...describes how I was when thinking up a title to this series.

Clueless by HCRoyall 10-06-05

A waitress at my favorite restaraunt poured a pot of hot coffee on my lap the other day. I didn't know why, but I assumed it was because I had accidentally left my fly undone and I was "hanging out". Even so, that reaction seemed a little severe. But I figured she was just on the rag or something so I slapped her extra hard on the ass as I left to let her know there were no hard feelings.

Clueless 2 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

So I'm waiting for the waitress to take my order when she hands me a slip of paper. "I haven't ordered anything," I said. "What's with the check?" "It's not a bill," she says, "it's a subpoena for the sexual harassment charges I'm bringing up against you." What a kidder. I left her an extra big tip and goosed her to show my appreciation for her dedication to service.

Clueless 3 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

That cute waitress cursed me out last night. Huge knockers or no, that was the last straw. So I had a few words with her manager. She was fired on the spot. I felt pretty smug, but she she ran out of the restaraunt in tears I felt this awful pain deep down inside. I figured it was just some indigestion, so I took some Pepto-Bismol.

Clueless 4 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

It was a hard decision, but I'm not going back to that restaraunt again. It just wasn't the same after that cute waitress got fired. I mean, the girl they hired in her place is the ugliest thing I've ever seen!

Clueless 5 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

You know that feeling when you're sitting next to a woman and you look at her and know she's the One and you know that no one could ever replace her in your life? Ha! I'm just kidding. That sort of thing doesn't exist!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Very funny! Good work.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Clueless 6 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

Man, I hate blind dates. I always have to wait for the chick to get here... Oh, you must be Jon! I'm Alice, sorry I'm late. You can make it up to me through extensive sexual compensation later on tonight. Currently I'm in the mood for anal. Uhhh... I need to use the ladies room... She wants me.

Clueless 7 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

So things were getting really hot, right, and I pull her blouse off and undo her bra. Her hands are all over me, and I jam a finger in her ass; she starts moaning like it's the best thing she's ever felt. I'm all like "Awww yeah" and she gets down on her knees and starts to suck me off, but I have to donkey punch her a couple of times because she keeps using her teeth, right? She tries to lead me to the bedroom but I tell her to lie on the floor and put her feet behind her ears and... Don't give me that look. You know you want to try it.

Clueless 8 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

I hooked up with this great chick the other night. I was about to tap her butt when she turns around and asks "What about the lube?" I say "Thanks for your concern, baby, but I like the tight feel."

Clueless 9 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

This one time I hooked up with a gorgeous woman. I take her home and things start getting hot when I notice a bulge in her crotch. Turns out "she" was really a pre-op transexual. I thought about throwing her out, but I'd already paid for the hour so I figured why the hell not?

Clueless 10 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

I like having a good sturdy lock on my bedroom door. It gives me a sense of security during sex. This one woman I was living with thought it was a little extreme. So I told her, "Mom! I don't want you walking in and scaring off my tail!"

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I should have known there would be a thread with this series.

I liked this series, it reminded me of several ex boyfriends and brought back those painful memories of being a waitress at Steak N Shake.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Yeah, men are sleazeballs.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Clueless 11 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

Have you ever felt guilty about taking advantage of someone, sexually? Not me.

Clueless 12 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

I heard that having a pet makes you seem more caring and helps you get dates, so I went out and bought a dog. I took Scruffy here to the park, and sure enough I got the numbers of at least ten fine women. The first five refused a second date after I mentioned peanut butter. I think I need a more sublte approach for the next few.

Clueless 13 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

Since Scruffy wasn't helping me get sex, I thought about dropping him off at a shelter. Grrrrrr... But then he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Woof.

Clueless 14 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

Somebody accused me of being a misogynist the other day. That is totally untrue. I don't hate women... I just don't believe they have feelings like us.

Clueless 15 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

So, Scruffy, how many female dogs have you bagged in your life? Woof. You lying sonuvabitch.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Clueless 16 by HCRoyall 10-07-05

Me and Scruffy finally worked things out. I've been training him to find women for me; he's fetching some pussy right now. Woof. Mew? Bad dog, Scruffy. Bad, bad dog.

Clueless 17 by HCRoyall 10-07-05

Woof. Oh, what cute doggie! What are you doing in here little fella? Oh, you found Scruffy! Thank you so much! Let me thank you with copious amounts of sex! Uh... SorryIgottagobye! Bad dog Scruffy. Bad, bad dog.

Clueless 18 by HCRoyall 10-07-05

Scruffy, I've been doing some heavy thinking... You mean you're capable of higher thought? I believe I know why I haven't been getting any sex lately. You finally realized you're a sexist asshole? You're just not working hard enough, Scruffy. From now on, if I don't get laid then you don't get food. I hate you so much...

Clueless 19 by HCRoyall 10-07-05

I would never date someone who treats animals so poorly! Come talk to me when you learn how to treat animals with respect! Bad dog, Scruffy. Bad, bad dog.

Clueless 20 by HCRoyall 10-07-05

Hello doogy! what are you doing out here alone? Please lady! Get me out of here before HE finds me! Oh, thank heavens! You found my dog! How can I ever repay you? How about a quickie? Good dog, Scruffie. Good, good dog. I fucking hate you...

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

And this straggler here:

Clueless 21 by HCRoyall 10-07-05

Scruffy! I am your Fairy Godmother, here to grant you a wish! Really? What do I have to do? It's very simple Scruffy. All you have to do is Wake Up! Wha? Wake up, Scruffy! You got a long day of fetching me women ahead of you! I hate you so very, very much...

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

This series was slimy, disgusting, and perverted. I was offended from start to finish. Two thumbs up.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

I can't get a "filthy"?

Thanks.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

It was a good series, and then Scruffy put it over the top. More dog!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Clueless 22 by HCRoyall 10-08-05

I hate my life, but I can't find a way out. Always finding women for a man who's lucky a large mob of feminists hasn't lynched him yet. Oh, how I hate you, you oversexed bastard... You've been doing a good job lately, Scruffy. Here's a big hambone for you. Did I say hate? I meant love. Mmmm... Ham...

Clueless 23 by HCRoyall 10-08-05

Has your dog been neutered? Have you had someone cut you open and forcibly remove your ovaries? What?! Friends don't emasculate friends, lady.

Clueless 24 by HCRoyall 10-08-05

Hubba hubba! Oh crap, the Man's back! Scruffy, what were you doing at my computer... holy crap... Scruffy, I don't know whether to applaud you for being able to look up bestiality porn on the computer or to scold you for actually paying for it. Woof.

Clueless 25 by HCRoyall 10-08-05

So, mandingo. I hear you have a secret method for getting laid. It was easy once I found out how easily date-rape drugs work on underage boys. Whoa! I may be desparate, but I have my limits! Did I say underage boys? I meant high school cheerleaders. Oh, well that's different. I got a bag of roofies and the addresses of ten highschool parties tonight. Let's roll!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

i thought it was just okay until Scruffy entered the picture. then it was gold, Jerry, gold

viva le Scruffy!

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what if nigger meant kite

Clueless 26 by HCRoyall 10-12-05

My mom asked me the other day when I was going to settle down with a nice girl and start a family. At first I laughed, but then I realized she was serious. I knew there was only one thing to do then. I put the senile old bag in a home.

Clueless 27 by HCRoyall 10-12-05

I don't think anyone can truly understand the shame and indignity imposed upon the African slaves before the American Civil War. Hurry your ass up, Scruffy! Those women aren't going to come to me on their own! Hurry up or I'll whip you again! Except me.

Clueless 28 by HCRoyall 10-12-05

This girl last night asked me for some foreplay. What a pervert.

Clueless 29 by HCRoyall 10-12-05

So what have you brought me today, Scruffy? Woof. Looks a little underripe, but I'll just keep her in the basement until she matures.

Clueless 30: Maternal Clock by HCRoyall 10-12-05

My girlfriend told me her maternal clock is ticking. Oh, well there's a simple solution for that. Really? All you need is a gun, some garbage bags, and a whole lot of bleach.