So we're in the process of moving boorite from Pennsylvania to Wyoming. Much hilarity ensues, of course.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 1 by ivytheplant 9-27-05

Denver, CO Can I help you? The e-ticket kiosk said I had to come here to get my boarding pass issued. Okay, let me help those people all the way down there at the counter with more than enough ticket agents first. Please hurry, my flight leaves in an hour. Eons pass... Can I help you? You know, pencils are more effective weapons than lighters.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 2 by ivytheplant 9-27-05

Here's your boarding pass. Boarding is in final call. They won't hold the plane for you, you know. When I take over the world, you'll be the first to die. I suggest you run. Thank you for flying Frontier. Fuckers... 15 minutes later... I'm *gasp!* here! Don't *wheeze* leave! Oh, the plane was late. They haven't even started boarding the cripples yet.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 3 by ivytheplant 9-27-05

York, PA Okay, so the truck is packed, the car is stuffed, and we're ready to go. Wyoming or lewl! *Cheesy 80's power ballad with a driving montage* Three days later... We're still in Pennsylvania. It's the black hole of the universe. It actually generates its own gravitons.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 4 by ivytheplant 9-27-05

I-80 West STFU, this is OMG for radio check. Lewl. OMG this is STFU radio check okay. Lewl. STFU, we could use some gas and snackage. Lewl. OMG, confirm the need for snackage. Lewl. Later in the truck stop... You know, I thought I knew all the trucker lingo, but what the hell does "lewl" mean? It means I'm finally getting my money's worth out of those damned radios.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 5 by ivytheplant 9-27-05

STFU, where TF are we? Lewl. OMG, I think we're in Ohio. Lewl. Yeah, so howabout we get out of here as fast as possible then? Are you sure? Next up is Indiana.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 6 by ivytheplant 9-27-05

I guess we should stop for the night. Toledo looks like a good point. Is there anything interesting about Toledo? Hi, I'm Corporal Klinger. Not really. Oh come on, Toledo's a hopping town!

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 7 by ivytheplant 9-27-05

The stop ticket didn't come out and people were honking so I just left. Oooo! You're in trouble! Fucking Ohio Turnpike. What will they do if I don't have one? Probably nothing. So many of our comics seem to end up here. Lewl. Over.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 8 by ivytheplant 9-27-05

Toledo, OH Well that was a fun day. Driving across Pennsylvania and Ohio. *waver* I guess we should-- *thud* Front desk. I could use a crash cart. Do they come in espresso?

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 9 by ivytheplant 9-28-05

*whiiiiiirrrrrr* It's 2am. Are they vacuuming the halls? Morons. * o/^ yeah yeah yeah! o/^ * Who's playing the shitty music? Ivy smash! *clang clang clang!* Now what? Fuck it, I'm going to go make comics.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 10: Hotel Outtakes by ivytheplant 9-28-05

Noon... *knock knock* Housekeeping! We're not done yet! 10 minutes later... *knock knock* Housekeeping! *rattle doorknob!* We're coming! "Coming." Lewl.

Episode 3: True fact: Pensylvania's state motto is, "Road construction next 310 miles."

Episode 4: Hooray! Boorite finally became fully black.

Episode 6: Personally, I might have used the 'lara' character.

Personal to boorite: Come back, Shane! And bring Ivy with you!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

That wasn't boorite being black. That was a random trucker at a truck stop. We were lewling all the way across the state(s).

:-P

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Great series. So is the one Boorite did about your vacation together.

BUT I MUST KNOW: WHAT THE HELL IS LEWL?

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

that series was of teh funny as our master and commander boorite might say

Lakeshore East West Lakeshore. it's an old CB code asking if anyone's hearing you. pronounced Lee Will.

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what if nigger meant kite

quote:

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that series was of teh funny as our master and commander boorite might say

Lakeshore East West Lakeshore. it's an old CB code asking if anyone's hearing you. pronounced Lee Will.

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when there's a distinct absence of laughter, that's when i was making a joke

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what if nigger meant kite

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 11 by ivytheplant 9-30-05

Dubuque, IA Grandma, this is my boyfriend, Scott. Nice to meet you. *wedding bells* Um...right. So, how're you, Grandma? She's sweet. *wedding bells*

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 12 by ivytheplant 9-30-05

So what do you think of Scott, grandma? He's a nice boy. It's time to hit the road. Nice to see you, Grandma! Take care and don't drive too fast! Watch out for drunks! My granddaughter is taken care of. Now to marry off my son...

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 13 by ivytheplant 9-30-05

Chicago, IL (two days earlier) Are we still on I-80? I don't think so. How did that happen? I think we had to exit to stay on I-80. Well this sucks. Why do you think it's the Windy City?

We're still in Nebraska. This state has nothing of value as far as I know. The rest of it could be all pretty and the most awesomest place ever, but all I ever see is desolation and the occasional tourist trap. For 454 miles.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 14 by ivytheplant 10-03-05

Some truck stop, Iowa Let's see, is this stall open? Ohhhh... Um, is she masturbating in a truck stop bathroom? Yes, oh yes! *brain atrophy* Yes yes yes!

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 15 by ivytheplant 10-03-05

Maybe the other stall is open. *shloop* Oh look, she's stripped naked giving herself a spongebath. *dips towel in toilet water* I should introduce her to the first woman. *lather*

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 16 by ivytheplant 10-03-05

Lincoln, NE I'm going to stop for the night. Okay, but look for a motel you can see from the interstate. Otherwise we'll wander Lincoln for 40 years. This one looks good. Oh no! Not this one! It's the exit of doom! We'll--ARGH! 40 years later... Whelp, we finally gots ourselves a motel. You suck.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 17 by ivytheplant 10-03-05

I need espresso. There's a Barnes & Noble. Yay! Let's go! You'll have to go deep into the heart of Lincoln and brave the hordes of abortion protesters. Abortions tickle. I'm waiting in the car. If you aren't back in three days, I'm leaving.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 18 by ivytheplant 10-03-05

Kearney, NE Coming up is the Archway Monument. What the hell is it? It's a monument to the gullibility and stupidity of the tourist trade. Groovy! Let's go in! It costs $15. ...do they have espresso?

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 19 by ivytheplant 10-03-05

Cozad, NE This state sucks. Like a Hoover.

Ivy & Boorite Trek America 20 by ivytheplant 10-03-05

North Platte, NE Well this place doesn't seem so bad. Yup. Decent hotels off the interstate, espresso down the road, and a good steakhouse. Yeah, it's one of the less lame towns in Nebraska What's that? That's an "authentic" western fort, complete with gift shop. Just like the pioneers used to have.

i'm going to start hanging out in truckstop women's bathrooms

or continue to, anyway

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what if nigger meant kite

Objets de Nebraska by boorite 10-03-05

I found a ceramic statuette of a largemouth bass waving an American flag. I understand those words, but not in the same sentence. See? It is shown leaping majestically from storm-tossed plastic waves. Proudly bearing a bass-sized Old Glory. Wow, somebody MADE that. Let's send it to someone we hate. What's Kajun's address?

Children of the corn by boorite 10-03-05

If I buy one of these hideous statues, can you ship it for me? The owner works for the Post Office. Maybe he can do it. The owner works for the post office? Let's get the hell out of here.

For amber waves of shit by boorite 10-03-05

The speed limit should be higher in boring or ugly areas. It was, in Nebraska, but the sonic booms were knocking down the corn.

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What others say about boorite!

I hope you two reproduce. Your offspring will be so fucking funny they'll be born with red noses.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Go Big Red by boorite 10-03-05

Are you enjoying Nebraska? When not despairing over its vast, stupefying ugliness. Which is never. Take me with you.

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What others say about boorite!

Children of the Corn is leet lewl

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what if nigger meant kite

Hide in the corn and pretend to be that voice from Field of Dreams whenever a farmer comes by.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Or James Earl Jones.

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Poop.