the narrow bounds of thier own dubious talents.

This vapid crapstravaganza makes a mockery of my heartfelt pain and rage. Do the people watching in weepy-eyed, starstruck hypnosis realize that the Dixie Chicks evicted a founding member because she was too old? Just look at this cavalcade of shallow bastards, worshipped by a sea of slackless consumer drones. I had been deeply moved by the tragedy of Sept. 11. This steaming pile of monkey-crap threatens to [u]ruin[/u] that for me.

Fuck you, Limp Bizkit. "Wish You Were Here" would have been a perfect song for the occasion for anybody with ears to listen. It did not need to be "re-interpreted". Go back to your home-boy "rockin' th' house" frat-boy lyrics.

Eat a bag of shit, Bon Jovi. Go pressure your band members into having more liposuction.

Argh! That skinny bitch from Ally McBeal is on, too! It's too much. I just wasn't born with enough middle fingers for this!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

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Argh! That skinny bitch from Ally McBeal is on, too! It's too much. I just wasn't born with enough middle fingers for this!

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I'm unmarried, so had no choice but to watch in horror as Cameron Diaz finished her autocued speech and stood around awkwardly for several seconds.

I honor of the event, my TV is unplugged and in the closet (a lot like wirthling, actually).

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

wirthling:buttplug::fish:bicycle

or something.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

It suddenly occurs to me that we're being too hard on the putrid pile of arse. Just because a bunch of folks do things they shouldn't for a good cause and watching it makes you want to rip out your eyeballs with a tetanus-encrusted fishhook, it's still a noble cause. For that reason, I announce:

Special Event Comic Exhibition 1

The rules:

[list=1][*]Your comic must consist of stripcreator charactors exercising their talents for the cause of the victims and rescuers.
[*]There is no end date to SECE1. There is no judging. There are no winners, save for those who post and/or read truly funny comics.
[*]Anyone may instigate SECE2 when so inspired.[/list=1]

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I haven't owned a TV for two years. Now you know why.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Well, it's the best I could do...

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Mediocrity at its most average.

In the closet. With wirthling.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Nuts to Harry Potter by gabe_billings 9-21-01

Well Sherri Lewis and Lambchop were great, weren't they ladies and gentlemen? Next up is Wirthling the Magnificent! Unfortunately folks, I'm not very talented, so I won't be doing any singing or dancing. But I've got another little number you might like. I've got this Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile which I'm going to ram completely and totally up my ass.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Yeah, cut me some slack already!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

2001: A Telethon Obscenity by DexX 9-22-01

Welcome back to 2001: A Telethon Obscenity! Please welcome, two Asian girls! Thank you, thank you very much. It's a great honour to be here. For your entertainment tonight, my sister will set herself on fire, then sing all of "Hey Jude". Like fuck I am! Oh, come on, it's for a good cause! Why don't you do it then? I have to accompany you on the kazoo.

We are actually getting a delayed telecast of this on Sunday night. Big night for video rental libraries.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Wirdini the Great by gabe_billings 8-06-01

Say Billings! What's the deal with the milk can? I'm helping wirthling with his Houdini act. I'm supposed to chop him out with the axe if he needs help. Wow. How long has he been in there? Oh, maybe half an hour or so. I did leave for about fifteen minutes to take a dump. I hope all that clanging I heard wasn't him. Say, you wanna go get a waffle? Sure.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

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I just wasn't born with enough middle fingers for this!

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Wirthling the Magnificent by gabe_billings 9-22-01

And for my grand finale I, Wirthling the Magnificent, will make Gabe disappear from within this crate, nestled in the maw of this massive hydraulic press! Are you sure this thing is safe? ALAKAZAAAM! PRESTO CHANGO! Anyone have a mop?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

2001: A Telethon Obscenity continues... by DexX 9-22-01

2001: A Telethon Obscenity continues, with your host, a big pink donkey! Weren't they great? That burning, singing Asian girl was just fantastic. Now, keep that applause going, ladies and gentlemen... Please welcome our next act, the StripCreator.com Versatile Variety Performers! I will now recite a classic sequence from Monty Python... Hey! You said I could do the Monty Python! Can't you just fuck a wallaby or something! Me! *oof!* No, me! *biff!* Moron! *ow!* I'm a better lumberjack than you! *smack!* Only because you wear women's clothes! *pow!* *ahem* I would like to complain about this parrot, which I bought not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Imagine all the people getting cornholed by boorite 9-22-01

RAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CO-STAR IN TELETHON! Sure, why not? Pitch me your concept. TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE, AND WHEN THAT IS ACCOMPLISHED, TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE SOME MORE! I see. And how does that help the recovery effort, exactly? HELP WHAT?

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What others say about boorite!

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I just wasn't born with enough middle fingers for this!

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This was a brilliant quote, by the way.

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Shame she's the only one with the full range of facial emotions really...

Well, the sentiment was there I suppose... by MatthewEastaugh 9-22-01

And now, Maura from DieselSweeties will say a few words.. Hi. On September the.. September.. Sh*t. Autocues bust. Erm.. help! Think up heartfelt speech... think up hearfelt speech... ARGH! Well, that WAS a lucky escape, wasn't it?

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MatthewEastaugh | He wanders.

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Shame she's the only one with the full range of facial emotions really...

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The local game store ran a 4-hour demo of Mage Knight while that was on. I love that place.

Well, they want to help... by NeoVid 9-22-01

And now a heartfelt message from Senator Lipservice... In the wake of this tragedy, it is clear that steps must be taken to prevent another_act_of_terrorism... I have introduced a bill to begin construction of a forcefield around the United States. I will also require all tall buildings in the country to install antigravity generators, which will be used to prevent collapses. I'd like to thank the American people for putting their faith in their leaders. Thank you.

Man, I'm cynical.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

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I just wasn't born with enough middle fingers for this!

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This was a brilliant quote, by the way.

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Yeah, I meant to say something about that, too. I'll be using that. Did you make it up or get it somewhere else? I want to attribute it properly in my quote file.

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Operators are standing. Bye! by habnem 9-22-01

Live, from around the globe--the Fabulous StripCreator Disaster Relief Telethon! I DON'T SUCK DICK, and either did the thousands of people trapped in the World Trade Center. The men of the Fire Department of New York are true heroes. This cleavage is for you, FDNY! Some of the people in those towers owned donkeys, and now those donkeys have no one to... err... feed them. And let's not forget New York's many fetish shops, which could be crippled by the flagging economy. Once, when I was fourteen, I masturbated ten times in... Focus, Hab. We've got an hour and a half to go.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

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"I wasn't born with enough middle fingers/There's no need to choose a side"
-marilyn manson, "Irresponsible Hate Anthem," Antichrist Superstar

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Isn't it about time for a responsible hate anthem?

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What others say about boorite!