Spend every day subtlely trying to get fired. When that doesn't work, step it up. Things like oversleeping because you're exhausted from working full time and attending school and your boss refuses to let you cut down on your hours, constantly saying "it's too short notice, talk to me later" and not allowing you to take time off to go on a field trip that's 50% of your grade or for the surgery that was scheduled a month ago.
Then slip some flyers in the break room and management office dealing with the first and fourteenth amendments. Lie in wait for the next time they tell you you can't have a religious holiday off.
Start singing raunchy songs in German, right as a customer you know to be German comes in. Also works for Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, etc. When British tourists show up, try to give them an even worse impression of Americans.
Write some graffitti on the bathroom stalls about the small genitalia and sexual orientation of various managers.
Start telling customers to fuck off when they get uppity. Lie about items in stock. Sit down most of the day. Mark things on clearance just for the hell of it. Daily attempts at crashing the intranet is also good.
Break down in tears while stocking merchandise. Argue the job description clause that states exposure to hazardous chemicals is mandatory. If that doesn't work, inhale Sevin dust.
Tell them you don't feel so good due to radiation poisoning. When they ask what from, say it's all the uranium in your apartment. Carry a piece as proof.
Buy suspicious items on your break and use your employee discount card so they can track the purchase. Start on various hobbies at once so you can pick up a wide variety of stuff. Items like aquarium hose, funnels, needles, sudafed, propane, clay, ammunition, fertilizer, wire, paint thinner, and clocks work really well. Especially after complaining of radiation poisoning. When the cops come to talk to you at work, make up something perfectly innocent, but flimsy you were doing with the items. If they come to your home, break down in tears and weep about how tired you are of being hounded by management and you feel like they're always watching. Why can't they leave you alone!? Isn't privacy worth anything!?
Enjoy your time in the rest home.
Dye your hair purple and when asked, give them a blank look and say you're colorblind. Or, when they tell you it's against dress code, point out the box of stuff you bought here to do it and the refund receipt because you brought it back complaining it "didn't look anything like the box."
Parting words for the end of the day:
"I'm goin' home, and I ain't comin' back for two whole days, so ya'll can bite me!"
Oh wait, that's just me.
